


Homeward Bound

by Tasceri



Series: Extended Universe [10]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Depression, Descriptions of injury and illness, Existential Bisexual Crisis, Gen, No endgame ships just a lot of teen pining, Suicidal Thoughts, The power of friendship and Actually Talking About Your Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 129,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21796276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tasceri/pseuds/Tasceri
Summary: You curl into yourself. You bite into the pad of your thumb to stop yourself from crying, from giving the Darkness any more of you to consume. This can't be all there is. You're not ready to die. You just want to gohome.----The Riku replica returns to Destiny Islands to rebuild the relationships his original abandoned - and awkwardly fall in love with his best friend(s). (Broadly compliant with KHI and Re:CoM; some liberties have been taken with the timeline of 358/2 Days and Kairi's story in KHII.)
Relationships: Kairi & Riku Replica, Kairi/Sora (unrequited...?), Riku Replica/Confused Bisexual Crushes, Riku/Sora (unrequited)
Series: Extended Universe [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/808422
Comments: 161
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to [Bluecrysto](https://twitter.com/BluecrystoArt) for this [wonderful cover art](https://twitter.com/BluecrystoArt/status/1265345826068393984)!
> 
>  **Minor character appearances:** Axel, Demyx, Selphie, Cid, Yuffie, Aerith, Leon, Queen Minnie, several Penguin waiters, Clarabelle Cow, Horace Horsecollar, Sora, Peter Pan, Olette, Pence, Hayner, Wantz, Saïx, Pluto, Donald, Goofy, King Mickey

_The Darkness is close and cloying, tendrils clawing at your skin and snatching air from your lungs as you fight for breath. You pull your knees close to your chest for anything to hold, choking on the suffocating weightlessness pressing in around you. It steals your cries as they leave your mouth. Leaving them trapped inside you like you are trapped in this vacant empty place. Feeble and defeated and alone._

_The darkness inside is worse._

_You're just a replica. Just a copy, a tool with someone else's body and memories of a life that never happened. But Darkness, if these feelings aren't real, why do you hurt so much?_

_Blindly you grasp for the tears in your suit, scraping at the sticky half-dried blood, pressing until the pain is enough to focus on, enough to ground you. Your body is failing. Your limbs don't feel like they're yours any more. _

_(They never really were, were they?)_

_Someone else's hand over your face, stifling your sobs. Someone else's skin crawling. Deep in your chest is the ache of a heart never meant to exist. Throbbing anyway. No escape. No escape. No escape._

_You curl into yourself. You bite into the pad of your thumb to stop yourself from crying, from giving the Darkness any more of you to consume. This can't be all there is. You're not ready to die. You just want to go home._

* * *

The first thing he became aware of was the cawing of seagulls. The second thing he was aware of was one of those seagulls pecking experimentally at his arm. He swatted it away, setting off a cacophany of indignant squawking as several of the opportunistic birds took to the air. His mouth was filled with the taste of saltwater and sand. He was drenched as if the tide had spat him out onto the beach; the scrapes on his arms and chest stung bitterly with the salty water. It took a few minutes of laying in the sea foam for his body to remember how to move, and even then he made torturously slow progress. First his hands pressing into the sand, his muscles protesting under his weight, then maneouvering his weight onto first one knee, then both. When he lifted his head a wave of dizzy nausea swept over him, making him collapse, wretching helplessly. On the second attempt he moved more cautiously. By the time he finally made it into a sitting position he was gasping for breath. He had never felt so weak. 

Riku took a deep breath and opened his eyes, squinting at the searing brightness of tropical summer. The sun was still buttressed by the horizon, but it was climbing steadily. The air smelled as if it had recently rained. The waves lapped gently at the shore. If he squinted, he could see the curved trunk of the paopu tree out on the islet framed by the lightening sky. A breeze knocked a coconut off a palm above the reach of high tide; it hit the ground with a loud _thunk_. A nearby gaggle of gulls fought over an unlucky crab. A seasalty heat washed over Riku's face as he tipped it up to the light. He pulled at the high neckline of his suit, a strange kind of relief flooding him as he unclasped the uncomfortable collar, prised the sinuous fleshlike material away from his skin. The palms of his hands were blistered, his knuckles bruised, his ribs aching with every breath. He checked his pockets for potions, but all he found was Naminé's charm. He turned the plastic toy over and over in his hands and eventually returned it to his pocket, unable to quite bring himself to abandon it. Even if it was just a cheap fake.

After a while, he had gathered enough strength to stand. His stomach was growling with hunger. The strip of beach looked so narrow until he began to make his way towards the flood barrier. His sodden boots squelched with every agonising step. He forced himself to keep moving; if he let gravity pull him down again he wasn't sure when he'd be able to get back up. Finally he reached the supporting trunk of a palm tree. Memories swarmed his mind of racing Sora to the tops of these same trees, his hands and feet finding easy purchase after years of practice. Cracking open the coconuts with sharp pieces of volcanic glass like cavemen, laughing and fighting over the fresh pulp inside. Breaking off branches to cover shelters made of driftwood and two-by-fours floated over from the other islands. And now Riku could barely even walk. 

Without the sound of children, the Play Island felt barren, haunted. A hurricane - or worse - had taken down many of the pioneered structures, and while someone must have cleared away most of the debris nobody had made a start on rebuilding. Riku, leaning on the stone cliff for support, made his way to the one place he could be sure would have escaped the damage done to the rest of the island: the Secret Place. He fumbled through the darkness until his eyes adjusted to the light from the cracks in the rock above him. He remembered taking Naminé to this sacred place for the first time, one hand gripping a flashlight and the other nestled in hers, but of course the chalk drawings she made for him weren't there. He slowly lowered himself to the ground, the rock cool against his bare back. He fought with his boots, his fingers stiff and fumbling with the zippers. His socks were dripping water, the pads of his toes pink and wrinkled. The suit stuck to his skin as he peeled it off, breaking open scabs on his knees and making him wince with the pain. There was a lockbox in the corner of the cave. Riku remembered it having a stash of food and spare clothes, but the location of the key eluded him. He crawled around, hunting under rocks and behind roots, without any success. Giving up, he used part of his belt buckle to shimmy the pins out of the hinges at the back of the box. Realising how thirsty he was, he gulped down a can of soda before moving onto the chocolate bars and packets of chips. He regretted the soda - his ribs barely had the strength to breathe, let alone burp. His head was swimming from the exertion by the time he pulled a towel out of the box to dry his hair: in the end he just draped it over his head and lay down in the dirt. 

He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, willing himself not to cry. He couldn't just go back. The other Riku - the real Riku - would never allow it. But what else could he do? Just wait here to die?

His skin prickled uncomfortably. He forced himself to towel down then rummaged in the box until he found underpants, a shirt and a pair of shorts. Thank the Darkness for their hurricane contingency plans, even though their parents never let them go out to the Play Island when a tropical storm was in the area. He emptied a box of raisins into his mouth, studying the chalk drawings on the cave's wall. Mostly stupid things that would be rubbed away to make space for new drawings. A few that had stuck around for years: Sora and Riku fighting a monster, a warrior Kairi complete with helmet and cape brandishing a sword, Kairi and Sora sharing paopu. On the ceiling of the cave a big grinning face Sora had doodled, shaking so hard with laughter he nearly fell off the crate he was balanced precariously on. Every memory felt so _real_ that despite himself tears spilled down Riku's cheeks. He had to get out of this place full of a history that wasn't his. His legs protested, but he managed to wobble to his feet and make his way outside. The real Riku didn't even _want_ any of this. He had always longed for escape. But what _he_ wanted, so desperately he could barely stand to admit it, was to stay.

On the other side of the Play Island the shore of the South Island - Sora and Riku's home - was visible less than half a mile away. Riku had rowed across that narrow strip of water so many times he could have navigated past the rocks and reefs with his eyes closed. Now it was as distant as the life he longed for. Needing to rest again he settled in a patch of shade near the jetty, leaning against the trunk of a palm. He massaged his legs, but the bone-deep ache didn't leave them. He watched the fishing boats coming and going around the bay, the island ferry chugging along the coastline. He must have dozed off because when the sun had coasted over its zenith he woke with a start, not knowing where he was. For a moment he thought he was just _Riku_ ; then the pain settled back in and he remembered chasing through those claustrophobic white corridors for something, he didn't know what, _anything_ that could mean escape. His mouth was dry and tacky, and his head was throbbing. He slapped away insects making a meal of his flesh. The simple act of standing was a gargantuan task.

 _You've felt worse pain than this,_ he chastised himself sternly, forcing himself up. The tide was at its lowest: he could wade half the way across from the Play Island and swim the rest where the channel was too deep. He'd done it countless times before. It would be easier to move with the water supporting his weight. His legs gave out beneath him halfway down the beach but he forced himself onwards to the jetty. The water stung his open wounds and made him wince as he inched deeper into the water, holding onto the jetty's barnacled pillars for support. Soon he was up to his waist. The current tugged at his clothes. With every step the other island seemed even further away, but he couldn't go back. He reached the end of the jetty and broke out into the open water, moving slowly, digging each foot into the sand and angling into the current. His toes stubbed rocks and scraped sharp coral, but at least the fragments of reef were anchors to rest against. Riku had loved the water all his life, had whiled away so many hours swimming between the islands that made up his home, diving in amongst the coral reefs to watch the briliantly coloured fish, harvesting scallops and oysters to crack open with the other kids over a bonfire on the beach. He had been the one who taught Kairi to swim, holding her arms as she lifted her feet off the sandy seafloor in that first leap of faith. But now the water cradling his body felt claustrophobic, swallowing him up like the Darkness as he finally kicked off the sea bottom and let muscle memory carry him across the first gully. That horrible weightlessness. He mistimed a breath and gulped up saltwater, coughing and spluttering at the burst of fire in his lungs. If he stopped swimming the current would carry him out to the open sea. He could lay on his back and watch the sun set, then stare at the stars until a reef shark got curious enough to take a bite out of him. 

Why did he even want to survive? The anger at even existing in this awful, unnatural half-personhood burned inside of him. Maybe it was just Riku's memories, Riku's self-preservation, that kept him going. He touched down on a sandbank, the water just shallow enough for him to press his toes into the sand while keeping his head above water. Halfway across. Blood swirled from a cut in his arm, trailing away in the current like ribbons. He had raced Sora across this short channel so many times. They were more evenly matched in the water than on land. If anything, Sora was more of a natural swimmer than Riku. He could hold his breath longer and dive deeper, and his ability to navigate trecherous reefs and underwater caves was unparalleled. In a ceremony performed one night on the beach - after Kairi, but not long after Kairi - they had solemnly christened him Sea Otter. Riku didn't remember what they'd called him, or even Kairi. Naminé had been White Dove. Except she hadn't, because she hadn't been there. Had that night even happened, or was it just an elaborate false memory she had constructed out of scraps of half-truth to control him?

Riku swam again, mostly just floating, kicking his legs whenever he could bear the pain. He would miss the bay and land on the exposed outcrop of wavecut terraces to its west. As long as he could make it back to the beach before high tide. Thinking about how far he still had to go filled his chest with fear, so he focused on one stroke at a time. Another snag of coral. The soles of his feet were bleeding freely. He longed to rest. A small shark - only a foot or two long - circled him curiously. When it got too close he kicked it in the snout.

"I'm too big for you. Wait til after I've drowned." 

He remembered Naminé reading from a book: the delicate sensory organs on sharks' snouts, their _ampullae of lorenzini_ , detecting… electric currents? Magnetism? They had been doing a school project on sharks. About how important they were to the ecosystems and how it was wrong to hunt them. Sora's Dad had scoffed at all that. Got into fights with Riku's Mom about it. Sharks fetched a good price. "I love sharks as much as the next fisherman," he'd said, "But if it's between a shark and putting food on the table for my boy..." In the end he must have chosen the sharks. That's what Riku's Mom had said, late at night after Sora's Mom had gone home, making Riku swear he'd never repeat those words.

Which he did, of course, to Naminé, or Sora, or… Riku had reached the place in his memory where things began to crack. He focused on walking over the coral, barely feeling the sting of sea anenomes, until it dropped out beneath him. Too tired for breaststroke, he swam on his back the final push. Every time he felt consciousness slipping from him he dug his nails into the cut on his arm, each time the pain feeling duller and less urgent. He hit a bank of seaweed and knew he was close to the shore. The slippery, slimy leaves wrestled with his arms and legs, but at least they cut the current. Finally the waves began to break over his shoulders; he let them carry him closer to the shore. He crawled the last stretch of the way with water splashing around him, too weak and spent to stand. It wasn't until the tide began to catch up with him that he finally made his way up the wavecut platforms towards the cliff edge. Once he tried to summon Soul Eater for support, but the effort overwhelmed him and made his vision speckle with pain. 

Everything he had done in search of strength - to be strong enough to survive - and he had been reduced to this. 

Progress along the cliff was slow: by the time he reached the rockpools bordering the bay the sea was lapping around his ankles again. His breaths were coming out harsh and ragged. All he wanted was to sleep. On the shoreline, fishermen were pulling their boats up above the reach of high tide while kids raced across the sand dunes, laughing as they skidded down the steep banks. Riku watched from a distance, not daring to move closer. For a place that had always been his home the bay seemed alien, threatening. He found a notch in the cliff to rest. After sundown he could use the cover of darkness to return home for supplies. He could lay low while his injuries healed, take a boat out to the Play Island, repair one of the beach huts, hunt and forage for food. He had lived on the island for weeks at a time before in another life, too stubborn to return home to another fight with his Mom. 

And if his injuries didn't heal…

In his mind he mapped out the route to his house. Past the row of restaurants and gift shops selling tat to tourists on the promenade, past the salt swept old hotel whose business was hanging only by a thread, past the fish market and tackle shop and into the residential streets. Sora's house at the end of the street on the left, a place he had spent almost as much time as his own home. He lived six houses down on the other side of the road. The only people who owned cars had them in garages on the larger Turtle Island a few minutes' ferry ride away; even if there was a place on the South Island that couldn't be reached on foot, the roads were in such bad shape it was barely worth bothering to drive. The first time Riku broke a bone it was hitting a pothole on his bike. His Mom had reduced and splinted his arm herself while they waited for the ferry to take them to the hospital on the North Island, the largest in the archepelago. 

The sound of water slapping against the rocks was soothing. The hardest thing about leaving Destiny Islands had been trying to fall asleep without the omnipresent sound of the ocean. Riku had no memory of where Naminé came from - some vague mainland - but he remembered being shocked at how far she had grown up from the sea. He couldn't imagine a childhood without beaches and grilled fish and skinnydipping after dark.

The darkness seemed a living, breathing thing cloaking Riku when he woke again. He kept to the shadows, unseen by the few people still on the beach; then he followed unlit back roads, side streets long since destroyed by hurricanes and left derelict ever since, until he finally reached the row of single wides enclosed by low chainlink fences that he had grown up on. He was crying again: he couldn't help it. It was _home_ , a home he missed so much and had never seen. The memories came unfiltered, good and bad, some so vivid he could almost hear his friends' laughter, others murky sketches of half-rememberance. Lies. But _his_ lies. He counted the houses until he reached the one most familiar to him. The driftwood sculptures held together with rusted scraps of metal in the front yard, the ones his Mom was always swearing she'd take to the North Island to sell. The tree that produced apples so sour they were virtually inedible, the tree which Riku (with Sora's help) tied himself to in protest when his Mom threatened to cut it down. The washed out, overgrown grass made tough by the fierce sun and salty air. The squat trailer house with its big front porch - Riku had helped build it and collected several impressive splinters along the way. The light was on in the living room, a flicker of colour suggesting the TV had been switched on. Neither of them had ever watched much TV, but she liked to keep it on anyway. Liked the background noise. Made the house feel fuller.

It would be easy to wriggle through the gap in the chicken wire, to creep up to his bedroom window and prise off the piece of wooden frame that had always been loose. All he'd need to do was grab his emergency rucksack and disappear. Riku was well versed in the art of escape. 

He had always hated it when people treated him like a kid. Hated being patronised. Hated teachers looking at him like he was just a child. He wiped his face on the still damp hem of his shirt. Down the road, a dog barked, making him jump. Now he felt small. Young. 

Shaking - from the sea water wicking heat away from his body, from the pain of muscle damage and exertion, from the fear - he made his way around to the front of the house and up the stepping stones. The potted plants by the front door were wilting, their outermost leaves brown and crispy. He took in the fishing gear leaned up against the railing, the row of laundry hung out to dry. Weird not to see his own shirts and jeans on the line. The living room window was ajar; Riku could hear cheerful, half-familiar voices over an even more familiar laugh track. 

He took a deep breath - as deep as he could manage with his bruised ribs - and knocked on the door. Instinctively, he stepped back politely, as if he was a door-to-door salesman hoping to pedal a TV subscription or phone service. There was movement inside the house. Too late to run, even if he had the energy for it. The chain sliding back, the lock clicking open, the handle turning. His Mom's face appeared behind the mosquito screen. Those familiar saltwater green eyes, the shock of white hair and sharp jawline he had inherited from her, albeit indirectly. She looked older than he remembered. Her voice was a disbelieving breath: "Riku?"

The word came out before he realised he was speaking. " _Mom_."

She unlatched the screen and reached out cautiously to touch his face. He flinched, for a horrible moment thinking she could tell he wasn't really _Riku_ , but then suddenly she was whispering his name again and pulling him into a fierce, tight hug. 

"Riku. Oh, _Riku_. I looked _everywhere_ for you. My _baby_. I thought you were- I didn't know if you were-" Her voice cracked. She couldn't bring herself to finish that sentence. He was crying again, openly, sobbing and hiccuping as she cradled him in her arms, stroked his hair, kissed his head. He hadn't been held like that for years. He'd never been held like that. Like he was loved. 

His legs buckled and his chest burned, setting off a fit of coughing that sent a new pain shooting through his ribs. His Mom carried him in to the living room where he sank gratefully into the sofa, totally spent.

"Oh, Riku…" His Mom stroked his hand, turning it over to look at the broken skin. "You look terrible. What happened?" 

"I feel terrible," croaked out Riku, honestly. The question, he couldn't answer. He closed his eyes, exhaustion washing over him. The sound of his Mom's voice was a distant comforting murmur. If he died here, it would be enough.

He was almost asleep when he heard his Mom say, "I should call the doctor." He turned the statement over in his mind, sluggishly, thinking of the doctor who made him, of those vague memories from before he had memories, of green liquid and the steady tick of monitoring devices. The way he had felt before he knew what it felt like to be human. Realising suddenly what she meant, he started, jolting upright and almost knocking the wind out of his lungs.

" _No_!" He caught himself, forcing the panic down. "No, I'm fine. I just need rest." He glanced at the cuts and bruises on his arms. "And, uh… some bandages." His voice sounded unnatural. Uncharacteristic.

"I'll run a bath for you. You're a state." She kissed his forehead and left him, a reluctance in the way she left go of his hand. Riku looked around the living room. The familiar photos on the wall, most of them Riku's school photos, the same scowl on his face in every one. His Mom with a man he didn't recognise at first. It wasn't until he had stared at it for several long moments that he realised it must have been his father. There was a shelf of books - cookbooks, almanacs and atlases that never got used, mostly - bookended by a collection of trophies Riku vaguely remembered winning. The rocking chair in the corner that he'd sometimes sit in, tucking his feet up close to his chest, in the darkest hours of the night when he couldn't sleep. The smell of the sandalwood incense his Mom loved so much. Outside a streetlamp blinked on, then flickered out again.

 _She'll realise soon enough_ , he thought as he made his way along the wall. _She'll realise I'm not really her son and then she'll..._ He realised that instinctively he was avoiding the floorboards which creaked. _Then I'll move on. I just need a few days to recover_.

In the bathroom Riku's Mom was kneeling beside the bath with her sleeves rolled up, swilling the water, checking its temperature. He was too weak to protest her helping him take off his clothes. He sank into the water like sinking into sleep. 

"I put in lavender and eucalyptus," she said, cupping the water in her hands and pouring it over his back. "For those cuts and bruises."

Riku realised he was scoffing. "That stuff's hippie nonsense." But he couldn't deny how soothing the scent of essential oils was. Usually such a remark would earn him a scolding, but this time his Mom just laughed.

"That's my boy."

He let her wash his hair with her favourite aloe scented shampoo and thought, _I killed a man. I put my hands around his neck and I killed him._

He had been so scared. Everything was changing too fast to keep up, he didn't know who he was or _what_ he was and all he could focus on was the need to _survive_. But someone was dead because of him. And he had crawled home to his mother - not even _his_ mother. He wondered if the man had a mother who would miss him. A mother who would never know what happened to him. He wondered where Naminé was, if she was even still alive. That place had been a massacre. 

Not knowing why he was crying, his Mom stroked his back, soothing him with gentle murmurs. After she had rinsed off his hair she patted down his arms, rubbed cream into the cuts and began to bandage them up. Like she had done so many times before, to another body, to another boy.

"You look like you got into a fight with a sea monster." 

Too close to the mark. Riku coughed and didn't say anything. He lay back in the bath, but only momentarily; the weightlessness returned, that feeling of floating without thoughts or senses or personhood. 

"I'm ready to get out now," he said. She wrapped him in towel and bandaged the rest of his injuries. Sleep was overcoming him again. He struggled against the deep, aching weariness. Stepped into pyjamas. Riku had always scoffed at pyjamas, preferring to sleep in a loose shirt and pants. The other Riku. This Riku let his Mom drape a blanket over his shoulders and take him to his bedroom. It was exactly the way he had left it: school work abandoned on the desk, clothes thrown roughly in the direction of the laundry basket, even the collection of shells on his windowsill which he had pushed aside to watch the storm the night the islands fell to Darkness. A few things missing: Naminé's drawings he remembered tacking to the wall. The hanging mobile he had been making with her, half carved fish emerging from driftwood with the pots of paint lined up ready for decoration. "We make a good team," she had said. Drawing sketches from the book of local flora and fauna his Mom kept in the living room.

He wobbled to the bed. The sheets smelled like him: a new, foreign smell. He crawled in under the covers. His Mom brought in a jug of water, ice cubes clinking. Switched on the bedside lamp, casting them in a warm glow. Found his hand again.

"I can't believe you're really home," she whispered, voice choking. Riku listened for unspoken meaning in the words. For a long time she didn't say anything. Riku trod the fine line between wakefulness and sleep. Finally, she said, "I know we didn't have the best relationship. We fought a lot… well, all the time. But..." She squeezed his hand. Tears were dripping down her unguarded face. "You're the most precious thing in the world to me. I don't know if I ever did enough to tell you that. But you are. And I love you." 

Sora had said, taking Naminé's hand in his with that fierce seriousness, "It doesn't matter if my memories aren't real. My _feelings_ are still real." He'd scoffed. Nothing, least of all him, was real in that awful soulless place. But now, deep in his heart, he understood. 

He whispered back: "I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

Riku woke to shafts of sunlight draped across his room, the smell of coffee and bacon wafting in from the kitchen. He was more warm and cozy than he had ever imagined he could be, coccooned in a soft comforter that smelled like home. He buried his face in his pillow, wanting to return to sleep. If he had dreamed, they dissipated on waking. The throb of his muscles was almost dull enough to ignore. He stretched out his legs, finding a cool spot on the mattress for his feet. A breeze wafted in from outside, bringing with it the calls of sea birds and the salty, kelpy smell of the ocean. He was comfortable. And _hungry_.

His Mom was in the kitchen, leaning over her coffee maker. She was wearing a tank top, showing the deep tan lines across her biceps from years in the sun. Her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail. Bangles on her wrists clinking gently as she moved. He couldn't think of her as anything except _his_ Mom. _His_ place at the table. _His_ coffee mug, that he drank from dutifully every morning - just a splash of creamer, no sugar, even though he hated unsweetened coffee. He thought, as if watching himself dispassionately from the outside, _You really were an insufferable brat_. Scoffing at Sora and Kairi's pumpkin spice lattes and frappucinos and sugary sweet iced teas. 

"Good morning, sweetie."

"Hey Mom." He hugged her, awkwardly. It wasn't something Riku would do, because Riku was stupid and didn't know how lucky he was to have people who loved him. She looped her arm around him, resisting his attempt to pull away. " _Mom_." 

"I kept waking up thinking this was all a dream," she murmured, giving his shoulders a squeeze. Riku thought about the cold marble tiles, those timeless, empty corridors bearing down on him at every turn. Waking from catnaps disoriented, not knowing if it was day or night, not knowing if he was human or tool. 

"I'm home," he promised, moving to the windowsill to look out at the back garden. He had built the raised beds where his Mom grew her flowers and vegetables. The old dog kennel was in bad repair, the structure keeling and paintwork flecking off. Riku frowned, wondering who had painted it. He remembered working on it with Naminé, taping up the stencils she had made while Sora sat inside, pretending to be a puppy. He wondered how much of Riku's memories Naminé had really given him. How long it would take for his Mom to sense that something was wrong.

"I'm making waffles," said his Mom. "You just sit down and let me take care of you." Thankfully she didn't notice Riku stumble at a sudden weakness in his legs as he crossed the narrow space between the counter and the fold-out table. His head felt woozy, like the first warning hint of a cold. He reached out for a handful of open envelopes on the table: the bills he passed over with disinterest, but there were also a couple of cards from people he hardly knew. He read over one of them, the platitudes feeling surreal knowing that the "unimaginable loss" they referenced was still out there somewhere. Chosing not to go home. Thinking his replica was dead. The last envelope contained a letter from the Mayor, explaining without really saying anything how hard the police were working to find the missing son. At the end, a mention of Kairi: "Unfortunately she is still unable to tell us anything about her experiences on the night of the hurricane." Feeling queasy, Riku put the letter back in its envelope. Somehow he doubted Kairi would want to see his face again.

His Mom placed a cup of coffee in front of him. He wanted to ask for sugar, but didn't dare. A few minutes later, he was staring at a waffle topped with strips of thick, greasy bacon. His Mom pushed a bottle of maple syrup towards him.

"I'll let you pour your own."

He ate in silence for a few minutes. His vague memories of his Mom's bacon and maple waffles were no match for the salty sweetness of the real thing. His Mom watched him eat, a strange expression on her face. Fear coiled inside him: was this a test? Did she suspect he wasn't the real thing? Did Riku actually hate waffles? But in the end she just reached across the table, put her hand on his, and asked again: "What happened?"

What happened? Maybe all of it was illusions: waiting in that horrible laboratory with needles and catheters jabbed into him, the doctor muttering under his breath at his body's inscrutible inner workings. The woman who made a hobby of taunting him, pulling his hair or tripping him up or digging into his false memories for any kind of weakness. He couldn't trust anyone except himself: he couldn't even trust himself. 

He hung his head and whispered, "I can't talk about it right now." Where would he even begin?

"Okay." He sensed the tension in her tone. After a few more minutes she said, "Do you know if Sora's alive?"

Riku's head snapped up. His body reacted to the name before his mind did. Something visceral inside him, deeper than memories. He opened his mouth. Closed it again. "He's..." he faltered. Squeezed his eyes shut. The memories of those final few hours in the Castle an ugly swarm. Finally he blurted out, "I… I think he's okay." 

"You know where he is?" his Mom asked urgently, leaning forward. Riku shook his head. It wasn't really a lie: Sora could be anywhere by now. Off on some new adventure with his animal friends. "But he's alive?"

"Y... yeah. I think so."

"We've been worried sick," his Mom said, her words coming out in a breathless tumble. "We thought… we thought you must have drowned in the hurricane. All three of you just disappeared without a trace. But then when Kairi came back…" She squeezed Riku's hand so tight it stung. "Hikari is… you know Sora's her whole world." An immediate twinge of jealousy curled unbidden in Riku's gut: his Mom had always liked Sora so much. Who wouldn't? It was impossible to dislike Sora. The familiar, treacherous thought: _She cares more about him and his Mom than you._ Riku pushed the envy down. She was more worried about Sora because Sora was still missing. His Mom's voice cracking with emotion: "It was almost too much to even hope I'd see you again. And if… if there's anything you can tell Hikari… the police have been useless." She heaved a deep sigh. "They're doing their best. But with so many people missing..."

"Other people went missing too?"

"Finish your waffle." Evidently needing time to collect her thoughts, his Mom poured herself another cup of coffee. "Honestly a lot of people don't think it was a hurricane, and I'm halfway to believing them. Hurricanes don't just show up out of the blue like that. And some people say they saw these… monsters." She waved her hand dismissively before Riku even had a chance to speak. "I know, I know, you always tell me it's all just psychology or whatever. You're a little scientist with an explanation for everything. But it wasn't just a couple of people-"

"I saw them too," whispered Riku. His hands were shaking. He was too nauseous to take another bite. This he remembered vividly: the sudden swirling clouds blotting out the stars, the way the ground under his feet heaved and groaned. Knowing immediately that something was happening, something _big_. He had been drawn to it, all that seething rage and shame and self-hatred dragging him into the streets, into the water, into the gaping maw of the Darkness. Wanting to escape: wanting to watch the world he hated so much burn.

He looked at the dark coffee and the cooling waffle and wondered, _why?_

"I thought..." his Mom paced in agitation, sweeping her hands through her hair. For a moment Riku saw himself in her: that same restlessness. "I thought they must have killed everyone who disappeared. But then Kairi… I tried to talk to her, but she won't tell me anything. I don't know, maybe she didn't want to give me false hope. But you're _here_." 

Riku thought, _You have to tell her the truth. You have to tell her you're a replica. You have to tell her her real son is still out there with a weapon powerful people would kill to have._ But his courage failed him and all he said was: "I don't know what happened. I don't even know how I got home."

"Okay." Another sigh. "Okay." She kissed the top of his head. Whispering: "I love you." A shiver went down Riku's spine. He tried to pick up his coffee, but somewhere between his brain and his hand the signal got mixed and he almost knocked the cup over. He felt like he was a breath away from dissociating from his body. This awkward, unfamiliar thing that didn't belong to him. 

"I'm going to call Hikari." 

Riku focused on eating. He was probably just tired and hungry. But the fear stuck with him: that this body wasn't meant to last. He had always been weaker than the real Riku, and in the end…

He wiped his face on his sleeve. He wasn't going to die. Not now he was finally home.

* * *

Kairi stood in the doorway for a long time, looking at Riku with an inscrutible expression on her face. After breakfast he had migrated to the living room, still swaddled in his comforter, and had spent most of the day curled up on the sofa paranoid that he was dying. A heavy fog had settled over his head, his stomach was still protesting at the waffles, and the cuts and bruises on his body itched like crazy. Riku had had minor injuries like this all the time and he was sure they had never felt as bad as this. 

"I'll give you two a minute," said Riku's Mom, closing the door behind her. Kairi didn't take her eyes off Riku. She was staring him down and he was losing. 

Finally she sat down on the rocking chair, arms crossed, spine bolt upright, her face settling into an accusing scowl. "Where's Sora?"

Riku wrapped himself tighter in his comforter. She always had a knack for making him squirm. He couldn't blame her for not being pleased to see him - after everything the boy who owned his face had done - but he felt stung anyway. Everything was always about Sora.

"I don't know," he said, which wasn't exactly a lie, even if it wasn't exactly the truth either.

"He was looking for you!" Kairi snapped. "And you just… you just _came home_?" 

"He wasn't really looking for me," Riku retorted defensively, before he really knew what he was saying. "He's with his new friends now." And before Kairi could snap back a reply, he added, "He's fighting the Heartless."

Kairi leaned back on the rocking chair, her gaze still cooly focused on Riku. He had a horrible feeling he was being interrogated. "So he's safe?"

"Y-yeah." Riku swallowed, added, "Probably." 

Kairi narrowed her eyes. "You seem different." 

The real Riku would have brushed it off, made some snide remark, pretended he was fine and nothing was wrong. The real Riku wouldn't have let Kairi see him bundled in blankets cradling a watermelon smoothie and probably looking as pathetic as a wet puppy. The truth rose to his lips, but he couldn't spit it out. Instead he balked at the last minute and instead whispered, "I nearly _died_."

"Yeah, join the club." 

Riku bit into the inside of his cheek. "I'm... sorry." 

Kairi's lips quirked into almost - almost - a smile. Her posture softened a little. " _Definitely_ different." She came over and sat next to Riku on the sofa, tucking her legs under her butt. "There's a lot of other people missing, you know. I guess they went to other worlds like us… or became Heartless. I went through all the lists of missing people from every island. But there's no pattern. It's not like the people who disappeared were all bad people. Or people who wanted to leave."

"That you know of," said Riku. His heart was still hammering in his chest; he only hoped Kairi couldn't tell. "You want some smoothie?"

"Yeah, okay." Kairi took a long slurp. "Your Mom's smoothies are so good."

"Yeah, they are." 

Riku tried to think of something else to say that wasn't an apology. He tried not to think about the weight of Kairi's lifeless form in his arms. He hadn't even been trying to rescue her, not really. It was something else. Something he couldn't put his finger on, the memories too fragmented. Something desperate, obsessive.

"I haven't told anyone what happened," Kairi said finally. "I… I was gonna tell Hikari. You know, that Sora was okay. But I didn't want to in case something happened to him. In case he never came back." 

" _You_ came home without him," blurted out Riku. 

Kairi looked away - at the opposite wall, at Riku's Mom's woven reed sculptures hanging in the window, at the floor - anywhere but Riku. Finally she whispered, "Everything happened so fast. He said he had to find you. And I… I was being pulled back home somehow. But he still hasn't come back." She sniffed. "I've been waiting for him on the beach every day." A wobble in her voice betrayed her: "I don't know why he hasn't come home."

Riku stared into his smoothie. They had both been so desperate to leave this isolated chain of islands on the farthest edge of nowhere. They hated the long school days trapped in stuffy classrooms with air conditioners too feeble for thirty restless kids. The endless parade of homework to struggle through, the tired eyes of the cashiers at the general store and the stooped backs of the men who had sacrificed decades making a living from the sea. But their dreams of escape had been childish - a fantasy adventure without consequences, without the spectre of death, without family and friends left behind wondering.

"We were supposed to all stay together," whispered Kairi. "We were supposed to escape together."

Riku said what they both feared: "Maybe he doesn't want to come back."

"His Mom hasn't stopped waiting for him either," said Kairi quickly. She obviously didn't want to dwell on that particular thought. "Even after the police officially declared everyone who didn't come back dead." She chewed on her thumbnail. "Most of the people who didn't go missing don't really remember anything except the storm. But it wasn't just one night. Some people remember wandering around for days… weeks maybe. Other people remember going to another place. A little town where it's always night."

"Traverse Town," said Riku. Vague memories swam to the surface of his mind. Waking up dazed in a back alley, keeping to the shadows, hunting for Sora. Worse: finding him. "It's where people who've lost their homes end up. Or... some of them, I guess. I don't remember seeing anyone else I recognised." Although, to be fair, there was a lot Riku didn't remember.

"Some people must have been like me," Kairi mused. She had leaned back and was staring at the cracks in the paint on the ceiling. "I have some of his memories now," she continued thoughtfully. "Just fragments. And… okay, this is gonna sound weird."

"Nothing can be weirder than what already happened," said Riku, a replica made to steal his copy's power and now stealing his Mom, his friends and his blankets.

"So most of the memories are just of Sora, right? As if I saw things from Sora's eyes while my heart was… inside him, I guess. But there's other things too. I have this memory of seeing these two boys I swear I've never met, but they're just so _familiar_." Kairi frowned in thought, hunting for words. "I mean, it feels like a dream. So maybe it's just a figment of my imagination. But… one of them looked just like Sora. Except… except just _wrong_. And the other one didn't look like Sora, but he _felt_ like him." 

Riku's first thought was more replicas. If the Organisation was willing to make a copy of Riku to weild the power of the Keyblade, why wouldn't they do the same to Sora? But the idea of putting _that_ idea into Kairi's mind was too much. So instead he settled for a noncommital, "That is weird."

He wondered if he also looked like Riku, except just _wrong_. 

"Yeah," agreed Kairi. She looked at Riku with an uncomfortably piercing expression. "Did you see him again? He wasn't with you when he came to find me after he fought that guy. If you were gonna come home, why didn't you come back straight away?" And, looking at the bandages on his hands, "What _happened_ to you?" 

Working through his memories was like hunting for fish in a murky pond. After several false starts, he finally settled on, "We were split up for a while. But there were these people who wanted Sora's Keyblade. And mine too, I guess. We beat them, but..." The real Riku had probably reunited with Sora, and now they were either hunting down the rest of the men in the black coats, or else… Riku's stomach turned at the thought. Or else they were on their way home right now. Traversing the worlds one by one back to Destiny Islands. And then what? 

Sora had been kind to him. Even after everything. Maybe he would let him stay. But Riku remembered viscerally that fury of seeing a copy of himself, of thinking _he_ was the real Riku, of facing down that crude, humiliating joke wearing his face, cariacaturing his voice, his mannerisms, his anger. He had to acknowledge the truth: when the original Riku returned, he would run, or he would die.

"But?"

"He went off with his new friends," lied Riku. The sullen tone entered his voice unbidden, the old anger easy to summon. Deeper than the anger was the fear: that eventually Sora, too, would abandon him. That their friendship was only ever a kindness, an old habit, an act of pity for a kid who could do anything except keep a friend. "They said they still had things to do and he went along with them because _we're_ not important."

Kairi didn't say anything for a while. Riku realised she was fighting back tears. Finally she said in a choked voice, "I was always so scared you two were gonna leave me behind."

Riku, who had been taking another sip of smoothie, nearly choked on it. "Are you kidding me? Ri-" he caught himself speaking in the third person just in time. "I was always scared _you_ would leave _me_ behind." 

Kairi was looking at him in amazement. "But you and Sora were so close. You were always on the same wavelength, and I was… I was always racing to catch up."

"I never understood why Sora liked me," admitted Riku. He felt like he was betraying secrets that didn't belong to him, but maybe none of this would had happened if the real Riku had actually admitted to any of the fears that preoccupied his waking thoughts. "I mean… everyone was friends with Sora. And nobody was friends with me." That statement stung, deep and real. Riku remembered that aching empty loneliness that not even false memories could break.

He jumped when Kairi's hand touched his. 

" _We're_ friends," she said, her voice so genuine and sincere Riku's stomach turned. He looked into her eyes and the vulnerability she was offering him and wished that she would glimpse past Riku's face and see the nameless being underneath, lost and confused and scared.

But instead his courage failed him and he looked away, managing only a weak joke: "And I fucked that up pretty bad." Kairi laughed and punched his shoulder. He pretended it didn't hurt as much as it did.

"Sora will come home," she said forcefully, sounding like she was trying to convince herself. "He'll come home and we'll all be together again." 

Riku swallowed down bile. "Yeah," he agreed, forcing himself to keep his voice steady, to suppress the fear crawling up his throat. "Yeah, I'm sure he will."


	3. Chapter 3

"How are you feeling?" 

Riku cracked an eye open. He had been dozing for a while, the movement and chatter around him becoming a comforting murmur. "You can stop asking me that, Mom."

She stroked his shoulder and turned back to cooking. Riku watched her with what he hoped looked like a disinterested gaze as she rolled out the tortillas with a practiced hand. Sora's Mom was stationed at the kitchen table, chopping vegetables for the slaw. He vaguely recalled his role in this tableau, gutting and fileting fish with a sharp knife and a practiced hand. Instead that was Kairi's job. She worked slowly, maneuvering the knife awkwardly around the bones. She'd spent more than half her life with Sora and Riku cooking fresh caught fish on an open fire, so why was she struggling?

Oh, right. Because Riku had always insisted on doing it. Since he was better than anyone else at it. And, he realised with the benefit of hindsight, he wanted to keep it that way.

He wondered if he should offer to help, but even with the worst of the flu over the coordination between his brain and his body still felt tenuous. Hikari was talking about the summer festival up at the school. Kairi was taking part in the athletics competition. It was probably a good thing that she was a girl and Sora was more of a team sports player, because Riku was too fiercely competitive to be friends with the other boys who did athletics. 

_You're too fiercely… everything to be friends with anyone_ , he thought to himself. Typical. Of all the people he could be a replica of and it was an asshole. 

"Maybe there's still time for you to compete," said his Mom, glancing over her shoulder.

"Fin, don't pressure him. The competition's only a few weeks away. He needs time to rest." Hikari reached out and patted Riku's arm; hopefully she didn't notice that he flinched. She looked older than Riku remembered too. It was strange seeing her wearing plain, dark colours. She was like a second Mom to him. When she saw him for the first time she embraced him in a hug so tight he was wheezing for a solid half an hour afterwards. How much of her joy at seeing him was genuine affection and how much was the hope he brought that Sora could be out there alive somewhere he didn't know and refused to dwell on. After that initial excitement though, she had lapsed back into a quiet seriousness Riku had never seen in her before, like she was missing some vital part of herself. 

"Of course," agreed his Mom hastily. "I just know how much it meant to you, that's all."

"You think you wanna go back to school this year?" asked Kairi. "There's only a couple weeks left. I'm not doing the finals this term after what happened. I was pretty sick after I got back too."

Riku frowned. "You were?" 

"Yeah. Had a lot of fainting episodes." Riku didn't miss the pointed look Kairi directed at him. He glanced away, accepting defeat. "They've passed over though. You'll be fine." She shovelled the scraps of fish into the food waste, flicking scales off her fingers. "I'm not gonna be winning anything at the summer festival competition, but I wanted an excuse to get back into training."

"I'll see how I feel," Riku said non-commitally. Maybe he really would be fine and this weakness, this feeling of dissociation, would pass over. Or maybe this body wasn't meant to last. 

"Okay, I think we're done with the prep," his Mom announced, clapping her hands together in a puff of flour. "Let's get the grill going." They all trooped outside through the faded bead curtain. As he lifted the curtain out of the way Riku was suddenly hit by a memory of snapping one of the strings on the way out of the house, showering himself with wooden beads. Naminé laughing at him as he scrambled to pick them up. He turned back to the curtain, but if one of the strings had been repaired his Mom had done a good enough job that it wasn't visible. 

Outside the air was loud with the calls of crickets. If Riku closed his eyes he could just make out the rush of the ocean. He settled into one of the deck chairs, Sora's Mom bringing around tall glasses of fresh lemonade. She had a lemon tree in her back garden that produced more and more lemons every year. Thankfully her son and his best friend were monkeys, and armed with pruning shears and friends on the ground holding out fishing nets Sora and Riku always made a quick afternoon's work of the harvest. Last year they had even gone around earning meals and pocket money from people with burgeoning orange, pecan and coconut trees in their gardens. Sora was so excited to turn sixteen and go do summer work on farms over on the larger islands. He wanted to earn enough to repair the front porch of his house. Rot had got to the wooden decking, and you had to tread very carefully if you didn't want to end up putting your foot through a decaying board. 

"This must be the first time I've fired up this thing since the hurricane," said his Mom as she put her lighter to the coals. Hikari was inside tidying up. "It's just not the same without my boy bringing home fresh fish." Riku shifted uncomfortably, remembering the feeling of water swirling around him, snatching the air from his lungs and dragging him down.

Kairi said, "Nobody's really been out to the Play Island since. Me and Selphie rowed out there after I came back, but only once."

"Why not?" The Play Island's rough wooden structures and secret places almost felt more like home than this house to Riku.

"I dunno. It wasn't the same. It was kind of creepy, almost. Without everyone there."

"Are any other kids missing?"

His Mom shook her head. "Tidus was gone for a day, but the fishermen found him out on one of the atolls." She glanced at Kairi. "He said a monster had picked him up and dropped him there." To Riku's surprise, Kairi just rolled her eyes and said nothing. Riku frowned; he could understand her not wanting to tell the adults everything - the other worlds, the Keyblade, the awful things Riku had done - but the Heartless that had destroyed Destiny Islands? So many people had seen them. But his Mom just moved on, evidently having given up on that argument. "This looks like it's ready." She took the fish filets out of their marinade and tossed them in the cornmeal coating, then lay them onto the grill, the sizzle of dripping lime juice and fat bringing a painfully familiar smell to Riku's nose. Riku had missed his Mom's cooking so much more than he thought he would. _He_ had missed it, even though it was just a memory. 

"Some memories are more powerful than others," Naminé had said during one of those quiet waiting moments before he was anything, least of all Riku. He had scoffed at her, thinking she was being foolish again. To him then, memories were as meaningless as the characters in the doctor's charts and reports. Nothing more than monotony, the same routine of physical tests and semi-conscious waiting in that weightless liquid. But she was right: memories weren't just recollections of the past. They were _feelings_ , and those feelings had real power. Those feelings were what had brought him here. Home.

"Riku?" He realised his mom was holding a fish taco out to him. "Off in your own world there, huh?" 

"Oh. Thanks." He stared at the taco for a moment, wondering how to start eating it. Then the memories started to come back to him, of laughing at Naminé dribbling sour cream down her chin the first time she tried tacos, of competing with Sora over how much spicy chipotle paste they could handle. Of stumbling on a kitchen in that marble labyrinth, raiding the fridge for leftover chicken drumsticks and slimy fries, missing something so simple as a piece of fresh caught grilled fish. 

Kairi was watching him curiously. He averted his eyes and focused on eating his taco. The taste of fish and paprika burst in his mouth, undercut by the fresh crunch of cabbage and the bright tang of lime. The tingle of chili pepper warmed his cheeks, a sensation entirely new and entirely familiar. He bit back tears: it was probably too out of character for Riku to cry over a taco. 

"It's really good," he managed, making his Mom laugh.

"I know, it's your favourite." 

Riku lost count of how many more he ate. 

* * *

That night he dreamed of the Darkness crawling into his throat and seeping out of his skin; he dreamed of his body decaying, his skin flaking away in shades of mottled black. He dreamed of staring into his own eyes, filled with hatred - worse than hatred. _Disgust_. He woke up slick with sweat, shaking, choked sobs escaping from his mouth. His mom was asleep on the armchair next to his bed. He watched her in the dim light of his bedside lamp, her breath steady and her chest rising and falling. She was wrapped in that dressing gown brought back from some holiday abroad years before Riku was born. After Riku there were no more holidays. No more moving, no more freedom. Riku had lived in this house his whole life. 

He slipped out of bed and hobbled to the bathroom. His feet hurt from the blisters of those uncomfortable boots and the slashes of sharp coral and stone. He unwrapped the bandages, peeled off the gauze, and popped the blisters one by one. For a while he sat on the toilet seat, his thoughts swirling through his head. He could feel the Darkness present under his skin, the power returning to him like warmth from the emerging sun after a storm, but when he tried to summon his Keyblade the effort left him lightheaded. 

His powers had failed him, his body was failing him. All he had left was a stolen identity. He stood, daring himself to face the mirror. Looking into it didn't feel quite like looking at himself. It was like a stranger was copying his movements, lifting a hand up to touch his face experimentally, feeling the shape of his jaw and the give in his flesh. His bedraggled hair long overdue a date with a pair of scissors. The first flush of facial hair on his cheeks. The bruised, broken skin on his chest still purple as if the blood beneath his skin was fresh. He tested the muscle of his arms, the sinew of his neck, for anything underneath that might betray his origins.

"None of this belongs to you," he whispered to himself. "This isn't your face. You don't _have_ a face." He never saw himself before he was Riku. Only vague recollections of featureless white skin, a mint green paper smock covering nothing. No hair, no eyes, no mouth. No mouth. Riku bared his teeth. That one crooked lower tooth, the first tips of wisdom teeth coming out in the back. The taste of toothpaste in his mouth. He pressed his fingers against his tongue, ran them along his incisors, canines, molars. Feeling the soft flesh on the inside of his cheek. He stared at himself for a long time, until tears prickled in the corners of his eyes. He wasn't Riku, but that didn't mean he would ever go back to being _nothing_.

His stomach churned uncomfortably. It always did when he ate. Considering that maybe he wasn't designed to eat only made him feel worse. 

"Riku?"

Riku snapped away from the mirror, grabbing his towel to wipe his face as if he hadn't been staring at his reflection and contemplating death. "Oh, hey Mom." 

"Can't sleep?"

"I'm okay," lied Riku. "I just had a bad dream, that's all."

She patted his hair sympathetically. Riku knew he should have shied away from her touch, but he couldn't bring himself to. "Can I get you a drink?" 

"Yeah, a cup of water, thanks." Slowly he made his way back to bed. The aspirins his Mom had given him were helping, but only a little. He had sat down with Kairi and a notepad after his Mom left for work and tried to figure out how many days it had been since Destiny Islands was destroyed, all the while wondering how many days it had been since he'd been created. _You're almost a brand new being_ , he thought as he climbed back under the covers, wriggling until he found a cool spot close to the wall. He pulled up his blind a little to let a crack of moonlight enter the room; the way it lay over his bed soft and silver felt comforting. _This can't be it. This can't be your whole life_. 

His Mom came back with water, which he sipped cautiously, willing the nausea to settle. She held his hand, stroking his palm with her thumb. "It's going to be okay," she said. "You're home and safe now. That's what matters." Riku wanted to draw away, return into himself, but he didn't. If he died, if he fell apart, if she realised he wasn't really her son, allowing himself this kind of vulnerability would only hurt him more. And yet… he ached for that affection, something so simple as a touch making him feel almost _whole_. He lay down, lacing his fingers with hers. His heart was a steady beat, slow and regular and _his_. 

He closed his eyes and imagined the real Riku. All of that boy's rage and jealousy, the self loathing, the need to escape at any cost. He imagined facing him and saying, _You don't deserve to come home. There were people here who loved you and you abandoned them_.

Even if Riku's memories were fabricated, even if they were tangled and blurred and woven in with lies, the feeling of his Mom's hand in his was _real_. He wouldn't abandon his family like his original had. He would be better. 

* * *

"It's kind of a mess," said Kairi as she manouvred the boat towards the beach, leaning over her shoulder to watch for rocks and coral. The sun was high over the horizon, burning up the moisture on Riku's skin almost as fast as he could sweat it out. "I thought about going back out to fix things up, but… well, I don't know if I would have even been able to get far without you guys." She jumped out into the shallow water and hauled the boat up to the shore. It felt strange to take her hand and let her help him out, but Riku was still having trouble with his balance. Even his Mom had commented on how slowly his injuries were healing, although Riku had been hasty to brush her off in case she decided to send him to the doctor for better treatment than her herbal remedies could provide. Once they'd unloaded the picnic basket - packed by Riku's Mom - Kairi dragged the boat up above the high tide line. "This is probably safer. The jetty's kind of unstable. I put my foot through it last time I came up here." 

Riku squinted at the sliver of their home visible on the horizon. 

"I really missed this," he said.

"Where did you go? I mean, after you closed the Door with the mouse king. What happened?"

Riku ignored the question. "Let's go round to the other side of the island." They stuck to the shade of the palms, tracing the outline of the volcanic rock pushing the island above the water line. Seeing the remnants of the tree houses and huts he had helped to build sent a shiver down his spine. 

"Remember when we used to dismantle all of this when there was a hurricane on the way?" Kairi asked, setting the picnic basket down at the base of a tree. "And spend the whole hurricane planning how to make it better next time." She idly picked up a broken two-by-four and carried it up to the cliff edge. "When Sora comes home we should rebuild everything." Then: " _If_ he comes home."

"He'll come home," Riku found himself saying. "He cares about you more than anything." Unbidden that familiar resentment crawled into his throat.

Kairi must have caught his tone, because she bit her lip, obviously debating voicing a reply. After a few moments she sighed, looked at Riku, and said, "He loved you too, you know. Maybe not in the way you wanted, but he really loved you."

…Not in the way Riku wanted? 

His heart sank as she frowned at his dumbfounded expression, turning away to sullenly kick at another piece of wood. "Never mind." Riku felt as if he had missed some crucial opportunity... for what?

He sat down on the flood barrier and watched the waves ebb and flow, wondering what Kairi had meant. Of course Sora meant everything to Riku - maybe too much. He had been Riku's first friend, and was always his closest. At least until… Riku rubbed at his temples. It wasn't like Naminé was what pulled them apart. Naminé was only part of this island, part of this history, in Riku's mind. So what strain had their relationship been cracking under? Kairi?

Riku watched her make her way down to the water's edge, picking up starfish and hurling them into the water. He wondered how long it would be until the turtle eggs lying in wait under their feet would start to hatch. He remembered spending days in late summer fending off seagulls and other opportunistic scavengers while the hatchlings made their way down to the water. Naminé hanging back, torn: "Don't the birds have babies to feed too?"

He had loved her. Her eyes blue and glimmering like the ocean, the way the skin around them crinkled when she laughed, her fatal big heartedness always getting her into trouble - and out of trouble again. The stupid immature private jokes shared with wordless glances in dull school classrooms. Had that been how Riku felt about Kairi? Or… how he'd felt about someone else? 

Riku rubbed at his temples. He could feel a headache coming on. It hadn't ever really been about Kairi. He knew that much. The more he tried to fit the puzzle pieces of his memory together, the less they made any sense. 

He walked down to the water. Kairi was wiggling her feet into the wet sand. He said cautiously, testing the waters in more ways than one, "You think I was in love with Sora?"

Kairi glanced at him. That same suspicious look. It was only a matter of time before she realised his deception, he thought. 

"I _know_ you're in love with Sora." Present tense. She picked up a pebble and skimmed it across the water. "Sorry, I… I know you weren't ready to talk about it. But that's half of why any of this happened, isn't it? Because of how much we both love him." 

Riku bit the inside of his lip. Hearing the words out loud made them ring true, like pieces of the puzzle slotting together. Not a memory of loving his best friend: a feeling of it. And the sick shame that came with it, a parasite nestled in Riku's stomach always reminding him that he was _different_. Of knowing Sora only cared about him because he was a friend, when Riku wanted so much more.

Kairi threw another pebble. "I didn't want things to change," she said. "I wish everything could have always stayed the same. The three of us together. It wasn't the hurricane that broke us up. It was going to happen anyway." She sighed. Weary, but with a note of relief. Riku thought about how long she had kept all of this hidden, pent up inside her. How long they'd all spent refusing to talk about the fact that they were growing up. Growing apart. "Sora was going to have to choose one of us. Or neither." Her voice had taken on the strained tone of someone willing herself not to cry. "I don't blame him."

Riku reached out, awkwardly, took her hand in a gesture of comfort. Both their palms were sweaty. He offered falteringly: "I think he wanted us all to be friends." But without Sora there to say it himself, the words rang hollow. Kairi looked away towards the paopu tree, but she didn't pull her hand out of Riku's hold. 

"I really miss him."

"Me too," said Riku, almost telling the truth. 

"Glad you're home," Kairi whispered. That was enough vulnerability: a moment later she was returning up the beach towards the picnic basket. Riku followed her. The punishing summer heat was new; he wiped the sweat off his forehead with the hem of his shirt, wishing he had thought to wear a sweatband.

"You really took a hit, huh," said Kairi. She was looking at the dressings on Riku's stomach. "Was that Heartless?"

"I got into a couple fights," Riku said noncommitally. The worst injuries he had sustained from fighting the real Riku. He recalled the old comment his Mom used to make whenever he broke things, which was often: "he doesn't know his own strength." Truer than she could have suspected.

"I really hope Sora's okay."

"Yeah, me too." 

Kairi knelt down, pulling a thermos out of the basket. The ice cubes inside rattled as she unscrewed the cap. "Fin always makes the best lemonade. You want some?"

"It's the cucumber," said Riku, accepting a cupful. "It's the recipe her mom taught her."

"So refreshing." Kairi crunched down an ice cube. "Man, it's hot out here. We should go cool down in the secret place."

Remembering the suit he had left there - and the lockbox he had raided - Riku shook his head, hoping he looked casual enough not to attract suspicion. "I don't think I'm ready to go there yet. Too many memories."

Thankfully Kairi just shrugged. "Okay. But I'm putting my feet in the waterfall pool."

"Good idea." Riku carefully pulled off his shoes and unwrapped the bandages over his feet. They were healing, but still itchy; the cool water from the island's stream was a blessing. They shared another cup of lemonade, then sat in a strange kind of silence Riku wasn't sure was peaceful or awkward.

"So you're back at school?" he asked finally. The little fish in the pool were circling his feet; one had even taken an experimental nip at him. Whatever his body was made of, it was evidently delicious to wildlife.

Kairi groaned. "Yeah. My parents said it would help me take my mind off things. I'm not doing the exams yet this year though. Guess I'll join in with the summer retakes."

"Does it help?"

"Pssh. Not really." After a moment more of consideration, Kairi conceded: "It passes the time." She kicked at the water with her feet, making the fish scatter. "Everyone's tiptoeing around me and I hate it. They know _something_ happened. Honestly-" she stopped suddenly, her eye catching movement under the shade of the trees. Riku felt the Heartless before he saw it: the change in air pressure as a portal from the Darkness opened, that familiar tang in the air like charcoal and ozone. He was on his feet and summoning his Keyblade in an instant, but even that small effort made black spots speckle his vision and his head rush like he was falling. For a second he was sure the Darkness would engulf him; then, there was a flash of light, a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and Kairi was leaping forward with an all-too-familiar weapon in her hand. The Shadow dodged her first attack and sank into the floor for protection, circling her warily, but she had evidently fought these creatures before: as soon as it emerged from the pool of Darkness she dispatched it with a powerful - if not practiced - thrust of her Keyblade. 

"They _keep_ showing up," she said as she caught her breath. She peered into the undergrowth. "Hopefully it was just the one this time."

"There aren't any more," said Riku. At her questioning glance he added, "I can feel it." He walked over, unable to help being drawn to the wicked metallic silhouette of Kairi's Keyblade. In her hands it had taken on a reddish hue like cooling lava, veins of gold shimmering along the blade, but the outline was unmistakeable: "That's the Keyblade of Heart."

Kairi turned it this way and that. "Yeah. I put a keychain on." She lifted up the paopu-shaped charm. "I had this on me when I arrived here. I don't remember how I got it, but I knew it was special. And when I saw the first Heartless here..." 

"Good thing this world has you to protect it," said Riku. His own Keyblade had already melted back into the ether: he was still barely able to hold it for more than a few minutes without exhausting himself. Kairi laughed at his comment.

"I don't know about that. Sometimes I go out on patrol when I can't sleep. They don't usually show up during the day..." 

Riku felt movement in the shadows again. "There's another one."

"Where?"

"I'm not sure… _there_." A gecko-like creature was pasted to the cliff, its dark scales camoflaged against the volcanic rock. Seeing them both, it hissed and spat, revealing a shining blue maw that glittered with ice. "Watch out!" Kairi barely dodged the first bolt of frost. She was prepared for the next two volleys; then the gecko was skittering away up the rock face and out of reach. 

"You know any magic?"

Kairi shook her head. "And I'm not sure I want to make myself an easy target up a tree. Guess we'll have to wait for it to come back down."

How easy it should have been for Riku to dispatch the Heartless with a dark firebolt. Instead he paced impatiently, dodging the occasional pot shot taken by the gecko, while Kairi tried to bribe it down with loose bits of munny she had lying around in her pocket. When that didn't work she threw rocks at it, but that just sent it shimmying further up the cliff. 

"At least those ice bolts are keeping things cool down here," she conceded finally, nudging at a patch of frozen underbrush with her foot. "I've been training, but I don't really know what I'm doing. Maybe when you're doing better you can help me learn some new moves." 

_If I get better_ , supplied Riku's treacherous brain. He pushed down the awful thought and instead settled on, "Yeah, I'd be happy to." 

Kairi flashed him a smile that reminded him so much of Naminé he was almost running around that empty maze of a castle again. 

"Thanks Riku. Oh, damn it-" she leapt out of the way of another flash of ice. "That's one, so..." The gecko fired another bolt which she parried with her Keyblade. "Two-" She grabbed a hefty coconut from the ground, squinting as she aimed the shot. "-And three!" The coconut smacked into the gecko's open mouth with a loud smash, the Heartless tumbling down in a rain of ice. It jumped at her, but she was ready for the attack, smacking it away as it tried to run for the rock face again.

"Go for the belly," Riku called out. If he had been in any kind of fighting capacity he could have slashed through its unguarded undercarriage with ease, but instead he had to watch Kairi struggling to overturn the low-sitting gecko while it spat angry snowballs at her. Finally she managed to catch it off guard and deliver the finishing blow, showering them both in sparks of ice as the newly released heart gently floated up towards the sky. 

"Phew. That was tough. I wonder where they go," Kairi mused, dismissing the Keyblade. "The hearts, I mean." She gestured to Riku to follow her back to the pool.

"Back to their homes, I hope. Have you seen a lot of them?" 

Kairi shook her head. "It's nothing like the night of the hurricane. Mostly I just investigate rumours of sightings. I think there's a big one living in the caves on the south of my island, but I haven't gone down there. I don't think I'm strong enough to take it on. Maybe with you on the team, though..."

"I think it's gonna take a while to recover from all of this."

Kairi hummed in the back of her throat. She flipped open the picnic basket and began to rummage around. "Oh, hey, your Mom made fried rice. With shrimp, looks like." Then she added more seriously: "Do you think Destiny Islands is safe? From people who want our Keyblades. It's not like either of us can exactly defend ourselves from any real threats right now."

"I don't know," Riku admitted. Sora was the strongest out of the three of them: if anyone should have been here to defend Destiny Islands it should have been him. "Hopefully, if it was accessible someone would have found you already." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "It's open to the Darkness, at least - that must be how the Heartless are getting in. And… how I got home. But maybe the Gummy Ship lanes or whatever are closed off. Otherwise it would have been easy for Sora to come home. It was harder for him to travel around than me."

"You used the Darkness to travel between worlds?"

Riku nodded. 

"And you can still control it?" There was an urgency in Kairi's voice. 

"Well, not right now, but... yeah, I guess."

"So… we could leave. We could go find Sora." 

Riku hoped he managed to catch the fear before it showed on his face. "Y-yeah," he managed to choke out. Kairi grabbed his hands, almost shaking with excitement.

"That's it! That's how we can find him!" 

And the real Riku. Riku swallowed down the lump in his throat. "Yeah." That was as much enthusiasm as he could muster. "Yeah, we could."


	4. Chapter 4

Riku's strength returned to him slowly. Each day his Mom fussed over his injuries, worrying that the dark bruises weren't healing quickly enough, and every time Riku prayed she wouldn't make another attempt to bring him to the doctor. He caught a chest infection that took several weeks to pass over. The pain stayed, a dull, throbbing ache in his joints and the back of his head. He didn't mention those to his Mom, but he suspected she knew something was wrong. He couldn't hide every sudden attack of weakness or loss of balance from her.

At night he dreamed of endless white corridors. He dreamed of his teeth coming loose from his jaw, his joints popping out of place, blood oozing from the pores in his skin. He dreamed of Sora, the ocean in his eyes, his easy selfless smile like the sun breaking out from behind a patch of cloud.

Kairi was right: Riku had loved Sora. Adored him fiercely, possessively. Even through his fragmented memories Riku could feel the aching loss when he passed Sora's house, the way his idle thoughts turned to the other boy. The way he sometimes woke up with a tension in his pants and the sound of Sora's laughter ringing in his ears, the ghostly _almost_ sensation of Sora's beautiful sun kissed skin under his palms. 

Sora had loved Kairi more, but he had abandoned them both equally.

He was able to hold his Keyblade for longer now, the weapon solid and reassuring in his hands. The power of the Darkness was returning more slowly: he could summon a bolt of dark fire, but the effort left him woozy. Kairi took him out to the Play Island after she finished with school each day, rowing them back in time for Riku to make dinner for his Mom. She was buoyed by the prospect of leaving the world through Riku's Dark corridors. Sometimes Riku hoped his power would never return, that he could stay trapped in this limbo forever.

After dark they investigated Heartless. Kairi did most of the fighting; he was just an accessory. Was this how she'd felt in the old days, Sora and Riku running off on small adventures while the girls stayed back, doing... what? The real Riku had never cared to wonder.

The real Riku was a piece of shit. And he'd blamed everything other than himself for not having any friends. 

* * *

"Hey, Riku!" The sun was giving off a dry heat as Kairi turned the corner into Riku and Sora's road, waving as she jogged towards Riku's house. He was on his knees weeding the path, partly because he enjoyed the feeling of sunlight on his skin, and partly because he was putting off working on the catch-up assignments Kairi kept bringing home from school. 

"I was gonna ask how your schoolwork was going, but I'm guessing the answer is it's not," said Kairi. She crouched down next to Riku, eyeing one of his Mom's newer statues. "You know what this looks like...?"

"A Shadow, yeah." 

"You talked to her about it yet?"

Riku shook his head. He was putting that off too.

"I was thinking we could go down to the Play Island. Do some studying, then I wanna practice my aim with that thunder spell you taught me."

"There isn't really such a thing as "aiming a thunder spell"," said Riku. "You want to grab a drink first?"

"Sure. Your Mom at work?"

"Yeah."

They headed inside, Kairi dropping her school bag and kicking off her shoes at the door. She had come over almost every day since their first visit to the Play Island; Riku was almost beginning to let his guard down around her. The longer he spent in the house the more it felt like _his_. He knew where everything was. He could navigate through the rooms and around furniture in the dark. The way the timber creaked and groaned in the wind, the scuttle of racoons in the foundations, were all familiar to him. Soothing. When his Mom worked late he cooked dinner for them both, humming to himself as he chopped fish and vegetables, tossed them over a searing heat in the same pans he had learned to cook with. Rummaging around in the back of the spice cupboard for the blends Hikari brought over from time to time. The more time he spent in his body the more it felt like his, too. His face more familiar. His limbs where he expected them to be. He had finally stopped bumping his head on open cupboard doors and low branches.

"I talked to Miss Siliva, she said if you wanted to try this algebra assignment she's happy to mark it." Kairi handed over a sheet of unintelligible letters and numbers. Riku pulled a face.

"I've never wanted to _try algebra_ in my life," he groaned, glancing over the questions. The formulae reminded him of the doctor's scribblings. Unlike Kairi, he had always sucked at anything more complicated than arithmetic: as soon as the mathematics passed into the abstract he was lost. He remembered spending hours late at night at his desk, puzzling over simple equations. He chewed on the inside of his lip. "Could you… give me a hand with it?" 

Kairi was hunting for ice cubes in the freezer. "Sure." As simple as that. Riku wondered why he'd always been so hesitant to ask for help before. It wasn't like she didn't spend hours with Sora helping him get to grips with subjects he struggled with, which was most of them. Had he thought himself above asking for help? Kairi pulled her head out of the freezer. "You've been helping me with magic, so it's a fair trade." She passed a glass of lemonade to Riku. For a moment, he caught a flash of that piercing, scrutinising look again. 

"Yeah, guess that makes us even," he said as casually as he could muster. Kairi was already heading back outside again; he followed her onto the porch. "Did you find anything else out about that Heartless in the cave on Turtle Island?"

"Not specifically, but I did find out that some of the fishermen have seen a weird looking creature close to the cave. It could just be a big fish, but… I mean, fishermen aren't exactly the kind of people who wouldn't recognise a fish." 

"What kind of weird are we talking?"

"Details are thin on the ground," said Kairi. She took a long sip of lemonade. "One guy said it looked like a really big seal, but someone else thought it was some kind of robot. The leading theory is it's a government submarine, but why would the government send a submarine all the way out here?" 

Riku shrugged. "To investigate the monsters too?"

"You should talk to your Mom about this. I bet she'd believe us. Doesn't she think vitamins are a government conspiracy or something?"

"She's just really into alternative medicine. I don't really pay attention." Riku sighed. "This isn't really the same thing."

"You've got more chance than I have with my parents," said Kairi sourly. "At first they kept asking me, but as soon as I mentioned monsters my Dad accused me of hysteria, so..." She kicked the porch railing. "I get it, he doesn't want people to panic. But I'm _not_ panicking. I'm fighting." 

Riku had only met Kairi's parents a couple of times. They'd always been very polite, shaking hands and offering iced tea and cookies, but Riku got the feeling that they didn't really approve of their adopted daughter spending so much time with kids from single-parent families living on the poor side of town. His memories of them were fractured: sometimes they were Naminé's parents, sometimes Naminé was one of them, living on their dusty unpaved road of trailer houses and chained up dogs and ever present piles of fishing gear.

"We don't need any adults to help us," he said firmly. Generally Riku's rules about adults were simple: not to be trusted. It had served him well this far. 

"I hope not," said Kairi. She squinted up at a flock of seagulls crossing the sky. "I feel so trapped here. I could be out there fighting people who are really using the Darkness for evil, not just picking off random Heartless wandering into this world." 

Part of Riku - from the past he had stolen - agreed with her. He felt the Darkness under his skin, knew its power, and knew that he was destined for something greater than life on this isolated archipelago. But there was another, newer part of him, that only wanted more of these endless summer days. No fighting, no enemies, just spending time with the people who mattered. Again his mind fluttered like a moth to the light of Sora's smile. There were two possibilities: either he was out there fighting against the encroaching Darkness, choosing not to come home, or he was dead. 

Surely someone like Sora couldn't be hard to track down. He'd leave a trail of friends behind him like breadcrumbs to whatever adventure he was on next with his new animal companions. Kairi and Riku were just part of that trail. 

Kairi was looking at him. "You're definitely spacier than you used to be."

"A lot on my mind," offered Riku, which was true. 

"You sure you're okay with using the Darkness?" Kairi asked. "I mean, after what happened..."

"I'm sure. You're okay with using the Light, aren't you?"

Kairi laughed. "Yeah, good point."

"It's a balance," said Riku. He couldn't remember who he had heard talking about the tension between Light and Darkness. Definitely none of the men in black coats. The Mouse King? "The world is just out of balance right now. There's too much Darkness."

"Like that story from when we were kids," said Kairi suddenly. It took a second for Riku to recall: when he did it was Naminé, laying on the beach with him during a meteor shower, watching the comets streaking between the stars and making secret wishes. Riku had rolled his eyes at the tale of children's hearts saving fragments of worlds from the Darkness, but he had still closed his eyes and wished on the shooting stars for the strength to protect his friends. 

"Oh yeah. I guess there was some truth to it after all." 

Kairi waited outside as Riku grabbed his things, left a note for his Mom, and locked up the house. A gaggle of kids was already collecting on the beach; Riku hoped they would let them pass without a conversation, but Selphie noticed Kairi and waved them over.

"Hey Riku! How's it going?"

Riku shrugged. He didn't know how to talk to the other kids. One of the main things he dreaded about his inevitable return to school. His Mom had been talking about sending him to remedial summer classes with some of the other struggling kids. He was finding himself praying that if he did have to take the classes at least Kairi would be far enough behind to be there with him, but given how hard she worked he got the feeling that was just a pipe dream.

"We're going over to the Play Island," said Kairi. Selphie shuddered.

"That place is haunted, you know." 

"We can take care of ourselves," Riku said dismissively. The fact that he was still walking with a slight limp notwithstanding. 

"Tidus rented out that new Sharknado movie. We're gonna watch it at his house later if you wanna join." 

Riku was about to come up with some kind of excuse, but Kairi held up her school bag. "Got work." 

"Oh, man. Good luck. Let me know if you need any help. Both of you." There was something almost reminiscent of Naminé in her tone of voice, her way of cocking her head as she spoke. Riku realised he was staring at her and quickly averted his gaze. How many people in Riku's life had Naminé melded her fictional self out of?

"Thanks, Selph. Catch you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Selphie's been really helpful catching me up," Kairi said as she untied their boat from the jetty. "I always thought she was kind of a nerd, but... well, she is. She wants to be an engineer, did you know that?"

Riku shook his head. "I feel like I should have."

He rowed part of the way across to the Play Island until his arms started to give out; then he let Kairi take over. The water was as clear as the sky, revealing the banks of coral rising from the seafloor. A turtle swam alongside the boat for a few minutes, then banked away to explore some crevice of rock.

"I'm glad I ended up here," Kairi said suddenly, slowing down to manoeuvre around a pillar of rock. "I know I wanted to leave, and I still do. But... this is my home. I don't think I really appreciated that before."

Riku, who had been trailing his fingers in the water, glanced at her in surprise. How had it never occurred to him that Kairi had felt just as out of place as him in this world? She was popular enough at school - the fact that she wasn't a total asshole probably helped - but she hadn't really been one of _them_. It must have been hard for her to be anything other than the mysterious girl who washed up on the shore after a storm.

"Me too," he finally confessed. "I mean… I thought about leaving so much, I never thought about what leaving actually meant leaving behind." He leaned over the side of the boat, looking at his shimmering reflection in the water. His long fringe hanging in his eyes. The flush of sunburn over the bridge of his nose. He was still getting used to living in the light, but given that the first time he came home with pink skin his Mom had rolled her eyes and said, "Not _again_ ," he figured that the real Riku hadn't exactly been diligent about applying sunscreen. 

Such a young face. He was just a kid. Younger than a kid, even. But more than just a doll with someone else's face. 

Kairi was looking at him with a smile that made his chest flutter unexpectedly. 

"We were idiots," she announced. Riku found himself smiling too.

"Yeah. We really were." 

"So. Let's do it again. But this time with Keyblades."

Riku rolled his eyes, feigning a sardonic kind of judgement. He hoped Kairi didn't notice the tension in his muscles. Hopefully she would just peg his recalcitrance down to his slow recovery, or the complicated situation with Sora. The real Riku knew nothing about sacrifice. _He_ was risking everything for the sake of a friendship built on lies and false memories.

He looked at Kairi again. She was focusing on bringing the boat to shore, her brow furrowed in concentration. There was a faint sheen of sweat on her arms. The sunlight formed a halo around her head. There was a kind of beauty to the soft roundness of her face, the intensity in her eyes. Her fierceness. 

"What?"

"N-nothing." Riku quickly looked away. "Thought there was a bug on you." 

Thankfully Riku was rescued from his thoughts by a sandbank, the boat bumping as it scraped against the sand. Riku was quick to hop out into the shallow water, pulling the boat across the bank and into the deeper water. Kairi followed his lead; they walked the boat the rest of the way. As soon as he reached the shade of the trees, Riku could sense the swell of Darkness nearby.

"There are Heartless here."

"How many?"

"I'm not sure. More than usual." 

Kairi sighed theatrically. "And just when we had homework to do." 

"Follow me. I think they're round this way." The Darkness felt different somehow, more focused. "I think it might be a big one."

Kairi summoned her Keyblade. "I can take it." 

They made their way around the beach to the seaweed filled tide pools, both of them struggling to keep their balance on the slippery rocks. Riku concentrated hard on the swell of Darkness, directing them up past the tree line to the tight cluster of trees demarking the interior of the island. Mostly the kids kept to the beaches - they were the places easiest to get to, and more importantly easiest to get wood and tools to for building - but Riku could sense the Heartless up ahead in the tangled forest. They hadn't got far before they heard a loud crash and the groan and splinter of a tree falling nearby.

Riku pulled his Keyblade into his hand. There was another crash, followed by a rumble that shook the rock beneath their feet. 

"There-!" Kairi had thrown a bolt of fire almost as soon as Riku saw the flash of metallic skin. Her attack was met with a roar, the sound undercut by a screeching that made the hair on Riku's arms stand on end. He steeled himself as the Heartless shook the ground again. He saw glowing golden eyes through the undergrowth. They darted back and forth and then - seeing him - settled on him with a chilling ferocity. 

"I'll draw its fire if I can," he said quickly. "You go in for the attack whenever you see an opening. We've got to play smart."

Kairi nodded seriously. "We can do this." 

Darkness, Riku hoped so.

The Heartless roared again and charged. Kairi was running through the undergrowth. Riku stood his ground. They had the advantage of speed and maneouvreability in these close quarters. They just had to not get hit. Easy.

He raised his Keyblade - waited a heartbeat longer - and dived out of the Heartless' frontal attack, slicing at its red-ribbon gills as he rolled away, distracting it long enough for Kairi to slam her keyblade into its opposite flank. The monster was almost sharklike - if sharks were made from rusted metal shipwrecks with spines of crystal that glowed as it roared again. 

"It's charging some kind of attack!" Kairi yelled. She fired another bolt of fire at one of the crystals; it shattered into a cloud of sparks that sizzled Riku's skin as they landed on him. The Heartless raised up on its hind legs and stamped the ground again, making trees moan and cracks break open in the thin topsoil. It turned its gaze back to Riku.

"Come get me, you big ugly beast." He dodged another charge, managed a few more strikes before he had to fall back. He hadn't even been hit and his chest was already searing with pain. He braced against a tree for support, gasping for breath. _Come on Riku. You're stronger than this_. Kairi needed him. She was leading the Heartless away from him, leaping between trees to avoid the Heartless' attacks. Riku took a deep breath. The Heartless' long tail whipped at the trees, slicing into their trunks. The dark undergrowth was lit by those huge crystals lighting up on by one-

"Kairi, watch out!" Riku heard her scream as a blinding flash of light seared into his eyes. He had no time to think. As soon as vision began to return he was running towards the monster, leaping onto its back, slamming his Keyblade between its plates of armour. The Heartless cried out, violently trying to shake him off. He started to summon a ball of dark energy, but suddenly dizziness washed over him and he lost his grip on his Keyblade, tumbling to the ground with a groan. He lay there, stunned, as crack of lightning from Kairi filled the air. The Heartless stamped on the ground again, twisting about in its attempt to find its new adversary. Riku felt the rocks beneath him shift. They must have been directly over the Secret Place. None of this area was stable. If he could just...

While Kairi had the Heartless distracted he pulled himself to his feet. His joints ached fiercely. He needed all the power he could get. Drawing from the well of Darkness around them, he let it surround him, consume him, fill him with energy. Soul Eater was back in his hand. 

"Kairi!" He yelled, spotting his companion dashing out of the way of another charge. "Get out of the way, I've got an idea!" He used his last reserve of magic to hit the Heartless with another bolt of dark fire; when it reared up to charge he braced himself to jump. The timing had to be perfect. As the Heartless' front feet came down in an earth-shattering slam he dived at the ground with all his strength, wresting free from its binding of roots the roof of the cave beneath them. The Heartless collapsed in a cascade of rocks, Riku grasping for purchase on a tree branch to break his fall. 

"Riku, you _dumbass_ -!" He looked up to see Kairi with a mixture of amazement and disappointment on her face. He couldn't help the sheepish grin spreading across his face.

"A little help here?" 

She grabbed onto his arm just as his muscles gave out. Somehow she managed to pull him onto stable ground, more rocks tumbling down into the crater as Riku collapsed against a tree. 

"Okay, your next idea can't be something that nearly _kills_ you," Kairi said. She was panting, her grip around her Keyblade's handle white-knuckle tight. "Your Mom's gonna be so mad." She looked over him with a critical eye. "What happened to your clothes?"

Riku cracked open an eye and glanced down to see his old suit. "…Huh." But it wasn't _his_ suit - there were no rips, no stains of blood, no scent of sweat or saltwater. "It must have been when I called on the Darkness. I think I can..." He concentrated on the feeling of the rubbery cloth on his skin, imagining it peeling away, imagining guarding himself against the Darkness. When he opened his eyes again he was back to his yellow shirt and jeans. A wave of exhaustion washed over him. 

"Weird," was Kairi's assessment. "You sure it's safe to be using the Darkness like that?"

"Safe as it is to fight Heartless," Riku retorted. Kairi rolled her eyes, but she didn't press any further. She scrambled down the rocks, picking up the shiny things the Heartless had left behind. 

"I wonder if this was the Heartless in the cave," she said, picking up baubles of health magic and tossing them with surprising accuracy at Riku. "I mean, it fits the description… kind of like a seal, kind of metallic - and big."

"Hopefully. I don't think I want to fight another one."

"Next time we'll go in knowing its weakness. Being dropped in an avalanche." Kairi was coming back up, carefully testing the rocks and roots for stability as she climbed. "Here, there were a couple of amulets. This one protects against thunder by the look of it. And this one's an amulet of strength?" 

Riku looked the shiny metallic bands over. "Yeah, looks like it. You take that one, I'll have the thunder protection."

"You ready to go back down to the beach?"

"Give me a minute." Riku wasn't sure his legs were up to walking yet. He'd pushed himself too far and now his muscles were throbbing with pain, like someone had taken a cerrated knife and sliced down to the bone.

"I'll get you a drink."

"Thanks." 

He closed his eyes and focused on breathing. Under him, in the very essence of the world itself, the Darkness ebbed and flowed like a tide. There were a few other Heartless nearby, small ones, unlikely anything stronger than a Shadow. Kairi could dispatch them with no trouble at all. They hadn't been sparring for long - Riku still wasn't up to much - but now that he was attuned to her he could sense that raw, untamed power barely contained inside her. Once she had enough experience she would be a formidable enemy. It was her strength that surprised him the most: Riku had always thought of her as delicate, in need of protection, as if she hadn't spent half her life rowing and swimming and building just like he had. Why had he ever thought she was weak?

Kairi came back up the slope with a water bottle.

"The Secret Place is totally inaccessible," she said. "I had a look, but there's no way to get in. It's probably caved in completely." There was a mournfulness in her voice.

Riku pulled a face. "Sorry." 

"The Heartless probably would have caused a cave in anyway," she said, kicking a pebble down into the crater. "At least we weren't caught off guard. I guess."

"I don't think the whole cave network has collapsed," Riku offered, although he had no suggestions about how to get to any of the other underground pockets. Kairi hummed noncommitally. She was exploring the crater's rim, checking which trees were still firmly rooted enough to stand strong, testing the places still covered with dirt for stability. 

"I wonder why they keep coming _here_ ," she said once she'd made her way around most of the perimeter. "I mean, we see more Heartless on the Play Island than anywhere else. What's their deal? Shouldn't they be in places with more people, if they're looking for more hearts to eat?"

Riku considered this for a moment.

"Maybe they're looking for the world's heart."

"That's… bad, right." 

"Definitely bad." Riku didn't know how well protected Destiny Islands was from the Darkness surrounding their little pocket world. Obviously the Heartless were getting in somehow, but this low-level threat was nothing like the invasion from the night of the hurricane. "If we find it first, we can lock it with your Keyblade - but that would make it harder to leave to find Sora." He didn't know why he made that qualifier. Wasn't that what he wanted? To keep Kairi from reuniting with Sora - and more importantly, the real Riku?

"But it would make the islands safer?" Kairi sounded torn. Riku's first instinct was to say _Yes_ , to convince her that such a sacrifice would be necessary to protect their home. But he looked into her eyes and couldn't bring himself to lie.

"There aren't many Heartless around. I think the islands are safe enough. Finding Sora's more important."


	5. Chapter 5

"I can't believe you're still getting into these scrapes," Riku's Mom was saying, shaking her head as she wiped blood and dirt away from the slash across Riku's arm. He had tried to sneak in without her noticing - it was late at night and she should have been asleep - but unfortunately she'd been as restless as he had, and he'd barely pulled the first aid kit down off the shelf when her silhouette appeared at the bathroom door. 

"I just missed my footing on some rocks," Riku lied transparently. He knew she suspected something other than clumsiness, but it was the best excuse he had without the option of saying he'd been play fighting with Sora (his usual excuse when he'd actually been fighting - the not play kind - with other kids). 

"You should be more careful," his Mom said as she applied an antisceptic wipe, the sting making Riku hiss. "Your balance isn't what it used to be. Don't think I haven't noticed you bumping into doorframes."

"I'm fine," Riku insisted. He couldn't meet her gaze.  
  
"Hikari was saying I should take you to the neurologist at the hospital. She said it could be a traumatic brain injury." She ruffled Riku's hair affectionately. "Get that hard skull of yours looked at."

" _Mom_. I said I'm fine. It's not like my head hurts." Another lie, but he had been able to disguise his headaches as spaciness. Although he was losing himself in his thoughts less and less as time went on. September was nearly on their doorstop and with it would come school. He was kind of… looking forward to going back, even knowing how bored to tears he had always been of the endless dispassionate lectures and dull assignments. He had done better on his summer exams than the teachers expected - thanks mostly to Kairi's help. His Mom had been so impressed. 

Maybe that was what it was. A chance to prove that he wasn't just an adequate replacement for the other Riku, but that he could be _better_ than him. 

Even if he wasn't better at fighting. After several more nasty scrapes in close quarters with Heartless, Riku had conceded that he no longer had the resilience to withstand more than a few hits, and had reluctantly settled for a fighting style more reliant on ranged magic while Kairi took the Heartless on in melee. 

"I know you don't like doctors," his Mom was saying, in that serious tone Riku hated, "But it's better to be safe than sorry. Especially if it could be something serious."

But Riku couldn't allow anyone to look inside of him, without knowing how convincingly human he was. What if they scanned his head and found some piece of unimaginably advanced electronic equipment instead of a brain? What if he was powered not by flesh and bone but by magic? Or Darkness?

"It's nothing," he said, shaking those horrible thoughts out of his head. "Seriously, I'm fine. I guess I could have got a concussion or something," he conceded, "But it's not like I lost my memories. And I did fine in my exams. _More_ than fine," he added, as a final argument. 

"I know, I know. But I know how much of an active boy you are." His Mom had finished with the cut on his arm and was running her fingers through his hair instead. "All it takes is for you to lose your balance climbing a tree and your head's broken open like a coconut."

"You used to warn me about that all the time when I was a kid," Riku scoffed. There had also been months of her insufferable "I-told-you-so" expression after Sora broke his leg falling out of a tree when he was eleven. "And don't worry. I'm not climbing any trees." He needed to find a better excuse for his injuries than clumsiness to get her off his case. Ideally he needed to stop getting himself injured in the first place. Cuts and bruises were still slow to heal, and he knew he was using up a suspicious amount of first aid supplies even when his Mom didn't catch him in the fact of tending to his wounds. 

He missed easy access to potions, that marvellous green liquid stitching together his skin like clay smoothed over with a sculpting tool. The bubbles of healing liquid the Heartless dropped were only good for the smallest scratches, although occasionally a Heartless would drop a bottle presumably pilfered from another world. Kairi saved them in a lock box on the Play Island in case of emergency. Mostly they just had to heal the old fashioned way, because the other Riku had never bothered to learn a cure spell, like the idiot he was.

"We should go back to bed," he said finally, after the silence had stretched out for a few minutes. Whenever the conversation lulled between them he imagined telling his Mom about the Heartless he and Kairi were pursuing vigilante justice against. Kairi was right: she'd probably believe them. There were still occasional reports of monster sightings around the islands, especially close to the Play Island - although nobody but Kairi and Riku ever went there any more. But if he told her about the Heartless he'd have to tell her about the Keyblades and the other worlds and the awful things he had - and hadn't - done and the fact that her real son was still Darkness knew where doing Darkness knew what. 

It was just easier to feign ignorance whenever she pressed him on the weeks he had been missing; failing that he had resorted to anger and finally - on a few occasions - he had even played the card of grief for Sora, which had shut her up pretty quickly. He felt bad for taking advantage of her attempts to avoid conflict with him. But, to be fair, he was also making more of an effort to avoid conflict with her than the other Riku had. He did the chores she asked of him - eventually, anyway - and night adventures with Kairi aside he almost always came home when he said he would. He even remembered to put the toilet seat down after using it. Mostly.

His Mom didn't reply for a while. She was braiding Riku's hair. "My Mom used to braid my hair for me when I was a kid," she said. "I wish you could have met her. You two would have got along." Riku didn't remember what his Grandma had died from. Some kind of cancer, maybe. He remembered her funeral, vaguely. One of those kid memories which was more remembering the memory than the memory itself. He wondered if Naminé knew all his memories, whether she had to know them to twist them. His Mom finished the braid, ran her fingers over it, then began to unravel it again. Then, unexpectedly, she said: "If you ever want to talk about you and Sora, you know you can." 

Riku glanced over his shoulder at her. There was a lot of unspoken meaning in her voice. At first his mind was too jumbled to reply; Sora's name brought back the sound of his beautiful laugh, the way his spine curved up to meet his shoulderblades, the way he moved so effortlessly in the water like he was born to swim. As hard as Riku tried to remember the _real_ Sora, the serious Keyblade bearer wearing week-old clothes and with a tight, angry tension to his body, it was that dazzling sunshine smile that always came back to him. 

He said hesitantly, "It wasn't mutual. I mean. We were just friends." He realised he was worrying the hem of his shirt. He forced himself to unclench his fists. "And… barely even friends any more."

"I'm sure that's not true," said his Mom. "You were always his best friend. You two were practically brothers." 

Riku hummed noncommitally. He thought about Kairi, how there was always an unspoken aggression between them, both of them playing at being friends only for Sora's sake; about every attempt Riku made to get Sora to himself - about all the ways Kairi must have been doing the same. Sora, dumb and bighearted, probably had no idea what was even happening.

Or maybe he was more shrewd than Riku gave him credit for. It was hard to tell what had really happened between the three of them with what was left after Naminé's false memories had been taken out of the equation. Or maybe Sora had been just like them: scared that touching the truth would shatter the fragile illusion of friendship holding them together.

"I love you," his Mom whispered, kissing the top of his head. "No matter what. You know that." 

He didn't, but he thanked her anyway. Told her he loved her too. Accepted her embrace before she retired to her own room. He pulled the rocking chair over to the window, opened the blinds a crack and stared out at the flickering line of lampposts down their road. He could just see Sora's house if he craned his neck. The row of sunflowers up against the fence was in full bloom, their huge heads almost collapsing under their own weight. He remembered the astonishing weight of the flowers, carrying them inside to shell the seeds for Naminé's Mom. Nibbling at them until they barely had room for dinner. Feeding whole seeds to her pet parakeet. Had Sora had a parakeet...? Riku couldn't remember. 

He thought, _You'd better be out there, Sora. If I went through all of this and you turn up dead I'll be really pissed off._ He ignored the prickling of tears at the corners of his eyes. Sora was an abstract, confused kind of attraction jumbled up in memories that fell apart under the barest scrutiny. It felt wrong to miss him. 

* * *

Kairi had been in a bad mood all day, and it was starting to make Riku nervous.

Things had got off to a bad start with the hurricane warning on the radio, and from the way Kairi had spent the day snapping at the slightest provocation he wondered if she blamed him personally for the fact that the chain ferry had closed at some point in the afternoon, leaving her trapped on the South Island with Riku. The static had been bad on the phone, and Riku had thought her lackluster "You wanna come over?" meant she was looking for escape from the stuffy boredom of her own house. But now the theory that she actually didn't want to spend the day with Riku at all was seeming more and more likely.

"I've made a map of all the locations we've fought Heartless," she was saying, unfolding a photocopy liberally decorated with gel pen. "Obviously there's a limit to how far north we can go at night, so there's a big bias here, but- Riku, are you even listening to me?"

Riku, who had been watching the eerie yellow tinge of the sky, snapped to attention. "Sure." He glanced over the map. "If we could get Mom to agree to a sleepover on the Play Island, we could do a sweep of both our islands, get a better feel for where they're showing up." He glanced out of the window again. "After the hurricane passes over." 

Kairi scoffed. "Yeah, and after sharks start walking on land." 

"I was just trying to help."

"Maybe it would help if you actually told your Mom the truth," snapped Kairi. Her eyes flashed with anger. Riku felt his muscles tense and his jaw tighten. She didn't have to say anything for him to understand the accusation: he was shirking responsibility for his actions. Letting his Mom think he was only the victim of some cruel cosmic horror, and not the cause of one. 

He reached for the well-worn response he always used: "You don't understand." 

Kairi threw up her hands. "No. I don't." For a moment Riku thought she would storm off - but where? Evidently she realised that she was trapped too, because all she did was drop forcefully onto the sofa. "Do you think your Mom's gonna get home tonight?"

Riku shrugged. "Doubt it. If the chain ferry's down, even the fishermen probably aren't sailing."

"Great."

They sat in irritated silence for a few minutes, Kairi doodling something in her notebook. Probably Riku getting his head bitten off by a Heartless. Finally, unable to tolerate the tension, Riku attempted a transparent retreat: "I'm gonna get a drink. You want something?"

"No. Thanks."

The sound of the wind was louder in the kitchen. Riku watched the branches of the old apple tree bend and sway. The roiling clouds cast an all-too familiar gloom over the garden, the shadows lurching as if alive. He poured himself a glass of iced tea. The Darkness under his feet felt restless. A pang of anxiety curled in his stomach: this world was a fragile island in a sea of Darkness, tiny and defenseless, the slightest crack away from breaking apart. And where were Sora and Riku, the only people who could truly protect the Islands? Galivanting off on adventures, making other friends, saving other worlds. 

Riku glanced back at the corridor. He knew that given the chance, Kairi would do the same thing. In a universe of infinite worlds and cosmic battles, Destiny Islands didn't matter. 

But it mattered to _him_.

Reluctantly, he returned to the lounge. He took a deep breath, braced himself for the backlash, and said: "If I did something wrong, you can tell me." 

For a moment Kairi just stared at him, her expression one of pure exasperation. Then she groaned and said, "You didn't do anything _wrong_ , Riku. Not everything is about you." He realised she was clenching and unclenching her fists. "It's not- it's not worth talking about." Somehow that didn't make Riku feel better. 

"You had a fight with your parents?" he hazarded. Kairi's expression told him he was way off the mark. "Are you stressed about school, or-?"

"It's Sora," Kairi interrupted sharply. He recognised the way she avoided eye contact, the stiff set of her jaw a familiar tactic in the fight against tears. "I just really miss Sora." Before Riku could say anything she went on, her voice rising: "And I _know_ , you miss him more, you were always so much closer to him and you're holding up so it's stupid to complain, I just _miss him_. And I- I miss the way things used to be. Even if we find him, even if he comes home, it's never going to be the way it used to be. I mean!" She gestured wildly to the map, the journal, the scrawled paper notes spread out across the floor. "What are we even _doing_? We don't even _like_ each other, we're just-" 

Riku, who had been struggling to keep up enough to reply, felt his stomach twist. As if he'd been hit. 

"You don't like me?"

"That's-" Kairi's expression had turned to one of regret. "That's not what I meant." But Riku knew it was. First the icy shock of betrayal, soon succeeded by that burning anger that had only ever been just below the surface. Not just at Kairi. Mostly not even at Kairi at all. Anger at _himself/_ for being blindsided, for letting himself be lulled into the illusion of friendship, for thinking he could be a person worth _liking_. For thinking he was different to the real Riku. 

"I'm gonna call Mom. See if she can get home tonight."

Kairi was scribbling something on the map. "Okay."

Something, probably a branch, struck the side of the house as Riku strained to hear his Mom's manager's voice through the phone receiver. He managed to communicate through snatches of words between static who he was and what he wanted. His Mom came to the phone. "-- Sorry honey -- I can't -- be able to -- hear me? -- stay -- stay safe -- should pass over -- Kairi can stay in -- stay safe. Love you." 

Kairi had appeared at the door. The lights flickered for a moment, then stabilised. Riku hated the feeling of _wrongness_ swirling around him, a restless tension a hair's breadth from snapping. "She said you can stay in her room if you want. At least, I assume that's what she said." 

"Thanks," said Kairi. Then she said, "Look, it's just. We wouldn't be friends if it wasn't for Sora. And sooner or later we're going to have to admit that he's not going to come back."

"He'll come back for you." Divulging more secrets that weren't his, Riku added: "He loves you."

"That's not the _point_!" Kairi snapped. "There's a whole universe out there. You saw it. Not just the world I came from. There are worlds out there we could never have even dreamed of, and Sora has the power to explore them all- you've known Sora his whole life. There's nothing he could want more. It doesn't matter if he loves me. Either of us. He's left us behind. And I can't fucking blame him." She breathed in, out, steadying herself. "I'd do the same thing if I could." She pointed at Riku accusingly. "And so would you."

The sky was dark, even for an approaching storm. The howls of the wind seemed almost human. Riku felt the Darkness shifting, roiling in its insatiable hunger. He pushed past Kairi, stared out at the street, scanning the shadows for movement.

"This isn't just a storm," he said. He closed his eyes, focusing on his other senses. "I'm not trying to change the subject, but-" 

"You definitely are, but go on."

"It's like the Darkness is… looking for something." 

"The heart of the world?" 

"It could be." The wind - or something more sinister - let out a roar that seemed to reverberate through the house. _This isn't my home_ , Riku thought to himself. _This isn't my problem. Let the Darkness take it_. But he was lying to himself. "We should head to the Play Island. That's where the Heartless have all been appearing, right?"

"And how are we going to get there, genius? By boat?" 

Riku stared at the towering clouds, sure he had glimpsed a pair of evil yellow eyes flash for just a moment. There was Darkness everywhere, even in this protected enclave. He didn't have to step out of this world to travel through it. Hadn't he done that before in the Castle? Used the Darkness as a cloak to save running up and down all those stupid nonsensical dead-end staircases. All he had to do was remember how to do it.

"If we get down to the beach I can get us across using the Darkness. Grab a coat. "

Kairi had a skeptical look on her face, but she didn't question him. As she pulled on her boots Riku closed her eyes and let the Darkness envelope him again, the dark suit feeling almost like skin against his body. It felt strange, but worse than that it felt almost _comfortable._ He pulled his raincoat on over the top of the suit, stuffed the pockets with snacks, water and - just in case - a flare from the emergency kit under the kitchen sink. In the suit he was more attuned to the Darkness: it crowded around them, pressing against what little protection this world's Light offered, seeking any way in. Hungry.

Kairi was sliding her rucksack on, her shoulders squared and her face set with a determination Riku suspected she was faking. He unbuckled his skirt and handed it to her. It glimmered with a pinky-purple light when she touched it, as if the Darkness it was infused with was recoiling at her touch. 

"This should protect you."

"Thanks." Kairi put the skirt on and fastened the buckles. "Feels weird. Like it's… alive. Does your whole suit feel like that?"

Riku pulled a face. "Yeah. Unfortunately. Ready to go?" 

Kairi nodded seriously. "I'm ready." 

Leaning into the wind, they made their way down to the shore. At one point Kairi did attempt to say something, but it was lost in the gale. The water was an angry mass of black, the violent waves spitting salt into the air. Riku held out his hand. Kairi's palm was warm against his. He planted his feet firmly in the sand, drawing on the power surrounding him. _You do as I say_ , he commanded silently to the swarming, living Darkness. _I will step forward and you will take me to the other side of the water_. There were a few false starts, but then - something clicked into place and he felt himself lurching with the Darkness. Suddenly he was stumbling on another strip of sand, Kairi letting out a yelp of surprise.

"That actually worked." 

"You... weren't expecting it to?"

Riku ignored the question. "The Darkness is a lot stronger here." He summoned his Keyblade, feeling safer with the weapon in his hand. In the shade of the trees, Shadows were already crawling. "This is where the cracks are. In the borders of this world." 

"So what? We fight it?"

"We need to find the source. Something is drawing the weaker Heartless out." Riku gestured to the narrow strip of beach still visible above the high tide. "Let's get moving."

Kairi picked off a couple of Heartless as they made their way round the island, both of them soon soaked through by the rain and sea spray. The Darkness left a bitter, metallic taste on Riku's tongue. The memories surfaced unbidden: of being here in another body, in another life, feeling that same insatiable yearning _rage_ that swirled around him now, ready to do anything to escape this place even if it meant never being able to come back. 

He realised he was falling behind when Kairi called out to him. She was close to the bridge to the paopu islet. She held herself with a confidence newly earned. Swift on her feet like Riku had taught her. Her Light a bright contrast against the swellling, pressing storm. 

"I'm coming, I'm coming." 

He had almost reached her when the ground began to shake, the clouds above them swirling into pillars and the wind rising from a moan to a roar. The Darkness was pooling, condensing. Riku braced himself as the sea split open, the Darkness pouring out to form a gargantuan figure, _almost_ humanoid, so black it seemed to turn the very air around it to night. The Heartless bellowed as if to announce its existence, slamming its fists down to trigger a shockwave that Riku avoided only by sheer instinct.

"So that's how it's gonna be," he hissed, raising his Keyblade. He happened to glance at Kairi. She was staring at him with open fear.

"I can't fight that."

"Yes you can," Riku said, sounding more confident than he felt. "I'll be right here backing you up." Another shockwave rippled through the sand. The Heartless was summoning Shadows from a pool of inky Darkness. "I'll handle the small fry. You just have to find its weak points. And not get hit."

But Kairi shook her head. "I can't. It's too big." 

Awkwardly, Riku touched her arm. If Sora were here, he'd know what to say. Instead he stumbled over a surely insincere sounding: "You're stronger than you realise, Kairi. I know you can do this." He added after a moment: " _We_ can do this. Together."

Determination steeled her features again, whether Riku's speech had inspired confidence in her or not. She nodded, adjusting her grip on her Keyblade. "Find its weak points. Don't get hit. How hard can it be?"

And then they were running toward the Heartless, dodging a shower of dark missiles, mounting ranged attacks to suss out where they could make the Heartless really hurt. _Together_.


	6. Chapter 6

The Darkside was weakening, but so were Riku and Kairi. He had exhausted what limited supply of magic he had and his joints were aching in protest with every fresh wave of Shadows summoned by the gargantuan monster. Despite his best efforts he hadn't been able to dodge every attack; he could feel the hot sting of blood oozing down his arm and a knock to his stomach had left him coughing and gasping. Kairi still didn't seem to understand the concept of dodging at all: she was meeting every volley of dark fire head on, parrying each bolt with a roar of light from her Keyblade. She hit that thing like it had done her a personal injustice - which, Riku figured, it kind of had. Her breath was coming out in harsh pants. There was blood on her face.

"How you holding up?"

"I'm fine," Riku called back, all too aware of how very much not fine his voice sounded. He was struggling to his feet after missing his timing on a shockwave. "Go for its hand. I'll take out the shadows." 

"You're bleeding!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Let's just kill this thing."

The pool of Darkness around the Darkside's hand recoiled under Kairi's feet, spitting like a fire doused with water. She slammed her Keyblade into its unnatural flesh, using its wicked tip as a spear. The Darkside bellowed, raising its fist, trying to shake her off, but she held tight. For a second the fist seemed to eminate a purple glow, but before Riku could even yell for Kairi to let go shafts of blinding light broke through and the Darkside was shattering and Kairi was tumbling through the air. Riku sprinted across the sand, but he was too slow: she landed with a heavy thump. Relief flooded him when she groaned and rolled over, reaching for her Keyblade like she was in any position to keep fighting.

"You've officially lost the right to accuse _me_ of being reckless." 

"Hey. I beat it, didn't I?" With the Darkside gone, the howling wind was beginning to calm, the clouds dissolving into blue sky. The remaining Shadows seemed more interested in finding a shady place to hide than harassing them. Kairi tested her weight on her foot and hissed. "Damn it, I think I sprained my ankle or something. We need more practice at this." She glanced up. "Oh shit- _Riku_."

Riku glanced at his arm. The damage was worse than he thought; the adrenaline must have pushed the pain to the back of his mind. He gingerly peeled away the scrap of suit still clinging to the skin - or where his skin had been. The scrape was the size of his palm. Beneath the blood - an unmistakeably artificial mesh, warped in places, the minscule fibres snapped and frayed. Riku let out a choked sob. Partly from the pain. Partly from the visceral reminder that he was a _fake_. 

"I'm fine," he hissed, slapping his hand over the wound. "I just need a potion. Mom would be pissed if she saw this."

"Let me have a look."

"I'm _fine_!" 

Kairi backed off, looking offended. "Jeez. Okay, hard-ass." Riku didn't reply, just heading to the hut where they kept their precious supplies. Whatever comraderie he'd mustered fighting the Darkside with her, he'd ruined. What had he expected? Kairi hated when people kept secrets from her. She especially hated liars. He wasn't stupid enough to think she'd forgive him if he told her the truth now. Not after she had offered him so much vulnerability. And the only secrets he'd offered in return weren't even his.

He cracked the first potion straight onto his arm, the green liquid knitting together the flesh before Kairi had a chance to catch up with him. The damning evidence once again hidden under the veneer of someone else's skin. He drank a second potion to help with the worst of the other injuries, and held a third out to Kairi as a peace offering. She snatched it without even a thank-you and limped outside. 

Riku closed his eyes. Already he could hear the calls of seabirds, no doubt heading out to feast on whatever debris the storm had driven ashore. What would Sora say, to make Kairi forgive him? He wouldn't have to say anything. He'd never end up in this situation in the first place. He always knew how to make people feel like they _mattered_. Even when they didn't.

His muscles were still aching - potions could only do so much - as he pulled himself to his feet. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the afternoon sunlight. The ocean was calm and still, waves gently lapping the shore as if they weren't capable of tremendous, devastating power. Broken branches and stranded fish the only evidence of a storm passing through. 

Kairi was down at the waterline, picking over the flotsam and jetsam, occasionally tossing a starfish back into the sea. She glanced at Riku as he approached, her expression unreadable. Irritation? Disdain? Resignation? Riku practiced lines of apology in his head. He wasn't even sure what to apologise for. A treacherous part of him thinking: _you don't even mean it, you'll just say anything if it means she'll be your friend, because you're lonely, because you don't know how to make friends, because all you've ever been is a selfish asshole. Not Riku, although Riku too. You. Even when you knew what you were, you wanted to kill him. Take what he had. Jealous and selfish. _

_You deserve for her to hate you. You deserve to be alone._

"You gonna say something?"

Kairi was looking at him expectantly. Riku opened his mouth and, coward that he was, just came out with, "We should probably head back before Mom starts worrying." 

Kairi rolled her eyes, but all she said was, "Okay. You got enough in you to jump, or...?"

Riku shook his head. "I don't think so." 

They walked in silence to the spare boat, the old one that Sora's Dad had built years ago before he left. The wood had warped and the boat listed to one side, but Sora was too precious about it to break it up for parts. Riku, who didn't even remember his father, had been so angry at him about that stupid boat. Eventually they agreed to keep it on the Play Island as a spare. Naminé had mediated. Or… maybe it was Kairi. More fractures. 

"I'll row first."

"Sure." 

Riku manoeuvred the boat into the water, round the first bank of coral, then climbed in. After ten strokes his arms were shaking, but he forced himself to keep going. Kairi was staring determinedly out to the open ocean. 

"Looks like there's been a wreck," she said finally. A pillar of gulls was circling out to sea. "Hope it's nobody we know."

_It won't be anyone you know_, was the first snappish response that came to Riku's mind. Instead he just said, "It's not too far out. The lifeboats can get to them now the storm's over." 

Kairi took over halfway across. Riku stumbled climbing onto the jetty. He remembered the mesh again. Now he knew what he was looking for, he could feel the bumps under his skin where it had torn. Was that why he wasn't healing properly? That whatever scaffolding his body was built on was permanently damaged? He wondered what else inside him was broken. How much more his body could take. 

"Still hurts?" 

Riku was almost about to tell Kairi he was fine, but instead he allowed himself to wince and say, "Yeah." He added awkwardly, "Sorry. I guess I just freaked out." 

"Yeah," said Kairi. She finished tying off the boat in silence then headed up the beach. Riku's stomach was full of stones. He felt like he was in an exam, staring at the incomprehensible questions, realising with a sinking feeling that no amount of studying the night before could have prepared him and now he was going to pay the price.

As they climbed over the flood wall, he offered, "You did really good today. With the Darkside. You basically took it down singlehandedly. You should be proud of yourself." He added in an attempt to sound less like a robot and more like someone who could actually plausibly be Riku, "Even if you maybe shouldn't have exploded its hand while you were standing on it." 

Kairi stilled. She glanced at him. There was a tiny hint of amusement in her face. "You have to admit it was pretty badass, though."

"Yeah, I'll give you that. Ten out of ten for style. Zero out of ten for forward planning." 

Kairi held his gaze for a moment, then looked away, sighing. She sat down on the sea wall, still looking out to sea. "I'll catch you up. The ferry's probably running again. I'll catch the next one back home."

It was strange to see the beach empty on such a clear afternoon. Riku watched a few silhouettes at the other end of the bay scrabble down towards the sand, presumably to pick over the storm's gifts to the shore. The last remnants of dark clouds were scudding across the sky.

Kairi said, "That means I want to be alone."

Realising he was probably making things worse by ignoring her, Riku sat down too. He imagined spilling everything, but instead he opted for a smaller truth: "Kairi, I… I didn't treat you like a friend before. And I'm sorry. You were my friend as much as he was, and I should have. I should have realised that. I was so caught up with-" why was it _so_ hard to say? It wasn't even _his_ love, not really. "-with how I felt about Sora that I didn't think about anyone else. And that was wrong. But… that doesn't mean I don't care about you. As a friend." His heart was pounding so hard he would have been amazed if Kairi couldn't hear it. She didn't say anything for an eternity. She didn't even look at him, as if she hadn't heard a word he said. Several times Riku opened his mouth to say something more, but he had no more words left in him. 

Finally, she said, "It's not that. I mean, thanks. But that's not what this is about."

"Oh."

Kairi sighed again, seeming to steel herself. "Sometimes I wake up and I can't move and I feel so fucking helpless. I don't know where I am and I don't know whether the people I care about are alive or dead and I can't move and I can't scream and I can't do _anything_. And then I remember it was because of _you_. You could have saved me but you didn't want to. You were so angry you were willing to let me die." She held up her hand. "I'm not done. I know you feel bad about what you did." She glanced at Riku briefly: her eyes were stinging with tears. "I appreciate the apologies. But I know what you're capable of when you're angry. And that scares me. _You_ scare me. And that's not something saying sorry can fix."

Riku thought about fighting Sora, the boy he loved, throwing his weight and his rage behind every blow. He thought about the way Zexion's windpipe struggled for air against his palm. That sickening desperation, the fury behind it, the violence. He whispered, "I'm scared of me too." 

"I want to be friends," said Kairi after a few minutes. She was pulling at Riku's skirt, playing with the patterns of light and darkness that swirled out from her fingertips. "I mean… I guess I never realised how similar we are. Guess I wasn't the only one who cared too much about Sora." She tipped her face back, staring at the sky. Riku was very aware of the curve of her neck, the rise and fall of her chest. 

"I want to be friends too," he offered. Feeling like he needed to save them both from emotional vulnerability, he added, "And I'm not just saying that because I don't have any other friends."

Kairi snickered. "Okay. Let's be friends." She climbed to her feet, holding her hand out for Riku. "Sorry about what I said earlier. I was just angry."

"It's okay, I'm sorry about being… me."

"You're trying to do better," Kairi said as they headed up the promenade, "That's what matters, right? You're not a bad person. You deserve to be happy."

"Thanks. Maybe one day I'll even believe you." Riku's mind drifted to the other Riku. He hoped that wherever he was, he was trying to do better too. If he was with Sora, there was hope for him. "You wanna stay for dinner? I've got some beans soaking for a chili."

"That would be great. And a shower and some clean clothes, maybe?" Kairi gestured to her sodden clothes, splattered with sand and blood.

"Sure."

They rounded the corner onto Riku's street. Besides some broken branches, spilled trash cans and one extremely agitated dog, the damage from the storm wasn't too bad. One man Riku had known his whole life was outside righting a fence post. He gave them a quizzical look as they walked past, shaking his head when Riku offered an awkward wave.

"It's probably because you're still wearing that weird suit." 

"Oh, yeah. I'll change back when we're inside. I don't wanna get my other clothes dirty." They reached Riku's house; he scrabbled in his pocket for his key. As he was reaching to slot it into the keyhole, however, the door swung open. It was easy to forget how imposing a figure his Mom could cut, drawn to her full six-foot-something height, those strong arms Riku had inherited from her across her chest.

"You're going to come inside and you're going to start talking."

Riku glanced helplessly at Kairi. Her expression communicated quite clearly, _I knew this would happen_. He rolled his eyes at her and shuffled awkwardly past his Mom.

"Can I at least change first?"

"As tempted as I am to say no - you've got ten minutes each. Kairi, let me get you a clean change of clothes."

"Thanks, Fin."

"We're telling her the truth," Kairi whispered as soon as his Mom was out of earshot. "All of it. And you're gonna tell both of us what happened after you closed that door with Sora."

* * *

Riku's Mom ran her fingers over the Keyblade, mesmerised by the shifting cracks of light breaking up its silhouette. She had not spoken for a long time. Riku knew this tactic well: her silence, neither judgemental nor condoning, always made him squirm. 

Kairi, no more able to tolerate the silence, said, "We think the reason Sora hasn't come home is that the only way to reach Destiny Islands is through the dark corridors. But Riku can travel through them. So we're going to find him. As soon as Riku's strong enough to travel offworld again." 

"Hikari deserves to know," said Riku's Mom. Her tone was neutral. Frighteningly so.

"Oh. Yeah. Of course. Sorry we didn't tell you sooner."

Riku's Mom glanced at Riku. There was something in her expression, worse than just familiar anger or disappointment. Riku couldn't hold her gaze. He picked out the faint marks of old stains in the carpet instead. 

"Could you go and fetch her, please?"

"Uh, sure." Kairi gave Riku a sympathetic look as she pulled on her shoes, but she wasn't about to stay and defend him either. The sound of the door closing was loud. Definitive. Riku's Mom let out a sigh. She placed the Keyblade on the coffee table, where it dissolved into stars and sparkles. She stood up, looked out of the window for a few moments, then turned back to Riku. Those silent moments were agony.

Finally, she said: "I thought I raised you better than this."

Riku worried at the inside of his cheek. He could feel the frayed artifical fibres just beneath the skin. 

He looked at his feet and said, "I know. I'm sorry."

"It's not me you have to apologise to." Her voice was rising. "I knew you weren't the happiest boy - and I'll take some responsibility for that - but _this_?"

In Kairi's defence, she had sketched out the journey from Traverse Town to Hollow Bastion - with Riku interjecting scant details here and there - in a way that painted Riku in the best possible light. That wasn't saying much, however. Riku had been forced to explain the situation with the Keyblade of Heart, the Princesses, the Door, the whole time wondering as he retrod the familiar ground of his memories-

" _Why_?"

He was angry. That was the only reason. He was so _angry_.

"People could have _died_ , Riku. Do you understand that?"

The expression on Zexion's face changing as his body starved of oxygen. First rage, then fear. Finally desperation. Blood on Riku's hands from the other man's futile attempts to save himself. A being dissolving to nothing, fragments of his existence slipping through Riku's fingers. Then, just _gone_. 

He could tell her the truth: that when Riku was tearing at the fabric of the universe he barely existed, much less existed as anything resembling Riku. But the thought of it chilled him. He would rather face her anger than her rejection. Instead he said simply: "I fucked up."

"Yeah," said his Mom. "Yeah. You did."

Did it even make a difference? He was still _Riku_. He knew what that rage felt like. The Darkness crawling in through every painful crack and fissure in the lies he told himself. _Your friends love you. They won't leave you behind. You matter. Your life matters._

"I'm disappointed you didn't tell me sooner."

Riku swallowed. The lump in his throat refused to go down. "I knew you'd be angry."

She sat down again, her arms folded, posture stiff. He remembered that severe expression from being brought in to see the principal for having attitude, being caught daubing crude words on the wall round the back of the supermarket, being suspended from school for fighting yet again. His Mom, exasperated that no amount of lectures or grounding or even belting could set him straight.

After an excruciating pause she said, "It never even occurred to me that you could be capable of something like this."

Riku offered, knowing he was lying: "I can leave. If you want." He didn't think his heart beat again until his Mom shook her head.

"Don't be stupid. I don't want you to leave. I'm just..." 

There was a knock at the door. Hikari's voice: "Fin?"

Riku braced himself. Another person to disappoint. Another person who wouldn't look at him the same again.


	7. Chapter 7

He woke before dawn. The night had been restless, the darkness suffocating. Hikari was asleep on the sofa, his Mom wrapped in a light blanket on the rocking chair. After he had gone to his room he spent what felt like hours trying to make out their words as they talked on the other side of the wall, but all he had snatched from their whispers was his name, and Sora's. 

He watched them for a few moments, then tiptoed out onto the back porch. The storm had left the air clean and calm. The decking under his feet was cool, smooth, familiar. He leaned on the railing and imagined leaving, opening a portal to nowhere, renouncing the life that had never really been his. He'd spent all night engrossed in idle plans: what he would take, the letter he would leave behind, the forgiveness for which he would beg. But in the end he couldn't make himself do it.

Wasn't it just running from responsibility? Wasn't that what the other Riku had done? They were both equally able to use the corridors of Darkness. Riku could have come home at any time, but instead he hid. Not because of Sora. Maybe partly because of Sora. But mostly because Riku was too much of a coward to face the consequences of his actions. His instinct was to hide - from his friends, from the truth.

"You're better than this." The words came out spiteful. Why did being better than the other Riku matter so much? 

He looked at the empty dog kennel, wondering what had happened to his last dog. A wiry mutt he'd grown up with, who chased after sticks on the beach after school and barked brazenly at fireworks. He wasn't sure if the grief he remembered was just imagining, his brain filling in the blanks with what it expected to be true. The absence of memory picked at him like he was a scab. 

There was movement inside the house. Not his Mom's familiar footsteps. The kitchen door squeaked, then was quiet. The gentle clatter of wooden beads. In the pre-dawn light Riku could just make out Hikari's slight frame, her sleep-toussled hair so reminiscent of Sora it almost hurt. She didn't say anything. She hadn't said much last night either. Just stroked Riku's back and told him it would be okay. Swallowing down her judgement: like mother, like son. Again the final truth came to his lips, but he couldn't force it out. He just stood staring out at the slowly lightening sky. 

"Has Fin ever told you why she was expelled from school?" Hikari asked suddenly. She was watching the horizon too. Her voice was soft, almost casual; Riku could almost detect a hint of nostalgia.

"I didn't know she got expelled."

Hikari let out a breath of laughter. "It was a couple months before the end of the year, so they still let her take her finals. But she wasn't allowed to go to the graduation ceremony."

Riku considered this. A vague memory of looking through photo albums swam to his mind, with it the surreal, humbling feeling of a kid realising for the first time that his mother had lived a whole life before him. He imagined his Mom at sixteen, recreating her from those grainy, badly lit photographs. Tall for her age, muscular for a girl, her stiff posture and awkward smiles betraying the same awkwardness in social situations that was cripplingly familiar to Riku. "She always said it was because she hated formal events."

"She wanted to set a good example to you. She worried that if you knew you had a delinquent for a Mom you'd turn out the same." She leaned over the railing, reaching out to test for drops of rain. "She got into a fight and threw this other kid through a window. I don't even remember his name now. He broke both his arms. Probably the most blood I've ever seen. The way she remembers it she was defending me, but between you and me she'd been itching for showdown with him for weeks."

Riku felt a wry smile twitch at his lips. "So what you're saying is, while other families have a heretidary predisposition to cancer or whatever, for our family it's reckless violence?"

"No," said Hikari disapprovingly, sounding exactly like Sora. "I just mean, when she was your age, if she'd had a… a Keyblade, or these powers of Darkness, I don't know if she would have acted so differently. Not because there's anything different about your family. It's just really hard to be a teenager when you don't quite fit in." She looped her arm around Riku's shoulders. "Your Mom gets it. That's why she's scared. She wanted to do better by you."

"I failed her."

"You made a mistake."

"It wasn't a mistake," Riku said, finding strength in his voice for the first time. "I knew what I was doing. I _wanted_ to hurt him. I wanted him to know what it felt like to love someone so bad and for them to-" he stopped suddenly. His body felt constrained, trapped by the marble walls and the veneer of Darkness over his skin and choking under that all consuming hunger turning to rage. Hikari stroked his hair, saying nothing, while he struggled to bring his breath back under control. "It wasn't that I didn't know what could happen," he finally managed, forcing the image of Zexion's panicked eyes out of his mind. "I didn't _care_." The rising sun was a sliver of orange behind the trees. Riku smeared the back of his hand with tears trying to wipe them away.

"She'll always love you," Hikari was saying. "Even if she's angry now. She'll love you no matter what."

"I'm so scared of what I'm capable of." He let her guide his head to her shoulder, hating how much he needed the comfort. He had hurt people. He deserved punishment. He deserved oblivion. If he wasn't a coward he would tell her that he wasn't even really Riku, but instead he let her comb her fingers through his hair and whisper gentle words to him. "I'm going to find him," he found himself promising. "I'm going to bring him home." The sky was turning Sora's favourite shade of blue. How often on those summer nights they spent on the Play Island he would shake Riku from sleep to watch the sun rise over the water. Climbing onto the paopu tree, binoculars in hand to hunt for pods of dolphins. Sand in his hair, his skin already glistening with sweat, restless with that irresistable magnetic energy. How could Riku _not_ have fallen in love with him?

"I know you will," said Hikari, sounding genuine. She seemed to consider her next words carefully before speaking: "He really cares about you, Riku."

"I think that makes it worse," Riku admitted, making Hikari laugh. 

"Maybe some time apart will be good for you, huh?" A light flicked on inside the house, making both of them glance back through the kitchen window. Riku's Mom was shuffling half-awake to the coffee machine. Freeing Riku from the tension threatening to show itself, she patted him on the back and said, "Come on, let's go inside. I could use some breakfast."

"Is it really that obvious?" Riku blurted out as she reached the beaded curtain. "That I… that I love him."

"Oh, hun." The look in those eyes she had given Sora told him it was.

* * *

He hated the feeling of the dark suit on his skin, but there was something about the way it cloaked him that made it easier to manipulate the Darkness. As if he was inside of it, looking outwards to a world filled with exploitable cracks. The dim moonlight snapping into clear greyscale clarity, his senses of the swelling underbelly of Darkness beneath the world heightened.

He concentrated on its bitter, sour scent, drawing that emptiness out of the ground to form a portal into the Corridors of Darkness. The tendrils of Darkness wavered as he connected them into a solid door, but he held his ground. _Let me in_. Commanding. The Darkness responded to power. 

At first he had just summoned the portals, not daring to cross through onto the other side, but this time he gripped his Keyblade tight in his fist and stepped into the blackness, his body jolting like miscounting a step as he crossed the boundary into the space between worlds. The portal collapsed behind him, leaving him in a directionless, shifting space that almost looked like somewhere he recognised, but only until he tried to focus on any fragment of scenery, the ghostly outline of a building, or the scent of the sea: then the images collapsed into meaningless noise. He took a cautious step forward. His feet suspended over nothing. Ripples of Darkness coagulating into Heartless - some he recognised, others taking monstrous, uncanny forms that twisted and melted with the surreal half-existant space around him. At least the Heartless ignored him. Mistaking him for one of their own, he supposed. He closed his eyes, concentrated his power, and opened a second portal. This one came more easily, the world he was stepping out into offering no resistance against the Darkness. His feet met solid ground. Bare earth, scraped dry by years of neglect, only a few straggling tufts of grass clinging on to the last of their colour. Ahead of him, the Castle.

He stared at its jumbled geometry for a long time. His skin was crawling. The front doors were hanging ajar, as if daring him to enter. He took the bait and slipped through, a cool draft following him from outside. The foyer had an air of abandonment. If Sora had spent any time here after Marluxia was defeated, he must have left months ago. Riku sat down on the steps, feeling disoriented, wondering what he had expected. He couldn't will himself to go further. That familiar claustrophobia crawled into his throat. The place had an awful sense of _forgottenness_. 

Finally, he admitted defeat and opened a portal back into the Corridors of Darkness. The empty space felt closer somehow. He drew on the Darkness around him to open another door, looking for a crack through which to return to Destiny Islands. Several times the portal fizzled out. When it finally held, it was a solid wall, the darkness the texture of volcanic glass. Riku felt panic build in the pit of his stomach. "Come on, come _on_..." Heartless were dripping in and out of the corridor, appearing in swirls of black and purple and disappearing just as quickly. He focused his energy, picturing the way the islands felt under his feet and on his skin, the starry night sky and sea salt water.

_You got home once before,_ he thought sternly to himself. _You can do it again._ He let the feeling of homesickness run through him, the aching want to be somewhere he belonged. Finally the threads of Darkness tied together and he collapsed through, stumbling through wet sand and startling a queue of hermit crabs waiting by a large conch shell that had washed up with the tide. Riku sank down to his knees in relief. He was back on the Play Island, the lights from the South Island beach front twinkling in the distance. He gathered the Darkness around himself one more time and jumped across the narrow strait, landing waist-deep in the water. A middle aged man some way down the beach was looking at him in surprise. Riku waved awkwardly, hoping that from this distance his outfit looked enough like a wetsuit for the man to think he had just been swimming. Once he was out of sight he dismissed the suit, drawing no more notice on the short run home where his abandoned biology homework was still on the kitchen table, staring at him accusingly. So far he had been more disciplined than the other Riku about school work - probably partly thanks to Kairi if not outright helping him, then at least applying enough peer pressure to stop him getting totally distracted. 

She had been at the debating society after school, but she was probably home by now. He thought about calling her. The only problem was if one of her parents were around, they'd probably listen in on the conversation. Or worse, dismiss him with a "Kairi can't come to the phone right now, she's doing her homework."

He stared unseeingly at his biology homework for a while longer, then gave up and went to the hall. It was dark, just a sliver of moonlight from the kitchen window giving him enough light to dial Kairi's number. As usual, the phone was slow to connect. Service was never great on the outlying islands. He toyed with the cable. Finally a polite male voice came through: 

"Hello, this is the Mayor's residence. May I ask who's speaking?"

"Uh, yeah. It's Riku. Is Kairi home?" He added in a move he hoped to sway Kairi's Dad, "I'm stuck on my biology homework. I thought maybe she could help me out."

The worst part was the way his tone changed when he said, "Alright, I'll go fetch her." Some of that politician's charm dropping out of his voice. It was no wonder he was unpopular with the people in Riku's neighbourhood. He had come to visit when Riku first arrived on Destiny Islands, bringing a police officer who took him aside and asked him a lot of questions he didn't feel like answering. He had been very polite to Riku and his Mom, but when he left she pulled a face and said, "Self-important git." Riku was inclined to agree with her assessment.

"Hey Riku!" Kairi was on the line. Riku pulled himself out of his thoughts. 

"Hi Kairi. Your Dad still around?"

"Nah, he went back to his office. I'm guessing you don't need help with your biology work?"

"I managed to leave. Destiny Islands, I mean. And more importantly I got home again." 

"You _have_ finished your homework, right?"

Riku looked guiltily at the worksheets.

"Mostly." 

" _Riku_." There was an affectionate disparagement to Kairi's tone. "Okay, you got out into the Corridors of Darkness?"

"We could start investigating Castle Oblivion. This weekend, maybe." Riku slid down onto the floor, stretching the telephone cord tight along the wall. "The only thing is, it's not easy to get back home. I think it's like… there's some kind of protection around this whole world that's stopping the Darkness coming in. Maybe it's the same for all worlds. But there are cracks. I think that's how the Heartless are getting through. That's how I got home." 

"That makes sense," said Kairi. "I mean, we don't have to stay long, right? We can come back through the corridor any time."

"I think so, yeah. You'll need something to protect yourself from the Darkness, though. And other worlds will be more dangerous than this one."

Kairi sniffed. "I can handle myself." The static crackled down the line. "And it's not like we have to pick any fights. We just have to find out where Sora's been."

"Yeah," agreed Riku. He thought about Sora - and the other Riku. No doubt saving worlds together. He had considered telling Kairi, especially in those quiet moments while they traced the outskirts of each neighbourhood hunting for stray Shadows. He'd found himself talking about Castle Oblivion more often, about the people who would do anything for the power of a Keyblade, about Naminé, fragments of what she had done to his memories. But the reality underlying all his half-truths had stayed buried, no matter how many times it almost came up to his lips. The thought of returning to the empty, lonely Darkness filled him with dread. Losing Kairi, losing his Mom. Losing the afternoons on the beach ferrying turtle hatchlings to the water and hunting for succulent sea hares in tide pools. Even losing the monotony of school, sweating it out at the back of the classroom where the air con sucked, finding quiet places to eat lunch - sometimes with Kairi, sometimes alone - even puzzling over stupid cell anatomy he'd never need to know in the real world. Wondering how much of that biology even applied to him.

He added after a while: "And if we find the people Sora's working with. I don't know. Maybe they can help us protect Destiny Islands better."

"That's true," Kairi agreed thoughtfully. "Oh, that's my Dad. I gotta go. Hope that helped answer your questions!"

"What questions-? Oh, right. Yeah. Thanks Kairi. See you at school tomorrow."

He let the phone hang from its cord. His stomach felt queasy. Why had he done that? He could have just lied, kept telling Kairi he couldn't make it out of Destiny Islands, preserved this precious slice of life he was carving out for himself. Instead he was about to go out hunting for a boy who, for reasons Riku couldn't exactly disagree with, would want him dead. 

He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. What would happen would happen. It was only a matter of time before Sora and Riku came home. It was better to face that reunion on his own terms than wait in suspension for everything to collapse around him.


	8. Chapter 8

The shower came suddenly, the bright sky darkening in the space of just a few minutes and roiling cracks of thunder ripping through the air. Riku and Kairi dashed with everyone else for cover, barely squeezing in under the awning of a greengrocer's stall. The rain came down in sheets, turning the dusty road into a muddy puddle in just a few seconds. The smell of dry earth broken in by fresh rain rose through the air.

Kairi shook water out of her hair. "Oh, damn it."

"It won't last long," said one of the other refugees. Riku resisted the urge to lean his head out from the awning and stare at the sky. The first few storms after the fight with the Darkside he had felt that awful sensation of encroaching darkness crawling up his spine, making him anxious and jumpy, but he was beginning to find a kind of peace to the thrum of crowds suddenly making way for roaring rain, the way the dry grass seemed to crackle to life after a storm, the simple childish joy of running across the beach in the rain as water met water in a fierce drumbeat. 

Usually Kairi and Riku didn't bother trying to stay dry - he wasn't sure which of them preferred walking down the suddenly vacated streets in the rain more, calmly licking ice creams and letting the rain plaster their hair to their faces. But today they'd been buying school supplies, and neither of them wanted to go through the rest of the school year prising apart crumpled exercise book pages.

"We were nearly finished too," Kairi said, looking through her bag in vain for an umbrella. "Just need to get your new uniform." Riku had spent the first few weeks of school trying to ignore the several inches that had sprung up between his ankles and the hem of his pants, but even he had been forced to admit that they needed replacing. The fact that he was growing had brought him a weird kind of relief, a confirmation that he was at least passably human enough to age. That the deception - feeling less and less like deception with every passing day - could continue. 

"Maybe the grocer has some spare plastic bags. I'll go ask." 

The grocer turned out to have plastic bags, one of which Riku precured by awkwardly buying a punnet of blueberries. The rain was hardening to a heavy downpour by the time he elbowed his way back outside. They played an awkward game of wrapping as many books as they could in the bag, then shoved them under some tins Riku had picked up for his Mom. Then they braved the rain. A few other people were beginning to emerge from shelter, with umbrellas or rain ponchos or just plastic bags over their heads. 

"At least your Mom's garden is gonna like this," Kairi said as they hurried towards the uniform shop. "Did she get any more courgettes?"

"Did she," intoned Riku. "I don't know why she grows so many every year. Everyone on my street is sick of them."

"I'll take some back for Mom," Kairi offered. "She really enjoyed the last ones. Maybe I can make her hate them too."

"Think we might make some chutney this weekend."

"Ooh. I'll pawn some of that off to my Mom too if you want."

"Remember that time Sora's Mom accidentally grew so many tomatoes she couldn't can them fast enough?" Riku asked. "We spent a whole weekend trying to borrow all the vinegar and sugar we could get our hands on." 

Kairi paused mid-stride. A look of concentration crossed her face. "I don't remember that."

"Really? I'm sure it was Sora..." Riku had such a clear image in his mind of Sora stationed at the sink, dilligently washing bugs and leaves off the tomatoes before passing them on to Riku for chopping. Kairi measuring out cups of ingredients, Naminé stirring a bubbling pot on the stove. All of them complaining about the heat. Aside from Naminé's presence - maybe it had actually been Sora's Mom stirring, not trusting any of the kids not to burn the bottom of the pan - it felt too detailed to be anything other than a true memory. "A couple years ago, it must have been. The year Na-" he caught himself just in time. Who had broken their wrist that year? Kairi? Sorting through his memories felt like rummaging through a pile of dirty laundry for a shirt he could have sworn he owned. "It was the year our team won the Blitzball tournament. I'm pretty sure."

Kairi shook her head. "I don't really remember spending much time with Sora that summer."

"We spent every summer with Sora," Riku prompted, but he could hear his voice faltering. Hadn't they? 

Kairi was frowning. "Yeah," she said uncertainly. Riku was about to say he was fairly certain his Mom still had jars of tomato chutney left from that year, but Kairi gestured to the uniform shop. "We're here. I need to get some new socks too. Because I can't just wear my _normal_ socks..." 

"You have enough munny left?"

"Oh, yeah. Mom gave me plenty." They went inside, shaking like wet dogs on the doorstop and stamping as much water as they could out of their shoes. Even so, they dripped on the carpet as they made their way past the heavy duty work clothes and store uniforms to the rows of school clothes and gym kits. Kairi peeled off at the displays of socks: Riku kept going to the boxes of second hand school uniforms right at the back. Without Sora next to him helping him sift through the piles of clothes, it felt embarrasing to be hunting through hand-me-downs for a pair of boy's trousers his size. 

"We can take them up using Hikari's sewing machine," he said, holding them up to his waist. There were a few extra inches in the leg: perfect. "That way if I keep growing I won't have to get a new pair. You found your socks?"

"You're gonna keep growing, if your Mom is anything to go by." Kairi held up a few pairs of white socks with the familiar sky-blue plaid ruffle. "Got the stupid socks."

They checked out, paying the extra munny for a plastic bag, and returned to the rain. Kairi checked her watch. "My parents aren't gonna be home for a couple more hours if you wanna come round my place until the rain stops."

Riku shrugged. He didn't like Kairi's house that much - there wasn't really anything to do, and he was always worried about breaking something - but he also wasn't sure he wanted to wait in the rain for the ferry unless he had to. "Sure." 

The Mayor's house was close to the high street, and in a few minutes Riku was waiting in the porch while Kairi hunted for her keys. Inside the house was dark. The ornate grandfather clock ticked loudly in the silence. The thing Riku disliked the most about the house was how little decoration there was - aside from a framed map of the archepelago on the wall, there was no art, no ornaments besides a few carefully placed awards, no sentimental knick-knacks that made the house feel like a home. And absolutely _no_ mess.

Kairi closed the door behind them, hurried them to the kitchen then crouched to pull off her shoes. "Man, I'm soaked. Hang on." She pulled her dripping dress up over her head, dumping it over her shoes. "Wait here. I'll grab some towels." Riku pretended not to notice the way her bra cupped her breasts, or the musculature of her thighs as she climbed the stairs two at a time. He could feel the heat rising in his face; he forced himself to think of other things until the blush subsided. 

While he was waiting he peeled off his jacket, then squeezed as much water as he could out of his sodden hair. His shirt was practically transparent with rainwater. Kairi appeared at the top of the stairs, throwing an astonishingly fluffy bath towel down to him before disappearing into her bedroom. A few minutes later she came back in a fresh tank top and a pair of shorts. 

"I've got some pyjamas I think will fit you. They might be a bit tight." 

"Sure." Riku was pretty sure the other Riku would have rather sat in soaking wet clothes than wear girls' pyjamas, but he was also pretty sure the other Riku wouldn't have noticed Kairi's tan lines or the starmap of freckles across her back either. A moment later the pyjamas in question - dusty pastel green with a printed daisy pattern - dropped into the hallway too. 

"I'd lend you a clean pair of pants, but I think even you have limits." 

"Yeah, I'm okay, thanks."

A few minutes later Riku's clothes were in the tumble dryer and Kairi was raiding the fridge for something to eat. 

"They never have good food in here," she said sourly, only able to offer a bowl of satsumas. Riku took two, breathing in the puff of citrus scent as he broke the peel of the first one. 

"Depends on your definition of good." 

"Yeah, true."

The rain was pelting the windows with no indication that it would ease off any time soon. Kairi balanced her chair on two legs as she worked away the peel of her satsuma. "All in one," she said, holding up the peel. "Let's see who I'm gonna marry." She tossed it theatrically over her shoulder then turned to look at the peel on the floor. "I guess that's an S?" It just looked like a pile of peel to Riku. He accidentally broke a piece off of his own peel: no fortune telling this time.

"I wonder if more of those snake Heartless are gonna come out after the rain," he said, looking out at the streams of water pouring down the asphalt. 

"I'm pretty sure they're worms," said Kairi. "But… yeah, probably. We can go on a hunt tonight if you wanna. Oh, that reminds me. I need to update my journal." They had been keeping records of all the Heartless they found and dispatched. There had only been a few more very large Heartless - which Kairi had defeated with more grace and less collateral damage than their first few attempts - but there were definitely more Shadows creeping through the cracks between the world and its surrounding Darkness. Riku's only hope was that at least that meant it should be easier for him to get back to Destiny Islands too. 

"I need to cook dinner for Mom, and I said I'd clean the bathroom. But I'm free after that."

Kairi went to get her journal, taking a key from a chain around her neck to unlock it. She had tried mentioning the monsters one more time to her parents, but all it had done was get her into therapy, so she had quickly abandoned the matter. She flicked through her journal's pages - the list of different Heartless they had encountered, their modus operandi and points of weakness, the records of how many of each they had killed, and notes about the magic Kairi was learning, all separated with kitty shaped page dividers. Then she turned to the last section - their most important quest - and stilled suddenly.

"What is it?"

"Just thinking about Sora," she said. "Your Mom still okay with us going out to look for him this weekend?"

After a lot of wheedling - and a passable grade in his most recent math assigment - Riku's Mom finally agreed to stick to their alibi that Kairi was spending the weekend at Riku's house while they left on their first mission in search of Sora. Riku had spent a solid week practicing portals until he felt confident he could slip back through the cracks between Destiny Islands and the sea of Darkness beyond. Their first stop would be Castle Oblivion. Then, in the absence of any other clues, Traverse Town, the most well connected world Riku could think of. Beyond that, he wasn't sure. Hollow Bastion, perhaps. He could only hope that a Keyblade bearer as extroverted as Sora wouldn't be that difficult to find.

"As long as I get my homework done." 

"It's been so long already," Kairi said. Her voice sounded close to cracking. "I'm just..." she stared at the journal. "What if something happened to him? What if- what if he's dead?"

"He's strong," Riku found himself promising. "He can take care of himself. And he's got his friends to look out for him too."

"What if we never find him?" Kairi insisted. She was crying now. Awkwardly, Riku reached over to pat her back. "What if we never find out what happened and we just have to live the rest of our lives wondering?"

"I'm sure someone like Sora can't be hard to track down. And even if he doesn't want to come home, at least..." Something like nostalgia pressed against his chest. "I mean, you can join him if you want. You've got a Keyblade. You can help protect the worlds." And what would he want? Would he even have a choice?

Kairi sighed. Suddenly she leaned over, resting her head against Riku's chest. He could feel her warm breaths through the thin pyjama top. He bit his lip and looped his arm - casually, he hoped - around her shoulders. 

"I miss him so much." Kairi's voice came out muffled.

"Me too." 

"I wish things could just go back to the way they were before."

"Yeah," Riku lied. He held her for a few more quiet moments; then she pulled away, deciding the time for vulnerability was over. She flipped her journal back open and started writing, focusing on the loops and swirls of her handwriting. Riku hated himself for wanting things to just stay like this. No Sora. No other Riku. Just him and Kairi. 

"Tell me more about Naminé," said Kairi after a few minutes of inventory planning, her pen stilling in her hand. She reached for another satsuma.

"I mean, I've kind of said all there is," lied Riku. "The people who wanted the Keyblade made her change Sora's memories, and, well… hopefully she escaped. I don't know who she really is."

"It's a weird kind of power," Kairi said. "Did she like… okay, weird question, but did she have to be close to you for her powers to work?"

"That _is_ a weird question. Where are you going with this?"

Kairi toyed restlessly with her necklace. "I think I'm beginning to forget about Sora."

"What?" 

"Okay, so sometimes I read my diary when I really miss him. But lately… over the last couple weeks, I guess, I keep reading entries I don't remember. Or I don't remember Sora being there. Like, I was reading about that camping trip we did on the Reef Shark Atoll last summer, and I just… I just don't remember Sora being there."

"He was," said Riku. Then, doubting himself: "I'm pretty sure. We went crabbing together the first night." 

"Yeah, I wrote that down. I even drew a picture of Sora holding up a huge crab he caught. A really crappy picture, sure, but I know it was Sora because I had the foresight to label it."

"You think Naminé might be messing with your memories?" Riku reluctantly brought up the memory of her reaching out for him, twisting new memories into his mind, making him someone else - and unmaking him. Could she really be reaching across the worlds to do the same to Kairi? And if so, _why_? "If we can find her we can stop her. And make her undo any damage she's done." 

"You think there are more of those Organisation people? Who want the Keyblade?"

Riku sighed. "I think so. They talked about a Superior, and I don't think it was Marluxia. So maybe they still have Naminé." He happened to glance at Kairi. She was looking at him suspiciously again. Darkness, that expression made him squirm. "What?"

"What were you doing in Castle Oblivion anyway?" 

The question hit Riku like a blitzball. Why _had_ Riku been in Castle Oblivion? For that matter, why had _Sora_ been there? He scrambled to answer. "Uh, at first I was looking for Sora. After I left the Realm of Darkness..." How had Riku even escaped the Realm of Darkness, anyway? The earliest memory he had to go on was wandering into one of the basement levels of Castle Oblivion, and he wasn't even sure if that was Riku's memory or his own. "The Organisation must have lured us in somehow. They said there was something special about the castle… a place where you find things you didn't know you'd lost. Or maybe that was just bullshit to make us chase after Naminé." 

Thankfully this paltry story seemed to satisfy Kairi. "You've still got your memories of Naminé, right? That must be pretty weird."

"Yeah, it's… I still get confused sometimes," Riku admitted. "I think with Sora it was pretty easy, she just had to replace you with her in his memories. But for me I guess things were a little more complicated."

Kairi snickered. "So you finally know what it feels like to be interested in a girl." 

"Like you said," Riku managed through the hot blush exploding across his face, "Weird."

Kairi bit her lip. Her cheeks were pink too. She looked away and said, "I, um. Know how it feels."

"To like girls?" 

"Yeah." 

"Oh." Considering how much time he remembered spending imagining conversations of coming out, Riku found himself surprisingly lost for words. "Congrats. I mean. Cool. It's cool. Thanks." _Thanks_? Desperate to stop digging himself deeper into awkwardness, he steamrolled on with: "And you like boys too, right?" He felt uncomfortably invested in the answer. 

"Yeah," said Kairi. "I haven't told anyone else. Even Sora. I guess I felt like it didn't matter if I never actually ended up dating a girl, you know? Like it wasn't worth the trouble."

"I get that. Although everyone seems to have figured out I liked Sora anyway." Each time it was easier to say out loud. Riku wasn't sure if it was because his love was beginning to feel less shameful, or less like a love that belonged to him.

Kairi laughed. She seemed more relaxed now, like the bubble of tension holding her had popped. "I mean. If I had suspicions before, the fact that you pretty much tried to destroy the universe because Sora made new friends kind of cinched it."

"That's one way of putting it." Riku pulled a face which made Kairi giggle again. He had never noticed how sweet her laugh was. The way her cheeks made her eyes crinkle. She shook her head, then - she looked at him, her eyes earnest. She lay her hand on his. Not saying anything. For the first time, Riku realised that he didn't feel alone.

"We'll find him," she said finally, almost casually, returning to the journal. Riku's hand tingled where her palm had been.


	9. Chapter 9

The air was muggy, a sticky oppression bearing down on the island that was only getting worse the higher the sun climbed. As a child Riku had never been too bothered by the heat, but now he almost missed the air-conditioned rooms of Castle Oblivion. The sweat clinging to his skin felt like a cage, and the hot air seemed to invade his lungs with every breath. He found himself longing for the first time for the respite of the ocean, the way the water could wick heat from his body like a cool embrace.

"I think that's everything." Despite the window unit running at full blast in the kitchen, Kairi was sweating. She gulped down the last of her glass of lemonade as she ran a finger down her checklist. Riku didn't think he'd ever stop marvelling at how organised she was. "It's not like we'll be gone for long."

"Right."

She looked at him with a determined expression, almost as if she saw through his bravado to the hesitation beneath. "Let's go."

They headed down to the beach, where some of the kids were playing blitzball in spite of the weather. Riku rowed them across to the Play Island. He always seemed to end up back there no matter how hard he tried to portal into another part of Destiny Islands. Perhaps it was because the Play Island was special to him - but more likely, it was where the cracks in the world's defences were. Besides, that was where their store of potions, ethers and other trinkets was, and if there was ever a good time to pack them, now was it. As well as the skirt from his suit, Riku forced Kairi to wear all protective amulets they had collected over the summer; he wasn't taking any chances before they even emerged into another world.

"I know I should be scared," said Kairi as she slid another chaos ring onto her finger. "But actually I'm kind of excited. We're finally doing something, you know? _I'm_ finally doing something."

Riku didn't reply. He had felt nauseous for days. Reassuring himself that they would likely find no trace of the other Riku gave him only a little comfort. Now that it was a concrete possibility, the thought of leaving Kairi after everything they had been through was unbearable. All he could do was hope naively that she would forgive his deception. 

Once they were packed and ready to go, Riku let himself slip back into his dark form for the trip across the space between worlds. He knitted together the threads of Darkness into a portal and led her through, first into the corridors of Darkness with their swirling, headache-inducing fragments of shifting reality, then with a little effort back out again, the second door spitting them out onto the path leading up to Castle Oblivion. Riku brushed off the tendrils of Darkness clinging to his skin and returned to his normal form, eager to lose that uncanny second skin. 

Kairi craned her neck to stare at the castle. "Wow, it sure is… weird looking."

"It's some kind of spell," Riku said. "I think it's supposed to be a trap. Or it's hiding something it really doesn't want anyone to find."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Wasn't keen on staying long enough to find out." 

Kairi headed up towards the castle's entrance. "Come on, Riku. What are you waiting for?"

"Oh, right." Heart hammering, Riku followed her to the grand front door. She pushed it open with no hesitation, clicking on her flashlight to scan the corridor inside. Those soulless marble walls. The looming, eerie _wrongness_ of the way the hallway's angles fitted together. Riku balked at the doorway.

"Come on." Kairi was making footprints in the dust. She turned back, glancing at Riku. "Looks like nobody's been here for ages," she said loudly, giving Riku the grace of not having to admit he was scared. "You know your way around. Maybe we can find some clues further in."

"R-right." Riku forced himself to relinquish his grip on the door. "We should go to the top floor first. That's where I last saw Sora." 

"Okay, first question: which way is the top floor?"

Their footsteps echoed loudly. Riku could swear the shadows behind the stone pillars were lurching. 

"It's probably best to move through the Darkness." He reached out for her hand. "This should just be a short hop. Ready?" He imagined the place where Sora had fought Marluxia, and in a jolt they were emerging into a hall littered with insipid petals that turned to dust under Riku's fingertips.

Kairi paced around the room while Riku caught his breath. She peered at a smeared handprint on the wall by the stairwell. "That's blood," she said. Then when Riku didn't reply, she asked; "Why did they want the Keyblades so much? I mean, I get that they're powerful weapons, but… what did they want to do with them? Unlock the hearts of worlds?"

"I don't know," Riku admitted. He hadn't paid much attention - too many other things to think about. "I don't think they ever cared to explain. We were too busy fighting," he added. And then: "And I think they were too busy fighting each other."

"… Each other?" 

Riku glanced around the room. The ceiling had been shattered in several places, plaster and metal piping littering the ground. Scorch marks were seared into the floor.

"I think there were traitors in the group. I don't know. It was kind of a shitshow. I think Naminé's rooms were on this floor somewhere."

"She was living here?"

"Yeah, I mean. Not for long, I don't think." Riku pulled himself to his feet. He wondered how much knowledge about this place was too much knowledge. "Come on, let's get going." He jumped them a shorter distance this time, to a place at once hauntingly familiar and utterly forgettable. "Uh, this way, I think." Kairi followed him down a twisting corridor. Past a kitchenette emitting the stench of long rotten food. He remembered visiting Naminé's room only once, after Sora had killed Marluxia. She had still felt so achingly special to him. Disgusted at himself, he had ghosted his hands over her sketchbooks, her discarded dresses, the crumpled bedsheets. But when he pushed open the door now the room was empty, the bed stripped down and the desk he remembered being covered in drawings home only to a lamp. 

"So, she had time to pack up before she left," said Kairi. 

"Yeah, I guess so." Riku swallowed down disappointment. He didn't even know what he had been expecting. "Ready for another jump?"

"I think I'm getting the hang of not losing my balance."

Riku's vision swam as they emerged into a crumbling corridor. When he reached out to brace himself against the wall his hand met a smear of ash. Kairi gave him a concerned look, but he waved her on. "Just need a minute. I'm fine."

Kairi crouched to inspect the melted husks of filing cabinets lined against one wall, grunting as she heaved open a drawer to find nothing but remnants of paper. 

"This doesn't look like a fight. There were records here that someone wanted to destroy."

Riku felt something shift. The smell of disturbed ash replaced by a sharper odour. "There's a Heartless here."

"How strong?"

"Probably best to just move on." Kairi's hand was firm in his, a security that made it easier to reach into the Darkness and _pull_ , leading them deeper into the maze of hallways and corridors. His body protested at the sudden motion, as if parts of him were more reluctant to shift into the Darkness than others, but he fought down the nausea. They stepped into a stairwell, in front of a door hanging from one hinge. More fire damage. After taking a few moments to regain his strength, Riku pushed it open to reveal a large conference room, the familiar banks of security camera displays along one wall, a broken cup spilling a brown coffee stain on the floor. Experimentally he switched the security screen on: a few of them flickered to life, showing empty rooms in various states of disrepair. Kairi leaned over curiously.

"This is all the rooms in the castle?"

"Probably not," said Riku. He was moving on to a desk that looked like it had been abandoned on short notice, but the reports scattered across it were incomplete and of little use. 

"Oh hey, looks like there's a laboratory or something here," Kairi called out. "Is that… is that a _body_ in that cylinder?"

Riku's blood turned to ice. _Stay calm_ , he ordered himself. _There's no reason for her to suspect anything. Just play it cool_. He went over to the screen Kairi was gesturing at. Sure enough, in one corner of the grainy display screen was a human sized cylinder of green liquid, and crumpled in the bottom - at least it had probably been a body once. Riku's stomach lurched at the sight. That could so easily have been him.

"Oh," he said as casually as he could manage, his heart hammering so loud he could have sworn Kairi would be able to hear it in that deathly still room, "There was that scientist guy. Vex… Vex something. That must have been one of his experiments." 

"That's awful," Kairi whispered. Her voice sounded weak. She ghosted a hand over the screen. "I wonder who it was." 

_Nobody_ , thought Riku, memories of being nothing flooding back to him. What he said was: "I don't know. Let's check the other screens." Mostly the rooms were all the same: plain white walls, checkered floors, minimal furniture. A few with signs of struggle. Dried dead vines snaking around the pillars and crawling over the floor. Gaggles of small Heartless in others.

"There's a bunch of capsule things in this room," Kairi said, gesturing to one of the screens at the furthest end of the bank. "I wonder what they are. They look person sized." 

"Weird." Riku moved on to a filing cabinet. Inside he found some of Naminé's drawings. Quick gesture sketches with crayon. Some memories he recognised: four young kids on a beach, two boys fighting with wooden swords. Riku and Naminé holding hands under a shower of shooting stars. Others meant nothing to him. There were a lot of sketches of people in black coats. A blond boy with a cowlick of hair came up over and over. Riku held it up to Kairi. "You recognise this person?"

Kairi frowned, coming over to look at the pictures. "He looks kind of familiar… Are these Naminé's drawings?" She flicked through some more. "I can't put my finger on it." 

"We can take them back to Destiny Islands," said Riku, putting them in his backpack. "I think that's all we're gonna find here." He sighed with disappointment. He realised he had expected closure here, to have found something that would make sense of those timeless, frantic days in the castle. Instead, this place was nothing more than an abandoned wound.

Kairi tapped the computer screen again. "This is the only room with anything in it that hasn't been trashed. The only room that was important enough to have a security camera, that is. Maybe we can check it out." 

Riku nodded. "We might as well look." The Darkness resisted him as he grappled for purchase, sensing his weakness: but he steeled himself and forced his way through its jumbled architecture until they were stumbling into a strange open room, different from the others, bathed in light from a bank of windows - the only ones Riku had ever seen in the Castle. Outside the sky was eerie, an endless predawn.

"They were definitely here," he said, glancing over the row of pods. There was little else in the room: a desk, an advanced looking computer. He could sense it. Sora and Riku. Light and Darkness mingling. 

"Who?"

"Uh, Sora. And… Naminé. They must have left together." He booted up the computer, but all he got was a password lock. "It looks like someone had time to tidy up, which means Sora didn't leave straight away." He pulled open the drawers in turn while Kairi investigated the pods. "There's got to be a clue here somewhere."

"You might be searching for a while," said a voice. Riku snapped up from the desk; his Keyblade was in his hand in an instant. He recognised that voice, the tall lanky body of the man in the black coat standing in the corner of the room. 

" _Axel!_ "

Axel raised his hands defensively. "Hey, hey. There's no need for all this. I'm not here to fight. I'm just taking care of some beaurocratic business."

Kairi was holding her Keyblade out, venom in her voice as she hissed; "Tell us where Sora is. _Now_." But if Axel was intimidated by her, he didn't show it. 

"Why don't you ask your boyfriend here?" He stepped forward. Riku reacted without thinking. He grabbed Kairi's arm and yanked them into the Darkness. Anywhere so long as it was _away_. They stumbled into a dimly lit room, Riku's legs giving out beneath him. His stomach twisted at the sight of book cases filled with familiar journals, desks littered with abandoned reports, empty plates stacked on the coffee table like someone was just getting around to the washing up. The dented leather sofa where he had sat in limbo, waiting, itching in his new skin. And the corner of the room where Zexion had tried to escape and he had... 

"Who was that?" Kairi asked. She helped him up, supporting him as he limped to the couch. He couldn't bring himself to sit, though - he just leaned against the back of the sofa, willing his legs to stop shaking. "You knew him."

"Axel. One of the traitors. He's a snake." Riku tried to open a portal but all he succeeded in doing was coughing up bile. "We have to get out of here."

"We barely even started looking-" 

"He's dangerous, Kairi. We're not strong enough to take him down." 

"You're not looking so good. And- he said he didn't want to fight. Maybe he could give us answers." 

"I've seen him _kill_ someone," Riku snapped. His head was pounding and his limbs felt as weak as they had when he first washed up on the Play Island. "I'm fine," he lied, accepting the bottle of water Kairi pushed into his hand. "I just need a minute to rest." She looked at him disbelievingly, but backed down: while he fought to bring his breathing back under control she busied herself skimming over the reports on the nearest desk.

"There's some notes about Naminé here," she said after a few minutes, waving a sheet of paper. "It appears that Naminé's powers are stronger than I had originally anticipated. In just a few hours she was able to manipulate the replica's memories sufficiently-" 

That three-syllable word was a punch to the stomach. Riku didn't even realise he'd moved until he was snatching up the paper, Kairi yelping in surprise. 

"Let me see that." He flicked his eyes over the paper, dreading mention of his name- but after a scant few lines the pen trailed off. Vexen had obviously intended to return to the report, not realising these could well have been his final written words. 

Kairi was looking at him with that piercing, suspicious expression again. Riku swallowed hard. His head was pounding. He stumbled over the words, praying his panic didn't show: "I _knew_ it. There was something weird going on here. I saw-" he balked at even putting the idea of a Riku replica into Kairi's mind, turning instead to a desperate lie: "I think they were trying to replicate Sora. They wanted his power."

"Those bodies in the capsules," Kairi said. She accepted back the unfinished report. Then her eyes suddenly lit up. "That boy I remember dreaming about! The one who looked like Sora, but different. Darker. He must have been..." she trailed off, trying to wrap her thoughts about the incongruity. "But this was while I was in Sora's heart. Unless they had Naminé by then already."

"Maybe because you're connected to Sora, you felt it when he was replicated," Riku hazarded. It didn't sound totally stupid. After all, hadn't Vexen talked about other projects, other Keyblade bearers? "Didn't you say there were two boys?"

"Wait. Show me those pictures Naminé drew." 

Riku was just reaching for his backpack when he felt the Darkness shift again. Axel's familiar voice making his skin crawl. "There you are. I wouldn't be so quick to wave that weapon of yours around, little girl." 

"Stay away from us." The seriousness of Kairi's tone reminded Riku of Sora. Suddenly mature beyond their age. "I know what this Keyblade can do. Don't think I won't pull out your heart if I have to."

But Axel just laughed. 

"I keep forgetting you kids don't know anything." He leaned casually against the wall, closing his eyes. The fact that he didn't seem the least bit concerned offended Riku, and scared him. "I'm gonna give you some advice. The Organisation wants Keyblades more than anything. And _that_ Keyblade-" he gestured in Kairi's direction- "Is top on their most wanted list. If they find out you're the wielder… Let's just say our dear leader doesn't exactly have the _heart_ to show mercy."

"What do you want?" Riku snapped. The Darkness simmered at his fingertips. All he had to do was summon the power to use it. He braced himself against the sofa, calculating the split second it would take to grab Kairi's hand and disappear.

"From you? Nada." Axel studied them both for a moment, lazily, like a cat studying a mouse already caught. "Lucky for you, I get a kick out of being a thorn in Xemnas' side. Whatever's protecting Destiny Islands is strong, but it's not unbreakable. The last thing you want is the bad guys having a reason to find a way in. So here's my advice: go home. Stay safe. And forget about Sora."

"You just don't want us to interfere!" Kairi snapped furiously. Axel just smiled, knowing he had struck a nerve. "If you think you can trick us-" but Riku was already lurching forward, the portal splitting the space ahead of them. He pushed Kairi through, both of them landing on their hands and knees, Riku rapidly evacuating the contents of his stomach. Kairi was yelling something at him, but his head was ringing too hard to understand.

One more portal. He just had to get home. But the Darkness knew he was helpless. It crawled into him, hungering, and all he could do was submit.

"Riku! _Riku_!"

A sudden blazing flash of light seared into him, the Darkness scattering like cockroaches. Blinded and disoriented, it took Riku a few seconds to realise his face was resting against warm, familiarly salty-tasting sand. The rushing in his ears gave way to the rushing of nearby waves. He felt hands on his arms, rolling him onto his back. Kairi was speaking to him urgently, trying to press a potion to his lips. Riku let out a low groan. The fluid trickling down his throad helped a little, but when he tried to sit up his vision swam. He gave up and closed his eyes, waiting for that awful feeling of his body not being _his_ to pass.

"Here. Have some water. Small sips. It's okay, we're home."

"You got us back here?" Riku croaked out. 

"Your skin started turning black," said Kairi. She sounded shaken. "Like the Darkness was possessing you."

"Is it..." Lifting an arm proved to be too much. "… back to normal?"

"Yeah. Tan and all." The joke was a paltry one. Neither of them laughed. All Riku could do was focus on breathing, each inhale and exhale a conscious effort. Kairi watched him with concern for a few minutes, then reached for his rucksack and pulled out Naminé's drawings, studying them as if they were precious artifacts. The Darkness below them, shifting and malevolent, slowly started to ebb. Torturously, Riku pulled himself upright. 

"Well," he managed, "We got _some_ answers."

Kairi passed over a sheet of paper. "That's him," she said. "The boy I dreamed about who was like Sora."

Riku looked at the picture. The sketch was crude: a yellow puff of hair, the rough outline of what Riku assumed was a Keyblade. A black and white outfit accented with red. Blue flecks for eyes. Riku imagined the figure looked tense, even angry.

"Since when has Sora had blonde hair and pale skin?"

"No, there were two of them, remember? This was the one who felt like Sora. He had that hair style. Sticking up at the front like that. And Sora's eyes."

"And the other replica?" The word caught in Riku's throat. He hoped Kairi didn't notice.

"No, he's not in any of these drawings." Kairi was shuffling through the others restlessly. "I hate this," she said suddenly. She was staring at a picture of the four of them - Kairi, Naminé, Sora, Riku - surrounding a campfire on the beach. Sora was holding up a fish; Riku could remember him grinning, boasting. Biggest one he'd caught. Biggest one any of them had ever caught. He also remembered the sour coil of jealousy inside him, like catching the biggest fish even _mattered_.

"What?"

" _This_." Kairi smacked her hand against the stack of papers. "Her knowing everything. Having all our memories. These were _ours_. _Our_ campfires, _our_ fishing trips, _our_ friendships! She isn't one of us! What right did she have to just- she wasn't _there_!" Kairi's voice rose, her anger getting the better of her control. "She wasn't our friend! None of this was real, and she-! She's taking-!" She started to tear at the drawings, scraps of paper catching the wind and fluttering down the beach. " _She's taking him away from me_!" 

Riku comforted her the only way he knew how: awkwardly. "We'll find him," he kept saying like a mantra, as if that would keep him from tumbling into the despair of knowing that he wasn't her friend either, that none of him was real, and that if he could he would have kept her from Sora too.


	10. Chapter 10

That night they stayed on the Play Island, Kairi setting up a firepit while Riku picked his way over the tidepools looking for crabs and abalone. The worst of the nausea had passed, leaving him only a little lightheaded. The anxiety remained a stone trapped in his throat. Kairi hadn't said much after her outburst, and Riku wasn't keen to press her further. He let her wade into the sea, then swim out until she was just a bobbing head in the distance. Every so often she would dive under, disappearing for several minutes at a time. It was Sora who had taught her how to hold her breath, how to conserve every motion of her body, how to move slow and gentle amongst the darting fish. He had been so patient with her in those early weeks before she learned how to fight the claustrophobia of being underwater, how to balance on the slippery tidepool rocks and lock her ankles around the trunks of coconut trees. Riku - even that young - had scoffed at her incompetence, thinking her spoiled. Maybe he was jealous even then.

_We were all spoiled_ , he thought, pincering an unsuspecting crab. The air was cooling with sundown, no longer suffocating. _This place was paradise and we never even realised it_. Sora would have been a kindergarten teacher, or maybe a nurse at the hospital if he ever learned how to concentrate on books long enough to study. Riku could have gone into fishing or construction or carpentry. Law or politics for Kairi, maybe. She was smart enough. At the weekends they would row out to the Play Island, perhaps with children of their own who would race across the beach and shimmy up trees and crawl through the narrow caverns to new secret places. Would that really have been so unbearable?

He spotted an octopus camouflaged amongst the seaweed, but when he tried to catch it it was gone too quickly, turning the pool black with ink. He watched the tendrils of ink spread and congeal, corrupting the once clear water. Riku's stomach twisted sourly. He moved on.

Back at the campfire he nestled his catches in the glowing embers while Kairi emptied cans of beans and sweetcorn into a steel bowl. A familiar routine, missing only Sora's peals of laughter, his enthusiastic cries of _that smells so good!_ and _more chili! more chili!_ and _man, I could just lay here forever_.

"You want a chocolate bar while we wait?"

"Sure."

The sun turned the ocean to glitter. Out in the distance, a pod of dolphins broke the calm waters. Riku watched them diving playful and carefree.

"I saw some cuttlefish out by the reef. We should go fishing tonight while we're here. Bring some back for Fin."

"We still have rods in the hut?"

"Yeah, I think so. We can go out on the boat." Kairi glanced at Riku. "If you're feeling up for it." Just as quickly, her gaze dropped again to the bowl. 

"If something's bothering you, you can say it."

Kairi chewed on her lip, evidently deliberating. Finally she leaned back and said hesitantly, "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm okay," Riku insisted. "It was just... being back in the castle was a lot."

"I want to tell you not to use the dark corridors again," said Kairi. "But I also really want to find Sora."

"I'm fine," Riku found himself saying again, his words sounding hollow even to himself. "I'll be more careful next time."

"You're not _fine_ ," Kairi hissed. "I thought the Darkness was going to swallow you. Like before. What if I hadn't got us home?"

"But you did."

A smell of char was beginning to rise from the campfire. Riku manoeuvred the crabs out with a stick.

"Sora wouldn't want us to put ourselves in danger for him," Kairi said, holding her bowl out to catch the morsels of meat Riku dug from the shells. His hands prickled from the heat, the callouses the other Riku had barely even noticed still an almost imperceptable thickness.

Riku wanted to agree with her. Instead, guilt crawled under his skin like the omnipresent Darkness and he found himself retorting; "If Sora didn't want us to look for him he could have left a note."

They ate solemnly, both lost in their own thoughts. Once the moon was high in the sky they waded out with the rowing boat, Kairi holding the flashlight while Riku clipped squid jigs to their lines. They dropped anchor on the reef and cast their rods into the glassy water. This had been Sora's favourite kind of night: calm and still, the water glossy and clear and the sky stretching out infinitely above them. On this side of the island, sheilded from the lights of houses and streetlamps, the smear of the Milky Way arced overhead. 

"Do you think Sora would have ever been happy here? If we'd never left?" Kairi asked suddenly. Her voice had taken on an almost reverential hush.

"It's Sora, he's always happy," Riku said reflexively. "I mean… He loved this place. He had so many friends here." The realisation that he was speaking in past tense sent a chill through him.

Kairi didn't reply right away. Riku felt a tug on his reel, but it was soon gone. He felt a sudden tiredness wash over him. This exhausting emotional dance, all of them lying to each other to protect themselves. Was this really what it meant to be friends?

"He never admitted it to me." Kairi was staring at the stars. "But he had this sadness in him. Sometimes you'd catch it on his face when nobody was looking. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was losing his Dad. Or maybe it was because he felt trapped here. I should have talked to him about it." Perhaps it was the darkness that afforded her the security to speak so openly. Giving her the grace of hiding her expression from Riku. "Why is it that that's what I remember of him? I'm losing all my happy memories. We did..." Here she faltered. "We did have happy memories together, right?"

"Of course," said Riku. Even in the gloom he could feel Kairi scrutinising him.

"How come you're not losing your memories of Sora? I talked to Hikari and she's forgetting too. Not as much as me, but... she says it feels like he's been gone for a long time. How come you're not forgetting?"

_Because unlike you, my memories are fake_. Riku shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because Naminé already changed my memories?" It sounded plausible enough, although whether Kairi believed the excuse Riku couldn't tell.

"Maybe." Then: "Maybe they're using Naminé to try to isolate him. To stop him coming home. Separated, we're weaker."

"You think they have Sora?" Riku hadn't even considered the possibility. He had seen what Sora could do with that Keyblade. None of the black-coated men stood a chance against him, especially not with his animal friends. He pushed down the irritating tingle of resentment in his stomach yet again. For a boy he had barely met, Sora still had too tight a hold on Riku's heart.

"I don't know," Kairi said. Her serious, pragmatic tone returned. "But remember what Axel said? 'Forget about Sora'. And Naminé was working with the Organisation before. Axel said they want Key _blades_. Plural. Even if they have those two replicas, wouldn't they also want the original?"

Riku hummed, not wanting to commit to agreeing or disagreeing. It wasn't an implausible theory, but where did that leave the original Riku? Riku didn't think the Organisation would be able to control him. And he would hunt down mercilessly anyone who dared harm Sora. If they were together, they would be safe.

"I think I've got one," Kairi said suddenly. It took Riku a second to realise she was talking about cuttlefish. She reeled it in with a bit of effort and killed it quickly, its skin turning moonlight pale. "Pretty good catch." She swilled the ink off in the water before dropping it in their bucket. "Mom always hated me doing this," she said as she cast her line again. "She thinks it's barbaric. 'Killing a fish with your bare hands!' Doesn't stop her eating fish though. How does she think commercially caught fish die?"

Riku shook his head, sniggering. He had always loved these petty complaints of Kairi's about her parents, about the other middle-class kids they kept trying to make Kairi befriend instead of the two scruffy South Islanders she insisted on hanging out with. Maybe because it made him feel like he was better than them, not the other way around.

"Don't loads of her friends fish too?"

"Yeah, but that's hobby fishing. And they're men. So that's different, I guess." Kairi yawned, stretched. "She freaked out the first time I went spearfishing. Do you remember that? She called your Mom in a rage-" she paused. "No, must have been Sora's Mom. Saying she'd put me in danger."

"No wonder the kids from the big islands are all so delicate," scoffed Riku. The way he remembered it, it had been Naminé's parents furious that their daughter had been allowed to handle a speargun. Hikari out on the back porch, rolling her eyes as she told the story. His Mom wheezing with laughter. Sora at the grill, flipping fish. Naminé hadn't caught anything that time, and wouldn't for some months until she learned to feel the gun's bouyancy by instinct, to predict the movement of a startled fish, to hold her breath long enough to swim among the corals. Things Riku had taken for granted.

"Call me delicate again and you're swimming back to shore," Kairi laughed, punching Riku's arm. The boat rocked, then returned to equilibrium. Kairi had stilled, watching him earnestly. She said finally, "You really scared me today." Hesitantly, she placed her hand on his knee, just for a moment. "I don't know what I would have done if I lost you."

Riku was grateful for the cover of darkness hiding his blush. "Give me some credit. I'm stronger than I look."

"No more hopping," said Kairi. "From now on once we're out of Destiny Islands we travel the long way." To this, Riku was all too happy to agree.

* * *

The next night, sickness descended again. The fever came on suddenly, Riku waking in a panic trapped between sweat-soaked sheets. For a terrible moment he thought he saw the looming figure of Axel in the room, but it was just his neglected raincoat hooked on the back of the door. The walls seemed to lurch as he made his way unsteadily to the bathroom. His cheeks were flushed, the rest of his face gaunt and grey. Wetting a flannel exhausted him; he barely had the energy to press it against his forehead. 

He cracked open the window. Outside the night air was heavy, loud with the sounds of night creatures. Riku closed his eyes and remembered the decaying replica in Castle Oblivion, a jumble of plasticky components encased in the remnants of liquifying flesh. 

The smart thing to do was return to the castle before Axel finished trashing the place and collect any information on the replica program he could find. Vaguely he remembered the injections he had placidly sat through, the body scans, the intubations, the catheters. But even if he knew more about his origins - then what? Would confirming he was dying make it any more bearable?

"Feeling sick again?"

His Mom, at the doorway. Riku shrugged helplessly.

"I think I've got a temperature."

He let her test his forehead, answered her questions honestly. Nauseous? A little. Pain? Only in his limbs. Rash? No. She ghosted her hand over a stubborn bruise of Darkness on his chest, looked at him with concerned eyes. Riku studied the corner of the room, where vinyl met sealant. 

She changed his bedsheets while he shivered in the doorway, propped him up with spare pillows from the attic, brought a bowl of dilute apple cider vinegar - a cure she seemed to use for everything - to soak the flannel for his head. The tang of the vinegar was familiar, almost nostalgic. There was something comforting about being coddled; it was almost enough to distract him from the gnawing ache that had come back in force since they returned from Castle Oblivion. The clinical reports. The ruined hallways. That corpse.

"The best thing for a fever is garlic. I'll make you an infusion."

"No way. If I'm going to take your fake remedies they at least have to taste good."

His Mom looked at him for a moment, disparaging and affectionate, but thankfully she capitulated. "Peppermint tea, then." He listened to the clatter of pans, the rush of water from the tap, the click and buzz of the stove. He tried to recall his biology lessons on diseases and immune systems. Did he lack the original Riku's immunity built from years of playing with other drooling, snotty-nosed unhygenic kids and chicken pox parties and miserable colds every time the weather turned? Or was this something more insidious, his body rejecting not bacteria or viruses, but itself?

His Mom returned with the tea, steaming and smelling of honey. 

"You've been getting sick a lot lately."

"Maybe I caught something in the castle," Riku offered, evading the unspoken question. His Mom stroked his damp fringe from his forehead, a gesture that was probably supposed to be affectionate, but felt manipulative. _See how much I care about you? You owe me the truth_.

"You haven't been well since you came home." Her hand dipped briefly to Riku's chest. "Do you think it has something to do with the Darkness?"

"Yeah, it could be," said Riku, grateful for the excuse no matter how flimsy. He hazarded a plausible sounding explanation: "Maybe… maybe my body is working so hard to control the Darkness, it can't fight off other things?" 

"So how do we help it fight the Darkness?"

"Uh, not with boiled garlic water."

Once she had gone back to bed, Riku lay back in the dusky moonlit gloom, watching the sky through his open window. He remembered the way the Darkness had pushed against him in the corridors between worlds, but now the sensation of it under his skin just felt like a part of him. As sinister as his muscles and tendons. 

_Not all Darkness is the same_ , he thought. Castle Oblivion had a Darkness of its own, sickly and desperate for escape. He recalled, the memory feeling more like a dream now, a greater Darkness than his own entering his body. A Darkness that had yearned for so long to take shape, to exist as more than a shadow. Riku's mistake had been to want more power than his own resources could muster. He would be more careful.

He wondered where the other Riku was now, what new adventure he was facing with Sora. One thing kept nagging him: if Riku had the same control over the Darkness as he did, why hadn't he ever come home?


	11. Chapter 11

"Riku. It's nearly noon. You should get up." 

A shaft of dappled light cracked open the room, dust motes disturbed by the movement of the door spiralling into the air. 

"Go away."

"I picked up some pastries in town." The voice's tone was pleading, but also just a bit impatient. A window creaked open open, bringing with it a gust of fresh air that smelled of leaves and fresh rainfall. Riku rolled over and pulled his blankets over his head.

"Leave me alone."

"You'll feel better if you get out of bed."

"I said, leave me _alone_."

Riku waited until the door closed again before moving. He sat up slowly, kicking off a sock that had spent the night sliding off his foot anyway. The light stung his eyes. He scratched an itch on the back of his shoulder, feeling the lines his shirt had dug into him while he slept. His mouth felt like he had swallowed sand. He reached for the bottle on his bedside table. Empty.

He squinted at the sunlight pouring in through the window, concentrated hard, and said with feeling; "Fuck."

He mustered a gargantuan effort to swing his feet over the side of the bed. The sheet was coming loose again. He pushed the fitted corner halfheartedly back over the mattress. He needed to pee. Should probably take a shower. He gazed at the floor, surprised to find it clear of discarded laundry. The thought of someone coming into his room while he slept made his skin crawl.

_If you don't want her to interfere, you could try sleeping less._

Water first. He picked carefully through the room. Down the stupidly long corridor, past the library, to the kitchen. Occupied. As if there weren't enough other rooms for Naminé to be in.

"Oh, you actually got out of bed."

"Shut up." He stomped to the sink, gulped down water, immediately felt queasy. "Shouldn't you be working?"

"I'm having lunch," said Naminé, lifting a plate to show her half-eaten sandwich. She was poised on the bar stool like she was waiting for an interview: back straight, feet crossed delicately at the ankles. Riku hadn't appreciated how tomboyish Kairi was until she met Naminé. Her frailty annoyed him.

"Did you wash my clothes?"

"Yeah, they're-"

"Well, don't."

She rolled her eyes, returning to her meal without further comment. He was eager to leave. Her company felt suffocating. He found his laundry hanging in the back garden in amongst the overgrown rose bushes. The shirts were dry, the jeans still damp around the waist. So fucking patronising. Like he couldn't take care of himself.

_All available evidence says you can't_ , came a treacherous thought in the back of his mind. _How many days has it been since you last showered? You don't even know, do you?_

He headed back inside, past the boarded window panes, the dust-cover ghosts of furniture, the nests of long-dead animals. He returned to his room and stared unseeingly at the wardrobe. _It's not that hard_ , he told himself forcefully. _Towel, pants, jeans, shirt. Bathroom is next door. You need the toilet anyway._ Then, when his feet remained stubbornly glued to the carpet, he tried cajoling: _You can do this. You can do this one thing. Clean yourself up. Then you can have something to eat. Naminé said she bought pastries. You like pastries._ Nothing. As if his body still didn't belong to him.

"Come on." He knocked his head against the wardrobe door. "Come _on_. What if he wakes up and sees you like this? He'll be disgusted. Do you want him to think you're disgusting?"

_It doesn't matter what he thinks._

He had always thought himself so independent. The little master of the house. A survivor. Self sufficient. But he had always been swaddled in the safety net of being _home_ , a word he had never understood until now. Somehow he had slid down to the floor without even realising it. He could feel the dirt in the carpet under his palms. 

"You're pathetic."

His thoughts returned, like they aways did, to Sora. At first he had been too shell-shocked to visit him in his sleeping chamber; seeing his usually bright, open face so expressionless filled Riku with a kind of helpless dread that made him want to vomit. But he kept being drawn back to him, his feet carrying him to the basement room of their own accord. Usually at night, when Naminé was asleep and the Darkness was an oppressive weight on his chest. Even the sleeping facsimile of Sora was better than the awful emptiness of the rest of the mansion.

Riku's stomach growled accusingly at him. He wondered if enough time had passed that Naminé would be gone from the kitchen. He hated her feigned kindness, her judgemental glances when she thought he wasn't looking. As if she could ever understand what it was like to lose a friend. 

Especially one who...

Somewhere a door groaned open, closed again. The quick patter of footsteps. He ignored the knock on his door, the concerned sounding "Riku?", another knock. Eventually Naminé got the message and gave up. She would be back again later with more passive aggressive suggestions of things Riku could be doing that weren't laying on the floor being pathetic.

A light rain began to patter outside. Riku let it come in through the window. Sora had always loved the rain, although on Destiny Islands that usually meant sudden storms during the afternoon's heat rather than Twilight Town's persistent windy drizzle. Riku closed his eyes and tried to remember playing with Sora in the rain. Running across the wet sand. Swimming with water above and below. Taking refuge under palms and patching lean-tos with leftover tar bartered from fishermen. Every day it was more difficult; Riku wasn't sure how much left was weathered memory and how much was just imagination.

"You broke him so easily!" he had yelled at Naminé, when his memories first began to fade. It had already been weeks at that point. "How come now it's so hard to fix?" 

Naminé had cowered, her hands raised defensively; "I'm sorry, _I'm sorry_." The weeks stretched out into months. The daily calendar Riku had bought in town had fallen out of use. He had bought one decorated with cartoon fish and seashells, thinking about how it would make Sora laugh. Now it just sat on his desk pronouncing a cheery _August 17th!_ and reminding him that there was no joy without Sora. In fact, Riku had never been anything without Sora.

The sky was darkening with clouds, the rain coming down harder. Riku got up to shut the window. The forest's canopy was a blaze of red and gold. Naminé had been painting the trees a lot lately, admiring their autumnal beauty. Riku, used to tropical palms and koa trees, found it disturbing. Like the forest was on fire.

"Bathroom," he announced commandingly. Even so, it took him several minutes to actually get there. The worst part was catching himself in the mirror. Crumpled clothes and sallow skin, unwashed hair plastered to his forehead. He had never appreciated just how quickly tanned skin could lose its colour. Or how much he would miss Destiny Islands' unrelenting sun.

He splashed water on his face. _Come on. You'll feel better after a shower. You can't exactly visit Sora looking like this._

He trudged back to his room, finding a set of clothes on the armchair he was pretty sure was clean. He wondered if Naminé had brought his clothes in from the rain, or whether she was pointedly leaving them to get wet again. "You told me not to do your laundry," he imagined her saying, in a syrupy voice that belied her petty irritation. 

Maybe not so petty. _You can't exactly blame her for hating you._ If he was Naminé, he'd hate him too. 

Hell, he hated himself already.

_For someone so restless, you sure do know how to sit around doing nothing all day._ But what was there to do except wait, endlessly, uselessly? He had accused her once of wasting his time, of shirking her responsibility and letting Sora rot in that lifeless capsule. It was the only time he had seen her snap, a white-hot anger in her usually placid eyes, suddenly a spitting image of the girl whose face she shared.

"You think I _want_ to be stuck here with you? You think I don't imagine walking out of here every day and finding something _better_ to do with what little life I get? I'm doing this for _Sora_ , because in spite of everything he's the only person who's ever _cared_ about me, and when I'm done I will almost be _grateful_ to die, because at least I won't have to deal with your- your- your _bullshit_ any more!"

After that she had avoided him for several days, and even when she started tolerating his presence again it was weeks before they actually had anything like a conversation. Riku imagined that his eventual reunion with Kairi - if there ever was a reunion - would go similarly.

The long twilight was setting in by the time he actually got the shower going. He left the light off, preferring to bathe in the dim half light from the window. The water took an age to come to temperature. The shampoo bottle was nearly empty - he'd have to brace himself for a trip to town at some point this week. If he had any money left. Otherwise it was out into the space between worlds to reap loose change from Heartless again.

He towelled off and dressed. The cool air made his damp skin prickle. Although he had only been up for a few hours, he was already bone tired. 

_Oh, right, you still need to eat._

He braved the kitchen. Most of the fridge was taken up by Naminé's things: fresh vegetables, milk and eggs, cling-film wrapped leftovers, those little flavoured mousses she was obsessed with. She liked to cook, although she wasn't very good at it. Never enough seasoning. Riku at least had the grace not to complain: her home meals were better than instant noodles, which was the most he could usually muster. Sometimes she bought fish at the town market, which was the one thing he couldn't tolerate. The pungent odour of week-old catches just made him remember what it was like to dive for fish in his home world's balmy waters, to grill freshly caught mahi-mahi on an open fire on the beach. Whatever Naminé - or even he - could manage in that ill-equipped kitchen would be an insult.

"There's some risotto left if you want it." 

Riku jumped at the sound of Naminé's voice. She lifted an empty tumbler as if in explanation.

"Thanks. You want apple juice?"

"Yes please. Thank you." Glass filled, Naminé bobbed politely and was gone. Courteous as always. Riku wondered where she had learned it: definitely not from Kairi. It wasn't until the takeaway box was slowly rotating in the microwave that Riku realised her eyes had been red and puffy.

Probably best to leave it be. Whatever paltry attempt at comfort Riku might muster would more likely than not just make things worse.

He watched the rice impassively. Hungry as he was, the food held no interest for him. He and Sora had always been so food oriented their parents would joke about them being stray dogs ready to fight over the smallest scraps. Always hungry, always spending whatever loose change they could find down the back of the sofa on snacks, always wondering what was for dinner. It wasn't that Naminé's food was bad. Nothing had any taste in Riku's mouth any more. 

He should go see what was wrong. If she hadn't wanted him to know she was upset, she wouldn't have come into the kitchen. He juggled the hot takeaway box onto a plate, grabbed a fork from the drying rack and headed down to the place he was sure she would be. The basement's strip lights cast a garish, unnatural whiteness over the corridor, making the shadows only more menacing. He heard Naminé crying before he entered the laboratory. He balked at the door, second-guessing himself.

_Don't be so pathetic,_ he thought. _Sora wouldn't even think twice._

He came in noisily, giving Naminé a chance to compose herself if she needed to. She must have known he'd follow her; even so, she let out a surprised "Oh!" and quickly turned away, grabbing a tissue to wipe her eyes. "Do you need some time alone?" She asked him this every time Riku came in. To be fair, the answer was almost always yes, but Riku hated it. Time alone to watch your best friend sleep. That was the person he'd become.

He ignored the question. "Are you okay?" Stupid thing to say to someone crying. Naminé nodded. Also stupid. She blew her nose on another tissue, scrunched it restlessly in her hand.

"It's just…" she glanced nervously at Riku, then at the desk where several of her sketches were laid out. She shuffled through them, picking one out after some deliberation. "You know memories can't be erased, right? At least, not important ones. Even if someone meddles with them, the heart doesn't forget."

"You've mentioned it."

"Well..." Riku realised that the hesitation in Naminé's voice was fear.

"Well what?"

"Some of Sora's most important memories are missing."

"What do you mean, _missing_?" Riku blurted out. It wasn't until Naminé flinched that he realised he had stepped forwards. The familiar anger was rising in him and he was powerless to stop it. "How can they be missing if they can't be erased? What did you _do_?"

"I didn't do anything!" Naminé cried, a hot flush exploding on her pale cheeks. She quickly composed herself, however. "I've undone all the…all the damage I did. I could wake him up, but without those memories he wouldn't be the same." 

Riku walked over to Sora's capsule. His sleeping face was so peaceful. Long lashes brushing his cheeks. Lips ever so slightly parted. Breathing slow, so shallowly as to be almost imperceptible. He wondered what Sora's most important memories were. Of Kairi, no doubt. Finding her washed up on the beach, spluttering seawater and squinting in confusion. Sora's last birthday party where he had disappeared with her to who even knew where, leaving Riku stranded with a crowd of people he was barely friends with. Those drawings they worked on together in the Secret Place, either thinking Riku wouldn't see them or just not caring how he felt to be cut out of their friendship, not even erased, never even there in the first place.

Either way, Riku would never really matter to him.

"If it wasn't you, then where did those memories go?"

Naminé considered this for a moment. "Vexen was working on another replica project before we left for Castle Oblivion. He made a replica of Roxas as a back up in case the Organisation wasn't able to capture Sora, but a shadow of a shadow really isn't much at all." 

"But what would that have to do with Sora? My replica didn't affect me. You said his memories were fake."

Naminé nodded in agreement. She had taken on an air of detachment, the way she always did when she was discussing practical matters. "Vexen had a theory that if a replica was closely connected to its original, it would be able to draw power from them. He'd hoped to test it with your replica, but his experiments were cut short, for, um, obvious reasons. Maybe Roxas' replica - Xion, he called it - is leaching memories from Sora, through Roxas." She tapped her pencil against her mouth thoughtfully. "That's the only explanation I can think of."

Riku felt a surge of some emotion he hadn't felt for a long time. Not hope, exactly. Purpose. Feeling that he already knew the answer, he asked: "So what do we do?"

Naminé didn't reply for several long heartbeats. Riku glanced at the drawing she was holding: a feminine figure, that familiar petite heart-shaped face with a splash of freckles across the nose. Finally she took a deep breath and said, her voice betraying an ever-present melancholy, "For Sora to recover Xion will have to be eliminated."


	12. Chapter 12

They stepped out into a dimly lit alleyway, startling a stray dog which barked at them twice before deciding they were no threat and loping off to some other quiet corner. Stacks of empty crates, overflowing bins and the smell of cooking fat indicated they were behind a row of eateries. Above them, the sky was midnight blue and studded with stars. 

Kairi looked around at the faded graffiti, the clogged waterway, the balconies above them with struggling houseplants and drying laundry.

"So this is Traverse Town," she said. "Sora remembered it differently." She looked at Riku, smirking. "He's such a romantic."

"It's quaint," said Riku, which was as much as he could say for the patchwork town. It was exactly the way he remembered it: close, almost claustrophobic, with narrow streets and overhanging houses which blocked out most of the sky. "Let's head to the First District. We can start with asking around the shops if anyone's seen Sora recently."

Kairi nodded seriously. She already had a photo of Sora in her hand, the one they'd borrowed from Hikari: in it Sora was wearing his favourite red jumpsuit, which he'd worn on the night he disappeared, and his face was split from ear to ear in a broad grin. It was a photo Riku was all too familiar with from the missing persons page of the local newspaper. Each week the same group of faces, each carrying their own unimaginable heartbreak. 

Stepping out into the square, Riku suddenly felt exposed. Dozens of people were milling about, nobody seeming to be in any particular hurry. Some had formed small groups, laughing over idle chatter; others were solitary, looking around as if waiting for a friend. A pit of anxiety formed in Riku's stomach. What if someone recognised him? He scrabbled to pull his hood over his head. When Kairi looked at him questioningly, he blurted out; "A bit cold here." She let him have the paper-thin lie.

"There's the accessory shop," she said, pointing to a cheerful neon sign. "That's where Cid works. If Sora came here there's no way he wouldn't have visited him."

"Didn't you spend some time here with him?"

Kairi nodded. "Yeah, a little bit. Before Destiny Islands was restored. He's kinda rough around the edges, but I think you'll like him."

Riku nodded nervously, swallowing down the lump in his throat. Considering who it was he was pretending to be, it wasn't so much him liking Cid that he was worried about. "Okay. Let's go."

A bell chimed cheerfully as they stepped through into the shop. The first thing Riku noticed was the stacks of cardboard boxes; behind them a gruff voice was muttering under its breath.

Kairi called out first: "Cid? Is that you?"

"Eh?" The head of an older man appeared, his expression of confusion turning to surprise. He didn't look happy to see them, but then again he didn't have the kind of face that looked happy to see anyone. "Kairi? Whadder you doin' here? Don't tell me Destiny Islands is-"

"No, no, everything is fine. Cid, this is Riku, I don't think you've met. Riku, this is Cid."

"Riku..." Cid tapped his chin thoughtfully. Then he announced: "The troublemaker."

Kairi laughed. "The one and only." Thankfully she was already walking around the shop, peering curiously into the boxes, and didn't see Riku flush. "What's going on here? You're moving?"

"That's right. Back ter Hollow Bastion. The other folks are already there." He straightened up, brushing his nose with his thumb. "Me, I had some business to take care of first."

"It must be nice to finally go home," Kairi said. She had hopped up onto the counter and was looking around with an expression that was almost nostalgic. Riku stayed awkwardly by the door, although he did remember to pull his hood down. This felt familiar: he had always been the one hanging back while Kairi and Sora breezed through social interactions like they were no big deal.

"Lookin' forward to seein' daylight again, that's fer sure. End of an era. Somea those kids musta spent more time livin' here than at the Bastion."

"I'm glad we caught you before you left."

"Oh, yeah - what can I do for yer?"

"We're looking for Sora," Kairi said. Her voice dropped into a serious tone. "He was travelling with Goofy and Donald the last time we saw him, but we haven't heard from any of them for a while." She glanced at Riku. "We thought if they'd come through Traverse Town they were sure to have dropped in to see their old friend."

"Who are you calling old?" Cid demanded, but just as quickly he broke into laughter. Then, remembering himself, he shook his head. "Ah, I'm sorry. I ain't seen any of them for a while. Come to think of it…" He scratched his head thoughtfully. "Not sure I remember Sora being here at all. Skinny boy, big hair? Sure I musta met him, but where...?" 

"That's the problem," Riku interrupted. "People are starting to forget about Sora. It's a long story-" and not one Riku really felt like recounting- "But a girl called Naminé found him and interfered with his memories. We think she might be doing it again, and that's why everyone's losing their memories of him." 

"Well," said Cid after some deliberation, "How do I know I ain't seen him lately then?" He turned to head to the back room, gesturing for Riku and Kairi to follow him. "Now, if he came by, I woulda repaired his gummi ship. Those chipmunks do their best, but with a pilot like Donald Duck there ain't no hope. And if I repaired the ship I woulda made a record of it." He squatted down by a large computer, typing faster than Riku had realised was possible. "Let's take a look." Soon text and images were scrolling rapidly across the screen. After a few tense minutes Cid shrugged helplessly. "Nope, don't look like it. Sorry, kids."

"Thanks for looking anyway," Kairi said, showing less disappointment than Riku felt. "We'll ask around at Hollow Bastion next."

"I'll be headin' there myself first thing tomorrow, if you wanna hitch a ride. Highwind's the fastest gummi ship in the cosmos!"

Riku was about to politely decline - he doubted any ship could be faster than the corridors of Darkness - but Kairi beat him to it: "Really? That would be great!" 

"My pleasure, young lady. My pleasure. Now, since yer waitin' why don't you run me a favour in return?"

"We'd be happy to," Kairi said quickly, as if anticipating that Riku might be reluctant. Cid led them back out to the shop and gestured to a stack of packed boxes by the door.

"These need takin' to Anita and Roger's house down in the Second District. Turn right at the bell tower an' listen out for barking, yer can't miss it. An' watch out for Heartless. Always out in force this timea night."

"Yessir!" Kairi saluted, the gesture so comically exaggerated that for a moment Riku was reminded painfully of Sora. She turned to Riku: "You carry, I defend?"

Riku nodded. Thankfully the boxes weren't heavy: with Kairi's help he was able to stack all but the largest of them in his arms. Once they were back on the street Kairi let out a long sigh.

"So he hasn't been to Traverse Town."

"Well, now that everyone's at Hollow Bastion maybe he spent more time there?" Even to himself, Riku's suggestion sounded naive. "Or we could try Disney Town. It's one of the most well connected worlds."

"What if he hasn't been anywhere?" Kairi asked as she pushed open the gate to the Second District. "What if the Organisation has him and he's-?" But she steeled herself. "We just have to keep looking."

If Sora was with the Organisation, the other Riku would be tearing worlds apart looking for him. And the first place he would have looked was Traverse Town. If Cid didn't remember meeting Riku before, that meant Riku wasn't looking for Sora, and that meant Sora was safe.

But Riku couldn't say any of that. Instead he invented another flimsy excuse: "If Donald and Goofy were in trouble, King Mickey would have sent for us. They know we're Keyblade wielders."

"Yeah, that's true," said Kairi, not sounding like she believed him. "Oh- a Heartless. Hold back!" She made quick work of the Shadows and Soldiers, her Keyblade a metallic blur under the streetlamps. 

"You're getting good at this."

Kairi gave him a casual grin. "I'm a fast learner." 

They reached their destination in good time, Riku only having to stop to rest his arms once. He kept to the alleyway as Kairi helped bring the boxes in, weaving around a pack of excited puppies who - despite the best efforts of a pair of dogs Riku assumed were the puppies' parents - kept spilling out into the street, tumbling over each other in their eagerness to explore. In spite of himself Riku found himself picking up an especially adventurous puppy before it got too far down the street. It wiggled in his arms, tail wagging, ears perked up in friendly greeting.

"Dangerous place out there," he said, giving it a scratch behind the ear before setting it back down inside. More puppies bumped into his legs, demanding attention. Before he knew it he was on the floor, three puppies vying for his lap and one trying to climb onto his shoulder.

"Good to see you making friends for a change," came Kairi's voice from an inner doorway. Riku shrugged sheepishly.

"Dogs are easier than people." He looked around the hallway, trying in vain to count the puppies. "This seems like too much for one litter."

"Anita says they were rescued," Kairi said, picking up another box. "D'you think she'd let us take one home? They're _so_ cute."

"I'd have to ask Mom first." But Riku had to admit he was tempted. The adventurous puppy was making a bid for freedom again; he untangled himself to chase it down the road. By the time he was back to the house Kairi had finished moving boxes.

"Still got two more to go." 

"Oh, right." Reluctantly he put the puppy down again. It barked and disappeared back into the fray of wagging tails and lolling tongues. "While we're here we should find someone who can teach us cure spells. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of sick of carrying potions everywhere."

"Cid will know someone, I'm sure."

Thirty minutes later the boxes were delivered, a significant number of Heartless had been dispatched, and they were back at Cid's house investigating a takeaway leaflet. While Riku tried to decide whether it would be too much to order a half chicken for himself, Kairi asked about cure spells.

"The best person to teach healin' magic is Aerith," Cid said. "If you kids can bear ter wait 'til tomorrow." He handed over a purse of munny. "My treat. Pick me up a quarter pounder with extra bacon, an' don't tell Leon!"

"Our lips are sealed."

"It must be strange, going home after such a long time," Kairi mused as they headed towards the takeaway. She swung her arms back and forth in exaggerated motions as she walked, sometimes next to Riku, sometimes turning back to face him. "I mean, Yuffie isn't much older than me, is she? And Hollow Bastion doesn't really mean anything to me."

"You don't remember it, though. We didn't even know where you came from."

"Yeah, that's true." She paused for a moment. "Do you think Destiny Islands will always feel like home?"

Riku stopped too. The truth was, he hoped not. He imagined himself in a year, five years, even ten if he survived that long: he hoped he wouldn't still be longing for Destiny Island's balmy shores and humid nights. The life he had fallen so easily into. His stomach twisted at the idea of living in a place like this, trapped in limbo with only memories for company. Could he build a new life like the residents of Traverse Town had, after losing everything, or would he always be nostalgically dreaming of the sun on his back and the assurance of Kairi's laughter in his ears?

"Riku?" Kairi was staring at him quizzically. Her expression so earnest, so trusting. He wanted to fall to his knees and beg her not to abandon him. He would do anything for her. Just to be allowed the safety of her friendship. The intensity of his feelings, the consuming dread and panic at the thought of losing her, scared him.

Needing distance, he looked away and said imperiously, like it was a stupid question, "I dunno."

"I kinda hope so, you know?" Kairi pressed on anyway, although the irritation was clear in her voice. "It's nice to think of always having a place to go back to. I don't wanna stay with Mom and Dad though, obviously. I wanna have a place on South Island. Like a second home. We could share it. For home visits. If we live offworld, that is."

Riku could imagine it: the three friends dropping by for a long weekend, taking their parents out to a barbeque on the beach to catch them up on all the news from the worlds beyond hers. Reminiscing about their turbulent teenage years, bestowing gifts collected from here and there, enjoying homemade food for the first time in weeks. And where would he be? Here, probably, in the one world where nobody pried into anyone else's history, missing something as simple as sunshine.

Kairi was saying something about Keyblades. Riku felt the urge to shake her. To yell: "Shut up! Shut _up!_ " Instead he grit his teeth and managed; "I don't want to talk about the future right now."

Kairi glanced at him. He tried to massage his features into something vaguely neutral, but he was sure she could still see the storm in his eyes. 

"Sorry," she said finally, sounding sulky. Thankfully, a moment later she followed with a peace offering: "There's the takeaway place. Oaky Oaks Fried Chicken."

"You've got the munny?"

"Yup." Kairi held up Cid's purse. Soon they were heading back to the Third District with paper-wrapped parcels oozing steam and grease. Kairi was humming a half-familiar tune to herself. Riku wished she would say something, anything, to distract him from his racing thoughts. He imagined a hundred different scenarios at Hollow Bastion: Leon looking at Riku with confusion, saying "But you were here with Sora just a few weeks ago..." and Kairi, gears turning in her head, would turn to stare at Riku in disbelief and rage. She would scream, the worst of it being the lies he had told, and he would have no defence. Maybe an uneasy truce: she needed him to escape the bubble that was Destiny Islands, after all. He would find Sora, pay back his debt, and disappear. Or _they_ would actually be there, Riku always so much faster, so much more powerful, Keyblade at his throat. Maybe Sora, always so gold hearted, would beg for mercy and Riku would look at him pityingly, seeing how weak he was, and snarl, _run_. And run he would. Coward.

Or maybe Kairi would leap to his rescue, arms outstretched defensively, saying, "He's been a good friend to me! A better friend than _you_!" and she would stare the real Riku down and finally he would relent, that guilt still weighing heavy around his neck, and he would be allowed to find a little place of his own in Destiny Islands and own a dog - two dogs, maybe - and Kairi would drop in to visit him from time to time to exchange gossip from the outside world. The worst part was the hope, that despite everything he could still earn the right to exist.

"Riku?"

"Uh, you go on ahead. I'm feeling queasy."

"Aw, your food's gonna get cold."

Once Kairi was inside he went down to the square and sat by the fountain, resting his chin in the cradle of his arms. This was where Riku had seen Sora for the first time after the storm on Destiny Islands. How long had it been by then? Ten days? Two weeks? He had put on an act of bravado, but the truth was that even with Soul Eater in his hands he was scared. He remembered the exchange as if watching from a distance, but the emotions felt all too real. The sickly feeling in the pit of his stomach seeing Sora laughing and joking with his new friends, brushing Riku off with a casual _oh, he can take care of himself_. He hadn't stood his ground because running was safer than risking rejection.

A faithful replica until the very end.

"You have to tell her," he said aloud, as if commanding himself would make it any easier. "You can't keep running." But heading back to Cid's house, he knew he wouldn't. When Cid asked what was wrong he just made up some excuse about Sora, and Cid laughed and called him a troublemaker again, and he smiled a thin smile and focused on forcing down oily mouthfuls of chicken. 

It wasn't until they were in the spare room, Kairi rummaging through her rucksack for her toothbrush while he brushed his hair, that she paused suddenly and said, "He'll forgive you, you know. If that's what you're so worried about."

His hair was getting long. Maybe it was time to get a haircut. Or start plaiting it, like his Mom did. He said carefully, "I just don't want things to change."

Kairi smiled sadly at him. "I think we're kind of past that."

More true than she knew. "Yeah."

"I think we should tell him everything," Kairi said a few minutes later, back from the bathroom in her pyjamas, while she organised the futon to her liking. "I mean. How we feel about him."

"Easy for you to say." He was already in bed. The dull throb of pain had returned to his limbs. Whether his chest felt tight because of anxiety or some more sinister cause, he didn't know. 

Kairi laughed. "Yeah, okay. But I don't think he'll mind. I mean-" she paused here to switch off the light. He listened to her feeling her way back to the bed. "Sure, it's gonna be awkward. But it's better than just holding your feelings in until you die, right?"

"You underestimate me."

If he listened closely he could hear the unfamiliar sounds of Traverse Town at night: quiet voices of people braving the Heartless outside; the creak and groan of ancient wooden beams; the guttural bass of music playing some way off. The toll of the clock tower bell. Kairi, shifting and fidgetting to find a comfortable position to sleep. So much like Sora in so many ways. They fitted together so perfectly as if the tide that had brought Kairi to him was destiny.

"Riku?" Kairi's voice was loud in the darkness. 

Riku. It felt so much like _his_ name. Naminé had played the cruelest of tricks, making this life feel so much like it _belonged_ to him, when a single word could tear it away as if it were the flimsiest of illusions. He jolted at the touch of her hand on his arm.

"It's gonna be okay."

Riku's throat felt dry. He swallowed uselessly. Eventually he managed to murmur an unconvincing, "Thanks." Awkwardly, hoping Kairi wouldn't think it strange of him, he rested his hand on hers. Just for a few moments, even though his body yearned for more. He shifted back into that safe persona, feigning grumpiness: "Okay, get some sleep." 

Kairi chuckled. "Sleep tight."

"You too."

He listened to the cadence of her breath soften and slow. Sleep was a long time coming, and even then it was fitful, broken by dreams of Sora, of Kairi - and worst of all, of the real Riku.


	13. Chapter 13

Leon thought for a while, evidently concentrating hard, and finally said what Riku had been both hoping for and dreading: "No, I don't think so." Under the cramped office's incandescent lights, the tiredness showed on is face, making him look older than Riku remembered. 

"Would you have made a note of it somewhere?" Kairi asked, her voice betraying her hope. "People have been losing their memories of Sora, so..." 

"If he visited, we would have made him an honourary member of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee," said Yuffie. She had already pulled a purple binder onto her lap and was flicking through it. "But their names aren't here. So, I guess that means they never dropped by." 

"It does seem strange that they wouldn't have visited," Leon said. His face had drawn into a stern frown. He was looking at Riku with some suspicion. Given that they knew what the real Riku had done, it was probably just that. Riku hoped it was just that. "Do you think something might have happened to them?"

Kairi recounted the story of Naminé and her power over Sora's memories. Leon and Yuffie nodded solemnly. Once she was finished, Yuffie said, "That sounds pretty serious." Even her usual upbeat tone had dropped to one more somber.

"This Organisation XIII," said Leon, "You said they wore black coats? Long leather coats, with hoods?"

Riku nodded. "You've seen them?"

"There've been a few incidents at the castle," Leon said, "They haven't engaged with anyone. My guess would be that they're looking for something."

"We should take a look," Kairi suggested, almost too quickly. "Even if we don't find any clues about Sora, we might find something that helps us figure out what the Organisation is up to." But Leon shook his head.

"I wouldn't be so hasty. The castle is teeming with Heartless."

"Heartless are no match for us," said Kairi, summoning her Keyblade proudly to prove her point. 

Yuffie was up like a shot. "You have a Keyblade too? No way!"

Kairi preened. "You sound surprised."

Yuffie was admiring the weapon, taking it in from all angles. She said reverently, "I thought they were supposed to be totally rare."

"Oh, they are. We're just really special." That comment brought out a snicker even from Leon. Riku realised Kairi was enjoying the attention. It was kind of cute.

"There were more wielders before," Leon said. "When this world was still Radiant Garden. They were apprenticed to one of the Keyblade Masters." He frowned again, crossing his arms in thought. "But I don't know what happened to them."

"There were Keyblade _Masters_?"

"There's this old story that there used to be whole armies of Keyblade wielders," Yuffie piped up. "My Mum used to tell it to me. They fought a great war and when the wielders died the Keyblades died with them. And that's why there aren't many Keyblades any more. And why the worlds are in so much danger from the Darkness now."

"Why would the Keyblade wielders fight each other?" Kairi asked, receiving only a shrug in response. But Riku understood. Once you had a taste of it, no amount of power was ever enough. He was eager to steer the conversation back to safer territory.

"Tell us more about the Masters."

Leon narrowed his eyes at Riku, making him fidget uncomfortably. "Didn't King Mickey tell you any of this?"

"We were, uh, kind of busy. With the whole Door to Darkness thing."

"As far as I know, he's currently the only Keyblade Master. Even when we were younger, there weren't many. Yuffie, you were probably too young to remember this, but about a year before this world fell to the Darkness, there was an invasion of Heartless-" Leon stopped, considered, and corrected himself: "No, they weren't Heartless, exactly. But they were creatures of Darkness."

"There are creatures of Darkness besides Heartless?" Kairi interrupted.

"There's Nobodies," said Yuffie, taking on the tone of someone not used to knowing more than anyone else, and making the most of it; "They're what's left when a Heartless is created. Which makes it a stupid name, if you think about it, because Heartless are made from corrupted hearts and Nobodies are made from the bodies left behind. So it _should_ be the other way around." Riku got the feeling this wasn't the first time she'd complained about this. She was about to say something else, but she noticed Leon's sour expression and offered a sheepish smile. "Sorry. Carry on."

"They weren't Nobodies either. All I was going to say is that several Keyblade wielders visited Radiant Garden during the outbreak. But the King told me that after that they were never heard from again. I just wish I could remember their names..."

Riku happened to glance at Kairi. She had a strange expression on her face, a mix of confusion and recognition. There was something horribly relatable about that look: the look of someone suddenly recalling a deeply buried memory.

"What is it?"

"I think I met one of them." She gazed in wonder at her Keyblade still in her grip. "I can't believe I didn't remember before. She protected me from those monsters. She..." Kairi concentrated hard, but no name came to her lips. Riku was all too familiar with that struggle to trap down flighty memories. "She had kind eyes."

"Next time you see the King, ask him about them," Leon suggested. "I think he knew them well." Kairi already had her journal out, Yuffie immediately crooning over her cute mermaid tail pen topper and novelty sticky tabs. Riku realised there was a fond smile creeping onto his mouth. Kairi was full to bursting with life, laughing as she showed off her kitty page dividers, generously giving what was left of the stack of black-and-white cats with bow ties to a thrilled Yuffie.

He noticed Leon shaking his head as he cleared away empty glasses from the iced tea Yuffie had poured for her guests almost before they were able to accept her offer of it.

"This shouldn't be falling to kids like you." 

"Are you saying we can't handle it?" Riku asked. He couldn't muster any challenge to his voice, though, not with his limbs still aching and his mind continually drifting back to the stash of painkillers and potions in his backpack. Leon glanced at him tiredly.

"I'm saying you shouldn't have to."

"Aw, come on, Leon, quit being such a downer!" It was Yuffie, breaking into the conversation. Riku wondered how accustomed she was to breaking the tension in a room like this. "I'm pretty sure it's time for lunch. You guys wanna join us? Since you came all this way. Aerith can show you that cure spell you wanted too."

"That would be great, thank you."

They filed out into the thin, pale sunshine. The air felt cool on Riku's skin, a little breezy. Between the cracked paving stones weeds were beginning to push through, slashes of green amongst the rust and grey. He watched Leon and Yuffie walk a little way ahead of them, Yuffie skipping and laughing as if playing an invisible game of hopskotch, Leon chastising her sternly when she danced too close to a bulging shadow looming from the carcass of a building. How old must Leon have been when Radiant Garden fell to the Darkness? The age they were now, more or less. Maybe it was the years of fighting that had worn him down. Or the helplessness. Being too weak to protect the people who mattered most.

"Lot on your mind, huh?"

Riku started, but it was only Kairi. He scrabbled for an excuse: "Just thinking how lucky we got to only lose our home for a couple weeks."

Kairi nodded thoughtfully in agreement, looking around at the hollowed out buildings, the great bastion looming in the distance with its twisted, broken spires. 

"I wonder how different my life would have been if I ended up in Traverse Town instead of Destiny Islands," she said thoughtfully. 

Riku responded with a half-hearted joke: "You wouldn't have had to deal with me, for a start."

Kairi laughed, punched him lightly in the ribs. "Aw. You turned out okay in the end."

"Enough to make everything else worth it?" Riku asked. His heart fluttered as if a gust of wind had suddenly rushed through his chest. That _hope_ again, that he could build a friendship strong enough to weather the lies at its foundation.

Kairi hummed theatrically, miming an exaggerated thinking pose complete with stroking an imaginary beard. Then she gave Riku an appraising look and said, a glitter of amusement in her eyes, "Just about."

They came to what must have once been a residential area, squat little houses ringing a courtyard sectioned into raised beds, each a blaze of green. Aerith was crouching, secateurs in hand, pulling up thorny, blackened vines from between the blooming beds of clover.

"If this world is going to survive, we have to repair the soil," she said to Riku and Kairi, once introductions were done. "The fields beyond the town are all still corrupted. It seems daunting, but you have to start somewhere." She went inside and brought out trays of rice balls and bowls of pickled vegetables, which they ate under a gnarled tree just beginning to break into its first blush of blossom. Aerith hadn't seen Sora either. "You should go to Disney Castle and ask King Mickey."

"I can lend yer a gummi ship," said Cid, through a mouthful of food. He was leaning back, head tipped up to enjoy the sunshine. He had been sighing periodically, a smile on his usually dour face, ever since they had arrived from the cramped journey through the Ocean Between.

"Thank you, but we'll have to head home tonight," Kairi said. "We have school tomorrow."

"School?" Yuffie leaned forwards incredulously. "You guys are Keyblade wielders and they still make you go to _school_?"

"If Riku doesn't pass his classes, Mom won't let him go offworld," Kairi said. There was laughter in her eyes, at the sheer incongruity of their double lives. Beating up Heartless on the weekends, back to Government and Politics on Monday. "We might have Keyblades, but we still have to respect our elders."

"I'm glad I never went to school," said Yuffie. "Aerith taught me everything _I_ need to know." Riku had to admit that he was a little jealous.

* * *

After lunch, brandishing their newly acquired healing spells, Leon took them the short distance to the castle, spending the walk warning them of various Heartless he had seen roaming the castle's abandoned halls. 

"We handled a Darkside by ourselves," said Kairi reassuringly, not mentioning the collateral damage they had taken doing so. "We'll be totally fine." Leon didn't look convinced, but he led them up through the gates without any further protest. As soon as they were past the iron bars the air took on a cold, heavy quality, the sunlight dimming perceptibly as if they were in shadow. The Darkness here was powerful, but it didn't have Castle Oblivion's restless, searching energy. This was a power biding its time.

"So this was where the ruling family lived?" Kairi asked as they squeezed past the huge front doors and into the interior. Riku smelled mildew, rust, the musk of animal life. The place felt eerily familiar, as if he had wandered its vaulted hallways before.

"Yes, but mostly the Bastion was used as a community hub - it had meeting halls, a school and library, an infirmary, laboratories for scientific research… you get the picture. The research was the issue. The reason this world fell to the Darkness was the experiments the scientists conducted under the-" Leon paused here briefly, his voice dipping into bitterness- " _l_ _acking_ supervision of Ansem the Wise."

"Ansem?" Kairi looked at Riku questioningly. "Wasn't that the guy who, you know...?" 

"Maybe it's a common name," Riku said blandly, not wanting to consider the question further. Kairi asked Leon something about Radiant Garden's fallen king, but mostly Riku was distracted by the unpleasant prospect of investigating more damn laboratories. After the conversation had quieted again, he brought himself to ask: "What kind of research were they doing?" 

"A lot of their reports were scattered," Leon said. "I think we have copies of a few of them… someone collected them for us. I can't remember who. Aerith can show you back in town. They mostly investigated the nature of hearts and Darkness, but they carried out some medical research as well. Most of the east wing of the Bastion is still accessible. Where do you want to go?"

"Where have the Organisation members been seen?" Kairi asked. If she noticed that Riku was hanging back nervously, she let him have the dignity of not acknowledging it. "If we want to find out what they're up to we should start by tracing their steps."

Leon nodded. "Follow me." He took them down a tight staircase, into the castle's bowels, Kairi moving ahead to dispatch any Heartless in their way. Riku kept his grip tight on his Keyblade, needing the reassurance. The stench of Darkness was everywhere. Its power frightened him.

"Axel said the Organisation wanted Keyblades," Kairi said as they came out into a long hall lined with closed doors. "Why do they want them so badly? It can't just be because they're powerful weapons."

"That's what we're trying to find out," Leon said. "There have been reports of Keyblade wielders in scattered worlds - but communication is patchy at best. Here's where we last saw a member of the Organisation." He opened a door seemingly at random, into a long abandoned office. A bookcase lay broken on the floor, its contents scattered about the room as if a tornado had suddenly swept through the room. Kairi picked up a book, but its pages offered up only a musty puff of dust when she opened it.

"Water damage."

"We've been salvaging whatever we can," said Leon, "which isn't much." Kairi pulled a face and started picking her way over to the desk on the other side of the room. Riku, who was still hanging in the doorway, scanned his gaze over the corridor. Part of him felt as if he had been here before, but perhaps that was just because he had spent so much of his early life running through corridors. He made some comment about checking out the rest of the rooms, and headed further into the gloom, glancing through cracked glass into more offices, storage rooms and laboratories. Mostly broken-down machinery he half recognised, plastic casing yellowed and buckling under the weight of time. Looking smaller than he expected. Unable to brave the laboratories, he allowed himself to be drawn to another office, the lights flickering reluctantly to life as he fumbled with the switches. There was evidence of struggle: overturned furniture, a smashed computer on the floor, deep gouges in the wall that could have only come from the claws of some monstrous Heartless. The Darkness still lingered, a dry, acrid scent in the back of Riku's throat. He crouched to inspect the debris littering the floor. A photo frame caught his eye, the figures even at a glance horribly familiar. He carefully levered the photo out from the broken glass. An angular man approaching middle age was smiling at the camera, a serious little boy with a shock of grey-blue hair sitting on his hip. His chubby fist balled up in his caretaker's shirt. 

The walls were close, the air in the room suffocating. Zexion hadn't even been that much older than he was. And he had killed him.

"Riku? You found something?"

Somehow Riku managed to pass Kairi the photo. He heard the exchange as if through glass: "Leon? Do you recognise these people?" Leon thinking for a moment before speaking, his words always so carefully chosen; "That man is Even. He was one of the head scientists at the Bastion. The boy… I don't remember his name. He was a few years younger than us. Even was his adoptive father, I think." 

"They were in Castle Oblivion," Riku managed to croak out. And then, although he had never heard the name before: "Ienzo. The boy was called Ienzo."

Leon's voice was gentle: "What happened to them?"

What happened was a massacre. He had felt no guilt, only anger and desperation. Zexion had been so cruel. Had treated him with less even than disdain. At least Larxene had toyed with him because it amused her. To Zexion he was only a tool, barely more than inanimate. He betrayed no emotion, until the very end when his eyes had flashed with panic and fear, and Riku had kept pressing down on his windpipe anyway. 

"They're dead."

He pushed past Kairi, back into the corridor. Needing space. Kairi trailed after him, catching his arm. "If you could use a break..."

"I'll meet you at the gate," said Riku gratefully. He fled from that place so full of ghosts, back to the fresh air and endless afternoon sky. The overgrown grass was cool on his back, the wind a calming rustle through the trees. He waited for his heart to slow and his palms to stop sweating. Then he walked the Bastion's perimeter, taking in the sight of the town below. From his high vantage, he could see the world's horizon, roiling with Darkness, just a few hundred metres beyond the furthest houses. Testing the world's barriers for any small crack through which it might break in, devouring everything. He imagined how far the world must have once extended, the outlying agricultural districts needed to support a world as prosperous as Radiant Garden had been. Those farms and villages the first to be engulfed.

As much as he tried to focus on the abandoned industrial sites, hollowed out buildings and overgrown gardens surrounding him, his mind returned restlessly to the photograph. Even's relaxed posture and easy, natural smile. Riku had never seen Vexen smile like that, least of all at Zexion. Riku felt a pang of loss, as if it was his own father he had lost. Had the scientist always been capable of such evil, or had his disregard for human life only developed after his fall to the Darkness? Riku wasn't sure he wanted to find out.

He was still lost in his thoughts when Kairi found him again. She passed over a handful of notebooks, their green covers faded and dusty from neglect. 

"They're some of Even's journals," she said, sitting down on the grass next to him. "It looks like he was working on something like a replica project even before Radiant Garden fell to the Darkness." Riku flicked through the first book, trying to feign calmness as his eyes took in diagrams of human bodies amongst incomprehensible print-outs and Even's tight, practical hand. The original Riku couldn't have been more than four or five when this research was done. There was no reason for these old books to contain anything leading to his existence. "Leon says we can take them back to Destiny Islands. They aren't really of any interest to him. Here's what I think: the Organisation still has Sora's replicas, but without Vexen they don't know how to maintain them. Or control them. I don't know. So they're going back to his old research looking for clues. That's why they're here."

"So it might be a good idea to keep these out of the Organisation's hands," Riku said, using every ounce of control to keep his voice detached. 

"Most of the books were totally wrecked," said Kairi, suspecting nothing. "Leon found some computer bits he said Cid could take a look at, see if he can recover any data." She picked up one of the books. Riku resisted the urge to snatch it out of her hands. _Don't be so paranoid._ "This is so messed up," she said after a few minutes, quite casually. Then: "What if we actually found one of the replicas and not the real Sora? Would we even know?"

_Don't be so paranoid. Don't be so paranoid_.

"I guess so. I mean, you said they didn't look like him, right? And anyway, they'd be working for the Organisation."

"Yeah," said Kairi, not sounding convinced. "But what if we couldn't tell? What if they used one of the replicas to trick us?" She turned to another page of the lab book, brushing her fingers over the anatomical drawings. "I guess it just scares me. Thinking someone might not be who they say they are."

Riku swallowed, but his throat was dry. Even the sky felt oppressive, claustrophobic. If he didn't say something quickly, Kairi would look at him again with that penetrating, suspicious expression, realisation dawning, and everything would be over. How quickly could he melt into the Darkness? Before he even realised it, he was reaching for the power around him. 

"Sora's a terrible liar," Kairi was saying, still flicking through pages. "Hopefully his replicas are too."

"And anyway, he's a good person. Even if the replica was made by the Organisation, we could still get through to him, right? Our friendship would still mean something," Riku said desperately. He winced at Kairi's confused frown, but he had dug himself too deep: "I mean, he'd still be Sora, right? In a way."

"I guess," Kairi said reluctantly. "Oh! I found this." She pulled something silver out of her pocket, handing it to Riku. "Since you don't have a keychain yet, I thought you could use it. It's called Sleeping Lion." The keychain, a winged lion with its mouth open in a powerful roar, was heavy in his palm. When he turned it to catch the light, the metal gave off a blue tint. "Well, go on, try it out."

Grateful for the distraction, Riku summoned Soul Eater and attached the keychain. He nearly lost his grip as the Keyblade transformed, the shaft taking on a metallic sheen and winged guards folding around his hand. Despite its appearance, the Keyblade still felt light and balanced in his hands.

"Leon said it should give you a boost in strength and magic," Kairi said, admiring the weapon. Riku had to admit he prefered its softer tones, the curve of the blade less wicked without its deep, blood-red shine.

"I'll use all the help I can get."

"He said there are a lot of keychains scattered throughout the worlds. From a time when there were more wielders. So we should keep an eye out."

They headed down the hill to Aerith's house, thanking everyone for their hospitality and the gifts the Hollow Bastion crew insisted on bestowing on them: potions and ethers, handmade amulets of protection, a bag of fresh cookies Riku wasn't sure would even last the journey home. Then they were slipping through the Darkness, the late afternoon heat of Destiny Islands a battering ram after Hollow Bastion's cool summer sun. Back to the familiar rush of waves on shore, and back to trigonometry homework. Back to pretending he was Riku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to HybridKylin for speculating that Repliku might still have some of Zexion's memories from that whole power-stealing thing he did!
> 
> For reference, here's Repliku's new Keyblade, Lionsoul: 


	14. Chapter 14

That evening while his Mom watched TV in the front room, Riku retired to his bedroom under the pretext of making notes for an upcoming test and began to work his way through the journals. The dust made him cough as he cracked the old spines open, releasing the mildewy scent of the pages. He picked a journal at random, running his finger down the contents page until he found an entry that read _Organ Vessel 004_. He flicked to the page, finding a neatly penned diagram of a human torso, each organ carefully outlined in faded ink. Reading Even's notes proved a challenge, although the handwriting only faded to illegibility at the bottom of each page, where the doctor had tightened his lines to squeeze every thought in. Every other word was unfamiliar to Riku. He fetched his biology textbook, turned it to the chapter on human anatomy, and struggled queasily through. The more he read the more aware he became of his body; his steady heartbeat, the press of cloth against his thighs, the aftertaste of lemonade in his mouth. Heavy. Real. _Human_. 

At first he skimmed over the tables - some handwritten, others printed - until he came to a scribbled note in the margins of one table: "Fe abs. poor - intake inc. to 17mg/d". Flicking back through, he realised the charts were the results of blood tests. Dozens of them, each taken only a day or two apart, the vessel's biochemistry monitored down to the smallest detail. In another journal, Even had drawn a complicated set of equations with circled acronyms Riku couldn't find anywhere in his chemistry textbook, and underneath had written: "oral nutritional uptake remains lacking - suspect enzyme deficiency. maintaining IV for time being". Riku thought about the dizziness, the stomach cramps, the tiredness that still seemed to take over his body almost at random. Maybe it was a long shot, this clue from a decade-old book written by a man who was now dead, but he tore off a sticky note, wrote the word _VITAMINS_ on it, and stuck it in his biology book anyway. 

He moved on, searching for more research on the vessels. Most of Even's time seemed to have been taken up by other things: studying Heartless, collecting data - exactly what kind of data Riku couldn't decipher - and even in one book treating residents of Radiant Garden for mundane, everyday complaints. Sore throats, stiff knees, twisted ankles. The occasional surgery. All carefully documented and left to rot in a basement. He found a section on what Even called the "biomechanical scaffold", grainy photographs showing that all-too-familiar mesh exposed under carefully scalpeled skin. Most of the writing was indecipherable jargon; however, in the middle of one page Even had written a very familiar statement: "The adaptability (or lackthereof) of b.m.s. remains a serious constraint. Its connection to organic tissue is tenuous at best - especially in extremities - easily ruptured by physical motion. Detachment appears to cause subject considerable pain." 

Subconsciously, Riku rubbed at his arms. So the solution to that particular problem was easy: don't move. And also, never have moved.

Glancing up to check his blinds were fully closed, he whispered under his breath, " _Cura_." The spell flooded through him, providing him blissful relief from the aching under his skin. It took a few seconds for the afterimage to fade from his eyes.

He read on. Even discussed first surgical fixes for the issue, then magical. Both were equally out of Riku's reach. Painkillers and healing spells would have to do, both of which he had no choice but to use sparingly. In another journal, Even speculated on the longevity of vessels, a statement which brought Riku a queasy comfort: "With appropriate medical care, a vessel should maintain good biochemical and mechanical function indefinitely. Whether a vessel will eventually undergo senescence, and when senescence may commence on a cellular level, remains to be seen."

Riku found his Mom's dictionary and looked up the word "senescence". Then he went back to his room. Right now, he figured he had more pressing concerns than whether his body would actually experience old age.

He spent another half hour scouring the journals, but there was little else of interest to him, and as much as he tried to focus on the sections about the nature of hearts and the delicate balance of Light and Darkness, his mind kept swimming back to the vessels. Artificial constructs, to be treated with care but only for whatever purpose they might serve their owner. Even had made no mention of replicas in the journals Riku had; he was left to wonder what had interested the scientist so much in vessels in the first place, if not to create facsimiles of Keyblade wielders for the Organisation. Had it ever occurred to him that the vessels he studied so meticulously could have thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears? That they might want to exist on their own terms?

Riku realised he was crying. He closed the books, switched off the light, lay in darkness. No matter what those books said, no matter how twisted his memories were, no matter what the other Riku would do to him, he was _real_. And that, at least, he wouldn't let anyone take away from him.

* * *

The day had been punctuated with showers, the footpaths between buildings turning slick and trecherous. Students hurried between classes, using anything to sheild their hair from the rain: umbrellas, bags, folders, some people even pulling their shirts over their heads for what little protection it afforded them. Riku and Kairi had already braved the rain during first break sneaking out past the athletics field to talk Keyblades and journals, and were still too damp to care about what had settled into a light drizzle by lunchtime. Riku had been hoping for a spare minute to look up nutritional deficiencies in the library - he was sure there would be something in the physiology and health section - but Kairi was too energised by their trip offworld, and all she wanted to talk about was their next move in the search for Sora. They left the school grounds and headed down to the shore - only a few minutes' walk - where they could talk more privately. They sat on an old lava flow, watching the ocean crash against the platforms below, swapping bits of food from their lunch boxes. 

"I think I'll ask Mom if I can spend the weekend at yours again," Kairi said between mouthfuls of a salad that was more sour cream than potato. "Leon was saying we probably won't be able to get to Disney Town through the Corridors of Darkness. The world is protected by this thing called the Cornerstone of Light. But we can borrow a gummi ship from Cid. Apparently it's not far from Radiant Garden if you take a worm hole, or something."

"I have no idea how to fly a gummi ship."

"I'm on the Space Racer leaderboard at the arcade," Kairi laughed. "How different can it be?" She sounded so much like Sora. That breezy confidence.

"Uh, for a start if you crash, we die."

"You worry too much."

"I worry the regular amount. Did Sora ever visit Disney Town?"

Kairi shook her head. "I was looking through my journal, but it's not one of the worlds I remember. So, not a hard no, but I don't think so. But King Mickey should have more answers." She plopped a bunch of grapes into Riku's lunch box and stole a chicken nugget. "We can tell him what we found out about the Organisation, too."

"Maybe he'll know more too," said Riku. His chest kept tightening every time Kairi mentioned the Mouse King's name. Of all the people most likely to have met the other Riku - the _real_ Riku - it was King Mickey. All he could do was hope Kairi would appreciate the sacrifice Riku was making for her. "Maybe not this weekend though. My mock exams are next week."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Sorry." 

"It's not like I actually want to study."

"Dad keeps getting on my back about my grades," Kairi said sourly. "I'm doing _fine_. I think he's just mad I keep hanging out with you." She leaned back, tipping her face into the rain. Riku pretended he couldn't see the lace trim of her bra through her wet shirt. "I dunno. Sometimes some of this stuff seems so insignificant. Why am I memorising key dates in the Destiny Islands Consitutional Crisis when there are so many other worlds out there? When this one is just so… disconnected." She sighed, was quiet for a moment. Riku nabbed an oatmeal cookie out of her lunch box. Finally she said, "I don't know. It's not just that. It pisses me off that my parents have decided I just have to 'move on from Sora' now. That my life just has to go back to normal as if nothing even happened. I know they're forgetting about him too, but like, of _course_ my grades aren't going to be as good as they used to be! I nearly died! My best friend is missing! They act like six months can just erase ten years of friendship, and I know- I know it's not really their fault. I mean, he _is_ disappearing. It's not their fault they can't remember how important he is to me. But if they really cared about me I could have told them what was happening. If they actually respected Sora in the first place they wouldn't be treating him like some childhood friend I just need to grow out of." She picked at her food, clearly disinterested in it. A pained expression had settled on her face: not angry, just helpless. Riku considered holding her hand, patting her shoulder in consolation, but in the end he balked and did neither. "I know they love me. They're not bad parents. But it's like… they don't even know who I am. They're trying to do what's best for some daughter they're imagining they have, not _me_."

"That's really hard," Riku said, the words coming out awkward. "I mean. You should be able to trust them. And it sucks that you can't." _Way to state the obvious_. Why did he suck so much at sincere conversations?

"Yeah," Kairi agreed, turning to face the horizon again. Far out, fishing ships were scudding across the water. "I mean, I could tell them, but then what? They'd just try to stop me leaving. Probably wouldn't let me hang out with you any more. They already think you're a bad influence. Mom made me promise the other day not to get a tattoo. I don't even want a tattoo! She's just saying that because of Fin."

"To be fair, I _am_ encouraging you to rebel against your parents."

"I'd do it anyway." Kairi looked down at her shirt, plastered to her skin from the rain. She peeled it away with a wet _pop_. "I'm gonna get in trouble for indecency again if I go back to school looking like this."

"That's stupid," said Riku, and before he could overthink gestured to his own rain-soaked chest: "I mean, my tits are more out than yours right now."

Kairi snickered. Then she laughed. Then she wheezed, shaking as she tried to compose herself, Riku's insistence that "It wasn't _that_ funny, Kairi" only drawing out more waves of laughter. Even when they were heading back through the school, dodging teachers to get to her locker where Kairi was pretty sure she had a gym shirt, she kept breaking into giggles again.

"That really tickled you, huh?"

"It was just the way you said it," said Kairi, her eyes crinkling with amusement all over again. "You're always so serious. I like this new you." They reached her locker, where she triumphantly pulled out her PE kit. "Bell's about to go. I'll meet you after school?"

"Sure."

He watched her hurry to the girl's bathroom to change. It was a few moments before he remembered he had a lesson to get to as well. 

* * *

The afternoon classes dragged on, made worse by Riku's sodden clothes, which started to rub at his skin during chemistry and were practically cutting into him by the time geography finally rolled around. He kept to himself during his classes - that much at least hadn't changed - and tried, without much success, to pay close attention to the material on the whiteboard. His mind flicked like a metronome between Even's journals, and Sora. If he hadn't visited Traverse Town or Hollow Bastion, where was he? What did Even mean by "appropriate medical care"? Why wasn't the other Riku searching for Sora too, if something had happened to him? What if he was dying? What if Sora was dying?

Finally the last bell rang. Riku had a brief conversation with his teacher - a comment on his last piece of homework, which left something to be desired - and hurried out to meet Kairi. She held up a detention note when she saw him.

"Still got written up for a uniform violation."

"Oh, man."

"It's fine. I'll just tell Mom and Dad I had to study late. What they don't know can't hurt them."

"I need to drop by the pharmacy," Riku said as they left the school, hoping his voice sounded casual. "Just said I'd pick some things up for Mom."

"Is she sick?" Kairi asked, immediately concerned.

"She's okay, it's just, private. You know." Riku had practiced this lie in his head for half the day: awkward enough to discourage more questions, natural enough to sound like he wasn't doing a terrible job at lying. He had considered the truth, casually mentioning his tiredness as an excuse for suddenly caring about supplements, but the thought of Kairi flicking through the journals and making the connection chilled him.

"It must be pretty serious if she went to a doctor for it," said Kairi. Riku pulled a face, one he hoped conveyed "tell-me-about-it" and not "I'm-lying-through-my-teeth".

"Yeah, I kinda had a fight with her about it. Don't, uh, don't mention it to her. Please."

To this at least, Kairi nodded solemnly. "Of course." Riku breathed a sigh of relief. The pharmacy wasn't far; thankfully Kairi didn't protest either when Riku asked her to wait outside while he collected the "prescription". The bell tinkled as he slipped inside, awkwardly glancing back to see if Kairi was watching him - thankfully she was more interested in window shopping a few doors down - before heading to the section marked "Vitamins and Minerals". A wall of bottles greeted him, each looking virtually identical to the last. It was several long moments before he even found the multivitamins, and even then there were so many more varieties than he was expecting. Supplements for energy, for focus, for pregnancy, for children, for vitality and fertility. _How many different kinds of nutrition can people need?_ No wonder his Mom thought it was all profiteering bullshit. After a few minutes of frantic deliberation he picked one that contained iron but still didn't cost too much, and took it to the counter along with several more packs of painkillers. 

"I'm afraid you can only buy two of these at a time."

"…Oh." 

Awkwardly he placed the extra painkillers back on the shelf. He'd have to be careful not to use too many or the pharmacist might start getting suspicious. He buried his purchases in his bag and stepped back outside. The rain was finally easing off, rafts of sunlight making the pools of water on the pavement glisten. Already the air was steamy.

"Got what you needed?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Thought we could stop at the pastry shop too while we're here. My treat." Kairi held up her purse, which looked rather more full than usual. "I got a bunch of munny from those Heartless in Hollow Bastion." They headed across the road, Riku only offering a bland "sure" in agreement. "We can get something for Fin and Hikari too."

Riku had always scoffed at the sweet treats on display in the pastry shop's window, a bluster that mainly served to cover his worries about their prices. Not that Sora was ever any less broke, but he always shamelessly wheedled something out of Kairi's pocket money. Riku always had to be the responsible one, eschewing frivolities while Sora wasted money he didn't have on things he didn't need. But examining his memories more closely revealed another angle: Kairi had always generously offered to get something for Riku. And he had always refused out of simple pride.

He said while they inspected the display, "Sora always loved coming here. He used to take ten minutes considering every single pastry and then always chose the fruit tart."

"That was his favourite, huh?" 

"He'd bring it home and put even more fruit on top."

"I think I remember that," said Kairi. "He'd pile the fruit pieces so high he wouldn't be able to fit it in his mouth."

"Especially not while laughing."

Kairi sighed. Her lips twitched into a sad, nostalgic smile. "I miss him."

"Yeah. Me too."

They stood there reminiscing for several moments. Then, evidently deciding it was time to move on, Kairi clapped her hands together loudly. "So, coffee and walnut cake for Hikari? What about Fin?"

"Hmm. Apple turnover."

"I'm gonna get a cinnamon roll." Kairi turned to Riku expectantly.

Riku surveyed the almost impossible selection of baked goods, suddenly made dizzy by choice. Glossy fruit buns, glazed doughnuts, fluffy muffins, towering cake slices which were honestly more icing than cake, luxurious cream-filled pastries and a few things he didn't even recognise stared back at him. "Uh… the mango cheesecake, I guess?"

Kairi was looking at him like that was definitely the wrong answer. "You sure about that?"

Riku scoured his memory. Did he hate cheesecake? Was he allergic to mango? He was almost certain he wasn't allergic to mango. Maybe he'd had a bad cheesecake experience and forgotten about it. Praying it wouldn't make him sound totally suspicious, he settled for "Yeah, okay, better not risk it," and quickly chose carrot cake instead.

"I know Naminé messed with your memories," Kairi was saying as they joined the queue to order, "But the fact that you're lactose intolerant is a pretty weird thing to forget." Darkness, Riku hoped she was joking. At least in the shop's noisy interior Kairi wouldn't hear his hammering heart.

"Well, it's been a while," he said vaguely, hoping he sounded less like he was having an anxiety attack than he felt. "I've been getting on okay with milk at home." This much was true: it hadn't even occurred to him not to drink milk, and his Mom didn't seem to have noticed anything wrong. But he wasn't sure if she'd actually seen him drinking milk; usually she was already rushing to get ready for work by the time he rolled out of bed in the morning. "It's something you can grow out of, right?"

Kairi considered this. "Pretty sure it's usually something you grow _into._ Mom has these lactase pills she takes these days." But she at least sounded casual, amused even, and not like she was about to launch into a full-on interrogation.

"Better to play it safe," Riku said. Thankfully Kairi didn't press the issue further; she made cheerful small talk with the cashier while he boxed up her order and seemed to have forgotten the entire episode by the time they were back on the street, heading to the chain ferry port. Riku was trying not to think about the other things he might have forgotten, things which would lead Kairi, those incriminating journals her key, to the truth. 


	15. Chapter 15

"Riku? Can we talk?"

It was raining again, insistently, sheets of water coming down in rhythmic waves. Half of the garden was underwater already, and it looked like the flooding would soon reach the road. Riku loved the clear taste of rain in the air, the way the sound of it drumming on the porch roof almost drowned out his thoughts. 

He tensed at the sound of his Mom's voice. He turned, half expecting to see her holding one of Even's journals, but she just had a tumbler of iced tea in each hand. She held one out to him: a gesture of peace. So he wasn't in trouble this time.

"Okay."

"I'm going to ask Hikari to move in with us," she said once she had found a chair not too spattered with raindrops. "I'm worried about her. I don't think she should be on her own."

"Sure. She can have my room." 

"It's okay, I think we have a camp bed in the attic. There's space in my room for it." His Mom nudged his shoulder, smirking. "A boy like you needs his privacy." Riku pulled a face, but he didn't argue it. Thankfully before he could dwell on that embarrassment too much, she continued: "She quit her job yesterday. Her manager didn't even remember who Sora was. I think it's all just too much for her."

"You think people who weren't close to him are forgetting about him quicker?" asked Riku. His Mom nodded.

"I've mentioned him to some of my customers. Most people think he moved away or died a long time ago. I've had a couple of 'Hikari had a son?'s though." She looked at him with what he imagined was scrutiny. "You're the only one who remembers everything."

"I guess I'm just immune to Naminé's influence now," he said, a lie he had told himself so many times he almost believed it. 

His Mom didn't say anything for a while. Then she said, "This is the worst way to lose a child." 

"We'll find him," Riku insisted. Another statement that only felt true because of how many times he'd repeated it. His Mom looked at him pityingly.

"Riku…" she stroked his arm. When she spoke her voice was gentle. "I know how much you care about him. This is difficult for all of us. But it's been months. I'm not saying you won't find him, but… you have to prepare for the fact that this might be the end."

A curl of emotion tightened in Riku's stomach. The strange stolen shadow of love for Sora. The protective anger in the other Riku's eyes. Something like self-hatred. He wanted to tell her that there was someone else looking for Sora, someone with the power to tear worlds apart, someone who would stop at nothing to keep from harm the boy he loved more than his own life. But the dread crawled up his throat, silencing him. If he was a better person he would have told them the truth, stopped play-acting a life that didn't belong to him, spent every waking moment hunting down that stupid asshole who was too deep in self-pity to realise he wasn't the only person who cared about Sora. 

Instead he whispered, some of that bitterness slipping into his voice, "Is that what you said to Hikari?"

His Mom considered this for several moments, choosing her words carefully when she said, "This is a fishing town. We know enough people who've lost family and never had a body to bury. You can't keep waiting forever."

"He beat every member of the Organisation he fought," Riku said. "He wouldn't let them control him."

"Then what about Naminé?"

"She's trying to keep us from him." It was desperate speculation, but when he said it out loud he realised it had a ring of truth. It occurred to him that the other Riku could be losing his memories of Sora too. A cruel part of his mind thought, _Good. Now you get to know what it feels like to be toyed with_. "She wouldn't have any reason to if he wasn't alive."

She didn't challenge him, but she didn't agree with him either. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Eventually she said, "You've been on edge lately."

Riku looked away and offered a half-truth: "Just don't want things to change."

"Oh, hun. I understand." She reached over and squeezed Riku's shoulder. "That's a nasty scar you've got there." 

Riku was quick to brush her hand away. He hoped she would interpret the gesture as stoicness. "Yeah, I got it from that Darkside we fought. It's fine. It doesn't hurt." 

"Maybe we should take you to a doctor. I know the Darkness situation might be hard to explain, but we'll figure something out."

"I said, it's no big deal. Anyway, we're not going to fight anything we don't have to." He added a final argument: "Besides, Kairi can protect me."

His Mom smiled. "I'm so glad you two are getting along."

"Yeah, well." Riku hoped the dusky light would hide his blush. 

"She's always been such a lonely girl."

Riku glanced up in surprise. "Lonely?" It wasn't a word he would have thought of when describing Kairi.

"She always keeps her real feelings close," was his Mom's only comment. "Sora was just like his Mom. Always knew how to spot the people who needed friendship the most."

Riku imagined the way those gorgeous sky-blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, the warmth of his skin in those briefest of platonic touches, never enough for Riku's hungry heart. In spite of everything Sora had always stayed loyal to Riku. Would he realise that _he_ was someone who desperately needed friendship too?

He said sullenly, "He took pity on me."

"He thought the world of you."

An anger flushed through him, surprising in its intensity. Sora meant everything to Kairi, to Hikari - to Riku. And she had just given up. "Don't talk about him like he's gone forever." He felt guilty for snapping, but not guilty enough to apologise. A breeze brought a patter of rain past the porch railing. Riku's skin tingled at the touch of droplets. He hooked his legs up close to his chest, feeling young. Vulnerable.

His Mom, evidently deciding to leave that argument for another day, changed the subject: "So this weekend you're visiting… Disney Town? Where Sora's companions came from?"

"Yeah. Cid's giving us a ride from Hollow Bastion." The engineer - prudently, in Riku's opinion - had decided it was safer than loaning them a gummi ship, and had decided to use the opportunity to try to repair communications between the two worlds. "So if the King finds yer boy, we'll be the first to know!" he had said, sending a chill down Riku's spine.

"Talking animals," his Mom said in wonder, "Who'd have thought. You'll have to take me there some time."

"I'll bring back a souvenier," Riku promised. 

She kissed his forehead and returned inside, leaving him with his guilt. If the real Riku was out there protecting Sora, he had sacrificed everything for it - and what was _he_ doing? Going to school like getting his diploma would even mean anything to Riku, stealing his Mom's affection, and- 

He flushed, remembering Kairi's natural, easygoing smile and the way she moved light on her feet as if the world was a skipping game, yet still surefooted and unrelenting in battle. Darkness, as if having it bad for _Sora_ wasn't enough. 

_It doesn't matter,_ he thought sternly to himself, stacking the chairs back against the wall. _It's never going to happen. All of this is just temporary. Get used to it_. But his heart wasn't having any of it.

* * *

Kairi was focusing intently, her eyebrows furrowed and her lip caught between her teeth, as she made her way through another one of Even's journals. Despite the gummi ship's sudden movements as it avoided asteroids and Heartless, her handwriting remained remarkably steady as she took notes.

"This is really interesting," she said, which was the first positive thing she'd said about the journal's contents in over an hour. "At least, if I'm reading this right. Apparently they did some experiments and the stronger a source of Light, the stronger the Darkness it creates, and vice versa. So Light and Darkness are always in balance."

"Ain't been that way for a long time," scoffed Cid. Riku looked out at the swirling space around them, the towering debris of former worlds reminding him of the Corridors of Darkness.

"Even says here that-" Kairi cleared her throat, then recited in her most professorial, stuffy voice; " _If this principle proves universal, the inbalance of Light and Darkness in the observed universe must be a local effect only; sleeping worlds may hold the key to the missing Light_. Sleeping worlds?"

Cid shrugged. "I dunno 'bout any of that."

Kairi nudged Riku with her elbow. "If I'm Light and you're Darkness, think we could use that principle of Even's to make each other stronger?"

"Are you calling me your shadow?"

"Aw. You're more than that."

"Thanks, I think."

They lapsed back into quiet, Kairi reading on with renewed interest. Riku watched a flock of unfamiliar monsters pass by outside their window. He suppressed another yawn. The anxiety had been creeping back again, and even reaching Hollow Bastion and finding no news of Sora - or the other Riku - had done little to settle it. He had had several more false starts trying to tell his Mom the truth, but it had always caught in his mouth. At Hollow Bastion he had considered pulling Aerith aside and confessing to her, hoping for a little empathy, but his courage failed him. It was a small comfort at least to know that he wasn't the only Riku willing to keep secrets until they killed him. How different would things have been if he had just admitted how he felt about Sora, that his antipathy towards Kairi was just childish jealousy? If he had just, for once in his life, been honest?

"Riku?"

"Huh?"

Kairi was holding out a box of muffins, another gift from the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee.

"No thanks." Riku pointed to the window. "Feeling kinda travel sick."

Kairi giggled. "Now you know how I feel going through Corridors of Darkness."

"Oh, they make me feel sick too."

"Y'know," Cid interrupted, "I ain't never heard of someone who could use the Darkness without bein' corrupted by it. You must be somethin' real special, Riku."

Riku and Kairi glanced at each other. Kairi grinned mischeviously, but she didn't say anything. Riku, grateful, made some bland comment about dusks and dawns, and let the conversation drop. 

A long journey later, the swarms of Heartless started to clear, the vast empty space around them lightening into something the colour of sky. A pang of nerves hit Riku: what if, without an underbelly of Darkness in this world, he couldn't _escape_? The claustrophobia bore down on him as Cid wove through increasingly busy lanes of traffic and joined a queue heading down to a sprawling world blazing with colour. He would lay low as long as he needed to. Stow away on one of the big freighters leaving for other worlds. Surely even Riku wouldn't care enough to chase him down.

A thought tugged at him like a loose tooth: if a confrontation with the other Riku turned violent, maybe it would be better to die. Better than living with knowing what he had forfeited.

He glanced at Kairi. She was pressed against the window, gazing with wonder at Disney Town. The outlying forests and fields were so green as to look unreal; from them the town rose, every building jostling for space in the chaos.

"Check it out, Riku, you can even see Disney Castle from here." 

Riku leaned over her, craning his neck to see the castle's spires rise from the horizon for a few short seconds before Cid yelled, "Goin' down!" and they suddenly plummeted down to the landing bay. 

"I didn't think there'd be this many other gummi ships," Kairi said while Riku wrestled back down the contents of his stomach. "I thought the worlds were all closed off from each other. Like Destiny Islands."

"Most are," said Cid, flipping open the hatch. "But there's networks of interconnected worlds. Places where the barriers ain't so thick. Disney Town's the best connected of 'em all. That's why you ain't gotta worry 'bout disguises here. Follow me!"  
  
They trooped after him, goggling at the impossible architecture rising around them. Gadgets and gizmos whizzed through the air, lights flashing and horns blaring and pipes whistling. Kairi threw Riku a look of amazement: he had never seen anything like it either.

"How does this all _work_?"

"Hell if I know," was Cid's assessment. They broke out into the bright afternoon light, picture-perfect clouds scudding across a stunningly blue sky. The street was busy, animals talking and laughing and singing. A few people waved at them as they walked by, although when Kairi asked if they were friends of Cid's the engineer laughed and said, "Nope. Never met 'em. Whole darn world's like this."

"Sora would love this place," said Riku. Cid was a few steps ahead, but he noticed the smile freeze on Kairi's face.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly, the joy and wonder punched out of her. Before Riku could muster any words of comfort she was jogging to catch up with Cid. What would he have said anyway? _We'll take him here one day_? His Mom's words rang in his ears. What if they found Sora, only to find he wasn't the person they remembered? What if by the time they caught up to him he was just a stranger to Kairi?

 _He'd never abandon his friends, even if he doesn't remember them. Wasn't that how Naminé was even able to manipulate him in the first place?_ The cheerful oversaturation of Disney Town felt jarring against his inner turmoil. He hung back, caught in his own thoughts again, the hustle and bustle surrounding him a featureless roar. There were just too many variables. Too much he didn't know, couldn't predict. He was powerless, and he hated it.

"Hey. Kid." It was Cid, looking at him with an expression Riku imagined was something like concern. "Gotta drop off by the communications hub," He thumbed a squat building across the road decorated by an animatronic rabbit pulling a letter out of a hat. "Keep headin' straight an' you'll hit the castle in no time. Jus' tell them yer Keyblade wielders an' you'll get in no problem."

"Thanks Cid." Kairi bobbed her gratitude. "We'll meet you back at the main square tonight?"

"Nah, I'll come up to meet ya," said Cid. "Tell 'em I came with you, 's the least you can do. Get this old man a stay at the castle." 

"Sure thing, Gramps."

"Oy-!"

Kairi dodged Cid's arm, laughing. "You said it yourself!"

"Ah, geddoutahere." Cid gave them one last dismissive wave and headed across the street. 

Kairi squared her shoulders, her expression turning serious. "Right. Time to meet some royalty." She glanced at herself, then Riku. "Should we have worn more formal clothes?"

"I think we'll be fine," Riku said, feeling anything but. "The King wasn't really one for formality." They headed off towards the castle, the road soon opening out into a colourful promenade banked by cartoonishly round trees and lampposts practically bending under the weight of their hanging baskets. A gentle slope led to the towering castle, its architecture as busy as the rest of the town, the blue and white bricks gleaming in the sunlight.

"This place doesn't even look _real_ ," Kairi marvelled.

"It's honestly..." Riku glanced around: nobody was paying them much attention. "It's kind of creepy?"

"Hah! You _would_ think that."

They reached the castle gates, which were wide open, people coming and going as if it were just another part of the town. Some wore regular clothes, others were dressed in such finery it bordered on comical. Kairi asked a passing crow who to talk to about seeing the King, who directed them to a booth close to the castle's entrance staffed by a penguin in a bow tie. He listened cordially while Kairi explained the situation, then passed them off to another penguin - identical to the first - who led them down a cavernous corridor, moving surprisingly quickly for a creature with such short legs, and finally delivered them to what Riku assumed, from the row of comfortable looking chairs and cheerful to the point of annoying music, was a waiting room. The penguin bowed deeply and disappeared. Kairi was immediately at the window, looking out over a courtyard boasting statuesque topiaries surrounded by a veritable rainbow of blooms.

"I wish I had a camera. This place is crazy."

Another penguin - Riku knew he was a different one because he had a different coloured bow tie - appeared with a tray of refreshments, which Kairi took graciously.

"Thank you!" 

The penguin bowed to her, ignoring Riku completely. "The Queen will be ready to see you in just a few minutes, Princess."

"… Princess? I didn't tell anyone I was a Princess." 

Riku smirked. "Your reputation preceeds you. What flavour is this smoothie supposed to be?" He held up a multicoloured monstrocity equipped with several straws which looked like they'd been inspired by funfair rides. 

"Hm. My guess would be all of them." Kairi took the other smoothie, clinked it theatrically against Riku's, and took a long sip, drawing her straw up through the layers. "Okay, I'm getting… mango, strawberry, chocolate, mango again, not sure what the green layer is but it's _sour_ , vanilla, blueberry? I officially love this place. Do you think they'd let us keep the straws?"

Even Riku couldn't suppress a smile. He took his smoothie more slowly, enjoying each layer as he sucked it up through the whirlygig straw. The flavours were somehow even brighter than the drink's colours. Sora would be obsessed. His laughter infectious as he tried to puzzle out each layer, bobbing his head up and down to try every possible flavour combination.

"Riku? You okay? Looking kinda pink there." 

Riku coughed, nearly choking on a mouthful of watermelon flavour smoothie. "Yeah. Just. Thinking about how Sora would love these."

"I don't know, I feel like this would almost be _too_ much for him. I mean, how could he ever go back to a regular smoothie?"

"I'm not sure _I_ can ever go back to a regular smoothie."

Kairi considered her smoothie, which was beginning to take on a marbled texture. "Damn, I think you're right- oh. Um. Hello." Another penguin, or maybe one of the penguins before, had materialised at the door. Riku found himself standing to attention.

The penguin gestured with a flipper. "This way, please."

"Can we take our drinks?"

"Of course, Princess."

"You can just call me Kairi, it's fine."

Another long corridor. Into a meeting room with plush high-backed chairs and a large polished table which Riku could have sworn moved when they entered.

"Wait here, please, Kairi." The penguin bobbed and shuffled out.

"I'm here too, I guess," Riku muttered. He surveyed the hanging covering one wall, an intricately painted map of the Ocean Between and its many worlds. He hunted for several minutes, but by the time the door opened again he still hadn't found Destiny Islands.

"Queen Minnie," announced a penguin, folding over itself in a bow. Kairi pulled Riku down onto his knee as a familiar silhouette entered the room.

A high voice spoke: "Oh, there's no need for any of that. Thank you, Eggbert." Queen Minnie hitched up her skirting and hurried towards them, taking first Riku's hands in hers- "You must be young mister Riku. I've heard all about you from Mickey-" then Kairi's hands- "And Princess Kairi, it's so good to finally meet you both. Please, take a seat." They awkwardly obeyed, waiting as she climbed onto a chair on the other side of the table. The furniture dwarfed her, making her look in all her finery - well, mouselike. Once she was settled, she smiled at them both and said; "Now. I'm afraid Mickey is travelling on Keyblade business at present, but I'll do my best to assist. What can I help you with?"


	16. Chapter 16

The computer whirred and buzzed, gears clicking into motion, as Queen Minnie flicked what appeared to be a random sequence of buttons and switches. "This might take a little while," she said apologetically, rummaging in a desk drawer which was substantially bigger on the inside than the outside. "Organisation has never been Mickey's strong suit. Aha!" She produced an ornate bronze key and slid it into a waiting keyhole in the computer, eliciting a flurry of activity across the device's many screens. While they waited for the computer to load up, she added: "He's been looking for Sora, Donald and Goofy ever since the events that took place at Castle Oblivion. Donald and Goofy are dear friends of ours, you know."

"Have you been forgetting about them too?" Kairi asked.

Queen Minnie tapped her chin in thought. "Not _forgetting_ , exactly. But for a few months it felt as if they had been gone for a very long time. It was especially hard for Daisy." Kairi glanced at Riku, but he didn't know who Daisy was either, and it didn't seem to occur to Queen Minnie to explain. "But- now, when was it? A month ago, perhaps- all our memories came flooding back. It was as if they'd never been lost at all."

"But Donald and Goofy didn't show up again?"

Queen Minnie shook her head. "No, they haven't been seen. Oh, dear me, look at this mess." Riku and Kairi glanced at the cluttered displays; the icons and figures splashed liberally across them were all but incomprehensible. Queen Minnie pulled the keyboard close to her and typed in slowly _O-R-G-A-N-I-S-A-T-I-O-N X-I-I-I_. "Let's see, let's see… Here we go. The first reports of hooded figures threatening the world order came a little over ten years ago, although they do seem to have been much more active lately. Ah, yes- I'll print this log out for you-" Queen Minnie tapped more buttons, sending another part of the computer into a frenzy: a moment later several sheets of paper shot out of a slot at high velocity, Kairi diving to catch them. "As it so happens, Mickey's last mission was to investigate two Keyblade wielders wearing black coats who had been spotted in several worlds."

"The replicas?" Kairi glanced over the print outs. "It says here one teenage boy with… large feet and a sullen attitude. Doesn't sound like Sora. Well, the shoe fits."

Riku snorted. "Very funny."

"And these reports say the other Keyblade wielder is a teenage girl. Described as 'spirited and sturdy'." Kairi looked at Riku, her expression one of pure horror. " _I'm_ spirited and sturdy."

"It… It could be a coincidence." Riku tried to recall any of Vexen's comments about his experiments, anything that might indicate he was planning to create a replica of Kairi. But his memories from before he was Riku were murky at best. 

Kairi shuddered. " _I'm_ me." 

"We have some reports on Naminé as well," Queen Minnie interrupted, apparently too focused on the computer to have paid much attention to their exchange. "Kairi, did you know she's your Nobody?"

"She's my _what_?"

Queen Minnie pointed to one of the smaller screens, showing a scanned image of a book with familiar tight handwriting. Although the screen was too small to make out the words Riku's heart immediately began to race. _Stay calm_ , he told himself fiercely. _Just act natural. If the book mentions replicas of Riku just pretend you're the original. Kairi has no reason to suspect you. Except all those times you totally failed to act like the real Riku and the fact that you're the world's worst liar._

"Mickey was able to recover some research notes from Castle Oblivion. I'll copy them for you too. It says here-" Queen Minnie paused to clear her throat- "'We suspect that Naminé was created when Kairi's heart was separated from her body and took refuge with Sora. Her connection to Kairi - and thus, to Sora - is what gives her the power to manipulate the memories of Sora and the people whose hearts he has touched.'" She paused to scan over the next few lines. "The author goes on to speculate that your being a Princess of Heart makes Naminé a unique class of Nobody, quite unlike the Nobodies filling the ranks of Organisation XIII."

"I don't get it," said Kairi. She was frowning, her arms crossed, muscles tense. "Yuffie said Nobodies are what's left when people lose their hearts. But what was left when I lost my heart was just my body. I know that, because _you_ carted it all over the place trying to get a rise out of Sora." 

"It would explain why she looks like you," Riku managed, grateful at least that Kairi's jab had given him something to look uncomfortable about that wasn't all the talk of replicas.

" _She looks like me?_ "

"Yeah. Blonde, but..."

"How did you never think to mention that!"

Riku shrugged sheepishly, but he was saved from any further grilling by Queen Minnie: "Could Naminé be this second Keyblade wielder Mickey's reports mention?" 

Kairi slumped, the wind knocked out of her. "If she is, that means Sora really is with the Organisation." She let out a little sob as Queen Minnie patted her back sympathetically. 

"There, there. Sora has a strong heart and strong friends. I know you won't let him be lost for long."

"Only if we can keep _remembering_ him," Kairi blurted out. She dropped into the nearest chair, scowling as if she could stop herself from crying through sheer force of anger.

"You said you remembered Donald and Goofy," Riku said, forcing his thoughts to stop spiralling and circle back around to the topic at hand instead of the contents of Vexen's reports, now scattered across the floor by the overenthusiastic printer. "So, that could happen to Sora too, right?" He recalled Naminé, sweet mannered and skittish, the bottomless sadness in her eyes. "Naminé didn't change their memories as much as Sora's in Castle Oblivion. She didn't insert herself into them the way she did with Sora." He corrected himself: "With us."

Kairi glanced up. Her eyes were damp. "Okay, so...?"

Naminé had never been a bad person. She had always been kind to him, even before he was anything, whiling away those long lonely hours in basement laboratories telling him stories and showing him pictures even knowing he had no emotional capacity to care. Even then, all she wanted was a friend. He looked at Kairi. They weren't so different.

"What if we're forgetting about Sora because she's trying to fix him?" Feeling more confident in his speculation, Riku went on: "In the end Naminé stood up to Marluxia because she realised what she was doing was wrong. That just being lonely didn't justify-" His voice snagged. Darkness, he was a hypocrite. "-what she did to them. So she's fixing her mistakes. And putting their memories back the way they were supposed to be must be what's causing everyone to forget about them."

Kairi considered this. "It would explain why nobody's seen Sora," she conceded. "But… if she's trying to do the right thing now, why is she hiding?" 

"Maybe she's scared."

Kairi shrugged, unconvinced, but to Riku it didn't seem so implausible. Maybe the other Riku was scared, too. Scared of returning home without Sora, after all the damage he had done.

* * *

They spent a little more time at the computer - Queen Minnie typing laboriously away, Riku and Kairi gathering up sheets of paper as they fluttered around the room - before a penguin appeared in the doorway to inform the Queen that she had another engagement. 

"Thanks, but I think we've got everything we need," Riku said as Queen Minnie began to give the penguin her apologies. "I don't want to take up any more of your time."

"Oh, it's nothing at all," Queen Minnie waved a dismissive hand. "Anything to help Mickey's friends! You must stay here for a few days and see the town. Snowlene, please make sure our guests are comfortable. And you must join us for dinner, too."

They thanked Queen Minnie again and were soon following Snowlene down another corridor to a junction, where they were passed off to another penguin and taken deep into the bowels of the castle.

"Do you think they all have names like that?" Kairi whispered. 

"I really hope so."

The rooms they were delivered to were of a similar style to the rest of the castle: spacious, cluttered with furniture that looked more like it had been made of balloons than wood, every panel painted a gaudy shade more tacky than the last. For a horrible moment Riku thought the penguins had mistaken them for a couple, but thankfully there were two doors leading from the lounge into en-suite bedrooms. A waiter brought in lunch - luminously red lobsters on beds of glistening lettuce presented with a flourish - and several maps and leaflets for events going on in town. While Riku tried to find a way to disable the clock whose sudden chiming had nearly given him a heart attack, Kairi poured over the leaflets. 

"This place is absolutely mad," was her assessment. "Apparently there's a parade this evening to celebrate… ice cream? You wanna check it out?"

Riku pulled a face. The clock face was smiling at him and he hated it. "Crowds and me don't really mix."

"Yeah, fair. You'll come with me to see the stalls in the plaza though, right?"

"Since it's you." 

The clock seemed to have no power source Riku could find: he settled for shoving it in a dresser drawer under a spare pillow. His focus was drawn again to the stack of papers Queen Minnie had printed off for them. The thought of seeing his name among Vexen's records chilled him - and the thought of Kairi seeing the colour drain out of his face scared him more. After a moment of deliberation he rolled the print outs up and shoved them in his bag.

"We can look at those when we get home."

"Good idea," said Kairi without looking up. She was already marking out points of interest on her map. "Apparently there's a Worlds Museum in the Historical Quarter. We should check it out. _Reconnaissance_."

"That's a good idea," Riku agreed, picking up a leaflet for an animal circus that was in town. "I always thought the other worlds were like Destiny Islands. Separated. But Disney Town has _tourists_."

"Leon said most worlds are totally isolated. But there are clusters of connected worlds. Like island chains. Separate, but easy to travel between with gummi ships." 

"And Hollow Bastion is one of those worlds?"

"It used to be." Kairi cracked a lobster claw, releasing the most lobstery puff of odour Riku had ever smelled. He felt the urge to lay down in a dark room: this entire world was coming dangerously close to giving him sensory overload. "Oh wow, this is good. Weird, but good. So we should probably focus on the connected worlds first. Save you having to use the Corridors of Darkness more than necessary."

"It's fine," Riku insisted, prickling at her distrust. Kairi glowered at him.

"It's not _fine_ , Riku. You think I've forgotten what happened to you at Castle Oblivion?" She rolled her eyes. "I know both of us can get a little reckless, but the Darkness is really dangerous." She added, betraying her sincerity: "I don't want you to get hurt."

Riku had no argument for that. He settled for handling her care for his safety the way he did anything too heavy to be comfortable: he ignored it. They finished eating, grabbed their bags and headed out into the cheerful sunlight, following the sounds of music and laughter to the town. 

* * *

"I can already feel a headache coming on." The main plaza was a cacophony of sound. A bear performed a vigorous waltz on a piano which seemed to have a life of its own, unperturbed by the honking and hooting of a nearby brass band tuning up their instruments. A troop of monkeys cackled to each other as they erected a stage in flagrant disregard for any kind of health or safety regulations - not that Riku imagined this world had any. Every fairground game lined up along the plaza's perimeter seemed to have its own tinny music blaring, alongside the woops and cheers of its participants. Riku remembered crowds, vaguely: malls, blitzball tournaments, beach parties - but he had never imagined that so many sounds together could be so overwhelming. 

"Aw, Riku, don't be such a sourpuss."

Riku grimmaced, but he let Kairi lead him around the plaza anyway, goggling at the performers in luminously colourful costumes and towering ice cream displays. He was practically assaulted by the smell of candyfloss and popcorn and sickly rich ice cream.

"Guess the ice cream flavours?" Kairi read out the banner of one stall. "Come on, let's try it. Even you can't get sick on just a mouthful." She dug around in her purse and produced a few coins, which she handed to the cow attending the stall. "I wanna guess that pink one." The cow cheerfully plopped a melon-ball sized scoop of ice cream into an equally miniature dish and passed it over with a smile and a pair of comically tiny spoons. 

Riku looked at the ice cream. He looked at the cow. He began falteringly, "The milk used to make the ice cream..."

"Our family owns the finest herds of dairy cows anywhere in Disney Town!" The cow announced enthusiastically, producing a leaflet with a flourish. On the cover was a field of cartoonishly proportioned but otherwise regular four-legged cows, which, Riku had to admit, made a lot more sense. "You _must_ come visit the farm - we're open for tours three days a week! The cows love company!"

Kairi was looking at him accusingly, but at least she only held the ice cream bowl up to him and said, "Come on, let's try it before it melts." Kairi guessed it first - pomegranate - which earned them two paper tickets and a chance to try a more unusual flavour. Five scoops later they were stumped by a tangy, floral sorbet which turned out to be hibiscus.

"A very good effort!" was the cow's pronouncement. "You can exchange those tickets for prizes at the Star Stall on the corner of Dream Street. Do come back for another try!"

Riku smacked his lips together as they wandered off to another stall. The inside of his mouth felt more like cream than mouth. 

"Do you think there's a place here we can get a drink? That isn't an ice cream float?"

"Uhh, I think I have a water bottle in my bag. Not much left though. Hey- excuse me- is there a water fountain somewhere nearby?" Kairi approached strangers so unselfconsciously, the cheerful smile on her face so natural as if she really was pleased to see a random anthropomorphic duck in a sunhat. "On Dream Street? That's great, we can check out the Star Stall while we're there."

"How often do you think they have these festivals?" Riku asked as they navigated the crowds of people. "Because I've been here for half an hour and I'm already exhausted."

"Aww, Riku. You can face giant monsters of pure Darkness without flinching, but not a fun event for all the family?"

"Exactly."

They reached the Star Stall, manned by a horse with a pale muzzle and that same cheerful manner everyone in Disney Town seemed to have. The prizes reminded Riku of the funfair that sprung up on the old industrial site on Turtle Island every summer. Plush sundaes and little plastic ice cream cone charms jostled for space next to banana split shaped baskets, glittery t-shirts, tote bags and coasters, everything boasting Disney Town's signature bright palette and mouse emblem. 

"We've gotta get something for Sora," Kairi said, closely inspecting each item on offer. "And maybe- wait. Riku. _Look_." She pointed to an unmistakeable trinket hanging on one rail. Even without touching it, Riku could feel its power. Kairi was already leaning over excitedly to catch the attention of the stall's attendant. "How many tickets for that keychain?"

"Hmm… let's see… two hundred and fifty." 

Kairi held up the handful of tickets they'd earned at the ice cream stall. "Well! We have fifteen." She surveyed the plaza's many stands, her face set with a fierce determination and her eyes sparkling. "Time to beat the fruit outta some ice cream." And before Riku could reply she was marching off, scanning each stall to see which would be the most lucrative. 

"You're one lucky fella."

The Star Stall attendant's voice made Riku jump. 

"Oh! Oh no, it's not like that." He hoped Kairi wouldn't turn back and see him blushing. "We're just friends." 

"Aw, those dreamy eyes ain't foolin' nobody," said the horse sympathetically. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?"

Kairi was already lining up a shot with a brightly-coloured water pistol at a nearby stall. She looked so at home here, cheering and laughing when she knocked down a moving target with ease. 

"It's not-" Riku faltered. Unable to either utter the truth or lie blandly, he settled for saying, "She already has somebody else." True in more ways than one.

"You gotta fight for what you love," was the horse's advice. Riku watched Kairi as she started to draw a crowd with her sharpshooting skills: all those years of water fights with the other kids on the Play Island finally paying off. The horse was saying something about young love as he rearranged merchandise, but Riku just felt stupid. How long did he have left of this lie, really? A few more weeks before King Mickey tracked down Naminé? And then what?

The clamour of noise in the plaza was too much, every musical note and bubble of laughter and squawk of conversation closing in around Riku's lungs. He fled to the relative quiet of Dream Street. He refilled Kairi's bottle at the water fountain and found a quiet side alley to catch his breath, needing solitude. 

_You've already gone through every possible future scenario_ , he told himself, fruitlessly. _There's no point obsessing over it even more._ The brick was mercifully cool against his back. The sweat on his palms and armpits prickled. In the building's overhang the shadows cast the alley into calmer colours. _Just enjoy the time you have left with her._

"There you are, Riku."

"Just needed a break from all the noise."

Kairi sat next to him, accepting his offer of the water bottle.

"So I got another thirty five tickets from the Sorbet Shoot Out. That makes fifty. Only two hundred to go." 

"If we double up we can get them twice as fast."

"Horace - the guy at the Star Stall - said the parade is at six. So we have a couple hours to get that keychain before then." Riku flinched as Kairi reached to touch his face, but she was just brushing a strand of hair off his cheek. "Don't push yourself, okay?"

"My ability to hear my own thoughts is sacrifice I'm willing to make so you can get an ice cream themed Keyblade."

Kairi giggled as she hopped to her feet, holding her hands out to help Riku up. "You have no idea how much I want an ice cream themed Keyblade."

Riku let himself laugh a short chuckle. "I think I've known you long enough to make a pretty good guess." Her hands were warm in his. He longed to hold them.

She led him back into the fray, and between a rhythmn based ice cream stacking game Kairi turned out to be exceptionally good at and a coconut alley that only left Riku's arms mildly sore, they managed to amass enough tickets without spending every single munny they'd brought with them. Kairi held up the keychain truimphantly, the ice cream cone links and sundae bowl token twinkling in the afternoon sunlight. 

"I don't know if there are rules about carrying weapons in public places here, but we should probably find somewhere quieter before trying this out." 

They spent the last of their tickets on an oyster ice cream charm for Sora, mainly for the fact that the shell sported an improbably happy face for something designed to be eaten. Kairi, giggling, clipped it to Riku's backpack, where it swung cheerfully. They took to the town's streets at random, passing parade floats still swathed in canvas like enormous ghosts and several studious beavers whistling as they laid out traffic cones which bobbed and bounced as if they were alive. Finally they came to a deserted racecourse, overlooking postcard-perfect rolling hills dotted with sheep so round and fluffy they looked like they'd fallen straight out of the sky.

"Okay, let's see your new Keyblade."

Eagerly Kairi summoned the Keyblade of Heart and swapped out the keychains. The blade emitted a sudden flash of light as it transformed, the handle taking on a glassy appearance and scoops of ice cream which glistened creamily replacing the shaft, decorated with colourful sprinkles and a fan of orange slices which caught the light like stained glass. The familiar cut-out heart tip stuck out of the top, its metallic shine replaced by a rich matte chocolate. Riku could almost smell a sickly, fruity sweetness - but when he touched the blade it was as cold and unyielding as metal. 

Kairi was grinning with unrestrained delight. She swung the blade a few times, experimentally, then suddenly pointed it directly at Riku. His heart skipped a beat, but she just announced dramatically, "Revenge is a dish best served _cold_ ," and collapsed in a fit of laughter. She collected herself enough to approximate a serious expression and say, "It's time to eat your _just desserts_ ," before laughing so hard the Keyblade disappeared in a shower of sprinkles and chocolate shavings. 

"I'm sure the Heartless will really appreciate your wit," said Riku, but her laughter was infectious: he couldn't help himself from grinning. Back towards the town, he could hear the sounds of the parade getting underway. He was glad to be out here, where he could hear the chirping of songbirds and the distant chime of cowbells. His own reassuring breath. Reminding him that he was real, at least for now.

"What time did the penguin say dinner was going to be?" Kairi asked, as the clock tower began to bong for six o'clock. 

"Not 'til after the parade."

"You wanna go check out the Worlds Museum?" Kairi was pulling out her map, squatting to lay it out on the ground. "We're at the racecourse, which is… _here_ … we're only a couple minutes away. We won't have to make a detour round the parade."

"Sure," said Riku, "As long as it's quiet." He recalled school trips to the Destiny Islands Town Museum - its faded display boards long resigned to bearing the initials of petty vandals; blown up newspaper prints of old shipwrecks next to barnacle-encrusted artefacts salvaged by hobby divers; the glossy sponsored histories of local companies, leaving out the strikes and union riots his Mom was old enough to remember but young enough not to have understood at the time. Somehow he imagined that the museums of Disney Town would be a far cry from the low lighting and hushed, solemn atmosphere the word "museum" brought to his mind.

Kairi glanced around theatrically at the colourful brickwork and flapping bunting surrounding them, evidently having had the same thought. "I make no promises."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did write this entire chapter because I wanted Kairi to have a Keyblade made of ice cream. It's called Sweetheart:  
> 


	17. Chapter 17

After the loud festival plaza, the attention grabbing _everything_ of the museum - which had somehow simultaneously bombarded Riku with information while telling him very little he didn't already know, but had yielded a useful looking "Book of World Histories" from the gift shop - and a dinner in a cavernous hall hosting what must have been half the population of Disney Town, returning to the quiet of their rooms was a mercy. Riku made a beeline for one of the plush sofas and sank into it face first, pulling a mouse-shaped cushion over his head and revelling in the blissful silence. Kairi patted his back sympathetically, saying nothing, and disappeared into her bedroom. He still hadn't moved when she returned, padding across the ludicrously plush carpet to fix herself a drink.

"You want something? There's hot chocolate, or some fruit teas."

Riku poked his head out from under the pillow. "Anything minty?"

"Uhh, there's a mint hot chocolate?"

"Sure. Make it weak though."

A few minutes later two mugs sporting mouse ears - which Riku couldn't help but think subtracted from their overal usefulness as mugs - were on the coffee table, filling the room with a chocolatey aroma. Kairi settled into an armchair, her feet tucked under her butt, and flicked open the Book of World Histories. 

Reluctantly, Riku pulled himself upright. "Anything interesting?"

"I'm looking to see if there's anything about Destiny Islands in here," said Kairi, flipping through pages. "Oh! Here it is: 'once connected to the Pacific Island World Cluster (see page sixty three), Destiny Islands has become isolated in recent years due to the proliferation of Darkness in this sector of the Ocean Between. As of this edition Destiny Islands is not currently accessible by any known means.' Except by us." Kairi read on for a few minutes, then let out a sudden "Oh!" of surprise.

"What is it?"

Kairi read out: "'Destiny Islands is the homeworld of the famed Keyblade Master Xehanort, the historian responsible for recovering much of the lost history of the ancient Keyblade War.'"

"Xehanort? That name sounds kinda familiar..."

"It says he disappeared a few years ago, and that his current whereabouts are unknown." Kairi checked the book's back cover. "Published in the Year of Strawberry Jam. That's totally unhelpful. Who knew you and Sora aren't the first Keyblade wielders from Destiny Islands? Maybe there's something about the name." 

"Does it say anything else?" Riku asked, but after scanning the rest of the page Kairi shook her head. "Only some stuff we learned in like Third Year, and a few old pictures." She held up a section of the book - perhaps the thickness of a pencil - between her fingers. "This is the chapter on Radiant Garden. Destiny Islands barely got one page." She settled in to read about Radiant Garden anyway.

Riku took a sip of the hot chocolate. Like everything in this world, it was way too rich. He must have wrinkled his nose, because Kairi said, "There's some almond milk in the mini fridge you could water it down with." 

"Probably be too sweet as well," Riku muttered, but he hauled himself to his feet anyway. 

As he sank back into the sofa, Kairi said, "How about this one? I hope you like soft serve, because you're about to get _whipped_."

"You're still trying to come up with witty one liners?"

"Of course."

"What if other worlds don't have soft serve ice cream?"

Kairi considered this. "In that case they've already suffered enough. Probably unethical to kick someone when they're already down."

Riku watched her over the rim of his mug. Would Kairi understand if he told her he hadn't meant for any of this to happen? He hadn't even deliberately returned to Destiny Islands in the first place. It was only supposed to be a couple days' rest before he moved on or faded away. He wasn't sure if that made it better or worse. _I didn't mean to steal your best friend's identity. It just kind of… happened._

That was his whole damn life, wasn't it? Everything had just _happened_ to him. Just a tool swayed by greater forces at every turn. But looking at Kairi he knew that if he had a chance to start over he would make the same stupid choices all over again. 

"You okay there?"

"Tired." 

"Go take a shower and get an early night." 

Although it took him several minutes to make sense of all the taps and levers in the bathroom - at least enough to get hot water and what he assumed was shower gel - he was soon in the soothing darkness of his room, rearranging the silky soft duvet and cloudlike pillows around himself. The only light coming into the room was the outline of the door to the lounge. If he listened closely he could hear movement in other rooms of the castle, even the occasional whistling of pipes. Still, without the sound of distant waves he felt restless. He imagined Kairi tiring of the Book of World Histories and turning to King Mickey's printed reports. Finding some throwaway comment about the Riku replica. What would he do if she asked why he had never mentioned it before? In this world so infused with Light, there was nowhere to run. 

Maybe if he cried enough she would decide he was sufficiently down for kicking him to be unethical. 

After a while he heard Kairi padding around the room next door; a few minutes later the light clicked off. He lay in the darkness, trying without much success not to think about her. He heard the muffled chime of that damn clock. His mind circled restlessly, retracing its steps, searching for any loophole that might change his fate. Like the smear of Darkness on Hollow Bastion's horizon, searching for any crack in this whole mess that he could exploit.

Perhaps Kairi would be moved enough to allow him to stay in Destiny Islands. There were only a couple of years left of school. If he could get a part time job and fought Heartless in the evenings, he might be able to afford rent in one of the cheaper island districts. Riku would probably relish the opportunity to let someone else sit through his exams for him. Even without Kairi's help he could probably graduate with at least a couple of decent qualifications. He could dye his hair and change his name. Maybe even make a few new friends.

The point of a vessel was that it could become anything, right?

The clock rang again. Riku wondered if throwing it out of the window would be considered poor manners for a guest. It wasn't so much the sound as the reminder of how late it was getting. The hours passing relentlessly. The other Riku had wanted for time to freeze so badly, on those long summer evenings on the Play Island with his best friends. Sora's reciprocated affection and the glamour of other worlds still tantalising possibilities. It wasn't the present he had been desperate to preserve, but the illusion of a perfect future. Like picking up exam results at the end of the year, everyone looking out of place in the school gym in their summer clothes, holding onto the brown envelope and putting off opening it, pretending to care about everyone else's grades more, as if those letters weren't already set in ink, as if anything was still possible. Acting like if he ignored the inevitable long enough somehow, miraculously, his fate would change.

The knock at his door was so soft he almost missed it. Kairi turned the handle quietly, a shaft of moonlight yawning into the room.

"Riku? Are you awake?"

"Yeah." Hoping that a whisper would disguise any unsteadiness in his voice, Riku asked, "Is something wrong?"

"Apart from the fact that Sora's missing and he could be in thrall to the forces of Darkness?"

"Okay, okay."

"It just felt weird in that big room on my own," Kairi said after a few moments, sounding awkward. "I just can't sleep." She lingered by the door, maybe hoping Riku would say something, but there was no way he was going to take a chance on asking if she wanted to get into bed with him. Thankfully she took the plunge for him: "Is it okay if I join you for a while?"

"Sure. Bed's big enough for a whole family."

Kairi closed the door behind her. Her footsteps were soft on the carpet; when she sat down on the bed Riku felt it dip slightly under her weight. He could just about make out her silhouette in the room's shades of grey as she wrapped a spare duvet around herself and groped around for a pillow.

"I hope you sleep better," Riku said as she settled down. "I promise not to roll on you in the night."

Kairi laughed. "Remember that time we went camping, and- it must have been Sora who slept in the middle of the tent. Leaving us squished up against the canvas."

"Yeah, you'd always end up with at least one of his limbs draped over you."

"Which was usually fine," Kairi continued, "Except that time we got caught in a storm. We were soaked through." She paused, evidently thinking hard. "Why didn't we just wake him up? I don't remember."

"Uh, because he would have starfished as soon as he fell asleep again." Riku remembered another motive, one he imagined Kairi had shared: Sora just looked so damn _cute_ when he slept, his eyelashes casting a gentle shadow over his cheeks, his lips slightly parted, occasionally drooling. Disturbing him was a test of strengh Riku had always failed. "We did consider dragging him out of the tent by his carry mat, but..." in his memory Naminé was on the other side of the tent, her face painted with the faint colour of glo-sticks, chastising him for his callousness, but also trying not to laugh.

"We did do that to him once," said Kairi, after some consideration. "It wasn't raining. But a coconut crab tried to eat his toes in his sleep." Riku tried to recall, but evidently it wasn't a memory Naminé had seen fit to give him. He just hummed noncommitally and said that was probably why they had only done it once. Kairi laughed again; then her voice dropped to a softer tone: "When Sora comes home we should go camping again. Out on Reef Shark Atoll. The three of us." 

It was a peace offering. That despite Kairi and Sora's feelings for each other, despite what Riku had done, he would still be part of their lives. But she wasn't making that promise to _him._

"Yeah, we should." Riku was glad his face was hidden by the darkness. He just hoped his shame didn't show in his voice. 

Kairi shifted. Riku realised she was closer than he expected. 

"I know we both kind of suck at having serious conversations, but I wanted to tell you…" she whispered, her voice catching; "I wasn't a good friend to you before. And I'm sorry for that." She took a deep breath, sighed, steadying herself. "I knew you were lonely. I knew you found it hard to fit in at school. And I knew how you felt about Sora. I should have talked to you. I should have pulled my head out of my ass and realised how hard it must have been for you to be gay. And not to feel like you could tell anyone about it." 

Riku fought the urge to make some joke about being pretty sure that of the two of them he had fucked friendship up worse, to guard himself from her sincerity, from feeling like he was eavesdropping on a conversation not meant for him. Instead he just said, "It's okay. We were just kids." As if their mistakes had been a lifetime ago, and not just the scant half of a year it had been. 

"No, it's not okay," Kairi insisted forcefully. "I should have been there for you. We both should have been there for you." When she spoke again, it was with surprising bitterness. "We always thought Sora was the emotionally intelligent one, but he ignored how unhappy you were too. He was so good at helping other people with their problems, but with us he just acted like if he ignored everything long enough it would go away." For a few breaths she was quiet. Riku, speechless, hoped she assumed he was just hearing her out. What could he say? In his memories, Sora was perfect. "I'm not saying you're not responsible for what you did, but… we failed you. We all should have been better friends to each other." 

"We'll do better next time," Riku deflected. Who was he to judge?

He jumped as Kairi's arms suddenly wrapped around his shoulders. For the briefest moment her cheek brushed against his. Damp. "You already _are_ ," she whispered forcefully. "You've done so much for me. I don't know how I would have got through any of this without you."

Riku felt very aware of himself: of the way his pyjamas stretched around his joints and the mattress conformed to the shape of his body; of the relentless drumming of his heart. _Real_. He awkwardly returned Kairi's embrace, trying not to focus on how sweaty his palms were, or how _close_ she was, the caress of her hair against his neck, her toothpasty breath, the weight of her on his chest.

"We're friends, right?" He whispered back. "Friends support each other."

"Yeah." Kairi squeezed him tight. His ribcage protested, but he managed to suppress a wince. "I know we were at loggerheads a lot. But. You're a good person. I hope you know that." She retreated, laughing. "Sorry. Got carried away."

"No, it's fine." He managed to sound only a little strangled.

"I want us to be friends on our own terms," Kairi announced. "Not just because we're both friends with Sora. Not just because we happened to hang out together growing up. But because we actually care about each other."

There was something in that last sentence that struck him. A subtle shift in Kairi's tone. There was uncertainty in her statement. Riku realised suddenly that even after everything she doubted him. That there was a cruel voice in the back of her mind telling her that for him all of this was just a means to an end, the end being Sora.

Hoping his tone sounded reassuring, he said, "Me too. Even when this is all over, I want us to be friends. Like this." He realised he was speaking from the heart. Voicing that desire made it palpable and it terrified him. 

Kairi patted his arm. "We will be." Then she giggled again - ready for escape. "I mean, you can't exactly mess up worse than you did the first time, right?"

"I'm pretty resourceful," Riku said, a lot less breezily than he had hoped. Kairi kicked him through the blankets. She was about to say something, but she was interrupted by the clock's muffled chime.

"We should really get some sleep. Lots to do tomorrow."

"Not my fault you came in here and started having a heart-to-heart with me."

He listened to the sound of her breathing, occasionally punctuated by yawns or rustling as she figetted under the sheets. He lay still, trying not to disturb her. His muscles ached dully: a pressure-like throb in his arms and legs, a painful tightness in his chest. He imagined telling her now, before she drifted off to sleep. _I want to come clean to you about something. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I was scared. I want to be your friend. I'm still Riku, I just..._ Maybe she would see his vulnerability for what it was, hear in his quavering voice how hard it was to give up the illusion of friendship. Maybe he had done enough to prove himself to her. She'd whisper unbelievingly, _You knew what could happen and you did all this anyway?_ Maybe she would reach out in the darkness and offer him her hand, a gesture of friendship. He would make concessions: _I'm not asking to replace the real Riku. I'll help you find them and after that I won't get in your way._ And she'd squeeze his hand tight and say, _Don't be stupid. Didn't I say I wanted to be friends on our own terms?_

Kairi's breath had slowed to a steady, peaceful rhythmn. Riku let the fantasy play out in his mind. He would cry, inevitably. She'd hug him again. Ask a barrage of questions. His selflessness would impress her, earn him her trust. He would feel the warmth of her body through the fabric separating them. He'd nestle his face in her hair and breathe in the scent of her. She would laugh at him for his sentimentality, but she wouldn't pull away. Didn't he deserve this, after everything he had gone through? Just this little piece of happiness?

He rolled over to face her sleeping form, to watch in the gloom the outline of her chest rising and falling. He whispered: "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." He held his breath for a moment, wondering if she would turn out to have been awake all along, but she didn't move. He added: "Not that there's much competition." Kairi slept on, oblivious. 

He closed his eyes and tried to will his stubborn heart to calm enough for sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to [Bluecrysto](https://twitter.com/BluecrystoArt) for this absolutely gorgeous fanart!! Please [check it out on Twitter](https://twitter.com/BluecrystoArt/status/1265345826068393984) and give them some love!


	18. Chapter 18

With a final dramatic blow, the Heartless let out a bellow and burst into glittering shards which rained down over them, its heart turning as it rose gently towards the sky.

"Now that," Kairi announced breathlessly, "is what I call the _sweet taste_ of success."

Riku groaned: a practiced response. "Given how long it took to even knock that thing out of the sky, I wouldn't exactly call it a success." Like always he had hung back, knocking the wind from under the beast's wings any time it tried to fly out of the Kairi's reach, focusing more on her health than the Heartless'. Even so, his chest ached from the exertion.

Kairi ignored him, instead stooping to gather up anything of value the Heartless had dropped - at least, anything it had dropped on dry land.

"Not a bad haul," was her assessment once she was done, wading over to join Riku on the rocky outcrop he had spent most of the battle defending. "Ethers for you, munny for the treasurer-" a self appointed title- "A shining gem - I guess we can sell that to the moogles back in Traverse Town, and another ribbon. You want it?"

"Sure." Riku tied the ribbon around his ponytail, feeling the defensive magic flush over him. "How do I look?"

"Blue definitely suits you better than red. You're not gonna tie it into a bow?" Kairi reached over, laughing as Riku batted her away.

"I have to draw the line somewhere." 

"Aww."

Inventory management complete, Kairi produced her journal and flipped it open to the page titled _Neverland_. "What did Peter call this one? A Wavecrest, right?" She started to write, pausing every few words to think, occasionally asking Riku a question or two. Across the shallow bay, he could see a couple of Turquoise Marches lurking under the shade of a palm, sensibly keeping their distance. 

"This place seems too peaceful to have so many Heartless," he said, craning his neck to stare at the brilliantly blue sky. "It's like a kid's paradise." They had been in Neverland all day, and were yet to see any adults - only intricate networks of islets and caves bounding a lush forest richly stocked with bubbling springs and berry bushes struggling under their own weight. The kind of place the three of them would have spent stormy afternoons cooped up inside dreaming of.

"Maybe we should spend more time investigating." Kairi glanced at her watch. "We have a couple more hours before we've got to head home." 

"I still need to finish my essay for Philosophy and Ethics," Riku admitted. Writing had never come to him naturally even at the best of times, and the essay's subject of honesty had made working on it even more of a challenge. 

"Isn't that due tomorrow?"

"… Yeah." 

"Oh, Riku." Kairi shook her head affectionately. She wrote a few more notes on the Heartless, then - like she always did - she flipped to the inside cover of her journal, ghosting her fingers over the photo of Sora glued in place there. She was silent for a few moments. Riku knew better than to disturb her. Then she said, that familiar note of helplessness in her voice, "Another dead end."

"At least we found out more about the Organisation," he offered. "That they've been here, anyway. From the description Peter gave us it sounds like it was even-" even after this long he had trouble saying the word without it catching in his throat- "Sora's replica." 

"How does that help?" Kairi snapped. "We don't know where they came from and we don't know where they'll show up next. Knowing they were here doesn't help." She flicked through the sections of her journal detailing the weekends they had spent world-hopping, the kitty dividers rather the worse for wear having been crammed into the bottom of her bag so many times. "Wonderland: they remember Donald and Goofy, but nobody's seen them for months. The blonde boy in the black coat has been there, but nobody knows why. Olympus Coliseum: they remember Donald and Goofy, but nobody's seen them for months. Sora's name is on last season's tournament rankings. Phil remembers a blonde pipsqueak - his words - skulking around the coliseum fighting Heartless, but when he tried to invite him to sign up for the next tournament he ran." Her voice was rising as she turned to each world in turn. "Agrabah: they remember Donald and Goofy, but nobody's seen them for months. Men in black coats have been showing up all over the city, looking for something, nobody knows what. Including the blonde boy. See the pattern here?" She forcefully snapped the journal shut and hurled it on the ground. It bounced a few feet and nestled in a tuft of grass, the wind playing with the pages. "All these _clues_ , but no _answers._ " Guiltily, she retreived the journal. Back open to Sora's photo. "You better be worth all this trouble, Sora." 

"He will be," Riku promised. 

Kairi glanced at him, back to Riku, and sighed. She moved onto the next line in the conversation they had played out so many times: "Tell me a story about him."

Riku thought for a moment. "Remember that hurricane the year before last that took out the nursery on Star Island?" Kairi nodded, but didn't say anything. She was always quiet when Riku talked about Sora. A look of concentration on her face as she tried to reconnect him back into her memories. "Sora organised a fun run round the island to raise money for the reconstruction. We helped with the fliers and sponsorship sheets and-" in his memory it was Naminé who had sat hunched over a pile of t-shirts, fabric paints and stencils scattered around her. Working quietly while the rest of them laughed and argued around her. "We made shirts for everyone who raised over a certain amount, and had a refreshments stall on the day. I can't remember who ended up manning it. It was so hot everyone was more interested in the ice we had than the sodas, but I think we still turned a pretty good profit."

"I remember that," said Kairi. "We had to keep running to the general store for more ice." Her tone saying the unspoken: _I just don't remember Sora being there_.

"One of the teachers said he'd sponsor Sora for double if he did the run three legged. Of course, the _sensible_ thing would have been to team up with you, since you two were basically the same height. But I didn't want to be left out, so we ran it four legged instead. Sora in the middle. We fell over so many times practicing, but… when it came to the race we just kind of clicked. Four and a half miles without even stumbling, and we beat quite a few people who weren't tied to anyone else."

Kairi chuckled. "The power of friendship."

"That's exactly what Sora said. The whole event raised over ten thousand munny, and like…four thousand of that was people sponsoring us. Well, Sora really."

Kairi looked at the photo again. It was a picture she'd taken on the beach not long before the night of the storm: Sora was leaning back on a deck chair, a baseball cap shoved down over his unruly hair and a huge slice of watermelon in his hands. Kairi had captured perfectly the glitter of joy in his eyes and his gorgeous, infectious smile. That insatiable energy. Flighty. Always rushing off to the next adventure.

Evidently tiring of the nostalgia, Kairi closed the journal again and got to her feet. "Let's check in with Peter Pan, let him know we beat the Wavecrest, and I guess head home. You're feeling up for the jump?"

Riku nodded. "I'll be fine." While any effect the vitamins were having on his body might have just been wishful thinking - or maybe down to the fact that he'd given up drinking milk, just in case - the best thing he had in his arsenal was healing magic. It didn't completely relieve the pain, but it helped with the worst of it, at least for a few hours at a time. He just wished that cura came with fewer bells and whistles. One of these days someone was going to walk in on him casting it in the boys' toilets at school and even if he doubted any of the other students would actually try to tell a teacher that they'd seen someone doing magic in the toilet, it was a situation that promised a level of awkwardness Riku wasn't sure he was physically capable of handling.

They pressed through the forest, following deer tracks through the undergrowth until they reached the Lost Boys' camp, a hodgepodge construction that reminded Riku uncomfortably of home. Peter, the eldest of the boys, waved them over as soon as they emerged from the shadow of the trees.

"Hey, Kairi! Riku! You guys look like that thing didn't even touch you!"

Kairi grinned at the compliment, adopting a look of lazy confidence Riku didn't feel was totally earned. "It was no big deal." 

"I owe you a big one," Peter said, hopping off the tree branch he'd been perched in, bowing theatrically in midair. "Cubby found a treasure map that leads right to that cove. Now the coast is clear, we can go hunting before Captain Hook has any inkling of what we're up to! You should stick around. We'll share the loot with you," he added generously.

"Thanks, but we should probably get going." 

"Oh! Before I forget. That blonde boy you were asking about? I was talking to Tink and she reminded me he's been to Neverland before." Peter paced as he spoke, cariacaturing a military officer inspecting his parade of troops. Riku was struck by how childish he seemed: even with monstrous Heartless infecting their world, everything was just a game to him. "This was ages ago, so it's no surprise I forgot. He helped us foil one of Captain Hook's plans to kidnap Tink."

"How long ago was this exactly?" Kairi asked.

"I dunno. Time doesn't move the same here as it does in other worlds." Peter tapped his chin. "But it was way before Wendy came to visit… and before Tootles showed up but after Cubby, I'm pretty sure..." He muttered a few more sentences under his breath, but the only answer he could give Kairi was a shrug. He soon brightened, though. "We don't worry about time here. That's the point of Neverland! Nobody ever has to grow up!" 

"Before Wendy means before Sora," said Riku, remembering uncomfortably the pirate ship and its Captain. "But before that Sora didn't have a Keyblade, so there's no reason why the Organisation would have created a replica of him. Surely?"

"A replica?" Peter piped up. "You mean like a fake?" He shook his head authoratively. "There's no way. Ven was as real as you or me." Riku didn't miss the irony that it was him Peter pointed dramatically at. "He came here looking for his friends… now, what were their names?" Peter lay back, floating in the air as if it were water, crossing his arms in thought. "The big guy was called Terra. Not often we get grown ups on the island. He musta had a young heart. They had Keyblades too, you know!" 

"Keyblade wielders?" Kairi was rummaging around for her journal. "How many of them were there?" 

"Three of 'em," said Peter, counting them off on his fingers. "Ven, Terra and… oh, what _was_ the girl's name? She was so pretty too. She had blue hair. Never seen a girl with blue hair before. Or since!" 

"They must have been the wielders Leon was talking about," said Kairi, now scribbling furiously. "But they were last seen in Radiant Garden eleven years ago - there's no way one of them was the replica we've been chasing. I mean, he'd be an adult by now. It must have been someone else."

Peter shook his head again. "Tink never forgets a face. Especially cute boys, if you know what I mean," he added with a wink, grinning at the flush his remark elicited from both Kairi and Riku. But then his expression turned pensive. "Although, she did say he seemed different than before. He didn't seem to recognise her, either."

"It must be a coincidence," said Kairi, but she stuck a ginger tomcat tab into her page anyway, marking the comment of particular importance. She glanced at Riku. "We can drop by Disney Town next week and ask Queen Minnie. Didn't Leon say those wielders were friends with King Mickey?"

Riku nodded, fighting down the anxiety that bubbled in his stomach at the mouse king's mention. They had been dropping into Hollow Bastion regularly, Kairi hoping for a message on Cid's gummimail system and Riku dreading it. Thankfully she always pegged Riku's queasiness to travelling through the Corridors of Darkness and not the sense of impending doom that flooded through him at the thought that King Mickey might have made contact with the other Riku. But the months had ticked by with no word; his original was remaining just as elusive as Sora.

"If it _was_ the Keyblade bearers from before," Kairi said as they headed up to the headland, where the protection against the Darkness was at its weakest, "That means Peter and the Lost Boys haven't aged in a decade. Everything a game, nothing changing, never growing up." She glanced back at Riku, who was trailing. "A year ago, I would have called that hell."

"And now?"

Kairi stilled. She busied herself tugging her hair away from the playful grasp of the wind. Then she looked at Riku with an expression that made his heart race.

"I don't know," she admitted finally. "Sometimes I wish I could pause time. So we could stay like this. Just for a couple more months." Riku said nothing, afraid that if he opened his mouth he would betray how much he helplessly, desperately wanted the same thing. But then Kairi seemed to shake herself out of whatever reverie had caught her: she clapped her hands, announced firmly; " _Sora_." and marched on up the hill. 

Riku turned to look at the island stretching out below them. He felt like Peter Pan, playing out the same fantasties day after day like he was never going to grow up. The difference was in his world time kept moving forward, relentlessly. Sora and Riku were hidden for now, but sooner or later they would return, and all of this would be over. He turned back to Kairi, waiting at the cliff's peak, a blaze of pink against the afternoon sky. The light was a halo surrounding her. Always so radiant.

She waved at him energetically. "Riku-u! What are you waiting for?"

"Oh, right." He jogged to catch up with her. Beyond the cliff's edge, the sea stretched out endlessly, reminding him of home.

_Home._

"You okay there?"

Riku nodded.

"Just thinking about what you said. About wanting to pause time."

"It's stupid, isnt it?" said Kairi, before Riku could find a way to finish his thought. "I mean, I should _want_ things to change, right? Things aren't the same without Sora. But…" She looked at Riku earnestly. The kind of expression that made him wish he hadn't asked his Mom to trim his fringe back, so he would still have something to hide behind. "It's kind of hard to miss someone you barely remember. Sometimes when I was little I felt like I should have missed my old home, but I didn't. It didn't mean anything to me. That's what Sora feels like right now." 

Dumbly, Riku said: "You love him." He kicked himself for saying it: Kairi's shoulders tensed and frustration flashed across her face.

"Maybe I do! But knowing it doesn't mean I can _feel_ it." She sighed, opening the journal again. "It's not that I don't want to find him. I _do_. It just…" She gestured between them. "This feels so much more real. Our friendship _means_ something to me, and Sora's just… he's just a stranger in a photograph." 

Riku turned away, not wanting Kairi to see the heat rising in his face. He wasn't sure what worried him more: that she would mistake his blush for anger or that she would see it for what it really was - the fact that he desperately wanted to matter to Kairi more than Sora did. 

"Anyway, let's head home," Kairi said, evidently taking Riku's silence to mean the conversation was over. "Can I stay for dinner? Dad's having some 'community leaders' over and the last thing I wanna be is there playing Miss Perfect Daughter."

"Sure. Hikari said she'd make beans and rice." While Kairi switched out all her accessories for ones designed to boost Darkness resistance, Riku let himself slip back into his dark suit. A few moments later the Darkness was enveloping them, bringing them into the corridors' swirling landscape. For once, the portal back to Destiny Islands opened easily.

"Something's wrong."

"What is it?"

Not Darkness: there was no scent of it eminating from the portal. Riku summoned his Keyblade. "It feels like something's missing." Kairi following suit, they broke out into the heat of the Play Island, the high tide lapping close by them and the sand wet under their feet. 

The monsters were everywhere: gliding across the water, investigating the treeline, a pair even communicating by what looked like an uncanny interpretive dance on the beach. Their pale bodies glowed under the late afternoon sunlight. Outlined in silver on each creature's hip, Riku could make out a half-familiar symbol. Not Heartless. Something else.

" _Nobodies_ ," hissed Kairi in alarm. "Why are _they_ here?" For a moment the monsters didn't seem to notice their arrival: but then, in perfect synchrony, every Nobody in sight paused what it was doing and turned its featureless face to them.

Riku let out a low groan as Kairi dropped into a fighting stance, Keyblade drawn back and ready to strike. 

"And just when I thought we were done fighting for the day."

The Nobodies moved weightlessly, bonelessly, but the first kick sent Riku stumbling backwards, nearly losing his balance. They came at him fast and relentless: it was all he could do to keep out of their reach. He had barely time to fire off a hasty thundaga, barely anywhere to run that wasn't swarming with the monsters, and barely any resources of magic left. Kairi was faring a little better, meeting their attacks head on, but even she was struggling to take them down as fast as they spawned.

"You've got to interrupt their rhythm!" Kairi yelled. "Knock them off their feet, it leaves them wide open!" 

Riku was already gasping for breath. A cure spell took out the remainder of his magic. He gulped down an ether, felt something hard crack against his shoulder as he dived to dodge another attack.

"I'm just going for _don't get killed!_ " 

He drew on the underbelly of Darkness below him, needing its strength. It came to him almost instinctively, a rush of power that forced the Nobodies back. He dived at them, building speed, letting the Darkness carry him. Adrenaline masking the pain each time his body jolted through space, the monsters bursting into nothing as he slammed his Keyblade through each one's chest.

"Riku!" He glanced up at the sound of his name. Kairi was close, Light surrounding her, making the outline of her body almost hazy. Her stance was low. She was breathing hard. "Remember what Even said in his journal? About Light and Darkness?" 

More Nobodies were coming at them. Riku raised his Keyblade again, but he was losing strength. Kairi held out her hand to him. When he hesitated, she asked; "You got any better ideas?"

Her hand in his rooted him, her Light a focal point that cast his own power into sharp relief. She caught his eye, nodded seriously, tightened her grip. Riku felt his body become weightless-

No escape. No escape. No escape.

_Focus!_

-they moved instinctively, channeling the energy that flowed from the contrast between them. For a moment Kairi was almost an extension of his own body. A blinding flash of Light. Pitch Darkness. The Nobodies surrounding them shattered like glass. Riku's knees hit the sand, Kairi landing more gracefully. It took a second for his eyes to adjust: the beach was empty, bar a few Nobodies more interested in skulking into dark corners than taking their chances with them. Riku let out a sigh of relief. 

Kairi was grinning. "That. Was. Awesome." She helped Riku back onto his feet. "We make such a great team." 

He couldn't help but notice that her hand stayed in his for a few seconds longer than necessary. "Yeah."

"We've gotta find the source of these Nobodies before they hurt anyone else." 

Riku looked across the beach, where a hooded figure had appeared close to the water line.

"I think I just did."


	19. Chapter 19

The black-coated man approached them in no particular hurry, dismissing the lesser Nobodies with a casual flick of his wrist. Kairi looked at Riku questioningly, but he shook his head: not a member he recognised. He dismissed his dark suit, needing release from the clammy material, as Kairi drew her Keyblade again. She aimed it threateningly at the stranger, who stopped some distance away, close to the tide's edge.

"Is that- is that Keyblade made of _ice cream_?"

Kairi's arm was quivering slightly. Her voice was humourless. "Don't underestimate me, Nobody."

The figure didn't even seem to realise she'd spoken. "That's totally radical." Riku wasn't sure if he sounded impressed or amused.

"How did you get here?"

"Hey, hey. You can put those Keyblades away. I'm not one of the fighters. I'm just here to take a look-see. Since our _other_ recon expert went out and got himself killed." The Nobody flipped down his hood, revealing the face of a young man - close to Axel's age, Riku guessed - with a shock of blonde hair whose style could have come straight out of one of his Mom's old photo albums. "I know I'm not supposed to be seen out of uniform, but it is way, _way_ too hot out here for black leather," he added, unzipping his coat and sliding it off his shoulders with a sigh of relief. The plain, low-collared shirt he wore underneath was patched with sweat. "Phew. That is _so_ much better. I'm Demyx, by the way. You must be Kairi." He turned to Riku: "And we haven't met, but I've heard a _lo-ot_ about the trouble you caused us in Castle Oblivion, Riku."

So this Nobody hadn't met the other Riku, either. Riku was silently grateful: less chance of blowing his cover. They sized each other up for a moment, the air dripping with tension. 

Kairi spoke, finally: "If you're not here to fight, what was with all those Nobodies?"

"The Dancers? Oh, they can get a little overexcited." Demyx waved his hand dismissively, as if he were just discussing a dog with a penchant for jumping up at people. "As for your first question, this world has been totally inaccessible for years. Until this genius-" he gestured vaguely at Riku- "Started punching Corridors of Darkness through the barrier. So we've got you to thank, really. I'm guessing Sora isn't with you guys, then."

Kairi's voice was venomous. "That's none of your business."

" _My_ business personally, no. But the Organisation's business, very much." Demyx smiled a languid smile that made it all too clear he knew he had struck a nerve. "He's been making himself scarce, hasn't he? I wonder what it would take to draw him out." 

Kairi lurched forward, Keyblade flashing. Yelping, Demyx dodged her first strike. Her second attack met a wall of water, the spray of droplets sparkling in the late afternoon sunlight. Kairi was forced back, but she caught her balance easily. 

"Woah, hey-!" Demyx had his arms thrown up in self-defense: a coil of ocean water circled him protectively. "I said I'm not here to fight!" Riku felt a surge of something beneath them. Neither Darkness nor Light. The absence of either.

"Kairi, we don't know how powerful he is," he cautioned. Kairi glanced at him briefly, saying nothing. Her eyes were fire.

"If he made it to this world, more of the Organisation are gonna follow." She levelled her Keyblade at Demyx, who looked genuinely startled. "The least I can do is stop you reporting back to your superiors."

"Kairi-!"

She moved with astonishing speed, Demyx scrambling to keep out of her Keyblade's range, throwing up columns of water to protect himself. 

"Dude! _Dude!_ " He dived out of the way of one strike, deflected a firaga with another shield of water. "I swear, I'm not a threat!" 

"Since when has the Organisation been anything _but_ a threat?" snarled Kairi. Riku felt those invisible forces around them shift again: Kairi must have felt it too, because she squared herself, drawing on the Light again. Her feet began to lift from the ground. For the briefest moment there was a change in Demyx's expression - then Riku felt a burst of something - _nothing_ \- and before he could react Kairi screamed and erupted with Light. 

"Get! _Out!_ "

The shockwave from her attack slammed into him, knocking him across the sand. For several moments he couldn't see or hear anything, only the thud of his own heart. Then he heard Kairi's voice: "Riku? Riku? Shit, I'm so sorry- are you okay?"

Riku forced himself to sit up. Slowly Kairi's worried face came into focus. 

"What did you _do_?"

"I panicked, I'm sorry, I didn't know what he was going to do-"

"Is he gone?" 

"Yeah, I think so. Are you hurt?"

Riku rubbed his head. His muscles ached in protest at moving as Kairi helped him back up. She was breathing hard. "I think this is what pans feel like when you scour them."

"I am _so_ sorry." 

"I'm fine. Seriously." Riku lied. He looked around. Water was quickly pooling into a wide crater in the sand. Several nearby palm trees had their closest fronds scorched away. The air was eerily bright, as if Riku was looking at an afterimage. Scattered across the beach he could see bubbles of magic slowly dissipating. Demyx had tried to summon more Nobodies, and Kairi had obliterated them. As often as he'd seen her fight before, it dawned on Riku for the first time just how terrifyingly _powerful_ she was.

"We have to protect this world," she was saying. "It's me they're looking for. I have to leave. I can't risk them hurting anyone."

"If you leave, I'm coming too," Riku said, before he even realised he was speaking. Kairi looked at him with a pained expression.

"I can't risk them hurting _you_."

Riku opened his mouth. Closed it again. What could he say? _I can protect myself_? The last few weekends of searching for Sora had proved that despite his recent training in magic he was support at best, a hindrance to Kairi's power at worst. In a real fight with an Organisation member, they would immediately recognise him for what he was: the weak link.

Instead he said desperately, "Maybe we can seal the Corridors. I opened them, right? So I should be able to close them. You don't know if you could take on a member of the Organisation either."

"Maybe." Kairi paced over to Demyx's coat, abandoned in the wash of the receding tide. The lining was covered with sew-on patches; the pockets yielded only some loose change and an almost-full pizza house loyalty card. "We should head back to your house, regroup, and come up with a game plan." She tossed a confused-looking crab back into the water. Then she stilled. Close to the horizon Riku could just make out the masts of fishing boats, heading back to shore after a long day. "Maybe I can reseal the world's Keyhole. That's what Sora did to protect the worlds, right?"

"If you do that, we won't be able to leave." 

"Maybe that's…" Kairi turned back to look at Riku. There was a sadness in her eyes. "Maybe that's a sacrifice we have to make."

The original Riku would have seen Destiny Islands crumble to the Darkness before being separated from Sora. _He_ looked at Kairi, the fight leaving her hair toussled and her legs splattered with sand; the confident, determined set of her shoulders borne from months of training; the trusting vulnerability on her face. Beyond her, the island: the sound of birds tentatively resuming their conversations and the gentle rush of waves; the heat he had grown so quickly accustomed to. All of it feeling so natural to him. His home. _His_ home.

He said, falteringly: "If that's what it takes." 

They traipsed round to the north face of the island, Riku grateful that Kairi had wordlessly offered arm for him to lean on. They were just pushing the boat out into the water when Kairi pointed to the South Island beach and said, "Hey, isn't that your Mom?" Sure enough a familiar white haired figure was on the jetty, crouching over one of the rowboats. Kairi was waving, cupping one hand around her mouth as she called, "Fin! Hey, Fin! We're coming over!" She gestured wildly, a pantomime Riku imagined was supposed to convey the same message, although he wasn't sure he would have been able to decipher it. "Let's get rowing. Once she sees us in the boat she'll know we can meet her on the other side."

"If she was coming to fetch us, something must have happened," said Riku as he climbed unsteadily into the boat. "What if the Dancers were on the other islands, too?"

Kairi pulled a face. "Let's just get across and we'll find out."

A few minutes later Kairi drew up alongside the jetty, hurling the rope to Riku's Mom, who moored the boat with the practice of a lifetime.

"I'm so glad you two are safe," she said as she helped Riku out. "Kairi, your mother called. Monsters have been popping up all over the islands." She studied at them both with a critical eye. "You look like you've taken a beating." 

"We're fine," said Kairi. Both of them glanced at Riku. "Well, I'm fine. It just took a bit of a fight to get rid of the Nobodies."

"Nobodies? That's what they are?" his Mom asked. They headed up the jetty, slowly. That first night came back to Riku again, when he had used by what he had thought would be his last moments to limp back to his other self's childhood home. Driven by something deeper than memory. "Does that mean they're being controlled by the Organisation?"

"Yeah," said Kairi, with feeling. "And we _need_ to find a way to protect this world from them again."

"You said there were Nobodies on the islands," said Riku as they reached the sea wall. His tired limbs seemed to groan at the prospect of more fighting. "Was anyone injured?"

"A couple of people tried to engage, but they didn't seem to be going after anyone. It was more like they were looking for something. Anyway, that wave of light seemed to take care of them." She looked at Kairi meaningfully. "Something to do with you, I'm guessing."

Kairi's eyes widened. "It reached South Island?" 

"Kairi, it reached your parents' house. I was on the phone to your Mom when it happened."

Kairi's expression was one of surprise and wonder. She stared at her hands, then at Riku. Her voice came out in a breath. "Holy _shit_."

"Language, young lady!"

Watching Kairi laugh and duck his Mom's cuff, a new kind of warmth filled Riku's chest. He realised he was proud of her. 

"Maybe we should go to Hollow Bastion," Kairi was saying, energised. "See if we can get more answers there. We've probably got some time before the Organisation comes back. We've got to find a way to repair the barrier."

"The first thing you're gonna do is call your Mom." 

Back at his house, Riku sank gratefully into the bathtub, too tired to stand, while Kairi argued with her parents in the hallway. He tipped his head into the stream of refreshingly cold water, catching the tangles in his hair between his fingers. After a few minutes he cranked up the heat and groped around for the shampoo bottle. Following Kairi's advice: roots first for shampoo, tips first for conditioner. He hated to admit that the (moderately) expensive products she had recommended did a better job of keeping his hair glossy and manageable than the bottom-shelf brands he usually went for. The other Riku would probably have scoffed, but he _liked_ having nice hair.

Tempted as he was to sit in the shower for a few extra minutes, he shut the water off as soon as he was done. The boiler always took an age to come to temperature, and Kairi would probably want more than thirty seconds of hot water to clean with. He studied his body in the mirror. His shoulders were beginning to fill out into adult proportions - finally catching up with his arms. The pale flush of hair on his chest. Deep tan lines from a summer spent in the sun. Fresh bruises had blossomed across his joints, and in places his skin felt strangely loose. He made a mental note to make sure Kairi warned him the next time she was about to throw him several feet in the air. 

He wrapped his towel round his waist and slipped out into the hall. Kairi was still on the phone, looking furious. When Riku shot her a questioning glance she rolled her eyes, her scowl deepening further. The murmur on the end of the line paused for a moment. Kairi squared her shoulders and said forcefully, "I don't _care_!" A moment later, interrupting whichever parent had protested: "Or what? What are you going to do? _Ground_ me? You heard me the first time when I told you I'm literally the most powerful person in Destiny Islands, right?" Her voice was rising as Riku hunted around in his laundry pile for clean pyjamas. "We're the only people who can protect this world!" Then: "Don't you _dare_ 'after all we've done for you' me! If you're going to act like I'm not your real daughter-!" Another tense pause, Riku pretending he wasn't eavesdropping through the thin wall- "If it wasn't what you _meant_ why did you _say_ it! I don't care if you think I'm giving you an attitude! In fact, I don't give a _fuck_!" A final yell of "No!" and the slam of the headset against the wall indicated the argument was over. Riku waited a few minutes before emerging: Kairi was sulking on the sofa, Hikari patting her shoulder sympathetically. Seeing Riku, Kairi pulled a face: "So my parents know now."

"I'm guessing they didn't exactly take it well." 

"Dad told me that running around playing the hero is just going to get me hurt. In _the_ most condescending way possible." She crossed her arms in irritation, but Riku didn't miss the tension in her jaw or the way her leg twitched anxiously. "It doesn't matter that I basically saved this entire world from the Nobodies, I'm still just _weak_ and _delicate_ to him." 

"I'm sure he's just worried about you," said Hikari - always the peacekeeper - but Kairi scoffed disbelievingly, shaking off her arm.

"I don't care."

"We can ask Mom if you can stay here tonight," Riku offered, deciding that Kairi's parents was probably a subject he would regret wading into. "I think we've got some spare bedding somewhere." 

"Already did. Can I borrow some clean clothes?"

"Sure." 

The phone rang a few minutes later, but Riku's Mom handled it. Using her customer service voice, even when her son had been friends with Kairi for over a decade. "I'll make sure she stays safe. It's better to giver her time to cool off." And after several minutes, clearly tiring of whatever Kairi's parents had to say: "I mean no offense, but of the two of us I have _much_ more experience dealing with argumentative children." Riku, squeezing past her with an armful of clothes, shot her an apologetic smile, but she just ruffled his hair affectionately. "I'll have her call you in the morning."

"Looks like they're putting the islands on lockdown," said Hikari as Kairi headed to the shower, gesturing to the newsreel on the muted TV. "Kairi couldn't get home even if she wanted to."

"Because of the Nobodies?"

"I have a feeling there are some people who feel very vindicated after months of talking about the first time the monsters came."

Kairi's Dad appeared on the TV, speaking in the exaggerated manner of someone reciting a prepared speech. The old set washed him out into muted colours, bands of static skittering across the screen. Hikari wiggled the antennae, but there was no improvement in the signal. 

"She probably couldn't pay the scrappers to take this old thing off her hands," she said, giving up. She turned back to Riku: "Are they going to come back?"

There was a dazed quality to the Darkness when Riku reached for it, but it felt no less powerful. It occurred to him that he didn't even know what the barrier protecting Destiny Islands was made of - not Darkness, surely, since it had stopped all but the most tenacious of Heartless from reaching the islands' shores. He remembered Hollow Bastion, that tidal wave of Darkness pushing against what little land they had been able to reclaim. He wondered if there were other islands in their archipelago which had been consumed, forgotten. The thought of the Darkness creeping insidiously closer made him shudder.

Not knowing the answer to her question, and not wanting to speculate, he said: "They want her Keyblade. It's more powerful than the others. At least that's what Axel said. And I'm pretty sure they'd do anything to get it." And he was too weak to protect what mattered. Tentatively he hazarded: "We might have to leave. To make sure they don't target the islands."

"If they're smart they'll know that attacking her home will draw Kairi out, wherever she is," said Hikari, her tone suddenly devoid of the gentleness Riku so associated with her. He realised suddenly that she had always talked to him as a mother. Moderating herself; protecting him. The shift in her voice more than her words chilled him. 

He managed: "They're fractured, but they're not stupid." He felt a sudden flush of anger towards Sora. Sora, who had waded into fights without thinking for a moment what could happen if he wasn't strong enough to survive. Not to himself: to the worlds he would leave unprotected, to the people he would leave behind. Rushing into adventure as if his life was an arcade game, where the worst he could lose was a five-munny piece and some pride.

And Donald and Goofy and all the other adults had just let him do it. 

"If they could have come back now, they would have," said Hikari. "They've lost the element of surprise. There's no use in them biding their time." 

"Since when have you been a strategist?"

Hikari shrugged. "I've read enough thrillers. We should probably help your Mom with dinner." 

Later, after Fin and Hikari had gone to bed, Kairi joined Riku out on the back porch. Clouds had drawn in across the sky, blanketing the island in a kind of calm broken only by the sound of night creatures rummaging in the undergrowth. 

"I don't know how I'm gonna sleep tonight," Kairi said, brushing dirt off one of the chairs. "What if they're just waiting for us to drop our guard?" With her legs swaddled in Riku's oversized pyjama bottoms and a tank top draped over her chest she looked even younger, reminding Riku of Leon's comment all those months ago: 'This shouldn't be falling to kids like you'. Kairi should have been worrying about her grades at school, what to buy her friends for their birthdays, pimples on her face she knew she wasn't supposed to pop. Not whether a great force of evil could destroy everything she held dear.

"Maybe that stunt you pulled earlier reinforced the barrier." 

Kairi pulled a face. "I'm not sure I wanna count on it." She tugged her fingers through her still-damp hair, gazed out across the garden. Then she looked at Riku and whispered tremulously: "What if I killed him?"

"Demyx?"

"Yeah." 

Riku remembered the smoke that dripped through his fingers, the only thing left after he had choked the life out of Zexion. Nobodies, like Heartless, weren't human: perhaps fitting for their name, they would leave behind no body. If Demyx was gone, they had no way of knowing. "It didn't kill _me_ ," he offered instead, "So… he probably made it out." 

Kairi hooked her knees up to her chest. She admitted, "I wanted him to die. After everything they've done to us. To Sora." She looked at Riku helplessly. "I was so angry."

What had scared Riku was how _easy_ it was, to be so consumed with emotion that any act of violence seemed justified. Consequences were immaterial; all that mattered was that wounding, blinding _anger_. It wasn't that he had thought of Zexion - or Riku - or _Sora_ \- as less than human. It was that with the blade in his hands and the rage in his heart, he just hadn't cared. 

He put his hand on Kairi's knee. "I get it." 

Her lips curled into a melancholy smile. The tears in her eyes glimmered under the golden glow cast by the patio's ancient garden lamps. Darkness, she was beautiful; no wonder Sora thought she deserved every star in the sky. 

"I'm glad you came home." 

"Yeah," whispered Riku, terrified of how much he meant it. "Me too."


	20. Chapter 20

Morning came, the air muggy with the threat of rain and the sun darkened by a barrier of clouds. The house was still. All the people Riku cared about were close to him, sleeping peacefully. He kicked off his sheet, fumbled with the cord for the window unit, and lay in the stormy gloom, extending his senses into the Darkness around him. Testing its resistance. Whatever he had felt before, that absence of Light or Darkness, was missing: hopefully that meant the Nobodies would be unable to return. But it felt like a precarious hope to rest on.

His body felt weak, his breath still laboured. His shoulder ached so deep even magic couldn't reach it. He was so _tired_. 

There was movement from the living room: the creak of the sofa springs as Kairi got up, the sound of doors opening and closing. The coffee machine beginning to burble. He sat up, his head rushing so suddenly that for a moment his vision blacked out. With some effort he stood, staggering more than walking to his bedroom door. He followed the wall, needing its support.

"Morning, Riku. Thought I'd make pancakes for breakfast. Give Fin a lie in since she's got the day off work. Are you okay?"

"Fine," said Riku. His voice came out reedy. He slumped into a chair. Whatever strength he'd used to make it home yesterday had clearly been exhausted.

Kairi pressed the back of her hand to his forehead and shrugged. "Doesn't feel like another fever, at least." She gave Riku an apologetic look. "I'm really sorry."

"You did what you needed to to protect us." 

"I feel like there's just so much I don't know about my own powers," she said as she pulled ingredients out for the pancakes. She moved around the kitchen so effortlessly, as if she was in her own home, and the fact of it made Riku smile. "Maybe we could find another Princess of Heart. Surely one of them knows how to use the Light properly. And not, you know, throw their best friend across the beach like a beanbag."

"It was pretty badass though."

Kairi grinned. "Yeah. It was." She craned her neck to look out of the window. "It doesn't look like the Nobodies came back last night. So that's a good sign. Maybe Demyx didn't recognise my Keyblade. He definitely wasn't expecting it to be made of ice cream."

"We should still go to Hollow Bastion. See if we can find more answers."

"Are you gonna be up for travelling?"

Riku grimmaced. "Might need a couple days' rest."

"Maybe we should ask around if there's a doctor in Traverse Town who could take a look at you. Or one of the other connected worlds. Someone who would know about the Darkness," Kairi said as she poured the coffee, adding various amounts of creamer and sugar to each cup. Evidently Riku's scowl had deepened, because she added, "I know, I know, you don't want anyone to think you're struggling. But if I've noticed you wincing every time we go through a corridor what are you hiding from me?"

"I'm not hiding anything from you," lied Riku. But Kairi just rolled her eyes. 

"Think about it, okay?" She handed Riku his coffee. Dark and bitter. "Gonna see if Fin and Hikari want breakfast in bed."

 _You should just tell her the truth_ , he thought for the thousandth time. Why hadn't he? They had spent months traversing worlds and doing homework and patrolling the islands together. Their friendship was real, so real that most of the time he didn't even feel like a fake any more. He kept telling himself he would tell her, but there was always something else going on: a minor drama at school, a new lead about the Organisation that could finally bring them closer to the truth, some errand or other Kairi would rope him into to stave off the boredom of it. She was so much like Sora, always racing from one thing to the next. Riku chasing after her, helpless, willing to do anything just to be a part of her life.

Kairi returned a few minutes later. "Fin says they're gonna head over to Hikari's today and repair some of the raised beds. I said you probably weren't gonna be up for giving them a hand."

"We should plan what to do next."

"Breakfast first." Soon the smell of pancakes was wafting from the cooker. Riku watched Kairi tease the pancakes impatiently, skidding them around the skillet with her spatula. Just like Sora, checking the undersides every few seconds. Once they were all cooked she delivered half the pancakes to Fin and Hikari, and carried the rest out onto the back porch. Riku, moving slowly, followed her out. The air was filling with a mist of rain, bringing some much-needed coolness to the morning's close heat. They ate in near silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Occasionally Kairi would sigh and Riku would glance at her questioningly, but she said nothing. Her quiet stillness scared Riku more than the swaying Nobodies or Demyx's veiled threats. The fight must have taken a toll on her that was deeper than physical. She did the washing up: Riku was grateful not to have to stand. The shower was easing off again as she brought out her notebooks and pens, wrestling with the creaky old table until the rusted hinges finally gave way.

"Okay. Planning time." She chose a gel pen - bright green and glittery - and wrote in large lettering at the top of a fresh page: _PROTECTING DESTINY ISLANDS_. Then she tapped her chin with the pen and looked at Riku questioningly.

"Well, we need to know more about what the barriers between worlds are made of. So that means going to Hollow Bastion, or maybe Disney Town, for information."

Kairi wrote this down. "Uh huh."

"And we need to know more about the Light." 

Kairi nodded, a little of her energy coming back to her. Like a bicycle, Riku thought; as long as she stayed in motion, she could keep herself from falling. "Find a Princess. You've done that once before, so..." She grinned at him, but whatever smile he managed to offer back was lopsided at best.

"And, uh, probably dealing with your parents."

"Ugh." Kairi rolled her eyes, but she wrote it down anyway. "I guess that's gonna have to be top of our list. You're not going anywhere in a hurry." She ran her hands through her hair. "And of course, there's also Sora."

Riku recalled Demyx's words: _He's been making himself scarce, hasn't he?_ "At least we know he isn't with the Organisation. So that's one good thing. And they don't know where he is, either." He took a sip of his coffee, avoiding the dregs at the bottom of the cup. "So that probably means they don't have Naminé, either."

Kairi nodded, turned a page, and wrote this down. Riku couldn't help but feeling like he was making wild guesses, though. How had they been searching for so long and still found so little?

"King Mickey's been looking for Sora too, right?" she asked after a few minutes. "Maybe we should go to Disney Town and leave a message. Say we're buckling down here until…" but then she paused. "I don't know. Maybe it's better to leave. At least then Destiny Islands won't be under threat. Sora was able to lock Keyholes and then leave, right?"

"He wasn't travelling through the Darkness."

"But there are other ways to travel than Darkness and gummi lanes, aren't there? Maybe we can ask at Hollow Bastion too."

Riku leaned back in his chair. He could hear his Mom talking to Hikari inside; then, a few minutes later, he heard the front door open and close as they left for Sora's house up the road. 

"I guess next weekend, maybe. As long as the Nobodies don't come back." 

"If they do, I'll be ready to fight them!"

"And I'll stand well clear."

Kairi smiled at him sheepishly. "I think it's probably best if you don't do any fighting for a while." Riku, despite his pride, was all too happy to agree. "We should ask more about fighting with Light and Darkness too," she said, adding another bullet point to the list. "Maybe we didn't do a great job of it yesterday, but I think we're really onto something. Whatever it is the Nobodies fight with, it's not Light or Darkness, so if we know how to use both that could give us an advantage over the Organisation."

"We should ask about that too," said Riku. "The power the Nobodies use. I can't sense it at all. It's like this absence of Darkness or Light. Just like… nothingness." 

"Hmm, yeah. I'm sure someone will know more." Kairi added one last point, then embellished the list with love hearts in different colours, adding another decorative sticky tab for good measure. The fact that even her to-do lists were adorable only made her more endearing. "What?"

"Huh?"

"You're staring again."

Riku hid his flush behind his hair. "Just lost in my head."

"There's a lot to think about, huh." Kairi snapped her journal closed and leaned back. "Can you believe this is really happening to us? I mean, there's a whole cosmic battle between the forces of good and evil going on out there, and..." she summoned her Keyblade, running a finger over the orange slices mirroring the blade's teeth. "And we're just regular kids! Stuck in the middle of it all! And still going to school!"

" _We're_ regular kids," Riku corrected: "You're the one who's special." Kairi laughed, shoving him probably a little harder than she realised.

"You're special too. Even if you're not a Princess."

Riku couldn't help but laugh too. "I don't think being a Princess would suit me."

"Really? You don't think you'd look totally great in a big poofy dress with your hair tied up all nice?" Kairi giggled, reaching up to pull Riku's hair out of his face, both of them nearly losing their balance on the deck chairs as he tried to swat her away. 

"Hah! You'd hate that too."

"Yeah, yeah, that's true." Her hands stilled on either side of Riku's head. She smiled again, the corners of her eyes crinkling with affection. She was so close and Riku could smell the scent of her and she was so beautiful and without thinking he leaned across that small space and kissed her.

"Okay, where's the real Riku and what did you do with him?"

By the time he realised she'd been making a joke it was too late: his expression had already given everything away. Surprise flashed across Kairi's face, then realisation, then anger. She recoiled from him as if burned.

"You're not the real Riku."

"Kairi, I-" But he was frozen, the words jamming in his throat. Every other feeling but terror had evaporated. If his heart was still beating, he couldn't feel it. "I didn't mean-"

"Where is he." Kairi's voice came out in a sharp breath. Suddenly her fists were at his collar. He yelped, expecting pain, but she only shook him. Her eyes were frantic. " _Where is he_?"

"I don't know. With Sora maybe. I didn't mean to-"

"You're a replica," Kairi interrupted sharply, as if he hadn't even spoken. "You were a replica this whole time."

"I didn't-" He gasped for breath, fighting the panic. _You've been here the whole time. Tell her you've been here for her the whole time. Tell her your friendship counts for something._ But all he managed was a strangled: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for-"

"I trusted you!" Kairi let go of him, but the look of betrayal on her face was worse than her anger. Tears were prickling in her eyes. "I thought you were- I thought you were really him!" Before he could say anything she continued, forcefully, her voice starting to crack: "I told you things I haven't told _anyone_!"

He realised he was backing away. Reaching for the Darkness, instinctively. _Hold your ground!_ he begged himself. _Defend yourself! Everything you've done you've done for her! Tell her your friendship matters!_ But his chest was closing around his lungs and his eyes were blurry with tears and the other voice in his head was telling him, _run. While you still can. Just run._

"I was gonna-"

Kairi interrupted again, this time her voice a blank whisper. "They made you." And then: "You're one of _them_."

"No, I'm not- I'm not-"

_You never deserved her. You always knew that._

"They sent you here," Kairi accused suddenly, wildly, turning on him again. "They sent you here to keep him away from me. They sent you here to find a way to get them access to Destiny Islands, so they could-"

"Kairi, that's not- I'm not-" _They think I'm dead. It's just me. I came home because-_

_This isn't your home. It never has been._

"And you lied to your Mom! You made her think you were her son!"

"Please, Kairi-"

Kairi smacked his hand away. "Don't touch me!" He hadn't even realised he was reaching out to her. Always acting on stolen instinct.

"I'm not with the Organisation! You have to believe me!" His voice was reedy, not sounding like his voice. The voice of some other desperate creature. 

_Run. Run._

"Where's the real Riku."

"I don't know."

She stared at him for a moment, challenging him. Then, without another word, she pushed through the curtain into the kitchen and was gone. By the time his legs remembered how to move she was crouched in the hallway tying her shoelaces. Her body angled away from him, muscles tense.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he managed, the syllables stumbling over each other. All those imagined conversations failing him at the test. "I just wanted to- I didn't mean for all this to happen- I didn't think I would-"

"Shut _up_." Kairi wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve. She was shaking. "Whatever you have to say, I don't wanna hear it."  
  
"I didn't mean to bring the Organisation here," he insisted, desperately. "I just wanted to find Sora."  
  
"Why should I believe you?" Kairi snapped, her fury rising back to the surface. "Why should I believe _anything_ you've said? The Organisation is looking for Sora too and you- how do I know you aren't helping them? How do I know they didn't make you to trick me? Why would you even care about Sora? If it wasn't for _them_?"

"Because- because-" But his voice came out in a whisper, barely audible. He remembered those clinical walls and lifeless white strip lights and waiting passively for instruction. _No. No. That's not who I am._ Kairi was wrenching open the door. Refusing to look at him. He lapsed into silence; he wasn't sure he could open his mouth again without anything coming out that wasn't a sob.

"I'm getting Fin. And you're telling us the truth. _All_ of it."

Sora's house was two minutes down the road, less at a run. He moved without even realising it, tripping over himself as he rushed to his bedroom, grabbing whatever came to hand and shoving it into his bag. The thought of his Mom, _his_ Mom, looking at him like he was a stranger was too much to bear. 

_You should be grateful. You got more than you deserved._

His vision was blurring, his breaths coming out in short painful gasps. His room. His clothes. His school books and homework and craft projects and- his hand stilled over the charm Naminé had given him, a lifetime ago. He picked it up, turning it over to inspect the scratches and dents in the cheap plastic. The only thing that really belonged to _him_. 

He heard the click of the door, the sound of voices. 

_Run._

The Darkness fought him, but he forced his way through, Riku's room disappearing into inky blackness in a sudden, violent burst. The jump brought him to his knees, the Darkness clawing into him, knowing he was weak. For a few horrible moments he thought it was the end, that his heart would give out and the Darkness would engulf him, but then his body jolted again and his hands were pressed against parched dirt and he was sobbing and hiccuping and the towering spires of Castle Oblivion were looming over him. He stared at the castle's grimmacing architecture, at the eerie pre-dawn sky casting the brickwork in sickly shades. His head was ringing as if he'd been struck. His ribcage fought every breath.

 _It's time you stopped pretending,_ he thought, forcing himself to his feet. _This place will always be the closest thing you have to a home._

* * *

He wandered the castle aimlessly, passing through identical room after identical room, keeping out of the way of the roaming Heartless. It was clear that the Organisation had only ever been temporary residents: most of the rooms had a stale, long-abandoned odour, the lights flickering and groaning as if waking from a deep slumber as he stepped through each doorway. He soon gave up bothering to wipe the tears from his face. His chest ached from crying. 

_What did you think was going to happen?_

He kept close to the walls, unable to walk more than a few steps unaided. Every step sent pain ricocheting through his bones. Once or twice he tried to muster a cura, but the spells were half-hearted. Magic needed focus. 

_I thought she would forgive me. I thought our friendship would be enough._

He passed into a stairwell, descending slowly, his stomach lurching as if the steps were spiralling in every direction at once. He swallowed down bile, focused on each step in turn, moving cautiously as if feeling his way through darkness. 

_Idiot. Coward._

His stomach twinged with hunger. If there was any food left in the Castle, it would be long past the point of being edible. He hadn't had time to grab anything, either. If he wanted to eat, he'd have to brave the Corridors of Darkness again. His bones seemed to throb just at the thought of it.

_You should have told her. Maybe if you'd told her she would have forgiven you._

He stopped on the bottom step. To catch his breath. To hug his knees close to his chest and will his heart to stop aching.

_I don't want to go back to being nothing._

_Pull yourself together. The point of a vessel is that it can become anything._

_I don't want to be anything. I want to be me._

_Don't be so selfish. That identity already belongs to someone else._

_If he wanted it so bad he should have come home._

Why hadn't Riku gone home? Hadn't he felt the same loneliness, the same ache for his friends, for his family, for the comfort and safety of his own bed? Was he really so ashamed of what he had done?

 _He wouldn't abandon Sora._ But Riku had abandoned Kairi, and that he couldn't forgive.

_She's not your friend._

_But I love her._

He pulled off his backpack and rummaged around for his still half-full water bottle, hoping a cautious sip would help settle the lingering nausea. Then he distracted himself surveying the collection of items he had managed to grab before his panicked flight. Very little of it had any value: a few articles of clothing, one of Even's journals - not even one of the more useful ones - and the deodourant he didn't even like, shoved in on top of a bunch of now crumpled school work. These paltry items were all he had been able to salvage. To steal. 

"You have three options," he said aloud, needing to hear something other than his ragged breathing. His voice sounded uncanny in the empty stairwell. "One: you can stay here. And starve, I guess." Hadn't the Organisation said all those things about Castle Oblivion stealing memories? Would this place let him forget? Or had that always just been a front for Naminé's power? "Two: you can start over. Change your name, get a job in a place people won't ask too many questions, forget any of this ever happened." He massaged his aching calves. "And wait for your body to fall apart." 

He flicked through his physics exercise book, with all of Kairi's glitter pen annotations. He had worked so hard to keep up with his classes, and for what? Had he actually thought Riku would never come home, that he would never be discovered, that he'd just settle into Riku's identity with no consequences and walk the aisle at graduation and-?

"Third," he said forcefully, moving on to a scrunched up wad of papers - mostly letters from school - which had been accumulating in the bottom of his bag, "You find Sora and Riku. You take them home. And maybe then she'll. Maybe they'll let you stay on Destiny Islands." _Maybe she'll forgive me_. But that was almost too much to hope. 

"But you've been searching for Sora for months," he added, unfolding the letters one by one. "What makes you think you'll be able to find him now?" Without school he'd have more time to search, but _where_? He reached into the depths of his bag and pulled out a final handful of papers, these ones damp and torn around the edges. Not school papers though, he realised: familiar colourwork, smudged and obscured from months forgotten in his bag. He gently smoothed the drawings out. One of the castle's spiralling staircases, black streaks of heartless staining the page. Sora's brown skin and broad smile, unmistakeable even in the most hurried of gesture sketches. And last, a place he remembered vaguely from those frantic days chasing after the real Riku: a clock tower overlooking the rough sketch of a town, painted in warm sunset tones.

He had never considered Twilight Town, knowing that Sora had never visited the place beyond the castle's illusions. But staring at the picture, he suddenly remembered what they had said about Twilight Town - that it was from the "other side" of Sora's memories. What did that mean? One of his replicas - or his future?

It was a paltry lead, but it was the only one he had. He repacked his bag, abandoning the school letters. The drawings he folded carefully, as though it would somehow mitigate the damage already done to the delicate paper. He let his dark suit envelope him, needing the protection. Steeled himself for another jump. There was part of him that hoped he wouldn't come out the other side of the corridor alive. 


	21. Chapter 21

He broke out into open air, staggered to the nearest wall, retched twice, and threw up. He sank down to the floor, groaning, waiting for his vision to settle. His mouth tasted of blood and acid. The sky was overcast, a light drizzle drawing the scent of stone from the paving. He tipped his head up, letting the droplets splash onto his face. Nearby, he could hear footsteps, voices. So he was in a side alley, close to a thoroughfare. 

He thought, _I need a plan._ There was no way he would make it offworld in his current state. He flicked through the notes in his wallet: enough for a night in a hostel, perhaps, but not much more than that. He needed potions. Food. Why hadn't he held his ground? If Kairi had planned to attack him she wouldn't have hesitated. At least if he'd been strong enough to face Riku's Mom she might have let him pack some essentials before sending him away.

 _Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot_.

At least the dark suit came with boots. So that was one less thing to worry about. _Focus on the positives._ He dismissed the rest of the suit, not that his tatty old t-shirt and patched jeans looked much more presentable. Nobody was going to want to give him information. Kairi was always the one who did all the talking, that approachable smile always coming so easy to her. People trusted her instinctively. 

He had trusted her instinctively.

He bit the inside of his cheek, needing the distraction that came with the pain. Maybe he could ask if anyone had seen a boy who looked like him. No-one would question such a strong family resemblance, surely? But then what? Riku could probably end him with one blow. 

It would be a quick death, at the very least.

Despite the chill in the air, he was sweating. He gulped down the last of his water and braced himself to walk again. The alleyway broke out into a wide plaza overlooking the town, a viaduct snaking away to the patchwork of fields beyond. The clock tower loomed above the station entrance. Over the sounds of conversation he could hear the rumble of train engines, interspersed with whistles, shouts and the cooing of pigeons. He drew a few glances as he limped towards the station's notice board, but the people of Twilight Town had more important things to do than pay much attention to a scruffy boy pocketing leaflets and peering at the community job listings.

He'd need to buy a new toothbrush. And a comb. Socks. A jacket, if he could afford one: Twilight Town was no balmy tropical island. Maybe after a few days' recuperation he could slip back to Destiny Islands and take what he needed from his - from Riku's - room. He pulled out a scrap of paper and started to make a list, but the thought of all the things he'd left behind threatened to bubble up his throat again. He held his breath, squeezed his eyes shut, willed himself to focus. 

And what if Sora wasn't here? What then? Would he just keep world-hopping, looking for a boy he barely knew in the desperate hope that finding him would be enough to earn him a corner of the place that felt so much like home?

_Stop crying. You're making a scene._

He wouldn't ask for much. Just room and board for a few months while he earned enough for a deposit on his own place. He'd keep to himself. He'd leave Riku's things alone. He wouldn't trespass on the Play Island. They could call him whatever they liked; if someone mistook him for Riku he'd correct them, saying _no, actually I'm-_

But the only thing he had that didn't belong to Riku was a blank face and a dying body. 

_Stop crying!_

Out on the plaza he was exposed. The wind was picking up, the rain making him shiver. Someone touched his arm and he jumped, thinking it was a prelude to an attack, but it was just a concerned-looking older woman.

"Are you alright there, lad?"

And he, rain-drenched, bruised black and blue, eyes puffy with tears, angled his face away and muttered, "I'm fine."

"You look like you've been through the wars."

Rather than argue on that point, he tried a different tack: "Do you know somewhere I can buy potions?"

"Oh, I'm sure I have one in my bag… here. No, I insist." She put her hand on his arm again as she pressed the potion into his hand, but this time he managed to only flinch. "You don't go getting into any more fights now, young man."

So he had looking absolutely pathetic going for him, at least. 

The potion made his muscles tingle for a few seconds, the worst of the pain receeding. He remembered the stash of potions back at home- on Destiny Islands- and Kairi laughing as she added more to the pile: "The Heartless drop these like candy. You'd think they'd have worked out how to use them by now." And him laughing too. Lulled into a false sense of security. Lulled into thinking their friendship wasn't stolen.

 _You should never have gone back. You should have run away when you had the chance and come to a place like this and disappeared._ Out on the horizon the sun was beginning its slow descent into dusk. He just needed to get through the next few hours. Food. More potions. A place for the night. Tomorrow, he would start searching.

* * *

It was getting late by the time he reached the Sunset Hostel on the outskirts of town, the sun's last rays casting the buildings in a washed out, post-storm twilight. He had wasted time picking off Heartless and Nobodies in back alleys, partly because he needed the extra munny and partly because the thought of laying alone in an unfamiliar room filled him with dread. He had kept his distance, relying on magic, sustaining only a few blows from especially tenacious enemies; even so, he felt shattered and probably looked it too.

The receptionist at the hostel didn't seem to think anything of his disheveled appearance, casting only a brief glance at him before returning to her magazine and asking in a tone that suggested her employer didn't pay her nearly enough: "Can I help you?"

"How much for a single room?"

"Two hundred per night. Plus one hundred for a security deposit."

He tipped the contents of his wallet onto the counter and did a quick count. "Um, two nights then, please."

"Name?"

It slipped out before he realised he'd spoken: "Riku." It sounded so natural in his mouth, like it belonged to him.

"Riku. Got it." She gave him a form to sign, then a heavy brass key. "Room five, along that corridor, third on the left. Toilet and shower at the end next to the fire exit. Breakfast is from seven to nine."

"Thanks. Uh. If I'm looking for someone in town where's the best place to ask?"

The receptionist glanced at him again, but if she was at all curious she was more apathetic. "Town Hall?"

"Right, okay. Thank you."

He traipsed down the hallway and into his new home, a dingy room with a flickering lightbulb and cracked, peeling wallpaper. Besides the bed, the only other furniture was a dressing table which had clearly seen better days. He dropped his bag onto it and collapsed onto the bed. For a few moments his breath was steady, and then he remembered Kairi's shock and betrayal, her face twisted up with fury, and started crying all over again.

_You knew this would happen. You knew this would happen!_

But every time he thought he had cried out the last of it he'd think of the front porch repairs he'd been working on, the fishing rods he needed to take to Turtle Island to get fixed, laying in bed under the open window at night listening to the wind billowing down the streets, his Mom making him coffee in the morning, and _Kairi_. He had got so used to her company, seeing her every day at the ferry before school, inviting her over for dinner as much as her parents and homework schedule allowed, rowing out to the Play Island at the weekends to fish or fight Heartless or plan their next move in the search for Sora or just to lay under the stars and talk. 

_Maybe all the other things I was honest about will mean something to her._

_They weren't even your secrets to tell._

Reluctantly he sat up, gently easing off his boots. His ankles were swollen, the bruises an angry red despite his liberal consumption of potions. Pyjamas were another thing he'd forgotten to pack: instead he changed into a clean t-shirt and rummaged around under the bed until he found a spare blanket to stave off the cold.

There were a couple of dogeared paperbacks on the dressing table; needing distraction, he picked one at random and climbed under the covers with it, staring unseeingly at the opening page. 

_You took Riku's deepest insecurities and you used them to trick his best friend into trusting you._

He'd never been much of a reader, and now the words swam meaninglessly across the paper.

_I didn't mean to._

_It's long past time you learned to take responsibility for your actions._

He curled up a little tighter. He shivered despite the heavy duvet. He could hear conversations and the bass beat of a party some way off, broken up by the occasional grumble of a train. He missed the sound of the ocean. 

_I want to go home._

_Then go back to Castle Oblivion and rot like the other replica._

"I'm not just a replica," he whispered feebly, wrapping his arms around his knees, needing the facsimile of comfort. "I'm my own person. I'm _me_."

He lay for a long time with the light on, his mind retracing the same painful steps. Sleep visited him in fits, leaving him groggy and disoriented. The dreams lingered: of Kairi's anger, of the water closing in around him, of being nothing, passive and defenceless, waiting to be forged in whatever image his creators deemed fit.

* * *

Over a breakfast of toast, scrambled eggs and sausage which he barely tasted, he tore a page out of the back of his physics book and began, haltingly, to make a plan. If Naminé was really trying to steal Sora for herself - _you'd know something about that, wouldn't you?_ \- then they'd been going about their search for him all wrong. Instead of trying to track down a boy everyone was forgetting even existed, the person he needed to find was Naminé.

He scratched her name in the margin of the paper. Not that that really narrowed things down. If there was no record of her at the Town Hall - and somehow he doubted there would be, since she clearly had several black-coated reasons to make herself difficult to find - then his next best hope would be to ask the shopkeepers around town if they had seen her. So he needed a cover story. People wouldn't volunteer information if they thought she didn't want to be found.

 _"We were school friends,"_ he practiced in his mind, _"She moved here a while ago. I'm here for a few days so I wanted to see her, but I don't know her address. So I was wondering if I could leave a message, in case she drops by?"_ He didn't sound convincing even to himself. He glanced at the fold-out map next to his plate: Twilight Town alone was as big as North Island, and there were dozens of outlying villages served by the world's expansive rail network. If Naminé wanted to disappear, this was the perfect world in which to do so. 

_It's not like you've got anything better to do than search for her._

He scribbled down a quick calculation: two hundred munny for accommodation, plus forty for food - less if he was frugal. He had a little left in his wallet, but he needed that to buy supplies. Getting enough munny to pay for his room meant fighting somewhere between ten and fifty Heartless a day, depending on how lucky he got. His limbs seemed to ache in protest at the mere thought of it. Perhaps there would be someone in town who would trust a stranger to run odd jobs for them instead. 

He took a sip of coffee; it was lukewarm. Needing the energy he gulped down the rest, shuddered, and headed back to his room to put together the most respectable looking outfit he could muster from his paltry supplies. If he was going to be here for a while, he would need more clothes. He mentally kicked himself for the hundredth time for leaving so hastily. Maybe if he had stayed he could have convinced Kairi to hear him out, and then perhaps they would have come to a truce: his ability to travel between worlds in exchange for her continued tolerance for him. Then, when Riku was finally back home where he belonged, he would pack his things and whatever money he had managed to save, say his bittersweet goodbyes, and start a new life somewhere else. By running away he had all but admitted his guilt. Kairi no doubt thought he had gone crawling back to the Organisation to beg forgiveness for his failure.

For a moment, wrestling his boot zippers over his still sore ankles, he considered it. But the Organisation had no use for broken things, and besides, he would rather end his own life than see harm done to Kairi. 

It was raining again when he left the hostel; everyone else on the street was sensibly wearing a rain coat or carrying an umbrella. By the time he got to his first stop - the thrift store the morning receptionist had given him directions to with considerably more enthusiasm than his colleague - the top of his shirt was already soaked through by rain. He shivered under the awning for a few moments, shaking droplets out of his hair. He peered impatiently at the patchy grey clouds. _Just get it over and done with_. The rain in Twilight Town was nothing like like Destiny Islands - just an endless, cold drizzle that washed the colour out of everything.

"Looking for a rain coat, by any chance?" The shopkeeper asked as he came in, leaning over the counter to get a better look at him. "Not the kind of weather I'd be wanting to wear a sleeveless shirt in."

"Uh, yeah, actually." He selfconsciously rubbed at his arms, where the bruises had begun to purple. He just hoped they didn't mark him out as a troublemaker.

"That rack down on the left." 

The jacket he picked out was flimsy, but at least it was cheap. He grabbed some socks and a pair of sweatpants too, the quick mental calculation of the cost coming easily to him after so many years spent ekeing out the most of every munny. As he put his purchases on the counter, he began awkwardly: "I'm looking for a girl who moved here a couple months ago. I wondered if you've seen her. Her name's Naminé, she's my age, blonde, polite. Quite quiet. About this tall?"

"That's eighty five munny. What are you looking for her for?"

"We're friends from school. I was hoping to catch her while I'm visiting is all. But I don't know her address." 

"Well, I'm not gonna know where my customers live."

"But you've seen her?"

The shopkeeper shrugged, seeming to lose interest in the conversation. "I see a lot of people. Need a bag?"

"No, thanks. Um. Thank you anyway."

The next cashier - this time at the pharmacy - was even less charitable: he barely even got through "I'm looking for a girl-" before she interrupted, "That ain't no business of mine" and handed him his change. He tore off a few addresses from flyers on the tram common bulletin board, tucked them in the pages of his physics book, and headed up Market Street towards the station. He asked in a couple more stores, aware that he was sounding increasingly desperate, but the range of responses - from helpless shrugs to outright hostility - were equally useless, and soon he felt too awkward and anxious to make another attempt. If Kairi had been with him, she would have won them over in a heartbeat. She would have known how to open with small talk, ply with compliments, smile cheerfully and win their trust - all without even realising that she could manipulate people so easily.

He balled his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms in an attempt to suppress the threatening tears. _Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic._

The Town Hall was an imposing red-brick building with high, arched windows and inset statues who had, in spite of the attempts to protect them with mesh, given themselves over to being pigeon roosts. Inside, the decor was grand, but aged: the floor tiles were decorative under the scuffs of generations of feet, the ornate wooden doors scratched and worn. The receptionist directed him upstairs to the records room, where he signed a visitor book and was led by the record keeper to a computer which looked like it had seen better days, but could still outpace anything Destiny Islands had by a country mile.

"She's getting on a bit. Give her a few minutes. Then you can search the database."

In fact, his search returned several Naminés. He felt his heart leap into his throat. He pulled out his exercise book and hastily scribbled down each address; when the record keeper wandered back over he pointed to one at random and said, "Got it, thanks," and hobbled back down the stairs, clinging to the banister for support. The rain was easing off, but he kept his hood up anyway, suddenly feeling paranoid that someone would mistake him for Riku - or worse, that Riku himself would suddenly emerge from the shadows and strike him down. Of course, he had no proof that Riku and Naminé would be together - but surely if they weren't, Riku would be scouring the worlds inch by inch for Sora.

Or maybe Riku was also struggling to get locals to trust him, his awkwardness coming off as standoffish, and all the while that clawing feeling of missing his friends was simmering, turning ugly and desperate, eating him alive.

On his way back to the tram common, he spotted a bakery, people begining to congregate outside now that the sun was finally burning away the clouds. He remembered Kairi and that sickening tightness returned to his chest again. If Kairi loved cake, then maybe Naminé would be the same: but after a few minutes standing in the queue his nerves failed him, the decorative little cakes and pastries in the window reminding him too much of lazy after-school afternoons with Kairi, the game of no-I'll-pay, no- _I'll_ -pay they played outside the pastry shop every time, Kairi almost always winning, then climbing up fire escapes onto roofs they shouldn't have been on to share their spoils and people-watch, him making an exaggerated face at whatever stupidly sweet thing Kairi had chosen and her laughing and daring him to take another bite and their thighs touching and him being very aware of it and-

He took refuge in an alley, sinking to the floor behind a dumpster, his chest heaving and his hands shaking and his mind cycling back over the pain like a vulture, picking at the thoughts that hurt him the most: _pathetic, worthless thief, you took more than you deserved and the biggest mistake you made was thinking you could earn it. You knew this would happen, just accept it, you've never been anything, least of all Riku, and it would be better if you didn't exist. It would be better if you had never existed._

In time, the worst of the panic burned itself out, but the aching emptiness remained. Knowing he'd look like a wreck and too ashamed to show his face again, he slunk out to the woods beyond the town where Nobodies seemed to congregate, and fought them until his ribs burned from exertion rather than heartache and his legs were barely strong enough to carry his weight. Back at the hostel he paid for two more nights, braved human interaction to buy a takeaway dinner, and curled up miserably on his bed, the seconds dripping by agonisingly slowly. 

Maybe he could write Kairi a letter. It would give him a chance to get his thoughts in order, explain everything from start to finish - the real timeline of events in Castle Oblivion, then washing up on the beach half-dead and stumbling by instinct back to his childhood home, seeing her again and for the first time and realising how much she mattered, wanting to do better by her than the real Riku had. He could drop it off at her house, tell her he'd wait on the Play Island for a few days if she wanted to talk, and if she didn't- he wouldn't bother her again. But considering this it hit him again that he might have seen her for the last time, and even if he could have held his hand steady enough to write the words probably wouldn't have come. He focused on the immediate, the concrete: tomorrow he would ask after Naminé in a few more shops, then start working his way through his list of addresses, and if he could hold himself together long enough, try to find a way to earn money that didn't involve getting beat up by monsters. He would worry about the rest of the days stretching out ahead of him when they came.


	22. Chapter 22

He wasn't sure if he'd ever been in an art supplies shop before; the array of pens, pencils, chalks, paints, canvases and tools was bewildering. He stared in what he hoped would come off as interest at a noticeboard advertising a range of weekly art classes, practicing in his head the lines he'd been using - with little success - all morning. Finally he picked up the least expensive notebook he could find and took it to the back of the store, where the shopkeeper was putting the finishing touches of a remarkably detailed sketch of the town. 

"How can I help?"

"Just this, please." He adopted his most personable tone, one he wasn't sure even he would trust, and recited yet again: "Um. I don't suppose there's a girl called Naminé who comes in here? She's a childhood friend of mine. She, uh, moved here a little while ago. I'm in town for a few days but I couldn't find her address."

"Naminé?" The shopkeeper considered this, tapping her chin with her pencil. "Quiet girl? Blonde?" 

His chest tightened suddenly at the sound of Naminé's name. "Y-yeah." He hoped the shock on his face hadn't shown. His heart was stammering, loud over the murmur of music coming from a radio on the counter. "Wears it over her shoulder, like this," he added, hoping it would win a little more trust and make him seem less like a stalker. "She's into drawing, mostly. She likes those watercolour pencils."

"Yes, she comes in from time to time," said the shopkeeper, her face breaking into a smile of recognition. But her tone remained a little guarded: "I'm afraid I couldn't tell you where she lives."

"Could you, uh, could you give her a message? If she pops in." His voice was beginning to audibly shake. He bit the inside of his cheek, willing his mind not to race with the fact that Naminé was actually _here_ , in Twilight Town, and he was now so terrifyingly close to- _focus!_ "I'm staying at the Sunset Hostel. Could you say that, um-" He pulled a page out of the notebook, grabbed a nearby pen, and began to scribble a note. "Um, that Riku's in town. The other Riku. She'll know who that is." He swallowed nervously, his throat suddenly sandpaper. _Get a grip!_ His body was quaking with excitement and terror.

"You seem a little on edge."

"We, uh, didn't part on the best of terms." Why had he said that! Practically admitting that they had had a bad relationship, when he probably looked deranged from nerves, when there was a lingering bruise on his jaw that even his zipped-up coat couldn't disguise.

The shopkeeper accepted his note, along with the munny for the notepad. "If she doesn't want to see you you'd better not go chasing around after her. She's a sweet girl." He imagined the unspoken: _and you look like trouble_. 

"Oh, no, of course- I'm not- of course, I wouldn't." Even though that was exactly what he was doing. "Thank you. I really appreciate it." 

He wandered out into the sunshine, dazed. 

_Naminé's here. She's really here._

_She's here._

His knees were weak. He staggered to a nearby bench and collapsed into it, chest heaving. If Naminé was here that meant _Sora_ was here, and-

-it probably meant that Riku was here, too. 

He ran his hands through his hair, his fingers catching at every tangle. There was part of him that urged him to run again. That whatever hope he had of Kairi exonerating him for finding Sora was far outweighed by the likelihood that Riku would simply choose to end him instead. When it came down to it, Kairi would never side with the fake.

But why did he want to survive so badly anyway? He was alone, miserable, and trapped in a body which was dying. 

_You don't know when she'll go back to the art shop_ , he told himself, gulping down lungfuls of air as he forced his breathing back under control. _And even if she does, the shopkeep might think you're up to no good and not tell her anything anyway. You have to keep looking._

If Kairi had been here she would have won the shopkeeper over with a smile as soon as she walked through the door. She would have come up with a better story, one which painted them in a sympathetic light, something like, "she disappeared so suddenly and we're really worried about her", and coming from her it would have sounded like the truth and not some paltry fabrication. And he'd keep his distance, inspecting a shelf of craft materials, and the shopkeeper would just think him reserved, rather than borderline unhinged.

_But Kairi isn't here, because you fucked everything up by kissing her._

A gaggle of kids his age ran by, laughing at something stupid. He felt his chest tighten again. Riku had always felt like an outsider, but he had always had people who cared about him no matter how many fights he got into or how many stupid, hurtful things he said. Riku would never truly know the feeling of being untethered, disconnected, utterly alone.

_You fucked everything up by existing._

_I didn't ask to be made, did I!_

He resisted the urge to hug his knees to his chest. He felt exposed. He longed for the comfort of home.

_But you could always ask to be unmade._

Someone sat down on the other end of the bench, glancing at him briefly before lighting up a cigarette. He stood and moved on, making his way to the woods beyond the border of the town. At least the monsters there didn't care if he was crying.

_Think about it. Naminé gave you your memories, so she can take them away. They're not even your memories to begin with._

He'd always been good at climbing, but now even getting to the lowest branch of a tree left him breathless. Through the trees, he could see the outline of the abandoned mansion, the wrought iron gates outside which he had fought Riku, stupidly thinking that he could ever replace him. A breeze brushed through the forest, raining droplets on him from the canopy above.

_The point of a vessel is that it can be anything. And she can make you a vessel again._

He shook with the realisation of it. Without his memories he would be empty, a blank slate. The thought of losing everything that was precious to him terrified him, but…

_You've already lost everything._

At least no memories would mean no more hurting.

He tried to imagine starting again: maybe in Traverse Town, where strangers without histories were showing up all the time, or even Twilight Town, which was at least a place big enough to get lost in. He could get a job and set aside a little each week for a deposit on a rented flat. He rubbed at his shoulder, where the blade hadn't sat right since fighting the Nobodies on the Play Island. Perhaps he'd even make a friend or two, but more likely he'd be even worse a conversationalist than he was now, and people would leave him to his own devices, if not outright avoid the strange silver-haired boy with no past and no future.

He'd have to write instructions for himself. Otherwise he would just sit around waiting for someone to tell him what to do. He imagined the opening letter: _You are a replica - or more correctly, a vessel - and your purpose is to live meaninglessly until your already damaged body breaks down completely, at which point you will die alone and unloved, your existence having mounted to nothing. So good luck with that. Anyway, here's how money works. You're going to need it._

He scratched restlessly at a scab on his leg, feeling the torn webbing just under his skin. He muttered a cura, but it would only be a matter of hours before the bruising resurfaced, and the bone-deep ache was beyond the reach of his novice magic. 

_Maybe it won't come to it,_ he thought; _maybe I'll prove myself by bringing Sora home and Kairi will want me to stay._ But his hope seemed flimsy at best, delusional at worst.

The wind brought a fresh scatter of rain: reluctantly he returned to the ground, where a gaggle of Heartless had congregated at the base of his tree. Lionsoul felt heavy in his palm. He took a deep breath and readied himself to fight. 

* * *

Every morning, it was harder to get out of bed. Most of the postings on the Help Wanted board had netted him nothing, the potential employers not wanting to trust an out-of-towner, but he'd found a few jobs: clearing alleyway trash, peeling old event posters off walls, unloading crates. But they were odd jobs for teenagers needing pocket money, barely enough to scrape together the cost of accommodation. Twice he had stood outside the Twilight Town Medical Centre, reasoning that he had nothing left to lose by seeing a doctor, but each time he had balked at the last minute and bought more painkillers from the increasingly suspicious pharmacist instead. Even knowing what he was, the thought of seeing the artificial scaffolding under his flesh filled him with dread. 

The addresses he'd found at the Town Hall had turned up nothing, after all: just a few older women called Naminé and one furious father who chased him off his property with a baseball bat, promising that if a troublemaker like him went anywhere near his daughter again there'd be hell to pay. He had asked around in a few more shops, but if the clerks told him anything it was only what he already knew: that Naminé was in Twilight Town, and that by and large she kept to herself. His attempts to solicit further information - how long she had lived here, whether she was ever seen with companions - generally had the effect of marking him out as a suspicious character.

The weather finally seemed to be turning for the better, with the sun casting a glorious golden glow across the town, setting the brickwork aflame. He pitched up to the Item Shop on the tram common soon after breakfast, just as the delivery truck was pulling up. The kid who helped run the shop waved him over and soon he was unloading trays of pop and sweets, and carrying them inside. Heading back outside after the second trip, however, he heard a cheerful feminine voice that for a moment he almost thought was Kairi.

"Hey, Wantz! You still need help with the delivery? Aw, you already got someone? Well, twice the hands is twice the speed, right?"

He reached the doorway to see a brunette girl his age, whose eyes lit up with recognition when she spotted him.

"Oh, it's you! Haven't seen you around for a while. Thought you'd be too mysterious to work odd jobs around town."

He swallowed down the hot flush of panic at being recognised and managed to reply, "Everyone's gotta eat." So Riku was here - or at least, he had been - and he was friends with this girl and somehow he had to not make her realise he was a totally different person. Cautiously he added, "I was away for a bit. But now I'm back."

"You mind sharing unloading duty? My friend's birthday's in a couple days and I really need enough munny to get him this video game that just came out."

"Sure," he said, despite the fact that he probably needed the income more. The girl grinned at him and hoisted a tray into her arms. 

"Don't forget to bend at the legs, not at the hips!"

"Huh? Oh, right." 

He kept his mouth shut while they unloaded the rest of the crates, hoping that she would just peg it down to his "mysterious" nature and not the fact that his head was full of restless, circling thoughts. If Riku was here, he was surely here with Naminé, and if they were both here that meant they were here with Sora, and that meant if he could just convince them all to go home he might have one final chance to earn a little corner of Destiny Islands for himself - or else close off the final door to the life he had so readily stolen. Either way, everything would be over. He just had to _find_ them.

Once the last tray of pop was inside and Wantz was counting out coins, the girl turned to him and said: "Not one for words, are you?" Whether her tone was teasing or interrogative, he couldn't decide, so he just shrugged. But then she said: "You got a name?"

So… she wasn't friends with Riku, after all. He was sure he hesitated for just a moment too long before he said, "Riku," but the girl seemed to be too busy pocketing her earnings to care.

"Riku, huh? I'm Olette. Nice to properly meet you. You should come hang out with us some time. We usually chill in the back alley off Market Street."

"Uh, okay."

"See you round!" 

She jogged off, leaving him standing under the Item Shop's awning. He wandered back to the Help Wanted board, trying to bring his scattered thoughts back into focus. Someone needed a garage clearing out: at least that would be dull, tiring work that other teens would be less interested in taking up for such paltry pay. Olette's comment that she hadn't seen Riku for a while nagged at him. What if he and Naminé had moved on? He tried not to dwell on that idea: he was too close now, too close to lose them again. He just needed to find them and tell them that Kairi was waiting for them back on Destiny Islands, and whatever excuse they had for not going home had better be good, because she had been worried sick about them - he wouldn't mention that she'd only recently learned that Riku hadn't in fact come home months ago - and had been looking all over for them and defending Destiny Islands from the Organisation, and if they asked him uncomfortable questions about why he knew all of this he'd square his shoulders and stare Riku down and say "well, _one_ of us was a good friend to her, at least". 

Well, actually he'd probably just shrug, not trusting his voice not to betray him. Acting mysterious to disguise his nerves: a move right out of the real Riku's playbook. 

He passed the art shop on the way to the garage, but he resisted the urge to peek inside, just in case the owner caught him staring. How often did an artist need to buy new tools, anyway? It could be weeks, months even, before Naminé dropped by, and by then the shopkeeper would have forgotten all about him. Now he knew that Riku was here, he could try asking around for him instead - maybe he'd have better luck pretending to be Riku's brother. Although the town's shopkeepers probably already thought he was weird enough without him suddenly showing up asking after someone completely different, which limited his options. 

The same thought returned to him as always: _if Kairi was here, she wouldn't be having any of these problems._ But Kairi wasn't here. Kairi was back on Destiny Islands, maybe even sealing the world's Keyhole so even he couldn't return. And then what? He shook that thought away, too. His mind had already traced obsessively over every possible version of reality. _Take things one at a time_ , he told himself, a mantra he'd repeated to himself over and over for days. _Jobs first. You've got some things to sell on Market Street. Then fighting to make up the shortfall. After that, maybe you can go talk to Olette, see if she knows about Naminé._

And if she sussed him out, well - it wasn't like he had anything left to lose. He imagined pitching up to her hang out and pulling her aside and saying, "so, uh, funny story, I'm not actually _that_ Riku, but I am looking for him, so..." But he wasn't sure he'd be able to call himself a replica out loud without bursting into tears, and he doubted that Olette's friendliness would extend to being dragged into a total stranger's personal existential crisis.

Clearing the garage turned out to mainly involve sorting through long-neglected cardboard boxes of junk for anything that might be of saleable value, and the man who'd hired him even gave him lunch and several glasses of homemade lemonade while he worked. He spent a solid hour engaged in a one-sided conversation - talking about how he had lived in the house for twenty years but was finally downsizing now his kids had flown the nest, how he'd grown up in Twilight Town just two streets over, how the world had grown since his childhood, its borders always expanding to accommodate new arrivals from other worlds not quite tethered to the Realm of Light, but not engulfed by the Realm of Darkness either. He tried to ask a few questions of his own: what world was he from? when had he arrived in Twilight Town? had he registered for school yet? but when his hire for the day turned out to be somewhat recalcitrant when it came to giving answers, he finally returned inside and left him to his work, popping out occasionally to appraise certain items and refill his lemonade. At the end of the day he had four hundred munny in his wallet and the promise of three hundred more if he came back tomorrow to finish working through the boxes that were left.

His route back to the hostel took him down Market Street; as he passed the back alley he heard laughter, Olette's voice rising out of the chatter. He paused, almost drawn to it: but in the end his courage failed him and he just hurried away, his hood flicked up over his hair despite the clear sunset sky. He dropped by the supermarket to pick up more instant noodles - whichever flavour was on sale, he couldn't afford to be picky - and fifteen minutes later he was stepping into the hostel lobby. 

"Hey- you're Riku, right?"

His heart jumped into his throat at the sound of his name (not his name). The receptionist was waving him over.

"Yes?"

"A girl came in earlier and left a note for you."

"A girl? Blonde? About this tall?"

The receptionist shrugged. "It was before my shift. Here." She passed him an envelope decorated with cartoon cats, which he accepted with shaking hands. 

"Th-thanks."

He hurried to his room, closed the door behind him, and stared at the letter for several long minutes, thoughts spiralling, before he was able to slide open the envelope and pull out the folder paper inside. This was it. The end of the line. She was here and he would finally find out the truth about Sora and he would lay all his cards on the table and ask her to unmake him.

Tremulously, he flicked open the paper and read, in Naminé's bubbly handwriting:

_You shouldn't be here._

Releasing a breath he hadn't realised he was holding, he turned the paper over, looking for anything else: an address, a meeting place, _anything_ \- but those four words were all she had written. 

"I shouldn't be here?" 

A flash of fury burned through him. After everything she had done to him, this was it? This was all she deigned to give him? 

_"I shouldn't be here?"_ He screwed up the fucking note and threw it across the room. "I know I shouldn't be here! I shouldn't be _anywhere!_ "

He scanned his eyes over the envelope, hoping maybe to have missed something, but there was nothing but the cute cats mocking him. He raced back to the lobby again: "Excuse me, did she leave anything else? An address, or...?"

The receptionist didn't even look up. "I said, it was before my shift started."

"Who took the note?"

"Look, this is between you and her," said the receptionist, turning a page of her magazine. She glanced up briefly, her expression withering. "And whatever trouble you're getting yourself into, I can see why she doesn't want to get involved."

"I'm not-" but he couldn't exactly deny that he had come back to the hostel most nights looking like he'd been beaten up in the woods, considering he had spent most of his days doing exactly that. "Okay. Thanks anyway."

He wandered back to his room, shaken. He smoothed out the note, reading Naminé's condemnation word by word as if that would reveal some secret, hidden message. But, like everything else, all it told him was what he already knew.

_You shouldn't be here._

Slowly his anger settled back into that familiar self-pity. What had he expected? He and Naminé had never been friends; she had only written herself into his memories because she'd been forced to. He grabbed a pen, uncapped it, and carefully crossed out the last word. He stared at the amended note for a few more minutes, wondering if Kairi would leave him a note like this too if he ever tried to return to her empty handed. No, she was more direct: Keyblade to the face, maybe.

There were still several more hours before Twilight Town's long dusk would turn to night. He pulled the curtains shut and lay in the gloom, his body feeling bowed tight, wondering how to track down someone who didn't want to be found.


	23. Chapter 23

For two days, he mulled over Naminé's message. He dragged himself out of bed the next morning to finish the garage job, but the garage's owner could tell something was wrong with him and kept a beadier eye on him than he had the day before, asking more penetrating questions and receiving the same noncommital answers. The work earned him enough for another night at the Sunset Hostel though, so the next day he lay under the covers taking painkillers significantly more frequently than the package's instructions and trying to drown out his thoughts with talk shows from the tinny radio alarm next to the bed. His only reliable connection to Naminé was the art shop, but somehow he imagined that going back in with a note all but telling him to leave her alone and begging the owner to deliver another message wouldn't exactly win her over to his side. He oscillated between pain and anger. Forced himself to eat, even though the ramen noodles felt like tastless slime in his mouth. In the shower, he catalogued the places where his body was the most damaged: chest, shoulder, joints, feet. Walking to the laundrette on the third day he could almost feel the suspicious eyes of passersby on his back. He kept his hood up and his head down, which probably attracted more suspicion than it avoided, but he didn't want to risk being recognised by anyone else. 

His only other lead - and it was a tenous one - was Olette. She had seemed friendly, despite his sullen silence; perhaps if he worded things right, she might have information about Naminé she'd be willing to share. The next day, once he had restocked on supplies, he spent the rest of his loose change on a box of taiyaki, hoping at least that a gift would go some way to making up for his personality, and headed up Market Street to the back alley, listening out for the sound of voices. He thought he could make out three of them: Olette and two boys, one of them brash and loud, the other soft-spoken. He swallowed nervously. All he had to do was talk to three teenagers his age without coming off as seriously weird. How hard could it be?

He came round the corner to Olette and her friends' usual spot, a make-shift den cobbled together from palettes and tarps that paled in comparison to the hangouts the Destiny Islands kids were capable of pioneering. For a moment he thought the memory of building huts, bridges and treehouses would be too much for him: but he set his jaw, steeling himself, and stepped into the teens' line of view.

"Hey, it's Riku!" Olette spoke first, waving him over with a grin. "Riku, this is Hayner, and Pence." She pointed to the two boys in turn. "Hayner and Pence, I present: the mysterious hooded boy, Riku."

"Didn't think you were gonna stoop to our level," was Hayner's first remark, but he kicked over a milk crate for their visitor to sit on. Pence was more enthusiastic, leaning eagerly forward: "I have _so_ many questions."

He flicked his hood down and cautiously took a seat. "I, uh, brought snacks."

Olette accepted the taiyaki with another smile, reminding him of Kairi. "I like you already."

"So, where are you from?" Pence asked, popping open a cream soda and handing it over. But Olette smacked his arm.

"This isn't an interrogation! Riku, you don't have to tell us anything if you don't want to. Although, we are pretty curious. We've seen a bunch of people in black coats lately, and you're the first one we've actually managed to talk to."

Cold horror shot through his spine at Olette's words. Of all the things that could have happened to Riku, he hadn't for a moment considered that he could have joined the Organisation. It wasn't possible, surely - Riku was too much of a loose canon - besides, he would never side with anyone who had done Sora harm - unless they had come to some uneasy truce, Riku thinking it was the only way to get back to Sora?

"Hey, Riku?"

He swallowed hard. He'd have to worry about all the questions Olette's throwaway comment raised later.

"Sorry. It's been a long day."

"It's like, 2 PM," said Hayner, earning himself a smack as well. "But you're not from Twilight Town, right? 

"I'm actually..." he glanced nervously at the three friends, but they all looked more curious than suspicious. He braved the question: "I'm actually here looking for a girl our age. Her name's Naminé, she's got blonde hair that she wears over her shoulder like this? She's quiet and keeps to herself. I wondered if you'd seen her."

"She always wears white?" Pence nodded in recognition. "Sure, we've seen her around. She gets cakes from the bakery..." but he trailed off: Olette was giving him a pointed look. 

"What are you looking for her for?" Barely two minutes into the conversation and he had already misstepped: Olette's tone had lost some of its easygoing cheer, her expression becoming wary. 

"We, uh, we're friends," he said lamely, realising how flimsy an excuse it was as the words left his mouth. If the other black coats had come looking for her - if Riku had been asking the same questions - it was no wonder he was being met with such suspicion. He added in a statement he hoped would at least pique the teens' curiosity: "She's actually a witch. I need a favour from her."

"A _witch_?" Pence's eyes had lit up. "I _knew_ there was something weird about her-!"

"-You did not. You just thought she was cute-"

_"Hayner!"_

Olette was watching him carefully. Whatever psychological game they were playing, he knew he was losing: he had never been good at reading people, and under her steady brown eyes he felt like an open book. Maybe it was best to just lay all his cards on the table: "Okay, so the thing is, I'm actually a replica of the real Riku, who is Darkness knows where doing Darkness knows what, and I stupidly fell in love with Riku's childhood best friend and now she hates me for stealing his identity, and Naminé might just be the clue to finding Riku's _other_ childhood best friend, who disappeared in mysterious circumstances I may have had something to do with, and if I find him then maybe I'll have a chance to fix things with Kairi, and if not at least Naminé can take away all my memories, which will probably make me a mindless zombie with no purpose in life but it's better than the current situation, which is me crying myself to sleep every night because I feel like someone I'm not and even though I know it was stolen I miss my life too much to bear." But what he actually said was: "It's kind of complicated."

"Do you have anything to do with those monsters who've been showing up in town?" Pence asked. He couldn't tell if the other boy's tone was challenging or just intrigued. "Not the Heartless - we've had those for years. The pale ones."

"Nobodies," he blurted out stupidly, adding quickly in the hope they wouldn't think he was actually controlling them: "I've been fighting them for a while. They're..." but saying "controlled by the Organisation" when he had no way of proving he wasn't also part of the Organisation was a stupid enough miscalculation that even he caught it before it slipped out of his mouth. He settled instead for a half truth: "I'm looking for a boy called Sora. You might have met him, but if you did, you probably don't remember. Someone's been tampering with people's memories of him. Naminé can control people's memories, so-" he stopped short of saying she could be behind Sora being missing from not just the worlds, but even people's memories- "So I think she might be able to help me find him."

"And where do the Nobodies come in?" asked Hayner, looking increasingly curious.

"I think they're trying to find him too. He's really important."

The three of them glanced at each other in silent conference. Then, Olette asked: "And why are you trying to find him?"

"He's my friend."

"And what about the other people in the black coats?"

Needing to buy time, he pulled a cheap trick he hoped wouldn't be completely transparent: "I'm not really supposed to talk about this stuff with locals..." That at least seemed to work: for a moment disappointment flashed across Pence's face, replaced quickly by resolve, his curiosity winning out over his distrust.

"You don't have to worry too much about the world order here," he said, encouragingly. "Twilight Town's kind of a liminal space anyway. Weird stuff is always going on here."

"Most of it's nothing," interrupted Hayner. His dismissiveness seemed to be a familiar response. "Pence is obsessed with 'unsolved mysteries of Twilight Town'. But usually it's just some coincidence, or someone spooking themselves over nothing-"

"Usually, but not _always!"_ Pence waved his taiyaki energetically. "Okay, so, one of the big mysteries around town is the Old Mansion. There've been rumours it's been haunted for years, but recently there's been way more activity there - things moving around, weird sounds at night, the weeds just inside the gate being disturbed even though the lock is basically rusted shut-"

Hayner was rolling his eyes. "It just means some squatters got in, that's all."

"Clearly not just any squatters, though!" Pence exclaimed. "Think about it. People have been saying they've seen a girl in a white dress in one of the Old Mansion's windows, right around the time a mysterious girl in a white dress starts showing up around town-"

"Still not a ghost," interrupted Hayner, determined not to concede his point. Olette was looking frantically from one boy to the other, apparently the only one of the three smart enough to realise they could be handing information on a silver platter to someone they already had several reasons not to trust.

Pence gestured wildly to their guest. "A _witch!"_

Hoping his voice didn't sound too strained - or worse, desperate - he said, "So you think Naminé's staying in the Old Mansion?" But he didn't need the confirmation: the pieces were all falling into place. It was the perfect place to hide, close to Twilight Town's centre but still avoided by all but the foolhardiest teenagers, and when Vexen had taken Sora to his memories of the Old Mansion in Castle Oblivion he must have somehow been reaching forward in time, knowing that Sora would wind up there. 

Olette glanced accusingly at Pence, but Hayner was more forgiving: "It would be worth a look, but these _are_ just rumours. It could just be a curtain blowing in the wind."

"Thanks, that's. That's really helpful." He tried his best to keep his voice steady. Feeling that this crucial piece of information deserved some kind of reward in turn, he offered: "We're trying to find Sora because he's one of the few people who can fight the Nobodies. We think the people controlling them are trying to disrupt the world order, and- well, we need all the help we can get."

"That sounds exciting," said Pence, clearly hoping for more details, but he just offered the boy a shrug in return. He stayed with the teens for a little while longer, wanting to seem sociable - or at the very least, not suspicious - but he contributed little in the way of conversation: he was too busy imagining what he would say to Naminé when he finally saw her again.

* * *

Despite everything, there was a part of him that resisted going to the Old Mansion. He wasted the rest of the week earning money around town - fighting was becoming more and more strenuous, but he had managed to earn if not trust then at least a grudging mutual agreement from some of the town's residents, and odd jobs were easier to come by. Or perhaps they just felt sorry for the increasingly shabby looking boy who showed up daily to perform menial tasks he clearly struggled with in exchange for a handful of munny. While he worked, his arms aching under the strain of heavy boxes or his back protesting at being hunched over cleaning, he played out the endless possibilities in his mind. There was a chance he wouldn't even make it to Naminé: Riku could already know he was in Twilight Town, and was only waiting for him to go somewhere where there wouldn't be witnesses. Or perhaps Naminé would resist any attempt to take Sora back to Destiny Islands, having spent too long trying to unravel Sora's connections to the outside world to relinquish him so readily. Maybe Sora would be so grateful for a ride home he would forgive his transgressions, and if the final journey through the Corridors of Darkness proved too much for his weakened body, it would be a sacrifice worth making knowing how much it would mean to Kairi to see her best friend again.

The Old Mansion had an air of abandonment that reminded him of Castle Oblivion, but now that Pence had mentioned it he could make out the tells of recent inhabitance: trampled weeds beyond the mansion's wall, disturbed rubble by the front door, several window panes missing plywood boards and looking suspiciously intact for a place that had been relinquished to nature years ago. He had come up here twice, first tracing the perimeter in the hopes of finding some way in that didn't involve trying to scale the fifteen-foot-high gate, then simply watching the windows from a secluded spot, hoping to see movement. Last night he swore to himself that on the third try he would actually go inside, and now here he was, holding Naminé's charm in his hand like a waystone. His heart hammered inside his chest as he tested his weight on the gate's wrought iron bars. Getting to the top of the gate was a struggle which left him panting; landing on the other side gracefully proved to be an insurmountable challenge. At least several seasons of grass cushioned his fall, leaving his knees only in moderate pain from the impact. He gulped down a potion and hauled himself to his feet. Within the Old Mansion's walls the wind was still, the air strangely quiet, as if even the birds and creatures of the undergrowth had disappeared along with the mansion's original owners. He could make out a path through the weeds, past the crumbling stone structures that must have once been arches. Too soon, he was at the door. 

_Come on. What would Kairi think of you if she saw you so scared?_

He bit the inside of his cheek. _She'd probably wonder how she ever thought I was actually Riku._

Pushing open the door threw up a cloud of dust, making him cough. The entryway was gloomy, smelling of musk. As his eyes adjusted he could make out the smashed carcass of a chandelier on the floor; dust-covered bookshelves lining the walls, many of which had disgorged their contents long ago; and from the door to one of the staircases a path of footprints through the dust. He followed it to the gallery, then into a wing with broken windows offering a view into an overgrown courtyard. Swinging between two trees was a washing line weighed down with white dresses that made his chest tighten with fear. 

_Pull yourself together!_

Turning into a corridor which seemed more recently vacuumed than the rest, he called out tremulously, "Naminé?" His voice echoed against the moldering wooden walls. He tried a few doors at random, but the rooms were home only to dust-covered furniture and the ever-present smell of decay. "Naminé? Are you here?" Further along he found a kitchen which had been recently refitted. A bag from the bakery sat on the counter. The dishes next to the sink were still soapy. A vase of cheerful flowers sat on the windowsill. Leaving the kitchen, he called again, hoping he was well enough able to disguise the fear in his voice: "Naminé?"

There was movement in a stairwell at the end of the corridor. And then Naminé appeared, just the way he remembered her: pale, almost ghostly, her blue eyes wide with worry. Those tell-tale signs of Kairi in the shape of her face and the pout of her lips. For a moment they were frozen, taking each other in. Despite himself he felt a swell of nostalgic affection for her, like she really had been a childhood sweetheart, sand-covered and glowing in the summer sunshine, half Sora half Kairi and all fake. Her name slipped out of his mouth like a promise: "Naminé."

She stepped forward out of the stairwell and said, "You shouldn't be here."

He had been walking towards her, but now he stopped, hurt. "Yeah. I got your note."

"Then why didn't you _leave_?" 

"I needed to find you. I needed to find Sora." 

"It's not safe for you here." Suddenly Naminé crossed the space between them and pulled him into a bedroom he immediately recognised as hers: white walls, white sheets, sketches and paintings plastered over every available surface. She closed the door behind them, gently, as if it were fragile. "If _he_ finds you, you'll end up dead for real this time."

"Riku?"

Naminé glanced at him in surprise. "Oh, him too probably. I'm talking about DiZ."

"DiZ?"

"He's the one cleaning up all the loose threads the Organisation left hanging. And that includes us. You're lucky he doesn't know you still exist." Naminé ghosted her fingers over one of her most recent sketches: she had improved a lot in the last year, her gestures more precise, her use of colour more sophisticated. Then she looked back at him. "Why are _you_ looking for Sora?"

"You know where he is," he evaded, still grappling with the knowledge that there was yet another person out there who wanted him dead. He shoved his hands in his pockets, hoping Naminé wouldn't notice how much he was shaking.

"He's here. We were hoping nobody would come looking for him while he was still vulnerable. But I suppose your memories can't be suppressed if they're not real." She looked at him pityingly, an expression which made him squirm. "You know he's not really your friend, right?"

"I know. I'm not- that's not why I'm looking for him." His voice caught in his throat. His legs were beginning to wobble; reluctantly, he dropped into the nearest chair. _Breathe in, hold, out._ He admitted, aware of how weak his voice sounded: "I went back to Destiny Islands. Kairi's waiting for him."

When Naminé spoke again, there was a touch of guilt in her voice: "She still remembers him?"

"Not really. But she knows he's missing. I need to find him for her." _Because that's the only chance I have that she'll forgive me_ \- no, just because it was what she deserved. He wasn't even part of the equation. Never had been.

Naminé pulled over another chair and sat down too. She moved the way Kairi did around her parents: delicate, poised, subservient. 

"You and Kairi are friends?"

Resigning himself to the fact that his voice would betray him, he whispered; "Not any more. I didn't tell her-" his breath hitched, remembering how quickly Kairi's expression had changed from laughter to fury, "I didn't tell her I was the fake."

Naminé was quiet for a few moments, face turned away to let him regain his composure. She pulled a sketchbook onto her lab and began to flick through it. The charcoal drawings inside had a desperate edge to them. Some figures he recognised: Riku, alone, swathed in angry black streaks; the blonde-haired boy caught in motion, the linework around him almost resembling flames. Other sketches went by too fast to identify. He wondered what it must be like for Naminé, endlessly drawing out snapshots of lives that weren't hers. She stopped at a drawing of Sora. Floating as if in water, a heart glittering above him. 

"We had to put him to sleep," she said finally. "To fix his memories. After… well, you know. It wasn't supposed to take so long, but the Organisation keeps interfering." 

"Riku's not part of the Organisation, is he?" 

"What? Where did you hear that?"

"The kids in Twilight Town said he'd been wearing a black coat."

"Oh." Naminé smiled thinly, as if he had said something vaguely amusing. "That's just to protect him from the Darkness. Not that he really needs it any more." She flicked through a few more drawings. A profile of Riku, his eyes blindfolded, expression serious. "He comes and goes. He's…" she sighed. He noticed her cross her ankles, uncross them again. "He's really far gone. Even when Sora wakes up, I don't know if he'll be able to come back from the Darkness." 

Remembering Kairi, he felt anger settle into the pit of his stomach. "He's been here this whole time?" 

Naminé's gaze moved to the window and the overgrown courtyard beyond. "He sacrificed himself for Sora. It's kind of romantic, if you think about it."

_Romantic?_ he thought. What was romantic about leaving Kairi waiting helplessly for her friends to return, not even knowing what had happened to them? What was romantic about abandoning his Mom when he was the only family she had left? What was romantic about letting Sora's Mom agonisingly lose every memory of her son, leaving her clinging to scrapbooks full of photos of a boy who was a stranger to her? 

"It's not romantic," he said finally. "It's cowardice." He had tried so hard - to be a better friend, to be a better son - and Riku was throwing away the life he had worked so painstakingly to mend, and for what? For Sora? Didn't he consider that Sora would hurt without him, too?

"Maybe," Naminé conceded. "But I don't think he has the strength to keep fighting." She gently closed the sketchbook and returned it to the desk. "Do you want to see Sora?"

His chest felt tight; his palms were damp with sweat. His voice came out in a whisper: "Please."


	24. Chapter 24

Even frozen in sleep, Sora was breathtakingly beautiful. The clouded glass cast him in a pale, ethereal light; with his expression so peacefully still he looked almost angelic. He had grown several inches in the months he had spent sleeping; his jumpsuit was riding up around his knees and the jacket he'd been wearing - which had already been too small for him a year ago - now pinched around his broadening shoulders. His face had thinned out a little, but it still maintained that softness he remembered so vividly. It was impossible to look at him and not feel Riku's desperate adoration, the adoration which had torn apart worlds and destroyed lives. Including - especially - Riku's.

Naminé, at the door, said: "I'll give you a few minutes alone."

"No," he said, his voice coming out choked. A tear rolled down his cheek, then another. "No, it's okay."

How many times had they met? Twice, three times? And never on good terms. But when he looked at Sora he felt a rush of protectiveness, deeper than memories. Overwhelmed, he had no choice but to turn away. _Do you have any idea how much power you have over the people around you?_ he wondered. _Everything Riku did, he did for you. Kairi barely remembers you and she still adores you. You shouldn't mean anything to me, and still..._

"The Organisation took some of his most important memories when they made their replica of Sora," Naminé said, evidently realising that he needed distraction. "Riku's been looking for her, but it's hard to trace them."

" _Her?_ The girl is a replica of Sora?" 

Naminé flicked through another sketchbook, showing him a drawing of a girl with Kairi's face and Sora's eyes. "We think she looks like this because Sora's most important memories are of Kairi."

Despite everything - despite the fact that his memories weren't even his, despite the fact that the delicate balance between the trio of friends had nothing to do with him - hearing that Riku wasn't as important to Sora as Sora was to Riku stung. But looking at the drawing again the feeling was eclipsed by kind of sad sympathy for the other replica: another fragment of a person who was never supposed to exist.

"And the boys? The blonde one, and the one who looks like Sora?"

Naminé looked at him in confusion for a moment. "There's Roxas, Sora's Nobody. Like I'm Kairi's. He's under the Organisation's control as well. But I don't know about a boy who looks like Sora." Her frown was guarded. So used to Kairi's open honesty, he found Naminé's reservation unnerving. "Maybe they made another replica, but Vexen's death would have brought the whole program to a standstill."

"Kairi-" his voice caught pitifully on her name- "Kairi said she remembered them from when she was inside Sora's heart. Roxas and this other boy who looked like Sora, but… as if he'd been corrupted by the Darkness." 

He saw a twitch of shock on Naminé's face before she was able to compose herself. She shook her head. "That doesn't make any sense. Roxas and I didn't exist until Sora unlocked his heart with the Keyblade of Heart." She flicked through a few more drawings then conceded finally: "I'll ask DiZ when he gets back. He might know more."

"Who is DiZ, anyway?"

Naminé set her sketchbook down, pushing aside pens and paper on the desk. Even in this room every available surface was covered in drawings, as if it were an obsession. So many false memories clamouring inside her head: he could relate to the desperate desire to rid herself of them.

"Have you ever been to Hollow Bastion?"

"Yeah." He almost had friends there. Or at least, he had almost had friends.

"DiZ used to be its King, back when it was Radiant Garden. The founding members of the Organisation were his apprentices. So for him it's personal." Naminé paused for a moment, as if wondering how much more to reveal. "He's like Riku. He gave himself over to the Darkness so he'd have the strength to destroy them."

He looked at Sora again, his eyes drawn to him like a moth to light. The sleeping boy was almost painful to look at directly.

"Kairi deserves to know where he is."

Naminé considered this, then nodded cautiously. "I'm not ready to see her again. Not yet. But you can bring her here." She must have seen the vulnerability on his face, because she added: "When you're ready."

"How much longer is he gonna be asleep?"

"I don't know," Naminé admitted. "Until Riku manages to get Roxas and Xion from the Organisation, it's hard to say." They avoided each other's eyes. He imagined what life must have been like for her here: endless days alone in a half-abandoned mansion, held there only by loyalty to a boy she had almost destroyed, who forgave her anyway. Drawing her only solace. And maybe cakes from the bakery. At least he had known friendship, or at least the illusion of it. But maybe knowing what he couldn't have made it worse.

Falteringly, he said; "I wanted to ask you a favour."

"Yes?"

He looked at his boots, the veins of unnatural leathery material smudged with dirt from tramping around in the woods. The tears in his jeans revealing sickly skin underneath. How long did he have left in this body, anyway? Was it really worth giving up everything for the sake of another brief, meaningless existence? He took a deep breath, but his lungs still burned as if they were empty. He clenched his fists, unclenched them again. 

"After I've brought Kairi here, I…" Before he knew it tears were stinging in the corners of his eyes. The thought of losing even the memory of her was almost unbearable. "I want you to erase my memories." 

"Riku's memories?"

"All of them." He could hear the uncertainty in his voice. He coughed to clear his throat, spoke again more forcefully: "I want to start over."

Naminé hesitated only for a moment before speaking. He saw her lips quirk briefly with a smile which didn't meet her solemn eyes. "Yes," she said simply. "Of course." He didn't know why he felt disappointed, hurt even, by how easily she agreed. It was what he wanted, wasn't it? But he realised he'd expected her to argue against it, to warn him of the cost of losing everything, even a gesture as token as "Are you sure?". He'd wanted a chance to convince her - to convince himself - that knowing what love felt like when he couldn't have it was too much to live with. He'd wanted someone to witness his pain. 

The silence between them was uncomfortable. Naminé tidied some things on her desk, pinned a few more drawings to the noticeboard on the wall. Then she said, "I'm going to make some lunch if you'd like. DiZ shouldn't be back until evening."

He realised his stomach was growling. He'd skipped breakfast, too queasy to eat, and whatever energy he'd got from the coffee he'd forced down was long since gone.

"That would be nice, thanks." 

They made their way back up the two flights of stairs, him moving slowly, gripping the banister. Naminé reached for his cheek, changed her mind, drew back again. He wished she had touched him and hated himself for it.

"You don't look like you're doing so great." 

"It's fine," he replied automatically. And then, voicing the truth for the first time: "The artificial parts of my body aren't healing. But it doesn't really matter." Naminé didn't say anything to that; she just led him to the kitchen where she poured them each a glass of iced tea and began to rummage around in the fridge for food.

"I've got a bit of chicken, and some vegetables… I don't really know what you like." 

"We could do a stir fry," he suggested. "Have you got rice?"

"Oh, yeah. I think I have a recipe somewhere..." Naminé reached over for a stack of recipe books on the side, which almost made him laugh. 

"You don't need a recipe for stir fry." He rinsed off a cup of rice and set it going on the back burner, the motion of it almost automatic. "Where are your spices?" The cupboard Naminé opened for him wasn't nearly full enough in his opinion, but there was just about enough to work with. He pulled seasonings out - five spice, black pepper, cumin, soy sauce - as Naminé watched him curiously. "We can marinade the chicken first. Do you have sugar? Tomato paste?"

"Is ketchup okay?"

"Sure."

She fetched him a chopping board and knife too, studying him as he sliced the chicken fillets thinly and scraped them into a bowl. He tossed in the spices, judging the quantities by eye. When Naminé - who had procured a notebook - asked him how much of each ingredient he'd added, he could only shrug. "Just a pinch, I guess?" That was how his Mom cooked, and how he'd- how _Riku_ had learned from her. Next was the vegetables. At first they split them evenly, but Naminé's knife skills were almost painful, and soon he had amassed a large pile of onion, garlic, carrot, green beans and broccoli to her wonky slices of pepper and cabbage.

"You're really good at this."

"I cook for-" he caught himself speaking in first person and present tense. The realisation made his chest ache painfully. "Riku cooked for his Mom all the time. Do you have cornflour to toss the chicken in?"

"I have regular flour?"

"Guess that will have to do." He heated oil in the pan Naminé offered him: "You wanna get the oil really hot before you put the chicken in. You want there to be a haze over it." The chicken hissed and sizzled as he poured it in. Naminé was leaning over his shoulder, watching him in amazement as he tossed the chicken around the pan, breaking the pieces up with a practiced ease. It felt strange to be cooking with such an enraptured audience. The thought of losing the ability to cook sent another pang through his chest, but he did his best to brush it away. He wouldn't know what he'd lost. It would be fine.

"So when do we put the vegetables in?"

"We seal the chicken first, then set it aside. Then onions and garlic go first. Then the hard vegetables - the carrot and cabbage," he elaborated at Naminé's quizzical look. "Broccoli, beans and pepper last. I like them to still have a bit of crunch."

"I've been trying to learn how to cook," she said, taking notes. "But it's really hard. I wanted to go to cookery classes, but they're pretty expensive and I don't think DiZ would be okay with me going out into town more than necessary. He, um, doesn't know about the art classes."

"Art classes?"

"Yeah, at the art shop where you left that message? It's only twenty munny a week, so I just add it to my food expenses. We do still life drawings and stuff. I don't really talk to anyone there, but… it's nice." 

"That does sound nice," he agreed blandly. "Okay, see how the chicken is all sealed off? It still needs a few more minutes to cook all the way through, but we'll toss it back in at the end." Naminé hummed in understanding, making more notes as he added more oil to the pan before tossing in the onion and garlic. "Mom- Riku's Mom-" the fact that he kept slipping back into the lie was worse than knowing it was stolen in the first place- "always turns the heat down to cook the onions. You want them to be translucent before you add the rest." He let Naminé take over stirring the vegetables while he checked the rice. It felt nice to be cooking again. It felt… it felt like if he closed his eyes it would be Kairi beside him, the pause in their conversation a comfortable, companionable lull. He turned away, not wanting Naminé to see him fighting back tears. He avoided looking at her while she cleared the island and laid out plates, focusing on finishing the meal. She poured them more tea. It wasn't sweet enough to disguise the bitterness, but he drank it anyway. Then they were sitting across from each other, the whole setting strangely formal.

"Well, dig in."

"It's really good."

"It's okay." 

Naminé shook her head at his comment, the smile on her face almost fond. "You're a lot nicer than Riku."

He wondered if she saw the way his shoulders tensed, the guilt in his eyes. It didn't matter if he was nicer, or smarter, or more selfless; he could do all the chores and study hard for all his classes and break his body apart travelling through the Darkness and it still wouldn't matter because he'd always be the _fake_. He put down his fork, appetite lost, and muttered, "Not for much longer."

Maybe that was why Riku had never gone home. Because it was easier to accept rejection if you had never even tried. 

Naminé didn't say anything else. He wished she would. She was so guarded, her expression unreadable; he wanted to know what she was thinking, whether she pitied him, whether she felt guilt for her hand in making him what he was. He forced his way through a few more bites of the stir fry before pushing his plate aside, nauseated.

"You don't like it?"

"Not really feeling up for eating."

Naminé finished eating and cleared the plates away. He sat with his head in his hands while she washed up. He didn't want to lose everything he had worked so hard for. He didn't want to be erased, his pitiful existence amounting to nothing. He watched Naminé; the quiet, unobtrusive way she moved was almost uncanny, so used he was to Kairi's unselfconscious demeanour. Kairi would be cracking jokes and clattering plates and chastising him for being lazy. Kairi, Kairi, Kairi. He didn't want to forget, but if forgetting was the only way to stop _hurting_...

Once the kitchen was spotless, Naminé joined him at the island again. For a few moments she was quiet, steadying her breath. When she spoke her voice was unsteady: "It's been lonely here."

"Riku should have been a better friend to you."

She looked at him, just for a moment, her pale blue eyes making her pupils darker, more desperate. Then she looked away and murmured, "I don't deserve friendship."

Like him, she had tried to take it anyway, and like him she had only ended up hurting herself more. 

He ran a finger over the countertop, picking out the faint marbling in the stone. Reminding him of Darkness, threading through every part of the world, every part of him. "When..." he faltered, feeling like a stupid little kid. "When this is all over, do you want to be friends?"

"There won't be an 'after this is all over'," said Naminé, her voice suddenly taking on a different tone. Sharper than before. Hurt. Almost angry. Her placid exterior slipping, for just a moment. "Once I've fixed the damage I did to Sora, I'm going back to Kairi. Where I belong." 

"Oh."

Naminé was frowning, head dipped to hide her expression behind her fringe. But then she took a deep breath, composed herself again. Her voice was strangely detached when she said, "You're lucky, in a way. Of all of us you're the one who gets a second chance."

"Not really." He realised how tense he was. His shoulder thrummed with pain. "It's not like I'll be _me_ once you… once you reset my memories." 

Naminé shifted uncomfortably. "But you'll still be someone."

Would he, though? Or would he be nothing more than an empty shell, haunted by a past of which he had no memory?

"I'll write myself instructions," he said, not wanting to dwell on those fears. "I might need- I might need to be caught up to speed on a few things. I was kind of… you know, before. Kind of a zombie." When Naminé didn't reply to that, he barrelled on: "I think I want to settle in Traverse Town. It would probably be easiest to find support there when I'm starting off, and it's not like I'll miss the ocean or the sky or-" or Kairi. "But don't tell me who I used to be. I don't want to know." Regret started to claw at him as soon as the words came out of his mouth. For a moment he hated Naminé, for her passive complacency, for hearing him admit he wanted to be erased and saying nothing to stop him, not offering even a single word of comfort. He stood up, his vision swimming with the sudden motion. "I should get going."

Naminé nodded. Diplomatic. "That's probably for the best."

She walked him to the gate. The sky was overcast again, threatening rain. He looked at her one last time, her passive expression as she looked around the neglected courtyard, hands folded delicately in front of her. He imagined her returning to Kairi, after everything she had already sacrificed, becoming nothing more than an inexplicable ache in Kairi's heart. He wanted to yell at both of them: _no! This isn't okay! We shouldn't have to give up our lives like this! We're our own people! We have a right to exist!_ But beneath her calm exterior he could see the inescapable melancholy. It was better to be nothing than a fragment of a person, always aching to be whole. So instead he just said blandly, "Thanks for lunch."

Naminé's smile didn't reach her eyes. "Thanks for the tips."

"I'm not sure when I'll make it back. The Corridors of Darkness haven't exactly been forgiving lately."

"I'll be here."

He scrambled ungracefully over the gate, but thankfully Naminé was heading back through the weeds to the mansion by the time he went toppling down the other side. The ground squelched underfoot as he made his way to the crack in the wall which would return him to Twilight Town proper. He had one more night paid for at the Sunset Hostel; tonight he would rest. Tomorrow he would return to Destiny Islands.


	25. Chapter 25

Moving through the Corridors of Darkness was a little like diving; the Darkness swelled around Riku like water as he sank into it, letting it take his weight, feeling it press around him from every angle. It was important to stay calm and conserve energy, not allowing the Darkness any avenue to invade him. At first he had stayed in the eerie, unreal corridors for only the briefest lengths of time, the panic of claustrophobia closing in within moments, but with practice slipping between realms came to feel almost natural. After months of travelling he could skirt the boundaries between realms with ease, extending his senses into any place touched by the Darkness. Its particular brand of solitude suited him; surrounded by only the echoes of broken worlds there was little that could remind him of home, and while he was searching he felt a sense of purpose and motion that kept the worst of that awful emptiness at bay. 

Like Riku, the members of the Organisation travelled primarily through the Corridors of Darkness, punching in and out of worlds like needles and leaving only the faintest of disturbances behind. Whereever their headquarters were located, it was some place beyond Light or Darkness, beyond Riku's reach; but in those moments when they were passing between worlds he could sense them. Sora's Nobody, like Sora and yet so unlike Sora; Riku had yet to reveal himself to him, having sensed his power, a power that seemed too honed to belong to such a young being. The weak link was the replica. _Xion_.

He had asked Naminé about Xion's appearance, stupidly, staring at the portrait like he didn't know exactly who she looked like. Of _course_ Sora's most important memories would be of Kairi! He loved her! Riku had guarded Sora possessively, perhaps fearing that very outcome, but maybe that had only served to push him away faster. He had been so desperately, helplessly in love with him and now...

For the thousandth time, he steeled himself against his thoughts. The Darkness allowed no weakness. Xion had been acting erratically for weeks. Riku could only assume she was searching for answers. He wondered how aware she was of Sora's memories. (Sora's important memories. Sora's important memories of Kairi.) But the important thing was if she was acting alone, then the Organisation wouldn't know where she was, and that would give the opportunity Riku needed to bring her back to Sora.

He felt a subtle shift in the balance of Darkness around him. Xion's energy was unmistakeable, almost like Sora's. She was alone, panicked and disoriented, her breaths coming out in sharp pants. Running from something? For a few moments she paused, looking around wildly, but Riku was invisible against the Darkness. Then she threw open another portal and was gone, leaving behind a faint tether for Riku to follow. The Darkness resisted him, as if the barrier protecting the world Xion had chosen was a particularly powerful one, but with a push he broke through, stepping out into scorching heat and blazing sun which hit him like a breaching whale.

For a moment Riku felt nothing; then that awful guilt clawed into him. This was home. The home he had hated so much, the home he had torn apart, the home he had forfeited. The home he missed with every cell in his body. 

He let the Darkness guide him instead of his vision, extending his senses across the beach. He had missed the rich salty smell of kelp washed up above the tide line, the buzz of insects, the battering heat which was already drawing a sheen of sweat from his skin. In a moment of weakness, he tipped his face up to the sky, letting the sun's heat burn down on him. He could hear the hum of the waterfall and the splash of waves nearby, but the island was eerily still. Where was the playful laughter of the South Island kids? Where were the beach huts and treehouses and obstacle courses? For a moment he considered lifting his blindfold, if only for a moment, to see one last time the way the water glittered with afternoon sunlight and the breeze played with the palm trees. But when his fingers touched the material he balked. He had already said his goodbyes to this place. It was best to let dead memories lie.

Xion was racing towards the paopu islet, unaware of Riku's presence. The sand, parched from the sun, crunched under his boots. He had missed the sensation of it sinking under his weight with each footstep. He kept to the treeline, knowing the contrast between light and shade would disguise him. He could sense Xion's desperation; she was acting on some stolen memory, perhaps, the paopu seeming so important to her for reasons she couldn't possibly understand. 

Riku had always scoffed at the paopu legend. Acted aloof when Kairi made him a star-shaped wayfinder charm, saying "To always guide you home, Riku!" He had rolled his eyes and told her he'd always know where home was, and if he didn't some stupid sea-shell charm wasn't exactly going to help. But he had taken it anyway and hidden it away in the lock box under his bed where he kept the things which were most precious to him. He had always prided himself on his mature, detatched demeanour, and where had it got him? Sora had stopped caring about him and Kairi had probably never cared about him at all. What better proof of that was there than Xion? 

_You're here on a mission. Focus. You can wallow later.  
_

But it was hard to think about anything other than Sora here, memories that had become scattered sketches flooding back to him, when Sora's hair had always smelled seasalty from diving into the water at every possible opportunity, when this was where they had raced and sparred and wrestled, Riku so aware of Sora's body and how hot his skin felt under his palms, feeling that sick curl of shame every time he would pounce on Sora or grab his arm or pull his hair, knowing why he was so drawn to him and knowing Sora had no idea of Riku's true feelings and powerless to stop himself falling deeper and deeper and-

Xion was speaking urgently, as if in conversation with some invisible companion. The pained, desperate tone of her voice was familiar to Riku; like her, he had run away to places nobody would see him before allowing his insecurities to show. He hesitated, still keeping out of sight. His body prickled from the afternoon's heat. He remembered vividly laying on sweat-soaked sheets during the hottest nights, the window unit doing little to abate the bludgeoning heat, a damp towel draped across his forehead and another under the small of his back. Getting up to stand in front of the open freezer for a few minutes, his Mom chastising him for wasting electricity. Air so thick they could almost wade through it, storms bursting from nothing in the peak of the afternoon's heat, the sky dynamic and alive. He had always complained about the weather - if it wasn't heat it was hurricanes, and if it wasn't hurricanes it was floods - but now he missed it fiercely.

_Always wanting what you can't have._ He had been such a greedy child. Wanting the lion's share of the food, wanting new clothes and toys he knew his Mom couldn't afford, wanting to be feared and admired and left alone, wanting the Keyblade, wanting Sora… 

So it was fitting that in the end, he would have nothing at all. 

He was crossing the bridge when he saw Xion collapse suddenly. He rushed to her, moving on instinct. He kept Soul Eater just beyond his reach, ready to summon the weapon at any moment, but by the time he reached Xion she was unconscious. He didn't need to see her face to be able to feel how similar she was to Kairi. The smell of her, like the warmth of sunshine, made him feel sick.

He had managed to track down Xion a few times by now, and each time she had reacted with hostility. But she was withdrawing from the Organisation - not that Riku could take all that much credit for that, given that their fights had left little breath for conversation. He had rehearsed several conversations over the weeks, wondering what he would say to her when a confrontation finally ended in surrender rather than withdrawal, but there really was no good way to say "you have to give up your existence for the boy I love". 

In the end it would have to be her choice. Naminé had been very firm about that. But what kind of a choice was it, really? For Riku, it was easy: without Sora he had no purpose, no light, no connection to the world. But to ask Xion to make the same sacrifice, for a boy she had never met? Where was the choice in that? 

There was part of him who wanted Xion to live. For Sora never to recover his memories of Kairi. Not that taking Kairi out of the equation would deliver Sora into Riku's arms: Riku was too far gone even for friendship. The foul, cruel side of him just wanted Sora and Kairi to suffer like he had suffered, to lose each other the way he had lost them. 

For a moment, Xion was still, the weight of her in his arms reminding Riku of the way Kairi's body had felt, heavy and inanimate. Then she drew away from him, distrustful and guarded. But he could sense some part of her had lost the fight against the Organisation's indoctrination: more than fighting Riku, she wanted answers.

"You're… Riku." 

"That's right." Riku could feel her eyes on him. Judging him, perhaps. 

"Sora's friend."

"Yeah."

She hopped onto the trunk of the paopu tree, evidently deciding that he wasn't about to attack her. A possessive part of him resented her for so thoughtlessly occupying a place so special, when the only claim she had to it was stolen memory. He joined her wordlessly, leaning against the trunk like he always used to, turning his face to the horizon.

"I'm connected to Sora, aren't I." The weary acceptance in her tone reminded him of Naminé. "I keep seeing memories of him. And the girl… Kairi." 

How many sunsets had he watched from this spot? Sora never grew tired of them. They'd be camped out on the beach, halfway through stoking a fire or working on some new construction project and he would pull on Riku's arm and insist, his eyes glittering like the late afternoon ocean, _let's go watch the sunset from the paopu tree!_ and Riku would be powerless to resist. A memory so old, so fundamental, that even Naminé couldn't touch it.

Yet.

"She's very important to him." 

Xion considered this. "Where are they now?"

"Kairi's here. Waiting for Sora to come home."

There was a sudden burst of squawking as a gaggle of seagulls descended on some morsel washed ashore. Riku turned his head to listen. He remembered his Mom telling him he was like a seagull, always fighting over scraps. A chastisement, probably. He hoped she was happier without her failure of a son. 

"And Sora?"

"That secret stays with me."

Xion huffed. Riku could imagine the pout on her lips, just like Sora denied something he thought he deserved. But she didn't press him further: instead he heard the zip of her coat coming undone, the shuffle of leather as she pulled it off.

"Is it always so hot here?"

"No. It gets hotter." 

"No wonder Sora wanted to leave."

Bile rose in Riku's throat. _You don't get to make jokes like that!_ But he fought down the anger, settling instead for terse silence. He was aware of Xion watching him. He wondered if she feared him. 

"I'm not supposed to exist, am I?" Xion asked after a few moments. Her voice sounded strained. "They call me a puppet. They say I'm broken."

Riku evaded the question: "You've been taking things that don't belong to you."

"Sora's memories."

"That's right."

Xion was quiet again. Then she said: "You're different in his memories." She must have catched the way he started, because she laughed, that tiny polite giggle he associated so much with Naminé. "He must really admire you."

_"Don't._ " Entertaining the idea that Riku might still be important to Sora only made things worse. It was already bad enough being in this place so full of nostalgia. The only thing keeping the delicate balance in Riku's heart was resignation, and he was keen to return to it. "We had to put Sora to sleep to repair his memories. But you've taken the memories-" he balked, remembering just whose face his uneasy companion shared- "which are most important to him. Without those memories, Sora can't wake up."

"So that's what you want from me," Xion said evenly. The trunk of the paopu tree wobbled as she jumped down. Restless. Riku felt the shape of her body moving through the Darkness as she paced around the islet, inspecting sea shells thrown up by the high tide. "But I can't just give them up. I need them to be me, don't I?"

_You shouldn't have existed in the first place._ But Riku couldn't bring himself to say so out loud. Unbidden memories surfaced of being trapped in that sickly Darkness, watching Sora bring a whole room to life with just a smile, those long fingers curling around his shoulder, and thinking _it would have been better if I'd never been friends with him_ ; of feeling a consciousness other than his own engulfing his mind, of his body moving to a greater control, thinking _it would have been better if I had never existed_.

"You're the only person who can make that choice," he said finally. 

"My friends need me."

_Do they? Do they really? Do any of you have any idea what it feels like to need someone the way I need-?_

"We have the answers you've been looking for. You should at least know the whole truth. About the Organisation, and Roxas-" 

There was an immediate shift in Xion's energy at the mention of her friend's name. That defensiveness again. Protective, but insecure. Riku wondered if that was what Maleficent had sensed in him too. She had manipulated him so easily into hurting the people he cared about most. 

"You want to protect him, don't you?" he asked, feeling a swell of self-loathing. "He's the link between you and Sora. He's the reason you can siphon Sora's memories. The Organisation knows that." He sickened himself. Pretending to be so aloof and impartial when every action was driven by hopeless desperation. He hadn't changed. Never would. "They won't always have a use for both of you."

"We can't just leave."

"I can shield you from them." He almost sounded like he didn't care either way. "If you need time."

Xion thought for a few minutes. A breeze from the treeline brought the smell of ripe fruit and peaty underbrush. Riku remembered hunting around in the mulch for worms to use as bait, Sora being- Sora doing- Sora being _there_ , somehow, even if he could hardly remember anything more than the addictive sound of his laughter. The more he lost the tighter he clung to what little remained, tiny fragments of light that were the only thing keeping the Darkness from consuming him.

"This is a beautiful place," Xion said, just as Riku was getting lost in his own thoughts again. 

He shrugged, disguising the grief that had welled up inside him. "It's okay."

What Riku missed the most was the innocence. All his problems had seemed so important: getting his homework finished hours before it was due, trying to best his high score on his favourite games at the arcade, impressing Sora with his skills at construction and his childish pretenses of maturity. He wished he could go back to such simple, stupid concerns. 

_You wanted to leave,_ he chastised himself. _You finally got what you wished for._

But he hadn't, because what he really wanted was to leave with _Sora_ , and instead here he was sinking himself irreversibly into the Darkness in order to gather up all the pieces of the boy he loved, one last great sacrifice that would, perhaps, be enough to put weight behind those words he had always struggled so much to say: "I'm sorry."


	26. Chapter 26

It was night when he finally broke back through to Destiny Islands, falling through the portal into warm sand and using the last of his energy to roll onto his back to stare at the stars. He lay still for several minutes, catching his breath, then pulled a hi-potion from his rucksack and gulped it down, shuddering as the magic spread through his body, fixing what little it could. Three more jumps to go. Once through the fabric of Destiny Islands to Turtle Island to deliver his message to Kairi, once back, and finally to Twilight Town. The real Riku would take Kairi home; he would stay with Naminé to be erased. Just three more jumps. His body could take three more jumps. 

He groaned as he rolled back onto his hands and knees, forcing himself onto his feet. Not feeling ready to pull himself through the Darkness just yet, he headed up to the flood barrier, gracelessly climbing onto the path. Crickets chirped in the underbrush. He slapped an opportunistic mosquito away from his face. Riku had spent so many nights here it was practically a second home, whether he was camping out under the stars with Sora or hiding from his furious Mom after yet another fight. And this was the last time he would run his hands over the weathered volcanic rock, test his weight on one of the few rope bridges which had survived the season's storms, crawl into the network of caves looking for a place where nobody would find him. The usual entrance to the Secret Place had caved in, so he worked his way in from the other side of the island, letting memory carry him through muddy crawlspaces smelling of generations of fungus. He had to worm his way through a pinch point which had definitely been less tight the last time he had- the last time Riku had come through his way- but finally he collapsed into the Secret Place, his torch sweeping over a partially-collapsed cavern littered with rubble and broken roots. Several chalk drawings had survived, including the one which made his chest constrict painfully. He forced himself to look at the crude drawing of Sora and Kairi and the star-shaped fruit they were sharing. He hoped one day they really would share a paopu fruit. After everything Kairi had been through, she deserved Sora.

The lockbox he had raided on his first night on Destiny Islands - his first of many acts of theft - was still there, the lid askew. He rummaged around inside for the box of chalks. He would allow himself one last symbolic act, a marker of his brief existence. He found an empty space amongst the drawings, brushed off the dust, and drew what he had to admit was a very poor self portrait. A crude rendition of braided hair, an even worse one of Lionsoul - the Keyblade which had come to feel less his and more part of himself - and in the other hand Naminé's charm. Eyes closed in peaceful surrender. Or at least… closed. 

He stared at his artwork for a few minutes, wondering when the catharsis would come. But all that happened was the weight of the childhood that had never been his started to bear down on him as if the rest of the cave was collapsing. He left eagerly, but the constricting pressure remained, even under the endless sky.

He pulled out the note he had written for Kairi. He had gone through several drafts hunched over the dressing table in his hostel room - some more self-pitying than others - and finally settled on a simple few lines which he had painstakingly copied out in his best handwriting. Professional, impartial, leaving out the roiling emotions inside him.

_I found Sora. He's with Naminé in the Old Mansion in Twilight Town. If you want to see him I can take you to him. I'll wait for you on the Play Island._

He had balked at signing the note. What he should have written was _the Riku replica_ , but there was still a lingering part of him that couldn't accept it, that couldn't bear to see that condemnation in his own hand (in Riku's hand). Like a coward he had left the end of the note blank. Better to be nothing than a fake.

He read over the note one last time and slid it back into the cute sea-shell patterned envelope he had picked up from the art shop with the last of his munny. Then he closed his eyes, reaching out to the familiar Darkness threading through Destiny Islands, visualising the shape of a school corridor, the bank of lockers next to sugar paper displays locked in perpetual battle between teachers and graffiti artists, and stumbled through. His cura drowned out the sickly glow of the emergency lights for a moment; then the hall returned to gloom. Without the usual cacophony of students the school was eerie, an uncanny facsimile of a place he knew so well.

He took a deep breath smelling of industrial cleaner and questionable teenage body sprays, counted to Kairi's locker, and slid the note in through the gap above the door. Steeled himself. Jolted through the Darkness again, coming out coughing blood, his head ringing clamorously, the swirls of inky purple blossoming under his skin taking several minutes to recede.

_You just have to survive one more journey._

Now all he had left to do was wait. Kairi wouldn't find the note until morning, and then she would be tied up with classes. Maybe she would rush over to the Play Island during her lunch break; maybe she would go through the motions of the school day, her mind drifting to the contents of the note, before heading to the first ferry after school let out, heart in her throat as she drew closer to the Play Island. Or maybe she would go home instead, laying awake through the night wondering if the message was a trap. Maybe she wouldn't come out here at all.

The moon was close to full, casting shadows of palms across the beach. A perfect night for fishing. Allowing himself this one weakness, he fetched a rod from the hut and hauled the spare boat out onto the water, allowing currents to drift him out to the reef before he dropped anchor. Under the moonlight the bruises on his skin were just shadows; his unsteady breaths were almost disguised by the gentle lapping of water against the hull of the boat. 

He balanced a few citronella candles on the other bench to drive off the worst of the insects, their sharp tang filling him with nostalgia. Riku had loved night fishing so much, the sea a mirror reflecting the arc of stars above him, the closest he could come in this tiny world to infinity. With darkness above and below, he could become an island unto himself, forgetting for a few peaceful hours the fears and insecurities eating him alive.

He dropped the line and settled in to wait. If he was lucky, he might see a whitetip nosing around the coral, its sleek body manoeuvring effortlessly through the water. He would miss this vibrant world, so full of life in every corner, so rich with memories that- 

-he wouldn't miss anything. He wouldn't even know Destiny Islands existed. And it would be better that way.

* * *

  
He woke early, to a bright dawn and the clutches of lingering nightmares. He busied himself with washing under the waterfall, changing into presentable clothes, forcing down a breakfast of pastries from Twilight Town. He toyed restlessly with his hair, plaiting and unplaiting it, trying not to think about whether he'd have to learn from scratch how to braid. He'd known language and motion before, hadn't he? He wouldn't be a blank slate. He wouldn't be completely vulnerable.

Every time the tears threatened to spill over he bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. He still had enough pride left not to want Kairi to see him so weak.

The sun crawled slowly into the sky, as if as reluctant as he was for time to pass. First he waited under the shade of the trees; then he stood at the waterline letting waves collapse over his bare feet, watching the broken shells and scraps of kelp and pebbles drift about in the swash. Then he went up to the islet and leaned against the paopu tree, keeping his eyes on the horizon. Despite the heat, he kept his jacket zipped up to his chin, not wanting Kairi to see the constellations of bruises on his skin. Time seemed to crawl.

 _You should enjoy this_ , he thought to himself. He could hear monkeys in the trees, seabirds off shore fighting for scraps again. _Make the most of your last few hours of being home_. He wondered if Naminé felt the same way, feeling the counter clicking inexorably down, unable to do anything but wait for release - and oblivion. If she had the same desire to leave something behind, anything, even if it was hidden away where nobody would see it. Some little token to say "I was here." He pulled out Naminé's charm, thumbing over the cracks in the paint. A worthless object, a cheap counterfeit, falling apart just like him. So why hadn't he ever thrown it away? Why was it still important to him?

He was still inspecting the charm when he heard Kairi calling Riku's name, her voice sounding distant, broken up by the wind and the waves. He tensed at the sudden flood of emotions elicited by the sound of her voice. She'd come earlier than he expected: she must have left school as soon as she found the note. 

He squared his shoulders in preparation, grappling for impartiality. Best to get it over and done with; entertaining his nostalgia here was pointless, anyway.

"Riku? _Riku!"_

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of blue and white on the beach. He kept his focus on the horizon, not trusting himself to look in her direction. He just had to make it through one brief, formal conversation. Naminé could take care of the details; all he needed to be was transport.

_Don't start crying again. You're stronger than this._

She was panting breathlessly by the time she reached the bridge to the islet. He was so aware of her coming up behind him. Her footsteps slowing suddenly, hesitant. Out on the open water he saw a whale breach, maybe for the last time. He wouldn't know. It wouldn't matter. 

"Riku? It's really you?"

He let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding. Why was it so impossible to face her? She should have been just a stranger, meaning nothing to him. And yet his heart was pounding in his chest as if desperate for escape. 

"No." His voice came out like kindling, parched and fragile. "Just the replica." 

He didn't know what he'd expected, but it wasn't for Kairi's arms to suddenly wrap around his chest, the pressure against his ribs making him wince. "Riku, you idiot," she was saying, her voice choked, "You absolute dumbass, you dramatic, self-sacrificial-"

"I'm not _Riku_ , I'm-" but he couldn't say it again, not when he could hear Kairi crying, when he could feel her breaths against his back. Instead he found himself stumbling over his rehearsed lines, scared that at any moment he would lose his nerve; "I found Sora, he's asleep while Naminé fixes what she did to his memories, that's why he hasn't come home. I'll take you to him, and then I'll- I'll leave, I won't- Naminé's going to erase my memories so I won't be-"

Kairi pulled away from him suddenly. "What do you mean, erase your memories?" 

"You know." He forced the words out, hating the way his voice quavered: "Reset me."

"That's..." Kairi hestitated. When she spoke again she sounded younger, more vulnerable. "That's what you want?"

"It's-" He made the mistake of turning to glance at her. She was looking dishevelled, her shirt untucked and her tie loose, her hair a mess, her eyes puffy, her brows drawn into a tense, worried frown. And then he was crying too, his resistance broken. He tried to hide his face behind his hands, but it was no use: his shoulders were shaking and his breaths were coming out in a ragged staccato. "No. _No!_ I don't want to forget you! I don't want to- but they're not my memories and I don't deserve- I have to- but I don't _want_ to-" Somehow his forehead was against Kairi's shoulder and she was stroking his hair and he was sobbing helplessly. "I'm sorry," was the only other thing he managed. "I'm so sorry."

Kairi was quiet while he fought to regain control. Then she said seriously, "I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I was gonna say to you when I found you again. But I guess the important thing is... I'm sorry too." Before he could respond she squeezed his shoulders tight again. "You shouldn't have lied to me. And you _really_ shouldn't have run away. But I guess that proves you're a Riku, because that's exactly what he'd do." 

"I didn't mean to," Riku insisted weakly, that pathetic excuse again. Didn't mean to what? Any of this. If he'd been stronger he would never have let things get so out of control. If he was stronger he would have stopped himself returning Kairi's embrace, but in spite of everything he needed the comfort too badly to resist. "I was scared."

"But you're back now. No more running away, okay?"

"I thought you'd hate me."

Kairi pulled back to cup Riku's face in her hands, her expression sheepish. "I don't hate you," she promised. "We're friends, right?"

"We're not friends," whispered Riku, but he couldn't fight his protesting heart, especially not when Kairi was patting his head, her own breaths coming out in an unsteady rhythm from fighting back tears. He admitted painfully, terrifyingly: "I want to be friends."

"Then let's be friends." Kairi gave him one more fierce, painful hug; then she was pulling a pack of tissues out of her school bag, wiping the tears and snot away from Riku's face. "Oh, Riku, you idiot. You're such an idiot. What's with this dumb rain coat? You must be boiling like a lobster in there." She unzipped the coat, ignoring his protests, wincing as she saw the purple bruises leading down to his collar and blooming along his arms. "What have you _done_ to yourself?"

Riku shied from her piercing expression. "I'm… maybe kind of a bit falling apart."

Kairi shook her head in exasperation. "You dumbass. I should have known you were going to do something completely reckless."

"I'm sorry," he said again. Kairi patted his back sympathetically. 

"I've got a _lot_ of questions," she said, "But let's get home first. Fin's at work, but I'll just call and tell her you're back and she'll- what?"

He'd pulled away without realising. The hope Kairi had given him was turning back into a familiar sinking feeling of loss. The thought of entering his house as a guest, of being a stranger, a _fake_...

"I can't go home." 

"It'll be fine," promised Kairi, looking at him earnestly. Pityingly, maybe. "Fin's been really worried about you. She'll be glad to know you're okay."

"I'm scared," he admitted, choking on the words, "I'm scared of-"

"-Of things being different?" Kairi's smile was knowing. She took Riku's hands in hers. "Haven't you learned anything? After all those times we talked about being afraid that telling the truth would make things change?"

She was right, of course. Change was inevitable - even for the real Riku, even before the world started crumbling around them - and the only way through was to face it head on. His legs were shaky and his chest was pounding, but he steeled himself. Kairi was offering him a second chance, whether he deserved it or not. The real Riku would have kept running, too afraid of failure to even try. He would do better. So he nodded mutely and let Kairi lead him across the bridge, her taking it slow to match his pace. 

"I'm sorry I accused you of working for the Organisation," she said as she hopped nimbly down onto the sand, holding her hand out for Riku to stumble gracelessly after her. "I realised it didn't make sense. It's just kind of a lot to realise your best friend is actually a replica."

 _Replica._ The word still made Riku shudder. He wanted to defend himself, find some way of expressing how _real_ he felt despite his fabricated memories and flimsy mechanical scaffolding. But words had never been his strong suit; all he could really say was yet another, "I'm sorry."

"No, it's..." Kairi sighed, her eyes scanning the horizon. "I mean, you came home and tried to work things out with me and your Mom. That's a lot more than the real Riku did."

"I think he's scared," Riku offered, but it felt like a paltry excuse even as it left his mouth.

"Yeah, well." A note of bitterness entered Kairi's voice. "I'm scared too. If it hadn't been for you I would have been totally alone." 

Before he could stop himself, Riku blurted out: "Same." 

Kairi laughed. "I should have realised you weren't the real Riku months ago. You're way too sincere." She rocked on her toes, reenergising herself, clearly ready to move on from such a vulnerable statement. "I haven't been back to my parents', by the way. They called a few times, but it didn't exactly go well."

"You've been staying at Fin's?" Calling Riku's Mom by her name felt weird. He'd have to get used to it. He hoped he'd have a chance to get used to it.

"Yeah." Despite herself Kairi couldn't help running ahead, stooping to inspect sea shells and bits of driftwood, reminding Riku of Sora. "It's not like they could stop me doing anything, but I guess I'm scared that if they try and I have to fight back, that that's gonna be it. How do you fix a relationship after..." she trailed off, glancing at Riku. "Well, I guess you'd know more about that than anyone."

"The number one thing is to be really upfront about the fact that-" but he couldn't bring himself to say it, even as a joke. "You just have to be honest, I guess." Needing to change the subject, needing distraction from the way his skin still tingled from Kairi's touch, from the way his heart was pounding and his thoughts were reeling, he asked: "So the Nobodies haven't come back?"

"There've been groups of them showing up at night. But nothing like when Demyx was here. I think they're trying to find a way back in. So thanks for abandoning me in my hour of need and all. You need an arm or something?" 

"No, I'm okay." With Kairi looking at him compassionately, Riku felt all the more conscious of the way he was limping, of the dark smears of damage under his skin. She looped her arm around his waist anyway, knowing he was lying.

"It's not far to the boat."

The wind was starting to pick up, the waves energetic coils leaping onto the wet sand, the resting sea birds bobbing in and out of view. Once they reached the boat Kairi dragged it into the waves; she helped Riku in like he was a city kid feeling the balance of water for the first time and hopped in afterwards with practiced grace. They sat quietly, Kairi leaning over her shoulder as she rowed to shore, angling against the growing wind. Riku held onto the hull of the boat as they breached a particularly large wave and coasted down the other side, not trusting his balance. The taste of salt in his mouth was familiar, nostalgic. The wind was toying with Kairi's hair. She was squinting from the sunlight, her brows furrowed with concentration. Occasionally she would glance at him, her expression unreadable. _She pities me_ , Riku thought, very aware of the bruises on his arms, drawn out against the pallour of his skin by Destiny Islands' bright sun. 

He would take pity gladly. It was better than disgust. 

Finally, as they were passing the halfway point to the shore, Kairi said cautiously, "Did you really think I would rather you didn't exist?"

Riku shifted uncomfortably on the bench, keeping his eyes on the water swilling around in the bottom of the boat. 

"It wasn't that," he said, not quite truthfully. He didn't know how to put into words how familiar, how special, how _important_ this world felt to him. "I just… Riku's memories aren't mine to have. There's no place for me here." A lump settled into his throat. He realised he was afraid Kairi would agree with him. He was grateful for the sea spray, disguising the tears that were threatening - yet again - to spill over his cheeks. "But it feels like… it feels like home." 

Kairi nudged his shin with her foot. When he dared to look at her again, her expression was earnest.

"We'll find space for you," she said gently. Then, maybe as at a loss for words as he was, she added, "I know Destiny Islands is small, but it's not _that_ small."

"I want to stay here," he admitted. They braced themselves as Kairi took them over the next wave, water spraying over their shoulders.

"You should stay," Kairi said in the lull between waves. "I want to be your friend. On our own terms for real this time. No more secrets."

"No more secrets," Riku agreed. His heart was thrumming, hope in one beat, fear in the other. No more past loyalties or stolen histories to rely on: only his true self. 

Whoever that was.

They reached the jetty and made their way past the promenade to South Island's residential district. Riku noticed posters pasted on the lamposts and utility poles, large black lettering under a blurry image of a Dancer detailing emergency procedures to follow in the event of their reappearance. 

"We're still on high alert," said Kairi, following Riku's eyes. "We've had drills at school, there's a bunch of extra security stuff in place. It's basically just the same as hurricane procedure. Honestly, they should have put protocols in place after the world fell to Darkness the first time. But better late than never, I guess."

"Did you talk to your Dad about it?"

Kairi's expression soured. "Not really. He doesn't want a 'kid' involved. He says Destiny Islands' safety is his responsibility." Before Riku could make a comment agreeing or disagreeing: "What's he going to do if the Organisation comes back? Get the police to put out an arrest warrant? Whether they like it or not, I'm the only person who can protect this world." 

They were rounding the corner to Sora and Riku's road. The weeds were still verdant from recent rain; several people in their front yards gardening or smoking or sunbathing paused to wave at them as they passed. Riku gratefully let Kairi handle the conversation, too spent to manage more than weak smiles at his neighbours. Then Kairi was letting him into his house, the smell of sandalwood, laundry detergent and coffee hitting him like a physical blow. He stumbled through the narrow corridor into the kitchen, the breakfast plates waiting by the sink and the herbs on the windowsill and a bowl of half-defrosted chicken thighs and a stack of unopened letters tossed on the table and he was crying again and Kairi was stroking his back saying "Oh Riku. Oh, _Riku_." She guided him to a chair, which he sank gratefully into. "I'm gonna go call the hardware store. You sit tight. And don't run off like a dramatic dumbass again."

He rested his head on the table, listening to Kairi on the phone: "Hey, yeah, it's Kairi. Can you get Fin on the line? Riku's home. Uh-huh. Sure." After a few minutes of humming a half-familiar tune, "Hey Fin… Yeah, the replica... He left a note in my locker at school… uh, I maybe vaulted the fence? Can you take the rest of the day off work? … I'll make sure he doesn't run off again. See you soon." The phone clicked as Kairi returned it to the cradle. A moment later she was back in the kitchen, heading for the fridge. "She'll be home after her morning shift is done." 

"You vaulted over the school fence?"

Kairi shrugged. "They wouldn't let me out via the reception." She pulled out a bottle of ginger beer and split it between a pair of glasses, plopping in the last chips from the ice cube tray. Gently she lifted Riku's head off the table, sliding the glass into his hands. "Okay. Let's talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to HybridKylin for beta'ing this chapter for me!


	27. Chapter 27

He started from the very beginning, the words coming out unsteadily as he described those timeless early days as an empty vessel feeling very little of anything, then waking up from surgery with a new face - Riku's face - and a confused, directionless anger at the people who had created him and the role they expected him to fulfil, then Naminé apologising to him and wiping him clean and building him from scratch and the Organisation - or at least, one faction of the Organisation - letting him loose to hunt down Sora over a girl neither of them really loved. The frantic chase through Castle Oblivion, every turn twisting him deeper into the lies, until Naminé chose Sora over him and shattered the delicate illusions she herself had built. Then, faltering through the guilt, his desperate attempt to replace the real Riku, taking Zexion's power, wanting to be more than just a cheap copy, and finally sinking into the Darkness, thinking that he had reached the end of existence. 

"But you washed up on the Play Island instead."

"I didn't mean to stay," Riku insisted again, as if it made any difference. By this point his head was back on the table: he was too exhausted to sit upright. His heart was still racing, his muscles tense, as if waiting for the illusion to break. "Not at first. But then you and Mom- _Fin_ \- were so nice to me. And I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to leave. I kept telling myself I'd tell the truth, but..."

Kairi eased her hand into his, turning it palm up to brush her thumb over the blisters. "I wish you'd told me." 

"I was so scared you'd hate me." Then, quieter: "I'd deserve it."

Kairi said thoughtfully, "Do you think that's what the real Riku thinks too? He thinks I won't forgive him for what he did?"

Riku glanced up. Her face was pensive. "I think he'd deserve it too." That made Kairi laugh. She leaned back on her chair, craning her neck to watch the trees sway outside. 

"I'm so fucking mad at him," she announced. She didn't say anything else for several minutes, Riku almost thinking she wouldn't elaborate. But then she closed her eyes and continued: "Not even for what he did before. I get that he was hurting. We all were. And Sora was kind of shitty for running off without him. He should have realised how much Riku needed him. But then..." she reached over and tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind Riku's ear. "Then you came back and we started fixing things, and I thought I was finally getting through his thick skull and that we were... I thought we were finally _friends_ again. And that meant so much to me, because we hadn't really been getting along for years, and finally we were reconnecting and facing up to all the things we'd never been able to talk about before, and..." She paused, pursing her lips, and sighed again. "You really shouldn't have told me all those secrets about Riku. But I'm kind of glad you did. Because I don't know if he ever would have."

"I'm sorry," said Riku, voice muffled by his arm. "And you're welcome, I guess."

Kairi toyed restlessly with her empty glass. "I think that hit me the worst," she said. "Not even that you were a replica. Honestly I'm surprised I didn't realise sooner. But... if Riku never came home that means he doesn't even care about me enough to leave a note, not even 'be right back gotta save Sora', and-" she stopped abruptly. "You took the fall for all the horrible things he did because you _wanted_ to be friends with me, and he can't even... I mean, even if he doesn't care about me, he knew how much I cared about Sora! He knew how much it would mean to me to even just know that he was safe! We grew up together! You know how close we were! Even if we didn't always get along, we were supposed to be _best friends_ , and he just-" She stilled for a moment, took a deep breath, collected herself. "I just don't understand. I don't understand how he could just abandon me like this. I mean…" She looked at Riku again, as if looking at the face of her childhood friend would somehow give her all the answers. "Sure, he's always been kind of a jerk, but I didn't think he was actually a bad person."

There was part of him that didn't want to defend the real Riku. To agree with Kairi that unlike him Riku really had stopped caring, too obsessed with Sora to remember that anyone else existed. But he knew Riku's heart, that all-consuming fear keeping him on the run from anyone who could save him.

"I don't think he doesn't care," he said. "I mean, aren't I proof of that? I cared about you right from the beginning."

"I don't think Riku ever cared about me in quite the same way," interrupted Kairi, poking Riku's shoulder and laughing at the way he blushed. "Sorry. You were being serious."

"Naminé said he's given himself in to the Darkness to save Sora. I think he thinks he's beyond redemption." 

Kairi had no jokes for that. She looked at him solemnly, then away. "He still should have left me a note."

"He should have," Riku agreed, "But it kind of worked out for me that he didn't." 

Kairi smiled thinly. "Yeah. That's a silver lining."

"I wanted to be better than him," Riku admitted, resting his forehead on the table again. "Even in the beginning. I guess I wanted to prove myself."

"That's a very Riku thing to do." Kairi got up to fetch more ginger beer. "This stuff's good, don't you think? Fin swapped it for some pickles with that guy with all the dogs at the end of the road. People on South Island really know how to look out for each other."

"They know no-one else will."

Kairi stared into the fridge. The homegrown vegetables in the crisper, jars in the door plastered with labels from being reused so much, wax paper parcels of fish traded with neighbours. "Sometimes I really hate my parents," she said as she came back with full glasses. "I know they're just doing what they think is best for me, but I'm literally a magical Keyblade-wielding Princess." But then she slumped forward in her seat, joining Riku with her head on the table. "I suck at being a daughter and I suck at being a magical Keyblade-wielding Princess and I suck at being a friend too."

Riku's voice came out a little strangled as he stumbled over saying: "I think you're a great friend. And a great Princess."

"I nearly killed you. Then I stormed off and let you nearly kill yourself." Kairi looked over her arm at Riku, her eyes big and vulnerable. When she spoke again it was in a tremulous whisper: "You still matter, you know that, right? Even if you're a replica. You're still a person."

Riku didn't reply right away. He realised he'd never quite thought of himself as a _person_. First he'd been a tool, then an imposter. And now? 

"I don't know what I am."

"You're an idiot, is what you are," murmured Kairi, fondly. She took his hand again, threading her fingers through his. Her palm was warm, calloused from her Keyblade's grip. "You're our idiot."

That was what it came down to, wasn't it? He wanted so much to _belong_. At first he'd thought it would be enough to feel the illusion of it, but those strange phantom emotions from Riku's memories had become real so easily. Even if he could have erased Destiny Islands and Kairi and his Mom and Hikari, being so alone would still have hurt. He still would have ached for connection; the only thing he would have changed was having a name for the hollowness.

"I don't know if I could have gone through with it," he admitted after a few moments. "Naminé resetting me, I mean. I know my memories are fake, but… the thought of not being _me_ any more…"

"Do you think Sora's replicas feel the same way?"

Riku glanced up. "Oh, right. The other versions of Sora." He recounted what Naminé had told him, about Roxas and Xion and the pieces of Sora that were keeping him from waking up, Kairi frowning in confusion and asking the exact same questions he had of Naminé - "wait, his replica is a girl?" - "what about the other boy who looks like Sora?" - "how much longer is Sora going to be asleep?" - and Riku answering as best he could, which wasn't well. 

Kairi was quiet after he finished, toying pensively with her empty glass. Then she said, "But what about Ven?"

"Ven?"

"You know, the Keyblade wielder from before. The one Peter Pan remembered. Naminé looks like me, right? So how come Sora's Nobody looks like someone completely different? Someone I saw in my dreams before Roxas was supposedly even created?"

Riku closed his eyes, moving his forehead to a cooler patch of the table. He could feel a headache coming on. 

"I can't believe I'm the least confusing part in all of this."

"I still don't get why they made you," said Kairi. "I mean, if they wanted to use you for… whatever they need Xion and Roxas for, why did they give you Riku's memories? When they knew Riku was basically uncontrollable?"

Riku sighed. "Maybe just to screw with me, I guess."

"Aww."

Kairi got up and started to move around the kitchen, restlessly. First she tidied a few things off the counter, then started the washing up, rinsing the plates and cups from breakfast as the water crawled up to temperature. 

"I'm gonna pay Fin back for letting me stay here by buying her a dishwasher."

"She'd hate that. Way too expensive to run."

Riku glanced at the clock: still a while before his Mom - before Fin - would get home. His stomach churned at the thought of her coming in through the door, approaching him awkwardly, keeping her distance. He toyed restlessly with his hair, shedding sand and flakes of mud onto the table. The chair he was sitting on wobbled slightly: the wad of paper keeping it balanced had come loose again. The cracks and bumps in the vinyl flooring were familiar under his feet. The feeling of this place being home was deeper than memory.

He murmured, "What if she doesn't want me?"

Kairi shut off the tap.

"Fin?"

"I'm not her son," Riku said, the words burning his throat as they came out. "She doesn't have any reason to let me stay with her. But I can't… I can't afford to live by myself. Not if I want to finish school." He felt stupid as the words left his mouth. As if a being like him could have such normal worries. Wanting to graduate, wanting a job, wanting to wake up each morning to a scorching sunrise and the cackle of seabirds. But it was easier than saying, "I want to belong somewhere. I want to belong _here_." 

Kairi stared into the sink for a while, as if she was divining for answers in the soap bubbles. Then she said, "I know it's not the same, but… when I was little I was really scared of breaking my parents' rules, because I wasn't their 'real' daughter, and I thought if I messed up they might change their minds about adopting me. I was even kind of jealous of you- of Riku, I mean- because it didn't matter how badly behaved he was, Fin was stuck with him whether she liked it or not. I felt like because I was adopted I had to prove myself in a way Riku and Sora didn't have to." She paused to rinse off a plate and delicately balance it on the already overflowing drying rack. "After a while I stopped feeling like that. Like I was on probation. Eventually Mom and Dad just felt like Mom and Dad. Could you give me a hand drying? It's okay if you wanna stay sitting down." 

"No, I can manage it." Riku hauled himself to his feet, several joints clicking loudly as he stood. He felt very aware of the pain in his body, dull and constant. The way his shoulder protested as he reached for a clean tea towel, the ache returning to his ankles after standing for only a few moments. How long did he have left in his body? He should have stayed away. He should have let the Darkness claim him rather than- 

"I guess those feelings have kind of come back since we had that argument," Kairi continued, interrupting Riku from his thoughts. "I've never gone against my parents before, not like this. I'm sure they wouldn't actually disown me, but I'm really scared that they'll realise I'm not actually the daughter they thought I was." She placed a gentle - soapy - hand on Riku's arm, looking at him earnestly. "So I think I get it, in a way. But family's about more than biology, right?" 

Riku stared at the plate he was drying, a lone survivor from what had once been a set of six, the rest lost to clumsy - or angry - hands. Fin always swearing she'd buy a new set that actually matched, everyone else knowing she'd never do it. Always keeping things long after other people would have thrown them away. Maybe there was hope for him.

"I wanted to earn this life so badly."

"Yeah, I remember that," said Kairi, moving onto the cutlery. "I felt lost at sea, to use an appropriate metaphor. It was so hot I thought I'd die every time I stepped outside. And my skin was so pale in the beginning, remember? I kept getting sunburn when all the other kids barely even needed sun screen. It was like the Islands knew I didn't belong. I couldn't swim or fish or climb palm trees or do anything else everyone else could do. I was always the one getting bitten to death by insects." She swilled the water one last time, checking for stray spoons, then drained the sink. "But this place is home to me now. And, like… did I _earn_ it? That's kind of a weird way of framing it."

"Yeah, but you're not a- a replica."

"Would it be different if I was? Damn it, I forgot our glasses."

"They can wait." 

They moved to the living room, where Riku sank gratefully into the rocking chair, craning his neck to inspect the new woven beachgrass ornaments hanging in the window. Little figurines caught in choreographed motion, blades of grass twisted expertly as if they were ribbons dancing in the wind.

"Keep telling Fin to sell those," said Kairi, settling into the dip in the sofa. "She tried to teach me how to make them, but I suck. Do you wanna take a shower or something before she gets home?" 

Riku looked down at himself, muddy and disheveled from a night on the Play Island, his t-shirt and jeans rather the worse for wear after several weeks of fighting monsters in the woods. He conceded on the shower, but he balked at returning to the real Riku's room for a clean change of clothes. He stood on the threshold, staring at the mess he had made during his hurried flight, the other detrietus from months of habitation desecrating a space which should have stayed frozen in time, waiting for Riku's return. Eventually Kairi, taking pity, pushed past him and rummaged around for a clean outfit. He changed in the bathroom, the guilt lingering. Back in the living room, Kairi was scribbling notes in her journal, a look of intense concentration on her face.

"Here's a theory," she said, glancing up at Riku as he returned to the rocking chair, "So hearts can like... be stored in each other, right? The way my heart was inside Sora's. So what if those boys I remember seeing were in Sora's heart too? And when Roxas was created, he… I guess… got one of the hearts? And that's why he doesn't look like Sora." She flicked over her notes again. "And if that was the heart that belonged to that Keyblade wielder, Ven, that would explain why they look the same." 

Riku considered this.

"That's kind of a stretch. Why would Sora have the heart of a Keyblade wielder inside him?" 

"It would explain why a kid from the ass end of nowhere was the Keyblade's chosen one." 

"What about Riku, though? And the other boy?"

Kairi groaned. "None of this makes any sense."

Riku closed his eyes, exhaustion washing over him. He was almost afraid to fall asleep, in case he woke up back in the dingy hostel with the bedside alarm screeching and the bed springs pushing into his back and that clawing emptiness eating him alive, or worse in the space between worlds, to weak to resist the Darkness consuming him. He pulled the rocking chair's frayed quilt around him, needing the comfort of its familiar texture and scent. Musty, needing airing, infused with the soft, barky musk of sandalwood. Smelling like home. 

"You okay?"

He pried open an eye. Kairi was stretched out on the sofa, lazily kicking her legs in the air. Her skirt was riding up to reveal the curve of her thighs, banded by a summer's worth of tan lines. He recalled Naminé's pale, almost translucent skin, the weary surrender in her eyes. Unlike him she had never even known the illusion of home, only hollow, lifeless corridors and people who treated her as nothing more than a tool. Imagining it made his chest tighten with pity.

"Naminé wants to return to you," he said. "I think she's tired of being alone."

"I don't know how I feel about that," said Kairi after a moment of consideration. She rolled onto her back, staring at the scalloped ceiling, and thoughtfully placed a hand on her chest. "I don't want a whole other person inside me."

"She's like a fragment of you, I guess." Riku wondered what personhood even meant, for beings like him and Naminé. When had he stopped being a copy and started being just _him?_ Had he always been a person, or had he only come to feel like one blanketed in the comforting lies of friends and family?

"I don't feel like I'm missing anything," said Kairi. "She's not _me_. I wouldn't have done all those awful things she did."

Riku remembered the resistance of Zexion's windpipe against his palm, the clash of the real Riku's blade against his. As if they were his own, those feelings of abandonment that had driven the real Riku so effortlessly towards the Darkness. He remembered Kairi lashing out against Demyx, her fury bleeding from her like telltale smoke.

"It's hard to know what you'd be capable of if you were desperate." 

Kairi glanced at him, her expression of guilt fading to acknowledgement, then acceptance.

"Yeah. I guess you're right." She was quiet for a moment, teasing fibres from the sofa cover. "Maybe she deserves her own life," she said finally. "I mean, even if she was part of me to start with, we've been separated for nearly a year now, right? People change a lot in a year." She turned to Riku again. "You've changed a lot." 

"Didn't change enough to not be an idiot," muttered Riku, making Kairi laugh.

"I think that's expecting too much."

Restless, Kairi got up and switched on the radio, turning the dial through the static. "Remember that amateur radio group at school we always used to take the mickey of? But I started listening while you were gone, and they're right - if you're lucky you can pick up fragments of voices and music between stations. They must come from nearby worlds." She played around for a little while, then tuned to the country station, adjusting the arial until the radio was playing more music than static. "I got a handheld and took it out to the Play Island. I figured if the barriers are weaker there, more of a signal might be able to get through."

"Did you get anything?"

Kairi shrugged. "Bits and pieces. But it was the only chance I had of getting a message out. Since you ran off and all." Her voice betrayed her true feelings: "I didn't know if I'd ever see you again."

"I'm sorry," Riku said, meaning it.

Kairi was still, staring at the radio's faded beige paint. She sniffed. She let out a sharp, unsteady breath. Then she was crying, her shouders shaking, curling into herself, gripping the mantelpiece like she feared being torn away. "I can't take-" her words came out jagged- "I can't take losing one more person, Riku, I lost my whole world- then I lost Sora- and I was so fucking _helpless_ , I watched him rip himself apart and there was nothing I could do and you- I was already so scared and I'd already lost so much and you disappeared where I couldn't follow and-" She gulped in air, wiped her face, trying - unsuccessfully - to regain some semblance of composure, as Riku awkwardly patted her back. Her tone turned bitter, her anger rising: "And the only thing I could do was _wait_ , hoping that someone would remember to come back for me. Just like before." She rested her head against his shoulder, sniffing. "I hate feeling so fucking _useless_."

"You're not useless," Riku promised, hoping his voice sounded sincere enough to be reassuring. "You pretty much singlehandedly saved Destiny Islands from the Nobodies. And for what it's worth I couldn't get anyone in Twilight Town to trust me. You make getting information out of strangers look so easy." 

Kairi giggled. "Of all the people to be a replica of, and you got stuck with _Riku_." She wrapped her arms around his waist. Riku wondered if anyone had ever hugged Naminé, or if all she had was phantom memories from other lives. He should have hugged her. He should have offered her comfort, some small promise that despite everything, things would turn out okay in the end. Even if it wasn't real, he should have held good on the promise she had written into his memories.

"It's okay not to be able to do everything," he said, speaking as much to himself as to Kairi. "That's what makes Sora so special, right? It's not that he's the strongest or the smartest. It's that he knows how to ask for help. He knows he can't do it alone. And that's a strength in itself."

"Bold words from a Riku," said Kairi, affectionately, ruffling Riku's hair. She was just returning to the sofa when there was a rattle at the front door. "Oh! That must be Fin." She hopped up and headed to the hallway. Riku swallowed down the anxiety that swelled in his throat and prepared himself to meet his mother for the first time, again. 


	28. Chapter 28

For a brief, tense moment, Kairi held Riku's Mom at the door, their voices low and muffled through the plasterboard wall. He caught himself reaching for the Darkness, but even if he could have gripped its swirling tendrils he wouldn't have had the strength to command them. Then Fin appeared in the doorway, both of them hesitating awkwardly, her finally being the one to step forward and pull him into a wordless hug. She was still breathless from the walk from the ferry, her work shirt damp with sweat. Surrendering to her, he rested his head on her shoulder and reciprocated the embrace, breathing in the smell of sawdust and essential oils. 

"I'll give you guys a few minutes," said Kairi, and quietly closed the door behind her on the way out.

For a few minutes neither of them spoke. Then Fin pulled away, studied him critically, and said, "You look like hell."

He shrugged, disguising just how bone tired he felt. "It's been a rough couple of weeks."

"Sit down." She guided him to the sofa, brought his head to her shoulder again, cradling him in her arms. "You shouldn't have run away like that."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry for everything."

Fin threaded her fingers through his still damp hair, then leaned down and kissed the parting, gently. He noticed a tension in her arms. When she spoke again her tone was careful, rehearsed: "You'll always have a home here. If you want it. But once you've recovered-" here her voice took on a tremour- "I need you to help bring my son back to me."

He imagined Riku, sharing the abandoned mansion with Naminé, joining her for meals sometimes, but probably mostly avoiding her, finding her resemblance to Kairi uncanny. He imagined Riku's reluctant visits to the Twilight Town market where he would avoid eye contact with the cashiers and avoid any routes past vagrant teenagers whose laughter might conjure memories of home. He imagined Riku missing the sunshine and the heat and the sound of the ocean. He imagined Riku distracting himself with the search for those missing pieces of Sora, needing anything that would give him purpose. Even murder. 

He said, his voice unsteady, "We'll bring him home."

Fin didn't speak for a few moments, just slowly running her hand through his hair. Then, ghosting over an especially dark bruise on his arm: "This is why you've been sick, isn't it?" When he hummed in confirmation she sighed. "You shouldn't have been so reckless. What if you'd got yourself killed?"

"I figured it wouldn't really matter." His breath caught as he spoke, his composure slipping again. Saying it out loud gave the feeling of worthlessness strength. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry. 

"Oh, _Riku_." 

Hearing her call him by his name - _his_ name - was too much. She held him while he cried helplessly, curled up with his knees close to his chest and his face pressed into her neck.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen, I just wanted- I just wanted to come home-" 

He had been so close to the cliff edge of oblivion for so long and he was so tired of fighting the wind and the fear of the precipitous fall and he just wanted, finally, to be _safe_. He just wanted his Mom to hold him and stroke his back and tell him: "It's okay. You're going to be okay." 

* * *

Later, after Hikari had got home from work and pulled Riku into a hug tight enough to bruise his ribs, after he had explained everything for a second - then a third - time, after Fin fired up the barbecue and grilled the chicken thighs with whatever vegetables were ready from the garden, after they noticed him struggling to keep his eyes open and told him to get some rest, he found himself staring at the patterns the moonlight cast through the window blind, listening to the gentle murmur of conversation next door and hoping - and hoping not to - pick out his name. Laying in Riku's bed felt strange, the way the dips in the mattress fitted his body perfectly, the smell of the sheets so familiar as to be almost imperceptable. Fin had scoffed at his reluctance to return to the room - "come on, be practical, it's not like he's using it" - but it felt presumptuous to be here now, when they all knew what he really was. No longer pretending to be the real thing. Curling up under the covers felt like claiming the room as his own, like saying _I belong here_. 

He pulled a pillow into his arms and squeezed it tight. He was lucky enough to be allowed to stay. He was lucky that they cared enough about him to have offered him a second chance. But he still felt on edge, his mind swimming with thoughts Naminé and the other replicas, the other half-people whose existence only continued by the grace of the people who pitied them. 

The conversation in the next room stilled. He heard movement as they filed out into the hallway. For a moment he anticipated a knock at his door, them having conferred and decided that his crimes had been unforgiveable after all - but all he heard was the gurgle of the bathroom pipes as they took turns brushing their teeth. 

_Relax_ , he chastised himself. _Fin told you you can stay. Kairi said she wants to be friends._ But all it took was them changing their minds and he would be nothing after all, just counting down the days to Riku's return, when he would pack his bags and sink back into the Darkness and hope that Kairi would remember to visit him in Traverse Town from time to time and be grateful for the small mercy of being allowed to survive.

A knock at the door startled him from his thoughts. His heart lept into his throat, trapping his breath. _This is it_ , he thought, _They're going to warn me not to get comfortable, because they only need me for the real Riku and once he's home I'll have to leave and-_

"Riku? Are you still awake?" It was Fin, the glow from the hallway outlining her as she leaned through the door, her voice soft. Reminding Riku of how delicately she had treated him when he'd first come home.

"Y-yeah."

"We're heading to bed. You need anything?"

"No, I'm okay. Thanks."

"Sleep well, then." 

"Yeah. You too." 

She hesitated at the door for a moment, then picked through the discarded laundry on the floor and perched on the edge of Riku's bed. He flinched when she touched him, but she only brushed the hair out of his eyes before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss to his forehead. He could feel her eyes on him in the gloom, but in the end all she said was, "I'll make waffles for breakfast tomorrow."

"Guess I'll stay the night then," Riku said, more casually than he felt. 

Fin let out a breath of laughter. For a few moments, she was still. Then, running her hand over his hair again, she murmured; "I never was good at talking about my feelings. I think it runs in the family." She leaned back, resting against the headboard. "It must have been hard for you. Keeping all that in."

Riku shifted under the covers, saying nothing. What was there to say? He had never known anything else. Even now security felt like an alien concept; he still felt tense, on guard, waiting for the moment they would turn on him again. 

"Did you always know where they were?" Fin asked, evidently realising he wasn't going to reply. "I won't tell Kairi if you don't want me to. But tell me the truth." 

"No, I… I didn't know. I remembered Twilight Town was a place they recreated in Castle Oblivion, and… I got lucky." Riku wasn't sure if he sounded convincing - why had he never considered Twilight Town, anyway? - but if Fin suspected him of lying, she made no comment. He continued: "I really did want to find him. For Kairi, and…" The image of Sora's unconscious body swam easily to the surface of his mind. So peaceful, sleeping as if nothing could hurt him, while everyone else did all the hard work. "I know my memories of him are fake, but he still..." 

"You still care about him, huh?"

It was even more embarassing to be reminded of his feelings for Sora when Sora was someone he'd barely even met. Despite the darkness disguising the flush in his cheeks, he buried his face in his pillow. He admitted, half hoping she wouldn't hear his muffled voice: "I care about all of you."

"Oh, Riku." 

He let her lay down beside him, wrapping an arm around him and tucking the other under the pillows like she used to when Riku was little, before he started acting like he was too grown up to need comfort. Acting like he didn't need anyone else, like he could make it alone, so surprised and hurt when the people he loved believed him.

"He used to have nightmares a lot," Fin murmured, sounding strangely nostalgic. "You probably remember. He would get angry if I woke him up. He hated anyone knowing he was scared, even me." 

He remembered it. Remembered imagining movement in the looming shapes of laundry and fishing gear and craft projects. Pilfering one of Fin's hunting knives and keeping it under his pillow, just in case. Never imagining that the monsters he dreamed of would one day take physical form. Teasing Sora for his nightmares. Secretly jealous that he had the audacity to admit that he was afraid of monsters under his bed.

"He didn't want to be pitied," said Riku, adding after a moment's thought: "He thought if he wasn't strong enough he wouldn't be loved. That he wouldn't be worth loving." That sickly feeling of inadequacy, as familiar to him as breath, hadn't just come to him when he learned he was a replica. The real Riku had always felt like an imposter, waiting for the moment the people he loved so fiercely would realise he was worthless.   
  
Fin pulled him closer, until he could feel her breath in his hair. "I should have done better," she whispered. "I should have done more to show him how much I loved him." Then, her tone shifting subtly: "When you came home, it felt like a miracle. Like I'd got a second chance I didn't deserve." 

Guilt curled in Riku's stomach. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's not…" She paused for a few moments, collecting her thoughts. When she spoke again it was falteringly; "I never had a good relationship with my parents. I wanted to be a better parent to Riku than they were to me. But I… I screwed up. There are so many things I should have done differently. I didn't know how to deal with him being angry or badly behaved or- or gay, either. And even when you and Kairi bring him back, it..." She sighed shakily. The cadence of her voice as she forced out the words was familiar: "I don't know if he'll forgive me. And I can't expect him to."

"I don't think he blames you."

Fin didn't agree or disagree. "The point is, I didn't do right by him. But with you… I don't want to make the same mistakes. So I…" She squeezed Riku tight again, letting out another unsteady sigh. "If you want… if you want to be family, then…" She didn't finish the offer, and he didn't say anything, either: he just wriggled around and wrapped his arm around her and rested his head against her chest and listened to her heartbeat, trying not to cry. Not just for himself: for Naminé, alone with her sketchbooks and nothing for comfort but the promise of oblivion; for Sora's Nobody and his replica knowing only the constricting black leather of the Organisation; for the black-haired boy who seemed to exist only in a fragment of Kairi's memory. And for the other Riku, sinking deeper and deeper into the Darkness, unable to imagine that all he had to do to be loved was come home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the parents in my writing group for helping me out with Fin's reaction to having a clone son!


	29. Chapter 29

Kairi woke a little after dawn to a commotion down the road between an agitated dog and a flock of seagulls. For a few moments she lay still, listening to the squabble until a holler from the dog's owner broke it up, the seagulls still squawking furiously as they took to the sky. Yawning, she rolled onto her back and stretched her legs over the arm of the sofa, her knees clicking satisfyingly. The morning light shone brightly through the gaps in the living room curtain, dust motes glittering and dancing in the breeze from the air conditioner. Thoughts swam groggily through her mind. Sora, who had caused them so much trouble and turned out to be sleeping all this time. Just like him to doze off when there was work to do! She imagined him waking up disoriented at first, confusion settling onto his features as Naminé explained what she had done, and undone. Would a part of Sora still recognise her, even without his memories? Or would she be a perfect stranger to him but for the uncanny familiarity of her face?

On the subject of familiar faces… 

Reluctantly, she untangled herself from her sheets and headed into the hallway, smoothing down her bedhead and stifling another yawn. Fin and Hikari were talking in a low murmur in the kitchen. Kairi paused at Riku's door, keeping quiet, pretending not to eavesdrop.

"Someone should stay home with him. Just in case." 

"My manager barely let me off yesterday as it was. And you don't have any leave left to take, either."

"Kairi?"

Kairi jumped at the sound of her name, but they hadn't heard her snooping.

"Only if you call her parents for me. I can't take another lecture from that uptight prick about how I'm being a bad influence." Whatever Hikari said to that was obscured by the sound of crockery being moved around, and then they were talking about other things. Kairi eased Riku's door open a crack and slipped inside, relieved to see a lump of limbs and white hair curled up on the bed. Riku hadn't looked like he was capable of summoning his Keyblade last night, let alone a Dark portal, but he'd looked like too much of a wreck to do anything stupid the day he ran away as well, and if she'd just- if she'd had the sense to- 

_He's back now, there's no point dwelling on it,_ she chastised herself firmly. But that was what she always did, wasn't it? Turn her back on people, thinking they would wait for her, and wonder why she kept ending up alone. 

She and Riku had had so much in common, so why had they always been at such loggerheads? If he had been so insecure, so lonely, so desperate for friendship, then why had he always treated her like she was beneath him? Had she really been such a bad friend to him that in retribution he would let her suffer like this, trapped and alone and missing more and more of Sora with every passing day?

She looked at the other Riku. The fake Riku. The Riku who actually cared about her. His braid had come undone in the night, and now his hair formed a messy nest on the pillow, betraying how restlessly he must have slept. After several curas and the application of a lot of aloe vera pulp - which Riku couldn't resist scoffing at, although he hadn't exactly resisted when his Mom started massaging it into his bruised skin, either - he was looking a little less beat up, but Kairi imagined the bruises would take weeks to fade. She remembered the strange diagrams in Even's lab books, all those notes about artificial scaffolding and biomechanics which she had skimmed over disinterestedly before tossing to Riku, letting him pour over the unfamiliar words instead. Not realising that it was his own body he was trying to understand. 

Not realising that with every corridor and every battle he was injuring himself, maybe irreversibly, for the sake of their friendship.

A hard lump formed in her throat at the thought of it, of Riku sacrificing himself for her. Of the way it had felt when Sora tore himself open to release her, of the other replica carrying her face and Sora's most important memories. A real, living, breathing _person_ , trapped in an Organisation who had created her only to use her, her only route to escape being… 

"Riku's looking for them," was all the other Riku could say when Kairi pressed him on the matter of Roxas and Xion. Maybe he hadn't asked Naminé what would happen to them when Riku tracked them down. She couldn't blame him for not wanting to know what the real Riku - the original Riku - the Riku who had abandoned her - would do to anyone who had stolen even a fragment of the boy he held so dear. 

She watched the other Riku sleep, his breaths slow and steady, his limbs twitching occasionally to fragments of command from another world. His oversize t-shirt and the way he was curled up around a spare pillow made him look vulnerable. He didn't look capable of killing someone. 

_You don't know what you'd be capable of if you were desperate._

Kairi closed her eyes and tried to imagine feeling so lonely that she would reach in and wreck a boy's memory just for the illusion of friendship. She tried to imagine what it would feel like to have no past and no future, only stolen memories. What would she do if she was the one facing losing all the people who were precious to her? What would it take for her to feel so utterly alone that she would even consider being erased? 

"Let him sleep." Hikari was at the door, keeping her voice to a whisper. "Come have some breakfast."

"Yeah, I was just..."

"Checking he was still here?"

She followed Hikari into the kitchen, where Fin was pouring batter into the ancient waffle iron. 

"Morning, Fin." 

"Sleep well?"

Kairi shrugged, heading to the fridge to help herself to orange juice. Fin seemed tense, but she'd been on edge - even for Fin - ever since the other Riku had run away. She hadn't said much when Kairi told her the truth. Snapped out a few disbelieving questions, then settled into a silence that clung to her like evening mist, hiding her true feelings under a scowl that reminded Kairi so much of Riku. 

"I figure I'll stay home from school today," she said, levering a waffle onto a fresh plate on her way back to the table. "Keep an eye on Riku and all." Hoping it wouldn't make it too obvious that she'd overheard their conversation earlier, she offered: "I'll call the school, and Mom and Dad."

"That would be great," said Hikari. Fin didn't say anything. She was staring at the waffle iron like it held the secrets of the universe.

"Waffle's good," Kairi prompted after a bite, hoping a subject change would lighten the mood.

"Of course it is," Fin replied blandly. A few quiet minutes later she joined them at the table, nursing her coffee mug. She glanced at Hikari, a silent conference between lifetime friends that Kairi seemed to be catching more and more often. "I think it's best if we don't talk to Riku too much about the other boys for a few days," she said finally, glancing over at the hallway. "There's nothing we can do about them for now anyway." Hikari nodded solemnly in agreement. "I know we have conflicting feelings about him right now, but he's… he needs to feel safe here. He's been through a lot." She looked at Kairi pointedly as she said this.

"What? I already told him I still wanted to be friends."

Hikari reached over the table and patted Kairi's hand, her tone reconciliatory. "Fin just means we should tread delicately for a little while." 

"I know you want to keep moving forward," Fin picked up before Kairi had a chance to reply. "But he needs rest."

"I know, I know." 

Outside there was the clatter of a vehicle making its way down the unpaved road, the sound of voices rising above the exhaust. Kairi worked her way through her waffle and grabbed another; Fin disappeared off to get ready for work. Hikari was flipping disinterestedly through the morning broadsheet. Catching Kairi watching her she smiled, but said nothing.

Kairi had thought herself so mature. Especially with the power of the Keyblade in her hands. But she was still just a kid when it came to it, too stupid to realise that even if he had lied to her Riku was scared and hurting and alone, that Riku had lied to her _because_ he was scared, and right when he had needed her friendship the most she'd screamed at him and accused him of horrible things and let him think that he deserved to be alone, that he deserved to…

Riku hadn't told Fin or Hikari about wanting to be erased, and Kairi hadn't brought it up either. But the same thought kept coming back to her, over and over: what if he'd made Naminé take away his memories before returning to Destiny Islands? 

All those months of friendship, all those secrets and all that trust, just like that, _gone_. 

And what about Naminé? How could she agree to such a thing? How _could_ she, knowing so well herself what it was like to be treated like a broken fragment of a person stepping out of its proper place? Wouldn't she of all people understand that Riku deserved to exist?

But she didn't want to exist either. 

Existence, erasure... they hid behind euphemisms, but what it really was was death.

"Kairi?"

Kairi realised she'd pressed a hand against her chest, feeling for the reassuring beat of her heart. Tears were welling up in her eyes.

"I don't want anyone to die," she whispered. "Even if they're replicas, or Nobodies, or… they didn't choose to be made. So how can they deserve to die." She remembered the real Riku and the carelessness with which he regarded life, even his own - especially his own - and shuddered.

Hikari took Kairi's hand in hers, squeezing it comfortingly tight. 

"You've got a big heart, Kairi. Don't let that change."

 _Do I, though?_ she thought as Hikari hopped up, draining the last of her coffee before rushing off to get ready for work. If her heart was so open, so _pure_ , then how come Riku had thought she would prefer him as good as dead? How come the real Riku, after a lifetime of friendship, loathed her so much he would abandon her?

* * *

Once the adults had left for work, Kairi got dressed then made up some excuse to the school about why she was taking the day off, hanging up the moment the receptionist started saying, "It says here you left the school grounds without authorisation yesterday-". After that she held the receiver for several minutes, her fingers hovering over the keypad, but in the end she just hung the phone back in its cradle, leaning against the wall for support, sniffing, trying not to cry. How convincing she'd sounded yesterday, reassuring Riku! But she was as scared of change as he was. No matter what happened, the childhood she had always been so comfortably swaddled in was gone forever, replaced by two missing friends and one new one who barely even thought he was a person.

 _Stop being pathetic_ , she chided herself, slapping her cheeks. _You got lucky. Everyone is still alive_ \- for now- _and if Riku's looking after Sora nothing bad will happen to him._ Probably.

And as for the other Riku...

She distracted herself with breakfast for him, pouring the last of the coffee into his cup and drizzling syrup over his waffles. The worst part wasn't just knowing that the real Riku had abandoned her. It was how badly she _wished_ that the boy sleeping in his room really was her childhood friend, that Riku really had come home and spilled his heart to her and proved that they weren't just friends because of their shared loyalty for Sora. It meant that if Riku was still out there then he hadn't learned anything, and if the awful things that had happened to him couldn't bludgeon self-awareness into his thick skull, she didn't know what would.

She levered Riku's door open with her hip and set his breakfast down on the bedside table, shoving aside a stack of Even's journals. The room was still a mess from when he'd run away, drawers of clothes in disarray and piles of schoolwork knocked onto the floor, betraying his panic. Finding the house empty, she had rushed into the garden, then down to the beach, yelling his name over the sound of the wind and waves, not even considering that he might have disappeared into the Darkness. Not wanting to acknowledge that he had slipped so easily out of her reach. Once she had accepted defeat and returned to the house, she sifted urgently through the things he had left behind. What was she expecting, for him to have kept a diary divulging all the secrets he had worked so hard to keep? But there was no real motive behind it, other than that desperate need for action, to not be left behind with nothing to do but _wait_.

She leaned over the bed to crack the blind, Riku groaning and burying his face deeper into his pillow.

"Wakey wakey, sleepyhead."

Riku pried himself from his nest of bedding reluctantly, dragging his hair out of his face. There were dark circles under his eyes. He looked at Kairi blearily, saying nothing, that guilty expression still on his face.

"Breakfast in bed," Kairi announced, perching next to him. "There's waffles for you, and coffee." 

She'd caught him looking like that so many times and never thought much of it; Riku had enough to feel guilty about, after all. But then there were the other glances, longer, more tender. So many little telltale signs she'd missed, wanting to believe that Riku really had changed. 

Riku - this Riku - picked up the coffee mug and took a cautious sip, as if he wasn't sure what to expect. Then he pulled a face and said, "I actually don't like unsweetened coffee."

"Is that like a you thing, or...?"

"No, it's both of us," said Riku, reaching for the waffles. "He just doesn't want to admit to liking anything sweet."

"And all the times he complained about cake frosting!"

"No, cake frosting is still gross."

Kairi yearned to ask what other stupid secrets Riku was hiding, but remembering Fin's expression she held her tongue. 

"I'll go get the sugar pot. You want more creamer too?"

"Please."

There were so many things she wanted to know. How Riku had known Naminé was in Twilight Town, a place he had only ever mentioned in passing; how much of his personality came to him naturally and how much had been calculated impersonation; why he had kissed her. Instead when she got back to his room she just told him about the pickles Fin had asked them to make and the list of chores she'd decided she'd do around the house before the adults got home. Riku sat swaddled in his bedsheet, his posture hunched, eating slowly. Kairi noticed a slight quiver in his arms. She hoped it was just nerves, not nerve damage. All the stupid stunts she had encouraged him to pull, all the times she'd impatiently made him lurch through the Darkness, ignoring how pallid his skin always looked after a jump and how much he relied on magic in battle...

"You can stay in bed if you want," she offered once he was done eating, but he stood up anyway and followed her to the kitchen, one hand on the wall for support, the other pressed against his stomach like he was about to throw up. Soon he was sinking into his chair, the cautious, tentative way he moved reminding Kairi of a much older person.

"Are you in pain?"

Riku glanced at her. She expected him to push her concern aside with his usual lie of "I'm fine", but instead he hid his face behind his hair and muttered, "Kind of all the time, actually."

"Oh." Kairi realised she didn't know what to do with his honesty. "I can get you some painkillers, if they'd help."

Riku considered this, then nodded. "There's some in my bag. Riku's bag."

"I think it's pretty much your bag by now."

Kairi rummaged through Riku's bag curiously, but all she found under the somewhat eclectic assortment of clothes were crumpled up receipts, a few empty blister packs, and a hollow star-shaped charm which looked too worn to be a recent purchase. Had Riku bought it because it reminded him of Kairi's wayfinder? 

She had spent so many hours on those wayfinders, and the real Riku had barely even glanced at his charm before launching into some tirade about how stupid wayfinders were. Sora had brushed off her annoyance, saying "Don't take it personally, it's only Riku being Riku, _I_ think they're really cute" and she had agreed with him at the time - Sora was always diffusing tensions between them like this - but when she got home to her desk covered in chipped shells and blobs of varnish and offcuts of ribbon the anger had returned in full force, and she had ended up sulking over the whole thing for days. Riku probably thinking her as childish as the paopu legend. But in a way he been right, she supposed; maybe it _was_ naive to believe that the bond they had forged over tropical fruits and sea shells would be strong enough to withstand the storm of change.

She returned the star charm to Riku's bag and went back to the kitchen. Cup from the cupboard, water from the tap, ice from the freezer, two painkillers popped from the pack. The weather outside was blustery: a storm on the horizon, perhaps. 

"Here you go."

"Thanks."

Kairi glanced up at the clock. It was nearly nine; her parents would be at their respective offices by now, her Mom probably arriving to a message from the school about another unauthorised absence, her Dad distracted by more important business. She knew she should call, but just imagining her Mom's hurried disinterest, not understanding how important Kairi's freedom was to her, she felt that simmering anger crawling up her throat again. 

She nearly opened her mouth to ask what Riku did when he had arguments with his Mom - at least, what the real Riku had done - but that was breaking Fin's rules, and besides the last thing Riku needed was her dumping all her problems on him when he had enough to be dealing with himself. But all the unspoken things hung in the air around them like a cloying humidity. Riku was avoiding looking at her, the way he had both his hands wrapped around his coffee mug making him seem almost childlike. She remembered those first few weeks, Riku spending most of his time curled up on the sofa, drifting in and out of sleep. Seeing him so pitiful had scared her more than anything else, like all the fantastical things that had happened to them had suddenly become real. 

Not wanting to bruise his delicate ego, she hadn't pressed him on how much he had slowed, how easily he yielded to blows, how weak he had become when before even Wakka couldn't rival him for physical superiority. But maybe if she had, he wouldn't have believed so easily that she didn't care if he lived or died. 

Finally Riku said: "I should get dressed." He hobbled into the hallway and came back a little while later in fresh jeans and a pastel yellow shirt that seemed to draw out the sickly bruises on his arms. Noticing her staring, he huffed, "It's too hot for sleeves."

Kairi resisted the urge to ask what he'd even been doing to get so beat up, instead just saying, "You wanna help me pick the cukes?"

They headed out to the garden with a knife and a basket, Kairi holding out her arm for Riku and Riku scoffing and saying "Stop treating me like some fragile grandpa" and Kairi making him lean on her anyway through the parched, sickly lawn. Once they reached the vegetable beds Kairi cut down cucumbers while Riku held out the basket and pretended he wasn't leaning against the trellis. Then she moved on to the next bed, crouching down to rummage for ripe strawberries, Riku sitting next to her with his elbows on his knees, watching the trees sway in the wind.

"Hey, uh. I'm sorry about kissing you." Kairi glanced up at the sound of Riku's voice. He was angled away from her, but she could still see the flush of embarrassment on his cheeks. He continued falteringly: "I want you to know that I don't expect you to- I mean, I know you like Sora. I shouldn't have kissed you, especially not without asking, and-"

"It's okay," Kairi interrupted, meaning it. "I'm sorry I didn't take it very well." She opened and closed her mouth, wanting to know more but not wanting to pry; but in the end her curiosity overcame her and she burped out, "I thought Riku was gay."

"Yeah, I think he is."

"But you like me."

Riku shrugged awkwardly, the familiar gesture of it making Kairi laugh. "Maybe it's because of Naminé's memories. I don't know. I mean, not you specifically. There are lots of reasons to like you." His eyes flicked over Kairi briefly, the colour on his face deepening. Sounding distinctly sulky, he added: "Just my luck that I'd get hit going both ways."

Kairi patted his arm sympathetically. 

"As long as you're still okay with being just friends." 

"Of course!" Riku spluttered. "Of course. It's more than I expected. I didn't actually- I mean, I'd be thrilled to be friends." He managed to hold her gaze only for a moment before turning away again, hiding his face behind his hair. Kairi returned to the strawberries, remembering the way his lips had brushed against hers - barely even a kiss, really, both of them had pulled back so fast - Riku blushing such a furious shade of red and her so surprised laughter was bubbling out of her practically before she realised what was happening. She remembered him lying close to her on those nights under the stars, the silence between them peaceful, trusting. 

She looked at him sitting with his arms close to his body and his shoulders strangely hunched, not looking like Riku at all, and said, "Did you really think I'd hate you that much?"

Riku shifted his weight uncomfortably. He looked around the garden as if seeing it for the first time, then beyond the chain link fencing to the rows of trailer houses sloping down towards the border of their tiny world. Then back down to his bare feet, pale against the dark earth. Finally instead of answering Kairi's question he said, "Mom made tacos the first night I was home. Fin, I mean. And I couldn't understand why he'd want to give any of this up."

Kairi tipped her head back to stare at the wide open sky, the same sky that had suffocated Riku, the same sky he had abandoned her under. "He hated all of this," she said, gesturing to the garden and the plots beyond. "Out of all of us he wanted to escape the most. He hated everything about Destiny Islands. He hated it! And he hated _me!_ " She hadn't realised how fast or how high her voice had risen until she noticed Riku's expression, surprised and guilty and... strangely sad.

"He doesn't hate you."

" _You_ don't hate me," Kairi corrected sourly. But Riku just avoided her gaze. She wished he would say something, some defence of the real Riku or any other insight that would calm her roiling heart. Eventually she caved, the way she and Sora always did when Riku pulled the silent card on them: "I meant so little to him that he didn't even leave a message. Even if he didn't want to come home, he didn't even tell me Sora was safe, and if it hadn't been for you I would have been stuck here not knowing anything, and he doesn't care, Riku, I don't understand why he just doesn't _care_." She gulped down a shallow breath, toyed with the tassel on her belt bag restlessly, trying not to focus on the flutter of her heart. "And Fin wants to bring him home and maybe I don't _want_ him to come home, because I don't-" Realising as the words came out of her mouth how much of a mistake she was making but unable to help herself, she admitted, "I don't want to have to choose between you and him."

Riku glanced at her briefly, those stormy saltwater eyes she knew so well unnervingly close to tears. He whispered, so quietly his words were almost lost to the wind, "Who would you choose?"

 _You_ , Kairi thought. But how could she betray such an old loyalty as her friendship with Riku, the Riku who had found her washed up on the beach, who had protected her fiercely from the staring eyes of curious island kids, who had taught her to swim and fish and scale palm trees? But… how could she repair it either, when the proof of everything Riku had done wrong was standing right beside her?

Before she could distill her chaotic thoughts into anything coherent, Riku let out a resigned sigh and stood up. "Let's just go inside." She recognised the forcefulness disguising the shake in his voice.

"I want us to be friends," she promised, grabbing his free hand, hating the way he flinched. Hoping Riku would understand the feeling behind her words, even when they came out stilted and awkward, she continued: "I feel like it's wrong to hope that he doesn't come back. To feel like I'd rather be friends with you. But _you_ were the one who came back for me. You've actually been a good friend. And I don't mean all the dramatic stuff. I mean… I mean just being here. What did the real Riku do to deserve my friendship? The _other_ Riku, I mean. You're just as real as he is, right?"

Riku didn't say anything, but his grip tightened in Kairi's palm. She hugged him, hoping that her embrace would say everything she couldn't put into words. How many times had she seen the real Riku cry? Close to it, a couple of times, but he always stormed off before anyone had a chance to see him so weak. Always pushing everyone away, even Sora. She imagined him visiting Sora's sleeping body, still hiding behind his hair as if Sora might wake up at any moment and catch the tears on his face. She remembered the way the blood drained out of the replica's face when she realised what he was, the way he lost his composure so quickly, looking less like Riku than he ever had as he tripped over desperate, barely intelligble pleas. At first, in the shock of betrayal, she'd thought that sudden change proved he'd been acting all along, but maybe the only difference was the real Riku had never let her see him break. 

Riku was the one who pulled away, rubbing his eyes with his sweatband. He made his way back across the lawn, the grass crinkling under his feet, Kairi hopping after him from one overgrown stepping stone to the next. As they were heading up the porch steps, he said, "It's not that he doesn't care about you. It's that he doesn't think you'll forgive him. He knows Sora will. Sora always let him get away with anything. But maybe that made his friendship feel meaningless." 

"Meaningless?" That was the last word Kairi would have used to describe Sora and Riku's relationship. "But Sora's everything to him."

"The feeling's not mutual though, is it?" said Riku, a sulky cadence in his voice betraying the inherited resentment. "If he had thought you'd forgive him he would have come home. But he knows with you actions speak louder than words. So maybe he thinks that if he saves Sora, that would be enough to prove that..." His hand had stilled against the bead curtain, the strings of beads softly clattering in the breeze. "Maybe then he could earn back your friendship."

There was a sadness on his face, a sadness that the real Riku - the other Riku - had always hidden behind a scowl. A guilty shame in it. Kairi remembered all those conversations under the comforting blanket of darkness, Riku finally brave enough to whisper the secrets that had been burning his original from the inside out.

She said, realising the truth of it as she spoke: "Same as you." 

Riku glanced at her, surprised, then embarassed. Then he let out a strangled little sound, half laughter, half groaning.

"He was always so scared people would realise how pathetic he was," he said. "He always tried to act tough because he was scared people would realise he was worthless, and then they'd have no reason not to leave him behind. He was always so scared of being alone."

Folding her arms around him again, feeling the shudder of his heartbeat against her cheek, Kairi thought, _same as you_. 


	30. Chapter 30

_Dear Sora,_

_It's been a while since I wrote, huh? I promise I haven't forgotten about you, not completely. I still read over my diary sometimes when I can't sleep. It's strange to think you're so important to me and you still feel like such a stranger. I hope you're still safe. I hope your Riku is taking good care of you. I hope he's taking care of himself._

Kairi paused her writing as the wail of a hurricane siren rose against the guttural groan of the wind. Outside the sky was dark and threatening; reluctantly she cracked open her window and leaned out to unlatch the shutters, the rain drenching her in the few moments it took to pull them closed. Returning to her bed, she tapped her pen restlessly against her chin as she studied the latest of her letters to Sora. After Riku's disappearance - and return - she had written dozens of letters to Sora, working her way through all the decorative paper she had been too precious about using until now. Letters which would never reach their recipient, letters filled with scratched out words and sentences, a mess of jumbled thoughts as Kairi tried to understand how she could have lost both of her best friends, and what she would do when she brought them home. At first she wrote nightly, the letters almost serving as a diary; but the days had turned into weeks, the bizarre twists and turns of her other life falling back into the same old routine of school and extracurriculars and suppers and homework. The unresolved tension between her and her parents, none of them knowing what to say. Long evenings at Fin's, feeling more at home at a dinner table where everyone laughed and talked over each other, Riku sounding more at ease in his adopted home with every visit. Sora an empty space it was easy to forget, unless Kairi happened to glance at his Mom during a quiet moment, catching the grief in her eyes that was deeper even than memories.

_We still haven't decided whether to take my Riku to see a doctor,_ she wrote eventually, doodling bows on the cartoon cats at the bottom of the page turning out to be only a very minor distraction. _He's better than when he first came back, but he's still kinda unsteady. Hikari wants to take him down for a check up, in case there's something they can do. But I think we should wait until I can get us offworld. I've been practicing. I got us home once so I must be able to travel between worlds using the power of Light, right?_

Her thoughts wandered back to Riku - her Riku - holding down the fort on South Island while the hurricane passed over. She hoped the damage wouldn't be too bad. She also hoped that nothing supernatural would rise from the storm's chaos: she was getting better at pulling herself through the threads of Light woven through their world, but she still wasn't sure she liked her chances of getting across the roiling channel between her island and Riku's. 

_The Nobodies are still showing up, but we haven't seen any other members of Organisation XIII. I guess they decided we weren't a threat to them._ Or they were biding their time until the perfect moment to strike. As much practice as he was putting into his magical abilities, Riku would be a sitting duck against any of the black coats. The fact that they could use him against Kairi scared her. Was that how the boys had felt about her? A weak link to be protected, to be kept safe and trapped in an impenetrable world, waiting for rescue as much as if she had been captured by the enemy?

_Lately I've been thinking more about Roxas and Xion,_ she wrote quickly on a new page, wanting to bury those thoughts in a place where they couldn't hurt her. _It seems so tragic, doesn't it? All they've known is being used. By the Organisation. By us._ She stared at the paper, fighting down the surge of guilt that always came with thinking about the fragments of Sora that the Organisation had given life. It wasn't the same, was it? The Organisation was willing to do anything to achieve its goals, whatever they were, even if it meant destroying lives. They just wanted Sora back. 

That was what it came down to, even for them. They just wanted Sora. Even if it meant destroying lives.

She hopped off her bed and ran her fingers along her bookshelf until she found one of her more recent photo albums. She flicked through the badly-framed pictures, most of which she had taken. On the island or laying in front of the TV at home or in their school uniforms, the sunset a blaze behind them. Mostly Sora was beaming - sometimes at Kairi, but more often at something else that had snatched his attention - and mostly Riku was scowling or rolling his eyes. In a couple of photos Riku had his arm draped over Kairi's shoulders instead, his pale eyes staring directly out of the photograph, his lips curled into adoring smile reserved only for the photographer.

She returned to the pink-tinted paper and wrote quickly, her handwriting scattering from her usual neat curls: _You must have known Riku loved you. You must have realised how much he needed you. So why didn't you ever say anything? Why did you let him get so lost?_

Suddenly a memory came to her as if illuminated by a break in the clouds. She remembered sitting on the end of the Play Island jetty, swinging her legs back and forth to dissuade opportunistic mosquitoes. Their buzzing whine cutting through the soothing murmur of a calm ocean lapping against the jetty's pillars, behind them the evening traffic of the forest's nocturnal inhabitants. The feeling of sweat prickling on her skin as the evening brought a welcome reprieve from the day's heat. Kairi saying, "Let's take the raft and go. Just the two of us." 

Sora - it must have been Sora, although in her memory the person she was sharing the jetty with was only vaguely boy-shaped - had said, "What about Riku?" She'd retorted something about Riku having changed, which was true, and if Sora had made any other defence of his oldest and closest friend, it was still obscured by Naminé's meddling. But the thing that stuck out to her in the memory was the hesitation before Sora replied. 

Even if it had only been for a moment, he'd considered leaving Riku behind.

The lights in her room flickered, then plunged her into darkness. She heard the emergency generator kick in, its rumble adding to the roar of the wind. Her Mom poked her head round the door: "Kairi, come downstairs. It'll be safer there." 

"Sure, in a minute."

_We were his only friends and we failed him._

Her hand hesitated over the last few lines of the page. Finally she wrote, the gesture feeling hollow, _Love, Kairi_. She folded the letter carefully and added it to the stack with all the others, then headed downstairs to join her parents.

* * *

As soon as the hurricane passed over - at least, as soon as the ferry was back up and running - Kairi headed out to the South Island, her hood pulled tight around her face to protect her from the wind. The ground was sodden, what little paving there was in the residential district buried under mud and debris. Kairi skipped around tree branches, broken fencing and collapsed telephone wires, waving politely at the residents starting the arduous process of post-hurricane repairs. Coming onto Riku and Sora's street, she had to climb over a fallen pecan tree and a broken fence, hearing Fin's commanding voice before she saw her, calling out instructions to Hikari while they dragged a tarp across the roof. 

"Hey, Kairi." Riku was on the ground, picking up roof tiles, assessing them for damage. The bags under his eyes betrayed how sleepless the night had been. "It's not as bad as it looks. There's some water damage in the attic and Fin's room, but we moved everything valuable. Did you get hit?"

Kairi shook her head. "Lost a chimney pot and the garden's a mess. The school flooded, but you'll be pleased to know that such trifles can't stop the march of education." Riku groaned as she pulled a manila folder out of her bag with a flourish. 

"I've got more important things to worry about than algebra."

"I said I'd deliver everyone else's work sheets," Kairi admitted, revealing a handful more folders in her bag. "Can you take a break to join me?"

"Sure." A few minutes later Hikari was on ladder duty and Kairi and Riku were heading down the street, pinching their noses as they passed a burst septic tank.

"Some of the houses on the beachfront are flooded out," said Riku as they made the sloping descent to Tidus' house, the first of Kairi's stops. He seemed moody, but Kairi figured he was just tired. "And a few boats were swept out to sea. But we've had worse. Still got power on this site of the island." 

"We should go beachcombing later," Kairi suggested as the ocean came into view. The waves were swollen and energetic, the water murky and filled with debris, towers of seabirds circling in the hope of picking out one of the storm's victims. "If your Mom doesn't need your help with the house."

Riku glanced up, frowning, but he didn't correct her. He was still calling Fin by her name - at least, most of the time. Kairi had caught him calling her Mom on a few occasions, and he didn't always notice it either. Remembering how strange it had felt to call her parents Mom and Dad at first, Kairi didn't press him on it. 

"Sure. There's not much we can do until we can get more supplies anyway." 

If she squinted, she could see the seiners already far out to sea. She remembered going out on one of the fishing boats, maybe only a few months after she had arrived on Destiny Islands. The memory came back to her like a slow dawn. The clatter of chains and pulleys, the rusted steel decking, her ill-fitting life jacket and the rapid-fire calls of adults ringing in her ears. Her new friends gripping her hands, holding her safe as the boat lurched and rolled. Riku calling out playful insults at the way she squealed as the net disgorged a tidal wave of slippery silvery fish at their feet. Perhaps it was memory, perhaps it was imagination, but in her mind she saw a silhouette of the other boy laughing as he waded in to the mound, telling her not to be scared, squeezing her hand tight, grinning like she had ended up right where she was supposed to be.

"Sora," she said, the name sounding more familiar than the boy it belonged to, "His Dad was a fisherman, right?"

"Still is," said Riku, following her gaze to the ocean. "He lives on Anenome Island, at least last I heard. Last Riku heard."

"Do you think he forgot about Sora too?"

Riku scoffed. "Yeah. Years ago."

Kairi imagined her original parents, the ones who had been lost in Radiant Garden's fall. Cid had promised to keep an ear to the ground, but if they had survived returning to Hollow Bastion was hardly top of their list of priorities. If she met them again, what would she even say? They would be strangers to each other, connected only by a history she remembered only in the most disparate fragments. Then her mind wandered back to what Riku had told her about Naminé, keeping watch over Sora while she slowly removed every thread of herself from his memories. Riku had humoured her questions, but his reluctance to talk about Naminé was obvious, especially when it came to the matter of Roxas and the other replica. What must it feel like for her, to write herself out of her only connection to others?

"Here's Tidus' road- Kairi?"

Kairi must have yelped, because she felt a sudden lurching vertigo as if the waterlogged street was falling out from under her feet. When her vision cleared she was surprised for a moment to see the low-slung trailers and overcast sky instead of a sprawling town cast in sunset tones.

Riku was looking at her with an expression of concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I..." Kairi's heart was racing. She gulped in air until the nausea faded. "I think I saw… I had this vision of a town? As if I was seeing it from up high? And..." The image was already fading like a dream. Kairi pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to trap the sensation before it slipped away. "I wasn't alone. There were other kids-" 

_"Naminé?"_

Riku's hands were on her arms, leading her to a nearby tree trunk, but she only managed to mumble something like, "Did you hear that?" before her vision blurred and that awful sensation of falling overtook her body, the texture of Riku's palms giving way to the rush of wind. 

_"Naminé, what's happening to me?"_

It was a boy's voice, the lilting cadence of it somehow familiar, like something she had once dreamed. "I'm not Naminé. I'm Kairi." Her own voice sounded distant. Time seemed to slow, moving like a languid sunset over distant, rolling hills. "Are you… are you Sora?"

_"Sora? No, I'm-"_ but the boy's voice was drowned out by the wind, crackling like static. Kairi caught fragments of speech: _"Kairi… I know you... You're that girl he likes."_

Feeling her grip on the vision slipping, she asked urgently: "You know Sora? What's going on? What's happening?" 

A second voice chimed in, brasher, barely audible over the roar of wind and waves but sounding amused, as if he were talking to an old friend. _"You don't even remember the sound of my voice? Thanks a lot, Kairi!"_

"Sora!"

She heard peals of laughter, fading fast as the golden sky resolved into the post-storm chaos of Destiny Islands, the clanging of bells becoming the impatient horns of boats and trucks, the wind dropping to the humid breeze billowing down the South Island streets.

"Sora, we're coming for you! We're so close, don't run off again, please-" but her voice sounded like hers again, and try as she might to reimagine the sunset sky all she could see was Riku cleaning close, a gaggle of curious islanders behind him chiming in with questions and advice. 

"Give her some space." Riku waved them away dismissively, his voice dropping as he addressed Kairi: "What happened? You were calling out Sora's name."

Kairi tipped her face up to stare at the sky, the sunlight breaking through the cracks in the clouds. She remembered racing across the beach, her laughter echoed by the boys who had befriended her so readily, them pushing and shoving and her swerving past them to throw herself across the finish line first. Riku scoffing, making some excuse he knew neither of them would really believe, and Sora - _Sora_ \- those striking blue eyes set against his sun-blessed skin, making jokes and racing off to the next imaginary adventure, always in motion. Not just fragments reconstructed from grainy photographs and diary entries: the seasalty smell of his skin, the way her heart raced when he was close, his infectious smile and unselfconscious laughter. The sound of her name on his lips, tender, beloved. The warmth of his palm against hers in the darkness, both of them sharing the infinite night sky.

"Kairi?"

"I think… I think I'm starting to remember him." 

She jumped when Riku touched her face, but he was only brushing her cheeks with a tissue. "You're crying."

She looked at him, the way his long white hair framed his face and tumbled over one shoulder in a loose braid, better kept than the original Riku's had ever been. The pastel pink shirt he had found who knew where. The little bruises on his joints he had given up trying to disguise. The concern - the sincerity - in his eyes. 

If Kairi's memories of Sora were returning to her, that meant that Naminé's work was almost complete, and that meant the real Riku had brought all of the pieces of Sora back to him, by whatever means necessary. Her chest was tight, suffocating. Lifted by the thought of finally welcoming Sora home, holding him in her arms, hearing his laugher - and knowing the unimaginable cost of his return.

She said dumbly, knowing the lie was as transparent as the tears on her cheeks: "I'm fine." She was unsteady at first, but after a few steps she found her footing again. "Let's just deliver these papers and we can head down to the beach." If Riku suspected her of hiding something from him, and she imagined he did, he said nothing. 

And the other boy, the slight lisp in his voice so achingly familiar, like a long-forgotten childhood friend. Her eyes prickled with tears again, thinking of Sora's Nobody. She wondered if Roxas - like Naminé - like the Riku who was walking quietly beside her, lost in his own thoughts again - would also welcome the release from such a confusing, painful half-existence. But didn't that only make the injustice cut deeper? 

* * *

Memories of Sora came back slowly at first, then all at once, like the droplets of rain preluding a sudden tempest. First brief glimpses of his face or the sound of his laughter or the weight of his body laying next to hers. Then more concrete memories: of school projects, of building treehouses and obstacle courses on the Play Island, of dreaming up adventures on days when even the foolhardiest kids wouldn't brave the roiling waves. Waiting for the ferry one afternoon Selphie, who happened to be next to them in the queue, leaned over and said, "Whatever happened to the other boy you two used to hang out with all the time, anyway?" A few days later, the teachers started calling out his name in roll call again, searching around the room for the boy who usually called back "Yes, miss!" with more enthusiasm than anyone else. The colour began to return to Hikari's cheeks, then her wardrobe. Soon it was strange to imagine not remembering him, his memory was so deeply woven into the fabric of life on Destiny Islands.

"I wonder if he's still with Naminé," Fin mused aloud one evening as Riku put the finishing touches on a fish stew. "Riku will bring him home once he wakes up, surely?"

"If anything, it'll be the other way around."

"I could probably make a portal through the Darkness-"

"-No. No more risk-taking for you, young man. If we have to wait, we'll wait."

Kairi, who had been in charge of the cornbread, flipped it carefully out of the pan and cut it into wedges, releasing puffs of steam with each slice. Glancing at Riku as he ladled the stew into bowls, she wondered if the boy who shared his face would even show himself to Sora, or just sink invisibly into the Darkness, too afraid of rejection to ever let himself be so vulnerable. 

"I'm getting better at using the Light," she reminded them; she'd been practicing daily and could now move through the fabric of the world with relative ease, if not relative finesse. "As soon as I work out how to break through the barrier, we can visit Twilight Town and find out what's going on." She imagined meeting Naminé for the first time, wondering how strange it would be to see her own face reflected back at her. Not to mention the reunion with Riku. She'd been so angry - she was still angry - but truth be told, the hate was getting harder to muster. She imagined him alone with his guilt, and pitied him.

"I'm not sure I want Riku going through Corridors of Light, either," intoned Fin, eliciting an exasperated sigh from Riku. 

"I'm _fine_." 

She didn't push it, but the expression on her face was clear: _we don't know that_.

After supper, they sat out on what was left of the back porch, chatting idly as the night drew in, bringing with it the melody of insects and the crackle of nearby barbeques. The scent of charcoal and cooking fish rose over the sour underbelly of vegetation thrown ashore by the hurricane and left to rot by residents more concerned with repairing their homes. Kairi felt like she was treading water above the great invisible currents of the ocean, only able to dive under for the briefest of moments, not knowing when a sudden surge might wash her into the unknown. If only she had more _control_ , then she could break out into the universe and- and what? 

Kill Roxas, like Riku had?

"Kairi?"

"Huh?"

"Lost in your thoughts?" Riku's expression was sympathetic. His hand hovered over her arm for a moment, perhaps thinking to offer some gesture of comfort, but in the end he pulled away, the faint flush on his cheeks still visible under the light of the citronella torches. 

"I should probably get going while the ferry's still running," she said, pulling herself out of her thoughts. Riku walked with her, their footsteps loud in the quiet evening. No matter how many weeks it had been, it was still strange to see Riku walking slowly, cautiously, instead of jogging alongside Kairi as they made the short trip across the island to the ferry port. Once or twice Kairi thought she saw movement in the undergrowth, but perhaps it was just a racoon or stray dog, rather than a denizen of the Darkness.

"Ferry's due in five minutes. I'll see you at school tomorrow?"

"Ugh, school."

She hugged him, both of them relaxing into the embrace, holding tight in a way Kairi and the other Riku never had. It was reassuring to feel his chest rise and fall and hear his breath of laughter when she intoned, "I'll bring more oatmeal cookies if you bring potato waffles."

"It's a deal." 

She watched him head back up the road. Then, once he'd turned the corner and out of sight, she doubled back, tracing the coastal path to the island's south-facing bay. There were a few clusters of people sitting around campfires, chatting and improvising music. Kairi headed to a secluded stretch of the beach, then tugged against the threads of Light until she was stumbling out of the water on the other side of the narrow channel to the Play Island. The waning moon was beginning its ascent into the sky, a bright crescent casting pale stripes across the cooling embers of daylight. Kairi climbed over the fallen palms, their fibrous trunks wet from rain and their leaves rustling in the breeze, to the beach she had spent so many hours teleporting across in bursts of bright light, trying to reach anywhere other than Destiny Island's sunlit shores. Tonight, however, she had another mission: taking off her shoes, she headed down to the waterline, then into the gently lapping seafoam. The encroaching night enveloped her, grounding her. She pulled a sea glass bottle out of her pocket, staring for a moment at the letter coiled inside, the only letter she had written to someone other than Sora.

She wondered if, in his brief existence, Roxas had ever visited the ocean. She wondered if his connection to Sora would draw him to the water the way Sora always had been, even if he didn't have the heart - or memories - to understand why. She wondered if some part of Roxas could have survived, the way Kairi had survived in the welcoming embrace of Sora's heart, and if so whether he would know through Sora what it felt like to be loved.

Kairi let the water take the weight of the bottle. For a few moments it bobbed in the seafoam; then the tide slowly began to take it away. 

"Roxas," she said, her voice almost too soft to be heard over the waves. "We'll meet again, one day. Not just in dreams, or memories, but for real. And when we do I'll take you down to the beach. I think you'd like it here." She swilled her hands in the water. Still warm from the day's heat; the perfect temperature for night-time swimming. She remembered stripping off with Sora and Riku under the stars, all of them giggling, Sora always the first into the water, laughing as he dived, invisible under the inky waves until he suddenly pulled one of them - usually Riku - under. His hair still bouncing away from his head, no amount of water enough to weigh it down. Kairi watching him and Riku antagonising each other, waiting for the perfect moment to strike, thinking, _Sora, don't ever change_.

Saltwater up to her waist; saltwater on her cheeks. 

"I'm sorry," she murmured, the words feeling as naive on her lips as they had on the page. "The least I can do is remember you." She had never seen Roxas, but his face came to her as if she were remembering an old friend: soft, pale cheeks tinted with a flush of pink; a cowlick of fluffy blonde hair, the partway fierce, partway melancholy expression of someone knowing his destiny but fighting it to the very end regardless. Something awfully familiar about the evening-sky blue of his eyes. 

"I hope..." 

The resignation in his voice during their brief moment of connection, and her failing him, too distracted to think about anything other than Sora. 

"I hope you can forgive us."


	31. Chapter 31

"I thought you were supposed to be doing your chemistry homework."

Riku cracked an eye open as Kairi headed back to the shade of the palms, dismissing her Keyblade and wiping the sweat away from her face. She had been practicing teleporting again, and her skin still tingled with the Light's power. Behind them, the radio antenna they'd bribed Selphie into bringing out to the Play Island buzzed with static; perhaps the snatches of words she heard came from other worlds, or maybe they were just her imagination. 

"I am. Thinking hard about, uh, stoichiometry," said Riku, not sounding remotely convincing. He glanced at the exercise sheets spread out over his lap and groaned in defeat. "It's incomprehensible," he admitted. "I'm just going to quit school. I didn't sign up for this."

"Arguably out of all of us, you were the only one who _did_ sign up for school." Kairi grabbed a water bottle from the picnic basket and plonked herself down next to Riku. The sun was arching high in the sky, casting the beach into a brilliant, glossy white and deepening the shadows beneath the tangled remains of huts and bridges pulled down by the hurricane. 

Riku tossed his pen aside and leaned back against the palm, sighing. "I have regrets."

"I guess when the other Riku gets home you'll get to fight over who graduates in your name."

Riku hummed noncommitally. In reality, Kairi didn't think it would be much of a fight: with the power of the Keyblade at his fingertips she doubted the original Riku would be interested in any career path requiring a graduate diploma, and for all his griping her Riku was more dedicated to his schoolwork than his counterpart had ever been.

Riku craned his neck to watch the antenna sway in the wind. He shifted the dial a little this way and that, but the static kept crackling through the old speakers like the incessant buzzing of insects in the undergrowth. Then he said sulkily: "I don't want to have to change my name."

Kairi shrugged. "There's plenty of Rikus on the islands."

"Riku's a possessive person. I would know, because I'm him."

"Then it's a good opportunity for you to learn to share- what is it?"

Riku had perked up suddenly, his eyes scanning the beachfront for movement. "The Darkness just shifted."

Kairi's Keyblade was in her palm in an instant. "Heartless?"

"No, I don't think so. It's... that emptiness again." They glanced at each other, both thinking the same thing: "The Organisation?" 

Kairi headed out onto the sand, extending her senses as far as she could, Riku following at a little distance. Lionsoul was in his palm, the blue-red gradient of the blade glinting in the afternoon sunlight.

"I'll go in close range, you keep moving and support from a distance," Kairi commanded in a low voice, shifting her grip on her Keyblade, the same tactics they had gone over dozens of times since Demyx's appearance on the island. "We'll try not to use Light or Darkness for as long as possible, but-" she was interrupted by the sound of enthusiastic barking. 

"…A dog?" 

The creature that emerged from the treeline in a casual lollop, sniffing the ground with one slim ear cocked up, was something Kairi would describe as a dog only in the loosest sense. He was strangely proportioned, with a thin body and long, gangly legs, his coat too yellow to be golden and eyes too cartoonishly big to be any native of Destiny Islands.

"He's got to be from Disney Town," said Riku as the dog ran up to them, barking at Kairi in excited recognition, although she was sure she'd never seen him before. He circled them once, wagging his tail, then lept up at Kairi, licking her face with enthusiasm. "But what's he doing here?"

Kairi checked the dog's collar, no small feat with the dog bouncing around eagerly. "It says his name's Pluto. There's King Mickey's symbol, too."

"Maybe there's a message?"

"He's really taking a liking to you."

Kairi whipped around at the sound of a familiar and unwelcome voice, instinctively dropping into a fighting pose. The black-cloaked figure of Axel was a dark splash against the sand. Kairi's first instinct was to attack before Axel had a chance to summon his weapon, but she forced herself to hold fire, especially as Pluto bounded back towards Axel with another playful, chipper bark, seemingly unconcerned by whatever threat the Nobody posed.

"What do you want."

"To get into the shade. Jeez. Demyx really wasn't kidding about how hot it is here." Axel took a few steps forward, but he balked when Kairi brandished her weapon threateningly. Looking closer, there seemed to be something different about him from the man she remembered running from in Castle Oblivion. Perhaps it was just Destiny Island's bludgeoning heat, but his face seemed hollower, his hair less carefully styled. Something of the easy confidence in his demeanour stripped away. "Look," he said finally once he'd unzipped his coat, raising his hands in surrender: "I'm not here to fight."

Kairi set her jaw, not taking her eyes - or the aim of her Keyblade - off Axel. "That's what Demyx said."

"Sora's on the move," Axel announced. He glanced down at Pluto, who cocked his head and whined, then ambled back over to Kairi as if everyone had just met up for a friendly conversation, and not a potentially lethal stand-off. Despite the tension in the air, she found herself stroking his head with her free hand. "He and his friends have taken out two of our number already. Three if you count…" his eyes flicked briefly to Riku, who was keeping his distance, Keyblade held at the ready. "I had a feeling it was you in Castle Oblivion. Shouldn't be surprised you're more tenacious than you look."

"She already knows I'm the replica, if that's what you're getting at." Riku's voice was cold, on edge. Both of them ready to fight at any moment.

"That makes things easier," said Axel, brightly. "You already know I don't like play by the Organisation's rules if I can help it." He gestured to Kairi in a languid motion. "We've got something in common, you and I. We both miss someone we care about. The difference is you can see Sora, if you want to."

"Roxas." Kairi noticed the way Axel winced at the name, an expression of guilt crossing his features for just a moment before he smoothed them out into a neutrality that didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Yeah. Roxas. He's back to being a part of Sora, thanks to your ever elusive counterparts." Axel stooped to pick up a piece of driftwood, tossing it across the beach for Pluto, who tore away with a gleeful bark. "So I guess you could say my loyalty rests with Sora now. I can take you to him." He said this almost casually, his focus on the rolling waves and bounding dog, as if he was merely commenting on the weather.

"If Roxas mattered to you, why would you side with the people who-" Kairi's voice caught, remembering the other Riku, and everything he would sacrifice for Sora. In the end she hid behind a euphemism: "Who ended him?"

"Why would I side with the people who used him? Pluto was his dog, by the way. Couldn't believe Saïx agreed to let him keep it. Thought he'd call the dumb thing a security risk, for sure." He threw the stick again, Pluto's tail windmilling as he lept over fallen branches to reach the waterline. "Everyone in the Organisation has their own agenda. Your little replica knows that better than anyone. It's the whole reason he was created."

Kairi opened her mouth to say something, insulted on Riku's behalf, but Riku interrupted her: "What about the other replica? The girl. Is she gone too?"

Axel looked at Riku for a long moment, his face scrunched up in concentration as if trying to drag up a long-buried memory. "A girl...? You don't mean Naminé? She's not a replica. You were the only one Vexen ever finished." 

"No, there was another one. Of Roxas. Or- Sora. She had Sora's most important memories. Kairi, I told you about her. The girl."

But Kairi could only shake her head. "I don't remember that."

Riku was frowning. "I'm sure..."

"I can check the records back at headquarters," Axel offered. "Vexen was a neurotic chronicler. If he managed to make another functional replica, he's bound to have written whole books on the subject."

Kairi and Riku glanced at each other in silent conference. It wasn't just the other replica that interested them: if any records of Riku's creation survived, they could prove invaluable, and Axel probably knew it.

"Look, you don't trust me, I get it," Axel continued, evidently sensing the tension in the air. "I wouldn't trust me either. But we all have something to gain from this. You get to see Sora again, Sora gets another ally in battle, and I get to watch you take down the assholes who've spent the last decade making my life a misery. And..." He paused, losing some of his bravado. "And I make up for what I let them do to Roxas. For what _I_ did to him."

Riku dismissed his Keyblade, stepping forward to Kairi's side. Pluto ran over to Riku and dropped the stick at his feet, backing up across the sand, his lanky body wiggling eagerly until Riku gave up trying to ignore him and threw the stick for him. 

"So you want to take us to your headquarters? And then what?"

"Only Nobodies can reach The World That Never Was. I take you there, I double back to fetch Sora, together you take down Xemnas, job done. Preferably, I survive." Axel considered this for a moment before adding generously: "Preferably, we _all_ survive."

Kairi's first instinct was, _we can't trust him_. But then she remembered Sora, always charging recklessly into any fight, never stopping to consider the consequences. It wasn't just Riku with a penchant for self-sacrifice. She thought of the slivers of Light she was able to control, how long it would take unaided to leave the suffocating security of Destiny Islands. She glanced at her Riku, remembering those decade-old journals, the unfamiliar technical equipment in Castle Oblivion, the flutter of fear she felt every time he stumbled unexpectedly or took a hit from a Heartless or missed school to lay under his covers in the dark, waiting for the pain to pass.

She thought about Roxas. _What's happening to me?_ Maybe she couldn't have done anything. But she knew that even if she could, she wouldn't have, and the guilt ate at her.

What she murmured to Riku was, "This might be our only chance to see Sora."

Riku glanced at Axel, who was wandering down to the shoreline, crouching to inspect the flotsam thrown up by the tide. Kairi wondered how much of the gesture was calculated: in turning his back, he was trying to demonstrate that he wasn't a threat, at least not for now. 

"Do you think he's telling the truth?"

Riku considered this. 

"If he is, it's a gamble. Sora has no reason to trust him. The real Riku, even less so."

If it was a trap, surely Kairi could still fight her way out. Her Keyblade was heavy and reassuring in her palm. She swung it experimentally, reassuring herself of its weight and balance. Axel didn't look like a fighter, but Kairi knew better than anyone how deceiving looks could be. She dismissed her weapon, although she stayed alert as she approached Axel, ready to return to a fighting stance at any moment. 

"Before I agree to go with you. I have some questions."

Axel glanced down at her. Sweat was beginning to bead on his forehead, giving him a nervous look. "Sure."

"What does the Organisation want with Sora? What use do they have for the Keyblade's power?"

A strange expression crossed Axel's features; he was quick to look away, crouching to pick up a thalassa shell, brushing off the sand and scraps of seaweed clinging to it. "We're Nobodies. That means we don't have hearts. The only way we can get them back is through Kingdom Hearts, which is, uh… it's kind of like a big moon in the sky? I gotta admit, this is where the details get kinda hazy for me. I usually just nap through meetings." 

"I thought Kingdom Hearts was a door."

Axel shrugged. He turned the shell over and over in his hands, inspecting it closely. "Whatever it is, it's got a lot of power. Enough power to restore us to the people we used to be. Anyway, to be completed Kingdom Hearts needs hearts." He sounded distinctly sardonic when he said this. "That's where the Keyblades come in. There are other weapons that can damage Heartless, sure, but only Keyblades unlock the hearts they've collected. That's why Roxas was so important." Gesturing to Riku, Axel added, "It's why Vexen made _him_ , too."

"So you want Sora to collect hearts for you? He'd never do it."

This time Axel snorted, then - seeing Kairi's scowl - outright laughed. "He's been doing it for weeks. As soon as he woke up the mouse king and his people sent him hopping across the worlds, battling the Heartless threat, releasing all those lovely hearts for us to harvest." He tossed the shell into the sea; it landed in the water with a faint splosh. Moments later Pluto dived into the waves, but soon he was paddling aimlessly, looking for anything to grab and retrieve. "If you ask me, they could have at least given him a couple days' vacation. Give him a chance to see his family. But what do I know." Perhaps noticing Kairi bristling at that comment, he said: "I don't care what the Organisation wants any more. I'm ready to watch the whole thing burn."

"Don't you want your heart back?" It was Riku, still keeping his distance. 

Axel looked at him, then at Kairi, then tipped his head up at the blazing blue sky, letting out a sigh. His voice was unexpectedly solemn as he said, "And feel what? Guilt? Regret? Sadness?" Then, speaking cheerfully again, evidently eager to brush away the sincerity which had slipped into his tone, he said: "Nah, not for me. I think I'd rather stick to what I do best: being a pain in the ass. So whaddya say?" He held out his hand, an inky portal slicing through the bright afternoon sunlight behind him. Pluto, sensing excitement, bounded out of the water, shaking off sea spray and barking enthusiastically.

Kairi glanced back at Riku. His features were set with grim determination, but she could see the anxiety in his saltwater eyes. He said, his voice wobbling a little: "You'll need supplies." 

"Give us like. Five minutes?"

"Sure, sure."

The shack on the platform up to the Paopu Islet had caved in in the storm, but the lockbox was undamaged; Riku brushed off the debris and began to rummage through for their most powerful potions and elixirs, while Kairi put on as many protective accessories as she could fit on her wrists and around her neck. For a few minutes, neither of them spoke. Then, standing with an armful of bottles, Riku said: "Come back safe, okay?"

"You're coming too. Right?"

Riku looked over in Axel's direction. He was throwing things for Pluto again, the dog's energy and enthusiasm seemingly inexhaustable. 

"I'd just be a liability."

Kairi bit her lip. "We're a team. What if something happens and I need backup? Or escape?"

"If he's telling the truth, you'll have Sora and the real Riku-"

"-don't call him that."

Riku hissed in frustration, but his tone was softer when he said, "Kairi, you're stronger than I've ever been. You don't need my help." He held out the potions to her: "I'm sure you can work out when to heal yourself just fine." 

"Riku-"

"-And. Worst case scenario." Riku's voice began to waver: "Someone should stay behind to take care of Fin and Hikari."

"Riku..."

Riku's smile was forced, reminding Kairi of the boy whose face he shared, but the warmth and affection beneath the awkwardness was all his. Biting her lip, Kairi pulled him into a tight embrace, pressing her cheek against his chest, feeling the reassuring beat of his heart. 

"Thank you." Words couldn't express her gratitude, but she tried anyway: "For being here. For being my friend." Tears were threatening to spill from her; she bit the inside of her cheek, willing herself to stay strong. She pulled away reluctantly, forcing herself to meet Riku's solemn eyes. "On our own terms."

"On our own terms," echoed Riku. 

"I'll be back soon. With Sora and your idiot other."

Riku choked out a laugh. 

"Before you go- I want you to have something." He jogged back to the treeline, where his homework lay abandoned in the dappled shade. A few moments of rummaging in his bag later he returned with the plastic star-shaped charm. "Naminé gave this to me," he said, pressing the charm into Kairi's hand. "It wasn't supposed to mean anything then, and I know it's kind of banged up, but… it's mine, and… it's a Wayfinder. To guide you home." 

"Oh, _Riku_." Kairi threw her arms around him again, kissing his cheek and laughing at the way it made him flush with embarassment. "I'll bring it back to you. Safe and sound. I promise." He let go of her reluctantly, catching her hand, holding tight. 

Axel was a little way down the beach, playing tug-of-war with Pluto over an old length of fishing rope. As Kairi approached he let go suddenly, Pluto falling over his back legs in surprise.

"You ready?"

"If you try anything, you'll learn the true meaning of death by chocolate."

Axel laughed, zipping up his coat and reopening the portal. "You could say I'd get my... just desserts." He gestured to Riku. "He's not coming with?"

"Someone needs to stay behind and protect Destiny Islands," said Kairi, hoping the bluff wouldn't be too transparent. If Axel suspected anything, he didn't show it; he just shrugged and whistled to Pluto to join them stepping into the swirling, disorienting geometry of the Corridors of Darkness. Then the portal was closing behind them with a whisper, leaving behind only the faintest scent of water and scorching sand.

"Let's walk," said Axel, gesturing for Kairi to follow him. He walked quickly, Kairi having to jog to keep up with his long strides. Pluto lolloped happily by his side, clearly unperturbed by the shifting, formless mass of Darkness surrounding them. "Less traceable that way. You really just decided to adopt the fake Riku, huh?"

"He's not fake. He's a real person."

Axel hummed thoughtfully. "That's not how the Organisation sees it. Anyway, here's the plan - I'm gonna drop you off at the Castle lock-up while I go get Sora, then bust you out once he's worldside. The official line is that I'm kidnapping you, so- _hey!"_ He leapt out of the way of Kairi's first attack, alerted by the flash of her Keyblade materialising, but she quickly feinted left and managed to land a glancing blow, knocking him off balance. Her next blow clashed against metal, sparks flying against the sharp, disk-like weapons Axel had thrown up to defend himself. "I _told_ you I'm on your side!" 

"You didn't tell me this was a _kidnapping!"_ Kairi yelled, jumping back to keep her distance and casting a hasty blizzaga, which Axel parried with a burst of flame. 

"It's not! But I can't just leave you wandering around the Castle!"

"And you just conveniently decided not to mention your plan, huh?"

Axel groaned, dismissing his weapons and spreading his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, maybe I should have given you more details before we set off. But we're here now, right?" There was something frantic in his eyes, but more than that he looked tired. "Quit giving me that look. Reminds me of-" but suddenly he stopped, a look of confusion crossing his features.

"Of who?"

Axel frowned at her for another heartbeat, but in the end he decided not to share. "Let's just keep going, okay?"

"Fine." But Kairi kept her Keyblade at her side, watching Axel's movements closely. After a few minutes of walking the landscape - if it could even be called a landscape - began to change, as if a sickly dawn was emerging from the darkness. Kairi felt the sensation of being in a tunnel, ephemeral shapes arching over her in stripes of pallid colour, like faint stains spreading through fabric. A few Nobodies emerged from the formless space, their white bodies a stark contrast to the dull grey space around them, but they took little notice of Kairi, and even less of Axel. At some point, just as Kairi's head was beginning to throb from the headache-inducing scenery, Axel stopped, looked around, announced: "Yeah, this'll do it," and opened another portal. He stuck his head through, then reemerged, whisps of Darkness catching in the spikes of his hair and making him look for a moment as if he were on fire. "Coast's all clear. Come on."

They emerged into a corridor that at first glance reminded Kairi of a hospital: impersonal grey walls, high ceilings, eerie directionless light. The silence was cut only by a deep hum almost beyond the range of Kairi's hearing, which seemed to be emerging from the architecture around her. The air tasted stale, long forgotten. Kairi touched one wall, experimentally; her fingers met resistance, but she couldn't discern the material the wall was made of: too warm for metal, too smooth for plaster, too unyielding for plastic. If Castle Oblivion had felt long-abandoned, this place had the sense of never being occupied at all. The walls seemed to merge into the ceiling, which was featureless; at her feet there was only the vague suggestion of shadows. Each end of the corridor curved away, seemingly infinite.

Kairi swallowed down a bubble of fear, reaching into her pocket and holding Riku's charm tight.

_I'll make it home. Whatever it takes._

The only feature breaking up the corridor was a bank of cells along one wall, their black bars contrasting against the insipid grey of their interiors. Axel fumbled with the control panel of one of them, muttering under his breath. "I don't think we've ever used one of these things. Ah!" Kairi had expected the cell's door to swing open, but instead the bars shimmered and faded, leaving just the faintest impression of having existed behind. Pluto, watching the proceedings, cocked his head and whined.

"So I'm just going to wait in here for you to come get me."

"Yup. Sorry, it's not that comfortable, huh? I'll get you some magazines or something to pass the time. I can get you a drink too if you're thirsty."

Reluctantly, Kairi climbed in, Pluto bounding in after her. After a few more minutes of fighting with the controls, Axel managed to return the bars to their solid form.

"If Saïx comes by, just give him one of your angry faces. Yeah. Like that." A moment later Axel was gone, vanishing in a swirl of Darkness. Kairi closed her eyes and extended her senses outwards, but if there was any Light in this place, it eminated only from her. She tested the cell's bars, but they were unyielding; after touching them for only a few moments her hands started to feel numb and she was forced to retreat. The cell had no windows, no ventillation grates: only a hard oblong of furniture along one wall that Kairi assumed was supposed to be a bed. Despite her prison's generous size, Kairi felt a sense of claustrophobia closing in on her. 

_Sora_ , she reminded herself firmly. _Even if they're using me as bait, he beat back the Organisation once before, and he can do it again._ But still she felt small and vulnerable, even with Pluto laying his oversized head on her lap. She scratched his silk-soft fur distractedly, wishing that Riku was with her. 

Finally she heard the woosh of a portal again, and Axel reemerged with a stack of manga and a four-pack of cream sodas.

"These were Demyx's, but I figure he won't be needing them any more."

"Demyx? He's dead?"

"Technically not dead," said Axel, sounding worryingly unconcerned about his colleague's fate, as he passed the comics over, the air shimmering where his arm passed between the bars. "Nobodies aren't really alive, so we can't really die. We just become nothing." He cracked open one can and handed another to Kairi. The soda was sickly sweet and artificial, leaving a strange taste in the back of her mouth.

"How is that different from death?"

Axel looked at her in surprise. Then, he laughed. "Good point." He craned his neck to look at the featureless ceiling. "Everything is meaningless in this dumb place." 

"Then why not leave?"

"Why not-?" Axel's voice was incredulous, but after a moment he caught himself and sighed. "Maybe I will. If I make it out of this whole shitshow." He sat down on an outcrop of wall, drumming his fingers restlessly. "This was the only home he had, you know? He thought all this was normal. The lifeless interior design. Wearing this stupid uniform all the time. Being treated like a nuisance by everyone else. He was the only person who had any life left in him, and..." he trailed off, running his hands over his hair, agitated. 

Kairi imagined Riku facing down the boy who resembled Sora in so many ways, if not in appearance. She imagined Naminé telling him he had to relinquish his existence for Sora to return. What would she have done, if she had been in their position, watching Sora sleep and knowing only murder could wake him up? Maybe Riku leaving her trapped on Destiny Islands was, in some small way, a mercy.

_You don't know what you'd be capable of if you were desperate._

She imagined taking Sweetheart's teeth to the jail bars, breaking free from whatever power held them in place, dodging Axel's flames and pinning him down and hearing him gasp out his final breaths before becoming nothing under the fury of her blade. She imagined living with knowing that she had killed. She wondered how many lives Axel had ended. She wondered how desperate he'd been.

"Maybe there's still a part of him inside Sora," said Axel finally. "I met Sora once, did you know that?"

"In Castle Oblivion."

"Not that he'll remember, of course." Axel barked a laugh. "Probably for the best. Naminé really did a hell of a number on him, huh?" He looked at Kairi curiously, his eyes piercing. "You seem to be doing just fine without her." 

"The reports said she was a special class of Nobody. Because I never lost my heart to the Darkness, or something."

"Huh." Axel laid a hand on his chest thoughtfully. "Does that make a difference?"

Kairi stared into her cream soda, then at the stack of brightly coloured manga piled next to her, then at Axel, looking aged and tired. 

"She isn't a part of me, though. Even if she was, she's her own person now, right? Just like Riku - the replica, I mean - isn't the same as Riku any more."

Axel stood suddenly, the pensive expression on his face falling into something colder, more stern. 

"Doesn't matter, does it," he said coldly, flicking up his hood. "He's still dead." And he was gone, leaving Kairi alone with her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A note about Axel for those of you who've read other works in this series (specifically _First and Last_ ) - while _Homeward Bound_ does fall into the "canon" of the Extended Universe, Axel's history with Roxas won't be addressed, and I've done my best to leave any subtext in this fic open to interpretation.)


	32. Chapter 32

First Kairi paced restlessly, counting every footstep and every heartbeat and every rhythmic pulse of the geometric lines lacing the walls. There was little sense of time beyond these listless, repetitive motions; minutes could have passed, or hours, since Axel had left. Eventually she grew bored and settled reluctantly on the bed - its hard angles had more give than she'd expected - and started working her way through the comics, barely paying attention to the larger-than-life characters inside. They were obviously well read, the spines cracked and the pages dogeared. She remembered her brief interaction with Demyx; he had seemed like nothing more than a figure in a black coat then, but as she turned the pages she couldn't help but think about how he was a person, or at least he had been. A person who took bad care of books and ate pizza and perhaps had as little loyalty to the Organisation and its goals as Axel.

At her feet, Pluto settled in to sleep. His vibrant coat and exaggerated snores seemed out of place in the dungeon's lifeless, cavernous expanse. She wondered where Roxas had found him, how he had coaxed him to follow him home through the Darkness. Did Pluto know that Roxas wasn't coming back? Would he miss him? 

Eventually the manga lost its appeal and Kairi took to exploring again. She lifted the mattress, searching for seams. She hunted for screws in the cell's single light fixture, finding none. She lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, her eyes slowly becoming accustomed to the strange motion of the architecture with its pulses of light and slow shifting of angles. Perhaps for a while, she dozed. Then she took to pacing again. She tossed her empty can through the bars, Pluto squeezing through with no trouble and chasing after it with his uncoordinated, almost comical gait. With a bit of effort she could force her arm through the gap, swallowing down the uncanny numbness that seeped through her skin at the contact with whatever forcefield was holding her captive. The can bounced and rolled down the corridor, Pluto bounding after it, panting happily. On the third or fourth throw, he was gone from her field of vision for several moments. A commanding voice followed: "Pluto. Drop that. _Now_."

Quickly she retreated from the bars as footsteps approached her. A man came into view - a little shorter than Axel, perhaps, but broader set with a cool, expressionless distain set on his features. Saïx. Pluto, who had relinquished the can, lolloped gamely after him and sat obediently at his feet, tail wagging. 

Saïx glanced at Kairi dispassionately; she scowled back.

"I'm sure you're only playing at obedience because you're waiting for Axel to save you."

"I don't need saving," Kairi snapped, the words slipping out of her mouth before she realised how much of an admission her lack of surprise was. Saïx just looked at her cooly. Kairi couldn't help but notice that his hand had strayed to Pluto's head, scratching the big dog under his chin, a strangely human gesture that almost made her smile. 

"Neither you nor he seem to realise that the game is already over. Soon we'll no longer need Sora. Or you."

Kairi's chest tightened, her heart thudding loudly in her ears, but she steeled herself. "Sora's heart's too strong to be defeated by the likes of you."

Saïx's yellow eyes were piercing. He held Kairi's gaze until she was forced to look away. Finally he said, "Sora's true strength comes from the power of those around him. Alone, he's worthless."

Speaking more bravely than she felt, Kairi retorted, "You guys don't have hearts, do you? So you wouldn't understand. Sora's never alone." She hoped Saïx couldn't hear the quaver in her voice. She believed in Sora, didn't she? He had defeated Ansem, he had escaped the Organisation's grasp, he had fought countless adversaries in countless worlds. But it was hard to feel connected to him in this empty void of a world, when she had already spent so many months separated from him. 

Kairi expected Saïx to argue - perhaps even to voice her own fears - but it was more frightening somehow that he simply replied, "Perhaps." Evidently deciding the conversation was over, he produced a grey tennis ball from his pocket, Pluto perking up as he tossed it through the bars. "You may as well have your fun." 

He double checked the control panel next to the cell, then flicked open a portal, the inky swirl of Darkness erupting at his command so easily Kairi couldn't help but feel a flash of terror race down her spine. He glanced back at her, his gold eyes glinting in the corridor's directionless light. 

"You should be happy. Soon you will see Sora."

Kairi swallowed thickly, saying nothing. The silence Saïx left behind pressed down on her, leaving her feeling chilled. She picked up the tennis ball and turned it over in her hands; it was well used, the felting on it torn in a few places by overenthusiastic teeth. The decal printed on the ball was one she recognised from the lesser Nobodies and her prison's strange, half-living architecture. She looked at Pluto, who was quivering in anticipation, his ears perked up and eyes focused on the ball. How could Saïx speak so heartlessly to her and yet carry a tennis ball in his pocket for Pluto's amusement? How could Axel have caused so much suffering in Castle Oblivion or Demyx attack Destiny Islands so casually when in so many other ways they were just… people? 

Before she could lose herself in her thoughts too much, however, Pluto let out an impatient bark. She tossed the tennis ball down the corridor, listening for the pong as it ricocheted off the walls, Pluto's claws clattering on the floor as he raced after it, a splash of life and colour in the otherwise empty space. She cracked open another cream soda, her mind wandering back to Sora. Where was he now? Travelling through the Corridors of Darkness to this surreal world, his Keyblade in his hands, his friends at his side and sure victory in his sight? Or still racing ignorantly from world to world, fighting every Heartless threat the Organisation stirred up, not knowing that he was delivering to them exactly what they desired?

* * *

Saïx didn't return, and Axel didn't either. Eventually even Pluto got bored of playing fetch, squeezing back through the cell bars to flop into Kairi's feet. Kairi missed Riku - at least if he was here with her she'd have someone to reassure her racing mind. She hoped he wasn't too anxious waiting back home. She wondered if he'd managed to muddle through his chemistry homework, or if he was too distracted restlessly pacing across the beach - or worse plotting some way to rescue her. 

"Being a prisoner is so boring," she said aloud, Pluto grumbling and lifting his head at the sound of her voice. "How long do I have to wait before I just find a way to bust myself out?"

The answer, in fact, was not long - Kairi jumped at the telltale whisper of a portal, a black wound opening suddenly in the cell wall. She summoned her Keyblade and dropped into a fighting stance, ready to attack whatever emerged, but instead of a figure in a black coat she was suddenly confronted with a ghostly vision of herself, a washed out reflection of her own face with wide, startled eyes emerging from the swirl of Darkness. Pluto was on his feet immediately, breaking into a doggish grin as he rushed up to Kairi's visitor.

"Kairi, come quickly," said Kairi's voice, higher pitched than she expected, in hushed and urgent tones, "Before Saïx comes back!"

"...Naminé?"

Most of the girl's body was still shrouded in Darkness, the threads of it curling and recoiling from her as if she were an empty space they couldn't touch. She looked around nervously before holding out her hand. 

"Hurry! We don't have much time!"

Kairi stepped forward, then hesitated. As she moved towards Naminé a strange sensation prickled over her skin, an invisible force humming in the air between them, the other girl's form blurring just for a moment out of focus. Naminé must have felt it too, because a strange expression crossed her face. Drawing her hand close to her body again, she murmured: "I'll take you to Sora. We'll find him together." 

The accusations and demands she had imagined shouting at Naminé dying on her lips, Kairi nodded dumbly and followed her other half into the shifting portal. In her white dress and sandals Naminé almost glowed against the backdrop of the Darkness. She seemed so out of place here, with her hair curled tidily over one shoulder and her pale skin so translucent that Kairi could make out a riverwork of blue veins beneath the flush of her skin. As if she had never been touched by sunlight. They were only in the Corridor for a few moments, however; soon Kairi was following Naminé through another portal and onto a walkway lined with floor-to-ceiling windows which offered them a view of a monstrous cityscape stretching out endlessly below them. The dark shadows of skyscrapers and flickering neon signs seemed to waver like mirages whenever Kairi tried to look at them too closely. The streets were glossy, as if they had just been hit by a sudden storm, but there were no clouds in the vast, black sky. Though she leaned close to the window she could make out nothing organic in amongst the buildings, only sharp, impossible angles and featureless expanses of grey. Kairi couldn't help but feel disturbed by the _wrongness_ of the city's jumbled geometry, the feeling of being in a place unfinished, a place never meant to be occupied. Above them, a huge heart-shaped moon dangled stupendously, ludicrously in the sky, casting a faint, insipid light across the world. 

Naminé followed Kairi's gaze, her expression solemn.

"All this," she said, "Just for the sake of a heart." 

"Hearts are important, aren't they? They're the reason we can connect to others." Kairi tried to imagine being a Nobody, feeling nothing. All the distain she had held for Riku for being a slave to his heart, but she was no different. Without the care she felt for her friends, her frustration and curiosity and desires and fears, how would she be herself? 

She looked at the answer to that question: Naminé. She was picking at her nails, reminding Kairi of a younger, less secure version of herself, the girl overwhelmed by the existence she had suddenly been thrust into, the girl scared of everything from crabs to the bright, noisy corridors of the junior school to the night that would descend suddenly over her new home. She opened her mouth and closed it again, struggling for words, realising that Naminé was doing the same thing.

Kairi hoped she would say something about Sora, some profound observation from the year she had spent untangling the mess of his memories, but instead she just murmured, "This way," and started walking. Kairi kept her distance, feeling as if getting too close would make them snap together like magnets. After a few minutes Naminé said conversationally, "Did the Riku replica go back to Destiny Islands in the end?"

"Yeah. He's waiting there for me."

Naminé glanced back in surprise. "You forgave him?"

"Of course I forgave him. We're friends." 

"Oh," said Naminé, looking at her feet. "Of course." Then: "Tell him I'm sorry. For everything." 

"You can tell him yourself when this is all over."

For the first time a note of relief entered Naminé's voice as she said, "No. My work is nearly finished. And then I'll return to you."

Kairi remembered the way Riku's voice shook when he told Kairi he had asked Naminé to erase his memories, the pain in his eyes at the thought of losing a life that was no less precious to him for having been fabricated. For a moment she hated Sora. Hated that so many people were willing to throw away their lives for him - worse, for _her_ \- and hated herself most of all for letting them.

"You deserve to come home too," she promised, hoping that Naminé would hear the sincerity in her words. "This doesn't have to be the end."

"You don't understand," Naminé interrupted, ducking into a corridor to avoid a gaggle of Dusks and gesturing for Kairi to follow. "I want it to be." Their eyes met for just a moment; in her expression Kairi saw a flash of grief, quickly disguised. Kairi wasn't sure she believed Naminé when she said, "I've made my peace. Once you and Sora are reunited..."

"You deserve to be happy." Wanting to offer some gesture of comfort, Kairi reached out to her other half, but as soon as their skin connected a jolt like electricity surged through her, making her recoil. Naminé's form wavered then settled, like a reflection in rippling water.

"You really are perfect for him," she said, looking at Kairi pityingly, an expression magnitudes worse than her sadness. "You think if you just believe hard enough then everything will just work out."

Kairi bristled. "I'm not going to just accept my fate. Or anyone else's." But Naminé just laughed behind her hand. Polite.

"This way."

They broke out into a balcony shimmering with the remnants of an eerie purple fog, Kairi's lungs filling with the scent of rain and petrol fumes. The floating wings and jutting towers spread out below her reminded her of Castle Oblivion. Kairi wondered if this world was itself a Nobody, an empty shell left behind after a world had been consumed by Darkness. If so, what had the vast cityscape been before its fall? What memories had made it take this strange, ephemeral form? 

Finally, needing to say something even if it was conceding Naminé's point, Kairi asked as they turned a corner onto a steep ramp, "Is Riku here with you?" 

"You won't see him-" Naminé stopped short. Kairi felt a surge of terror from her other half before she saw the Nobodies, a pair of towering golems which shook the floor as they stepped forward, summoning huge hammer-shaped weapons. Steeling herself, Kairi followed suit with her own Keyblade, gesturing for Naminé to get behind her.

"I've fought worse monsters than this," she declared, more bravely than she felt. She strategised quickly: if they were large, that meant they would be slow - she could dodge past their blows and attack their weak points without taking too much damage, falling back to avoid ground-based attacks. She had fought stronger Heartless before: she could tackle a few brutes, even without Riku at her side.

"No, it's..." Naminé trailed off as a portal formed in front of the Nobodies, Saïx emerging from the coagulating shadows. 

That was more of a problem.

"Kairi. There you are." He surveyed them with cool disdain for a moment, as if deciding how best to discipline a troublesome pet. "I'm afraid leaving is not an option. But-" he held out his hand, something mocking in the gesture, "I can take you to see Sora. Don't you want that?"

Kairi raised her Keyblade, snapping venomously, "Not with _you_ around."

The expression on his face remaining as stoic as ever, Saïx replied, "If I had a heart, this would be where I'd die of laughter."

"Then you'll have to settle for just dying!" 

Kairi launched herself forward, putting the full force of Sweetheart into her first strike, which Saïx parried easily with his own weapon, a huge broadsword with sharp metallic spines that glimmered into existence in an instant, forcing her back. At his gesture the Berserkers moved to flank him, raising their own swords. Kairi didn't have time to glance back, but she hoped Naminé had had the sense to run: she could probably take on three formidable enemies, but not while protecting a defenceless ally.

She cast a shower of thunderbolts then quickly dashed between the legs of the closest Berserker, striking it from behind before leaping back, needing distance. She returned her focus to Saïx, who she could swear smiled slightly before slamming his claymore down, creating a shockwave of white-blue flame which Kairi barely dodged. She dived out of the way again as Saïx came rushing towards her, her speed barely surpassing his. An erupting circle of flame caught her off guard, hitting her with a searing pain which left her momentarily numb. She recovered just in time to parry a blow from one of the Berserkers; the weight behind its attack almost made her knees buckle, even with both hands gripping her Keyblade. Seeing Saïx closing in, she drew on her Light - weak as it felt here in this empty place - letting it burst from her body. Saïx defended with another volley of flame, but the brief pause following his spell gave Kairi the opportunity she needed to strike one of the Berserkers again. Despite Sweetheart lending its strength to her, it took several hits which left her arms aching to finally make it stumble and fall, dropping baubles of magic which Kairi grabbed eagerly while skidding between the legs of the remaining lesser Nobody, avoiding the slow arc of its blade with ease. She jumped to avoid another shockwave from Saïx, freezing the remaining Berserker with a well-timed blizzaga and shattering it with a triumphant downward strike. 

"Two down, one to go."

Saïx just smirked, lifting his claymore again. The battle seemed to be little more than a game to him. "Your tenacity is charming, but it won't save you." 

Kairi wiped the sweat away from her forehead and readied Sweetheart. "Who says I need saving?" Saïx responded with his blade, striking with a speed that belied the size of his weapon, giving Kairi little room to retaliate. She dodged and evaded as best she could, but he was too fast for her: a strike to her stomach sent her flying, Sweetheart clattering across the ground. Kairi groaned, rolling onto her hands and knees. Saïx was close. Knowing another direct hit would finish her, she took the risk of teleporting to escape, the afterimages speckling in her vision slowing her down only for a moment before she was able to grab her Keyblade again and parry another blow. She summoned pillars of Light to buy herself more time, but their strength was paltry compared to what she was capable of on Destiny Islands, and Saïx showed no sign of faltering, generating another shockwave which shattered several panels of flooring, the Darkness-tinted flames nearly catching Kairi again.

_Just focus on the next strike._

_And heal yourself!_

She dashed back, putting enough distance between her and her opponent to gulp down a potion, then fired a bolt of Light which Saïx dodged, and a blizzaga which he didn't. Too soon he was close again, coming down from above her with an attack that took all her strength to repel. She evaded another blow, but before she was able to escape from Saïx's range he hit her again with his claymore, knocking the wind out of her.

"Are you ready to surrender? It would be such a shame if Sora missed his chance to see you." 

"Keep his name out of your mouth!" Kairi struggled to her feet, healing herself again. For a moment Saïx just stared at her, his expression pitying. Then he shrugged, adjusting his grip on his weapon, giving Kairi the briefest moment to brace herself for the next assault. Dodge, evade, parry - she was on the defensive, only able to attack him from afar with magic which seemed to do little damage to his health, all while using every muscle to stay out of the range of that wicked blade.

"You don't seem to understand the predicament you're in."

Kairi summoned more ice, that at least enough to slow Saïx down, burned through another elixir, parried another powerful blow. Heartless were so much easier, lumbering beasts that, once their weak points and patterns of attack had been sussed out, could be defeated with patience and good timing. Fighting Heartless, especially with Riku to keep her health and mana topped up, was fun. Fighting Saïx was _brutal_.

_Remember Sora,_ she thought desperately, bracing herself to defend against another blow. _You're here for Sora. He needs you.   
_

Saïx paused, giving Kairi the briefest moment to catch her breath. But then his body began to lift from the ground, his sword behind him glowing with an eerie light.

"Moon, shine down!" 

The first pulse of Darkness was enough to push Kairi back, her Keyblade only able to cut through some of the power emanating from Saïx's body. He moved so fast it was all Kairi could do to block his strikes, the bursts of white flame scorching her as Saïx summoned claymore after claymore to attack her, the weapons splintering the ground and smashing into the wall, sending up showers of shattered tiling. Kairi ducked behind one claymore for defence, Saïx so close that for a moment she saw where his eyes had been only blazing, sightless yellow, his lips curled back into an animalistic snarl, a far cry from the calculating opponent she had been facing moments ago.

_Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit!_

She teleported again, sending out an arc of Light which hit Saïx head on and barely even made him stumble. She dashed out of the way of another strike, the shockwave following it slamming into her and knocking her off her feet. She couldn't just keep taking pot shots like this; she needed a strategy. She _needed_ to get out of Saïx's way. She scrambled out of range of another ring of bright white fire which crackled with Darkness and met another blow head on, their blades sparking on impact, Saïx growling as he bore down on her, the wicked tips of his blade milimetres from her face. For a moment time seemed to pause, blood rushing in Kairi's ears and her muscles screaming from the strain - but then she felt a sudden burst of energy and Saïx was stumbling, another black-coated figure rushing at him with an all-too-familiar Keyblade raised above his head.

"Kairi, get back!" 

Saïx hit the wall hard, his claymore clattering to the ground, the stranger's fist at his collar and blade at his throat. Whatever power had possessed him had faded: his voice returned to the same cold, cruel tone.

"Didn't Roxas take care of you?"

The newcomer pressed his Keyblade harder against Saïx's skin, all but growling, "Perhaps this time you'll finally learn not to underestimate me." 

"Hmph."

Kairi gulped down one of the few panaceas she had in her pocket, preparing herself for another bout of fighting, but Saïx simply glanced cooly at her before sinking into a portal, disappearing before her unexpected ally had a chance to strike. 

"Riku, wait!" 

The figure paused, long enough for Kairi to rush over and grab his hand. He was tall - too tall - with a broad, muscular frame that reminded Kairi of another form her childhood friend had taken, but the blood-red wing of his blade was unmistakeable, not to mention the distinctive smell of unwashed teenage boy. She reached up and pulled down his hood, revealing a man's face, copper skinned and sharply contoured. His golden eyes wouldn't meet hers, but she'd know that expression of guilty shame anywhere.

After all this time, it was really him. For a moment Kairi just stared at him, too flooded with emotion to speak. Then she announced with feeling:

"Riku, you _dumbass_."


	33. Chapter 33

Riku blinked at Kairi, stunned. He opened his mouth and closed it again twice before finally stuttering out: "Kairi, I-" 

Kairi wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed him tight, her cheek meeting stiff leather and unyielding muscle. She thought she would be angry seeing him again, but all she felt was a rush of relief that he was safe - in some sense, anyway - and hope that finally she could make up for her mistakes and bring him home. "Oh, Riku, you absolute idiot. When was the last time you showered?"

A dark flush of colour flooded Riku's cheeks. Despite the deep baritone of his voice, he sounded distinctly himself when he muttered, "I've been busy."

He flinched as Kairi reached up to touch his cheeks, but he didn't pull away either as she brushed stray hairs away from his face. He opened and closed his mouth again. Kairi remembered the other Riku stumbling over his words, not knowing how to be vulnerable, and rescued this Riku graciously by saying, "Thanks for saving me." When he didn't reply right away she flicked her hair off her shoulder and added casually, "Although I totally had it under control." 

Riku glanced at the debris from the battle around them, then back at Kairi. "I thought you were safe on Destiny Islands."

"You should know me well enough by now to know that I wasn't going to just sit around waiting while you boys had all the fun."

Riku made a face, but he couldn't disguise the smallest flicker of a smile that crept onto his lips. Kairi, smiling back, punched him in the chest, hard.

"And _that's_ for leaving me stuck there anyway."

"I couldn't-" Riku's voice came out with a slight wheeze, which Kairi perhaps took more pleasure from than she should have done- "I couldn't come back without Sora." 

Kairi remembered how incensed she'd been a lifetime ago to hear that Riku had returned without Sora, only for her fury to burn out when she saw him huddled up on the sofa, looking cowed and guilty and afraid, needing friendship more than ever. It hadn't been enough to make her forgive him for the things he'd done, but that first afternoon with Riku by her side after weeks of anxious, helpless waiting she had just been grateful to finally not be alone. 

She studied Riku, his expression one of familiar guilt and longing she always saw behind his eyes when Sora came up in conversation. She reached out to take his hand in hers again, feeling the warmth of his palm even through his leather glove. "Then we'll find Sora. And all go home together."

But Riku shook his head.

"Not like this."

"What's with this look, anyway?" 

Riku looked down at himself, grimacing. "I had to take it to win a fight."

"But it's not permanent though? You returned to your normal form at Hollow Bastion after-"

"Let's just get going," Riku interrupted dismissively, pulling away. "Naminé's with Pluto up ahead." The pretense of impatience, poorly disguising his true feelings, was a trick Kairi had almost forgotten how much she hated. She felt the old resentment crawling into her throat again. _Stop acting like you're not hurting and just trust me!_ But this wasn't her Riku, this was the real one, the one who had never learned to emerge from behind his mask of detached self-sufficiency. She let him set off at a strident pace, half tempted to leave him to it; but even she had to admit that if Saïx found her again she wouldn't be able to defeat him alone. So instead she jogged to catch up with the uncomfortable party, Pluto the only one of them who seemed happy to see everyone, racing between their legs and dropping the tennis ball at each person's feet in turn, hoping to find someone in the mood to play. Eventually even Riku capitulated, tossing the ball down the corridor and watching Pluto hurtle after it, claws clacking on the tiling as he ran. 

Unable to bear the silence, Kairi finally gestured to the dog and asked, "What's his deal?" She couldn't help smirking when Naminé glanced at Riku first before realising she was referring to Pluto. 

"He's King Mickey's messenger dog. We needed to infiltrate the Organisation, so..."

"The King? He knew where you were this whole time? But we never heard anything from Disney Town."

Riku, who was a little way ahead, glanced back briefly. "Who's 'we'?" 

Before Kairi could say anything she felt Naminé's clammy palm on her arm, that awful static buzz of contact soon following, her head suddenly filled with images of white corridors and florescent strip lights and- Naminé pulled away, quickly, mouthing, "He doesn't know."

Swallowing down her surprise, Kairi lied blandly, "Uh. Cid set up a communication relay with Disney Town or something. Everyone at Hollow Bastion knew I was looking for you and Sora." She added sourly, "Since you didn't even bother leaving me a message."

Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but Kairi imagined there was something apologetic in Riku's tone when he said, "Destiny Islands was inaccessible." She let the lie slide, not knowing how to explain why she knew that there had always been ways through the Corridors of Darkness for anyone determined enough to get home. She looked at Naminé, who had a guilty expression on her face. Why hadn't she said anything about the other Riku? 

Why hadn't any of them ever _said_ anything? Why had she always spitefully waited for Riku to be the one to reach out, even before they were thrown into a world of Darkness and Keyblades and the ever-present threat of oblivion? Why was she still letting Riku hide behind his flimsy lies, when she probably knew better than anyone the true nature of his heart? 

Finally, as they crossed an arched walkway back towards the belly of the Castle, she marched ahead to walk alongside Riku, squared herself for confrontation and said, "Hey. Riku. We need to talk."

Riku didn't even spare her a glance. "There's nothing to say." Kairi bit back the urge to groan. Taking the moral high ground was so _hard_ when the other party was determined to be an ass at every turn. She closed her eyes and imagined the other Riku, _her_ Riku, the one who had dug through fabricated insecurities to uncover the precious friendship a version of him had always shared with Kairi. Opening her eyes again she saw the original Riku, hiding so deep in the Darkness he had even disguised his own face.

 _This isn't who you are,_ she thought. _Even if you don't believe it yourself._

So she tried again, forcing softness into her voice: "Riku, we've been friends as long as I can remember-"

"We've never been friends." Riku's tone was cold, decisive. Kairi caught movement in her peripheral vision, Naminé shaking her head at her, wide-eyed with concern. She wondered if Naminé had ever tried to reason with Riku, or if his snappish temper had frightened her off. Perhaps there was a part of her that enjoyed watching him resign himself to the Darkness, to isolation, to all the worst fears he had ever had about himself. 

There was a part of Kairi that wanted to smack the both of them.

She took a deep breath. She remembered thinking he only tolerated her, that the only thing they shared was Sora, that without Sora there wasn't enough of their friendship to salvage. She remembered finally realising how similar she and Riku were and, when it came down to it, how much they needed each other's friendship. She remembered the relief that came with honesty. How much she and Riku had both needed the catharsis. How much this Riku still needed it.

"You were always afraid that we'd leave you behind. That we were only friends with you because we pitied you. That if Sora ever realised you loved him, he wouldn't want to be friends any more. And if you'd ever actually admitted to any of those things you would have found out that they weren't true, they weren't ever true, and I know because-"

 _"Stop it."_ There was a flash of anger in Riku's eyes, disguising the pain just underneath. "Just. Don't."

"-Because I felt the same way! I was always jealous of how close you and Riku were. I always felt like an outsider, like I wasn't good enough, like eventually we'd grow up and I'd lose both of you."

"You don't understand." Riku's voice was a threatening growl, so familiar the way he hid behind his intimidating stature. The difference this time was that Kairi wasn't scared of him.

"I don't-? You think you're the only person in the world with feelings, don't you?" Kairi matched Riku's scowl, prodding his chest accusingly. "How long did you and Naminé live together? How long have you known _me?"_ She knew her voice was rising, but she couldn't help herself. "How long have you been friends with _Sora_ , for Darkness' sake, and it never occured to you that any of us might be hurting too, because you're so determined to stew in your own personal misery! Because you never think about anyone other than _yourself!"_ She gestured wildly at Riku. "You think this is selfless? You think it's selfless to abandon us? What about your Mom? What about Hikari? We had to watch her lose all her memories of Sora, and none of us knew what was happening, and- you could have come home at any time. I know you could. But you didn't, because you never thought about how we might feel, about how much it would hurt to lose you, because-" She stopped abruptly, realising how fast her heart was racing. Riku was staring at the floor, his eyes hidden behind long, dark lashes, but she could see the tension in his face, the familiar set of his jaw that always betrayed him. "Because you're afraid. Just admit it. _Please_." 

In the silence the uncanny mechanical clicks and whirs of the world around them were deafening. Even Pluto was still, his ball forgotten. Naminé was watching them both from a distance, a pained expression on her face. Kairi watched Riku breathe out and in again, swallowing back his emotions.

At last he whispered, "It's too late."

"Of course it's not. You can still come home, everyone misses-"

"This isn't about our feelings, Kairi," Riku interrupted. He sounded tired, which was worse than sounding angry. "We're not kids messing around on an island any more. I don't _deserve_ to go home. Not after everything I've done. I've made my choice, so just. Just let me live with it." 

He turned away and started walking again, Naminé offering Kairi only a shrug and a sympathetic look before she followed suit. Kairi bit back a scream. She wanted to yell: _and we deserve to lose you?_ She wanted to make him understand that he had always been loved, that facing his fears mattered more than whatever stupid ideas of self-sacrifice he was hiding behind. But of course it wouldn't be so easy as just opening her own heart to him. With Riku, it never was.

* * *

Travelling through the Castle turned out to be only marginally less dull than waiting in the cell. The corridors soon blurred together, with only occasional breaks in the monotonous grey - a walkway overlooking a precipitous fall; an elevator which seemed to move directionlessly, giving Kairi vertigo if she looked anywhere other than the softly blinking platform; once, a deserted kitchen smelling of curry spices where Kairi pilfered a tupperware of surprisingly tasty potato salad and some chocolate bars for the road. Pluto seemed to be leading the way, although he would stop every few minutes to sniff around as if there was anything interesting in the lifeless corridors besides the tennis ball Kairi threw for him every so often. She wished the other Riku was with her, cracking jokes about the comical juxtaposition between the grey, unfinished walls around them and Pluto, a bright splash of cheerful lolloping yellow who couldn't have looked more out of place, despite easily being the most comfortable member of the group. 

All the while, Naminé followed them obediently, gaze focused on her feet, saying nothing. Kairi felt the pull of her in her chest whenever they got too close, like a half-remembered heartache. Naminé's form was wavering like a reflection in rippling water, so pale as to be ethereal, a ghostly afterimage. 

"Riku, you go on ahead. We'll catch you up." 

"Are you sure it's safe for you to-?" But Riku was stopped by Naminé's expression, the first time Kairi had seen anything like determination on the girl's pale face. He shrugged, whistled for Pluto to follow him, and disappeared round another corner, leaving Kairi alone with her other half. 

Kairi glanced in the direction where Riku had disappeared, then whispered under her breath, "You didn't tell him about the other Riku?"

"I didn't think it was worth it." Naminé looked guilty. "He said he'd bring you back."

"He can't use the Corridors of Darkness any more." Kairi corrected herself: "Well. Fin won't let him. His body's kind of a state."

"Oh, yes, he did mention."

Kairi felt a bubble of anger rise inside her, remembering the way her Riku had looked when he told her he wanted to be erased, but she bit back the accusation that came to her lips. Naminé hadn't agreed to his request out of hate or callousness - in the end it was empathy. It was no surprise she'd wanted to give Riku what he asked for. How many of her own memories did she wish she could erase? So Kairi just said blandly, "He's doing okay for now at least. They're coddling him back at home. I think he hates it."

"It's incredible that he survived," said Naminé. "Especially considering he wasn't Vexen's most stable prototype."

"Axel said there might be records." Kairi felt a sudden sensation of having forgotten something, but when she tried to pin down the thought it slipped away, flightly and ephemeral. "There were other prototypes," she said finally, frowning in concentration. "Another replica."

Shame crossed Naminé's features again. "Yes," she admitted reluctantly. "But he's the only one left. There's a library in the north wing. You can get to it from Crooked Ascension." They watched each other for a moment, Kairi taking in Naminé's tired, sunken eyes and chapped lips and pale, so pale skin and guilty, longing expression. 

Finally Kairi said, "You should come home with us."

Naminé looked at her sadly. "You don't understand," she murmured. "You can feel it, can't you? I'm not supposed to exist. My heart is only part of yours."

"But-"

"I'm tired," Naminé interrupted weakly. Then, with more conviction: "I can't keep going, Kairi. I can't live with what I've done, I just want to..." She moved as if to reach for Kairi's hand, hesitating at the last moment. "It's probably best if I return to you now. Pluto can find Sora for you, and… well… we might not get another chance."

Kairi swallowed thickly. How many times had she imagined reuniting with her missing half? She had expected a long, heartfelt conversation - about Sora, about Riku and his replica, about all the things for which Naminé was responsible. She had expected closure. Instead she saw only someone who had fought for too long, someone too weak to keep moving forward. 

Gingerly, she reached out and took Naminé's hand in hers, the energy surging through her as their skin connected, Naminé's palm feeling like her own. When she hiccuped Kairi almost felt the sob bubble up in her own throat. Almost before she realised she was moving, she pulled Naminé into a tight embrace, her other half collapsing into her with a whimper that made Kairi's chest ache. The air became hazy with light, Naminé's form wavering eerily.

"This is just temporary," she promised, stroking Naminé's hair and feeling a ghostly sensation of having the same done to her prickle across her crown. She could feel her own arms around her, the warmth and coldness of her hands on her skin, tears on her cheeks and dripping onto her shoulder. "Don't think I'm not gonna find a way to get you out again."

"You're just like him," she heard herself whisper. "You never know when to quit."

She replied to herself, to the shimmers of light and emptiness in the stale air, "Isn't that what makes him special?" But if Naminé heard, she had nothing to say: Kairi's vision blurred, then cleared, and then she was standing disoriented in the same lifeless corridor, the only proof of Naminé's existence the ghost of an echo behind each beat of her heart. She pulled Naminé's charm out of her belt bag, the flaky paint glittering under the moon's pallid glow. Resting one hand on her chest, she made a promise: "Rest for now, Naminé. But don't think I'm going to let you off this easy. I'm gonna bring you home. Just like Sora and Riku."


	34. Chapter 34

Without Naminé, progress was quicker - at least it seemed that way, although nothing except the details of the corridors' walls changed as they made their way deeper into the Castle. When Kairi had caught up to Riku he hadn't even bothered to stop walking; seeing Kairi alone he just nodded as if in approval and gestured for her to follow. They had fallen into step silently, Kairi not knowing what to say and Riku probably quite content for her not to say anything at all.

"So. You were living in Twilight Town, huh?"

Even knowing it was her childhood friend, Ansem's cold expressionless face made Kairi shudder every time Riku glanced back at her.

"Naminé told you that?"

Mostly Riku chose to take detours to avoid the gaggles of Dusks blocking their way, but occasionally his patience seemed to wear thin and he would push through them instead, dispatching them with practiced swings of his blade, giving Kairi little opportunity to assist. It was strange to see him attack the Nobodies head on, she had become so used to the other Riku's evasive, magic-focused combat style.

"Yeah. I haven't been though. What's it like?"

The fact that he barely gave her a chance to fight irked her, reminding her of the way he had coddled her protectively on the islands long after she had learned to hold her own.

"…It's fine."

The Castle was as empty and lifeless as the silence hanging between them, punctuated only by Kairi's halfhearted attempts at conversation.

"Cool."

She could feel the soft pulse of Naminé's heartbeat in her chest. If she focused she could recall a few hazy memories: of ill-lit corridors and solemn pines and crisp sheets of paper. In their year together had Riku and Naminé really never talked? Weren't there things Riku was dying to know, secrets that Naminé with her unique hold on Sora's heart might have shared in return for just a little vulnerability?

"Riku..."

"What is it?"

_She_ wanted to ask about Sora. Sora, whom both of them had spent a year struggling without, Sora who was somewhere in this uncanny castle, possibly unaware that his closest friends were searching for him, all the while avoiding eye contact and any conversation topic that might require any kind of emotional honestly.

"What's going on with Axel? Did he really switch sides?"

Riku considered this. "I don't think he was on anyone's side but his own," he said finally. He stopped by an access panel and began to prod it impatiently. "In Castle Oblivion, he- how much do you know about Castle Oblivion?"

"Naminé filled me in," Kairi lied casually, thinking about the Castle's dusty, rubble-strewn hallways and fire-gutted rooms, how on edge the other Riku had been. Those replica capsules. Axel's foxlike face sneering in the gloom.

"Perhaps he was loyal to some faction of the Organisation," Riku mused. "He caused us a lot of trouble with Sora. Maybe his greviances were personal, but I don't know. He could just have been following orders."

"You're talking about him in past tense."

Riku said, without any feeling at all, "He's been eliminated. I checked Proof of Existence while Naminé was fetching you." There was a click as he activated the access panel, a door opening up from the jumbled polygons flanking the wall. "This shortcut should bring us to Sora's location." His hand hovered over the panel for a moment; then he stepped through, a line of floor lights illuminating the narrow service corridor, the exposed pipework throwing dramatic shadows across the walls. 

"He'll be happy to see you," Kairi offered. 

"He won't see me," Riku snapped. "If you had had the sense to keep out of Saïx's way, I wouldn't have had to..." He glanced at her briefly, Kairi catching a flash of something vulnerable in his eyes before he steeled himself. A kind of worry that came from being the eldest, the kid in the group responsible for the others, even if they never realised it. But just as quickly he was picking up his pace again, Kairi having to jog to keep up. 

"Don't you want to see him?" 

"It's not about what I want." 

"What about what Sora wants?"

There was a familiar resentment in Riku's voice when he muttered, "Not me."

"He loves you, Riku," Kairi found herself saying for the second time, remembering the way her Riku had flushed and stuttered, hating the way this Riku only tensed wordlessly. She imagined his true face, pale and puffy-eyed, his jaw set in an attempt to keep from crying. She remembered the other Riku breaking down, and wished Riku would too. "Even if it's not in the way you hoped for. You mean the world to him."

"He pitied me."

"He _adores_ you." Kairi took Riku's hand in hers. If she closed her eyes she could see him in her mind's eye, his badly proportioned teenage body somehow muscular and lanky at once, his skin tanned and hair bleached from the Islands' sun, arms speckled with nicks and bruises from playing in the forest and building on the beach and fighting with other kids. "He was friends with practically everyone, Riku, and he always chose to hang out with _you_. He admired you so much. He thought you were the coolest person on South Island. Probably the whole of Destiny Islands! He'd be heartbroken if after all this he didn't get to see you." 

Riku didn't say anything, but he didn't pull away either. She added, "Even if it's in this absolute state you've got yourself into." At that Riku huffed, the closest sound to a laugh that Kairi had heard from him. "Just… give yourself a chance, okay? You're not a lost cause." She opened her eyes, seeing his cloaked form again, his gold eyes filled with guilt and shame. 

"I don't deserve to go home," he whispered, weakly. "Not after everything I've done. Not after-" his voice caught, and then he was looking anywhere but Kairi, trying to hide the telltale glitter of tears on his lashes. "Kairi, I… I can't…"

Kairi rocked onto her tiptoes and pulled Riku into a tight hug, feeling his heart race against her cheek, his chest rising and falling shakily. His resistance was flagging: finally Kairi felt him relax a little, and then he was wrapping his arms around her shoulders, reciprocating the embrace the way he always did - awkwardly. She gave him one last squeeze then relinquished her hold. That small gesture of vulnerability was enough. Sora would do the rest.

"Come on, let's go get Sora. Together."

* * *

They heard Sora before they saw him. They broke out onto a balcony overlooking a large arena, lit through vaulting windows by the yellow glow of Kingdom Hearts. From below them rose the sounds of fighting, an unmistakeable voice calling out for help over the boom and crackle of melee and magic. Before she realised it Kairi's legs were bursting into motion, running to the railing to see Sora battling a tide of Nobodies and Heartless, his companions doing their best to assist. Relief and excitement flooded through her at the sight of him: a blur of colour against the grey tiling, wielding the Keyblade with weightless mastery, despite the enemies surrounding them laughing as carelessly as if he were just sparring on the beach.

"Sora!" 

Sora turned at the sound of her voice, forgetting the melee, looking around in confusion until he finally caught sight of her on the balcony. 

_"Kairi!"_

Even from a distance, Kairi could see his mouth break open into a grin, a grin she had missed so _much_ , a grin she couldn't help but match. Riku was hanging back reluctantly, but Kairi grabbed his hand again, hauling him from the gloom of service tunnel as she summoned her Keyblade, the tang of ice cream and citrus bringing a welcome splash of life to the stale air. 

"Come on, Riku. You know Sora's completely hopeless without us." 

That made Riku snort, Kairi laughing in return. For a moment the threat of the Organisation, the tragedy of Naminé, the whole disaster that was Riku, seemed to disappear; she clambered onto the railing, drawing on her Light again as she dived into the fray, slamming into the ground in a shockwave that obliterated several of the closer Shadows and sent the larger Nobodies near her stumbling. Riku was close behind her, his Keyblade slicing through enemies like butter. She could practically feel Sora's eyes on her as she cut through a Dusk, its body bursting on impact, then before losing momentum managed to dispatch several more Heartless in a sweeping arc of her blade. 

"Looked like you could use a hand," she managed to call in Sora's direction, mentally kicking herself as soon as she'd spoken. She hadn't seen Sora for a year, and that was her first line? But it was hard to focus when he was so close, his eyes meeting hers across the battlefield, his beautiful infectious smile making her heart flush with warmth.

"Since when did you have a Keyblade? And what's he doing here? What are _you_ doing here-?"

"Sora, _focus!"_

"Oh, right." Sora flashed Kairi an apologetic grin and was off again, teaming up with Donald and Goofy like they'd fought a thousand battles together. With five of them fighting - six including Pluto, who was chasing a lone Shadow around like the whole thing was a game - it only took them a few minutes to clear the arena, leaving behind a treasure trove of trinkets and munny by the time they were done. 

Donald was the first to speak, dismissing his staff with a flourish. "Kairi, you were great!"

"Thanks," said Kairi, distractedly. Sora was a little way away, breathing hard. His face had thinned out a little, his body lankier and his hair longer, sticking out in spiky tufts that suggested he'd been neglecting to brush it. But his eyes were just the same as Kairi remembered, that beautiful summer ocean blue so deep she could drown. "I've been… practicing…"

Time seemed to slow as Sora caught her gaze. Then he was running to her, throwing his arms around her and lifting her off her feet, and she was returning the embrace, Sora's laugher resonating with hers.

"Kairi! It's so good to see you!"

"Hey, Sora." 

Sora's voice was deeper than Kairi remembered, but the excited rush of it was as familiar as sunlight. "Where did you learn to fight like that? You were awesome! Saïx said you were here, I thought maybe something had happened to you- I love your Keyblade, where did you get that Keychain? I have so many stories to tell you, we've been to so many worlds- is everything okay on Destiny Islands? Is Mom okay? Did you dye your hair, it looks kind of different… Are you crying?"

Kairi squeezed Sora's chest tighter, laying her head on his shoulder, breathing in the smell of him. Warmth and sweat and nostalgia and _real_.

"You're really here…"

For a minute, Sora was quiet. Then he murmured, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be gone so long. I was looking for Riku, and…" 

Oh, right. Riku.

Kairi pulled away reluctantly, her fingers brushing Sora's hand for just a moment. Riku was at the edge of the arena, his back to the party, picking up the last few coins left by the Heartless. 

"Hey, Riku. Get your butt over here."

Sora looked at Kairi. He looked at the black-coated figure, who had frozen mid-stoop and looked about ready to make a run for it. 

"...Riku?"

Kairi groaned, marching over to Riku and pulling on his arm. 

"Come on."

"No, I…"

She caught a flash of panic in his eyes and wanted to laugh again at the incongruity of it, of _her_ being the one having to haul him back to Sora, when for as long as she'd known them they'd been all but inseparable. But perhaps it made sense. Sora was the only person Riku couldn't say no to. The only one who could break down his walls and bring him home.

She took Sora's hand and placed it gently over Riku's, Riku flinching at the contact. Kairi holding firm, not letting him pull away.

"Sora, close your eyes. You'll understand." 

For a moment Sora was still, his dark lashes casting shadows on his cheeks and his eyebrows pulled into a frown of concentration. Then he was staring at Riku, tears in his eyes and his knees buckling under him, squeezing Riku's hand like he was trying to break it. 

"Riku. It's really you… you're really _here_." A sob bubbled out of his mouth. "Where _were_ you?"

Riku whispered, sounding just as choked as Sora: "Come on, Sora, pull yourself together-"

"Why didn't you tell me you were okay?" The tone of Sora's voice was rising, relief and anger mixed into one. Kairi realised she'd never heard Sora sound like this before. Accusing. Scared. "I would have been so happy to see you! I looked _everywhere_ for you!"

"I didn't- I didn't want you to find me. Not like this."

"Why did you think I would _care?"_

"I..."

Sora pulled himself to his feet, but it was only to reach up and wrap his arms around Riku's shoulders, Riku stiffening at the contact. Even with his stranger's face, Kairi recognised that expression of pure, unadulterated panic, his cheeks dark with embarrassment. She patted his arm gently, but she couldn't quite help shooting him a smug look, mouthing, "I told you so."

"I missed you," Sora was whispering, squeezing Riku so tight it was a wonder either of them could still breathe. "I _missed_ you." And then Riku was resting his head against Sora's, hugging him back hesitantly at first, then fiercely, Sora crying, then Riku too.

"It was him who was helpin' us, wasn't it?" Kairi started at the sound of Goofy's voice. He was conferring with Donald in what he probably thought was a whisper, the hand covering his mouth doing little to hide his words. 

"Huh?"

"All those clues we kept finding. That musta been Riku."

"I was starting to think you guys wouldn't ever catch on," Riku interrupted, recovering a little of his bravado as he put Sora back down. "Then again, Sora never did pick the brightest friends."

"Riku, _you're_ my friend!"

"No, no, he's got a point," said Kairi, making Sora laugh. Even Riku smiled a little. Then Sora was grabbing both their hands, startling them. His eyes radiant, like little pieces of the Destiny Islands sky.

"I'm so happy to see you guys again. I can't believe how much you've grown! Especially _you_." He stared at Riku accusingly, pressing his lips together in that adorable pout. "I'm never gonna catch up to you now."

"You were never going to anyway," whispered Riku, earning a "Hey!" from Sora and laughter from everyone else. Kairi let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. 

"You're coming with us now, right? We've still got the rest of the Organisation to take down. Between the five of us they don't stand a chance!"

Kairi had almost forgotten how animated Sora was, his enthusiasm infectious as he struck a pose, feet stomping on the floor and fists held out, a broad grin on his face. That was how their adventures always started: with Sora's limitless, unwavering optimism, whether that was in beating the other kids at a game or exploring the limits of their homeworld or fighting a shadowy organisation whose existence threatened a universe they had still explored so little of. Riku didn't stand a chance: Kairi could see him trying to resist, but it was impossible. He would have followed Sora to the end of the world and they knew it.


	35. Chapter 35

  
The minutes stretched out into hours as the sun arced overhead, then began its long, slow journey into twilight. Riku stared unseeingly at his homework, then at the endless ocean stretching out to the horizon. Once or twice he felt a shift in the Darkness, but it was only minor Heartless scuttling about in the undergrowth, which Riku picked off with ease. It was a break against the torturous waiting, however brief, but his thoughts kept returning to Kairi walking into the lion's den of the Organisation, with nothing to protect her except her fierce determination and her Keyblade.

What was he thinking? He should have gone with her! Who was he to insist on protecting his own life at the cost of hers? A little more damage to his body was nothing to pay in return for helping to protect her. It was cowardice to hide away on this sunny island while she risked her life. If the Organisation destroyed him it would be a fitting end; after all, if they were victorious Sora and Kairi would bring home the real Riku, and then Kairi wouldn't need him any more, and he would-

 _Stop it. She's your friend._ Riku smacked his cheeks to break himself out of his spiralling thoughts. He wished he'd given Axel a deadline, a threat that if he didn't deliver Kairi home safely then he would- he would what? Axel had left no collateral, no way to trace him if Riku decided to go off in search of answers or revenge. He had nothing to lose and everything to gain, and Riku had let Kairi walk off with him into the Darkness alone.

Finally admitting to himself that he'd abandoned his homework hours ago, Riku packed his exercise books into his bag and headed back to his boat. The sea was calm, barely a ripple on its surface as Riku cut through the water. As he steered to the jetty, he thought of Kairi (when _wasn't_ he thinking of Kairi, honestly?) always leaping out first to pull the boat up to the mooring posts, her cheerful voice washing over him as she held out her hand to him, him pretending he didn't need her help and her lending him her balance anyway. He imagined her stuck here on her own during the weeks he'd spent in Twilight Town, waiting for him or Sora or the other Riku to show up, wondering if she'd ever see them again. Had she spent long evenings on the Play Island as well, watching the ocean sparkle and darken as the sun sank towards it, oscillating between guilt and worry and working through a hundred different distractions, none of which could keep her from imagining the worst? 

His stomach gurgled as he headed up past the tide line and traced the familiar route home. He wished he'd thought to pack Kairi some snacks for her journey. He wished he had joined her. He wished he had been strong enough to join her. Strong enough to protect her.

 _She'll come home,_ he told himself fiercely for the dozenth time. _She's strong and stubborn as hell, and besides, Sora would never let anything bad happen to her._

Fin and Hikari were in the living room when he got home, listening to music on the radio. 

"There's leftovers on the side," said Hikari as Riku pulled off his shoes, leaning round the doorway. "Is Kairi with you?"

"No," said Riku, truthfully. Then, omitting a few careful details: "She got out. She's going to go find Sora."

"You didn't want to go with her?"

Riku settled for saying, "I wasn't sure if it would be safe for me to travel," and headed restlessly through to the kitchen. Why did he hesitate to tell them the truth? Because in spite of the fact that Kairi had surpassed his strength a long time ago, he still felt responsible for her. Half a desire to protect inherited from his original and half a loyalty to the girl who had seen his true self, fabricated and vulnerable, and called him a friend anyway. And what if Axel had been lying - how could he forgive himself? How could he face the people who cared about her? 

He stared unseeingly at the bowl of salad in his hands. Axel had said the Organisation wanted Keyblades. There was no reason they would prefer Kairi dead to alive. But he also remembered another throwaway comment Axel had made months ago - that the Organisation coveted the Keyblade of Heart more than anything. Riku didn't think they'd be foolish enough not to recognise the shape of Kairi's blade under its ice cream decorations. Could they take it from her? Riku had weilded the blade once before, hadn't he? 

"Something on your mind?"

It was Hikari in the doorway, backlit by the hall light. She led Riku out to the back porch where the pinpricks of stars were beginning to shine through the darkening sky overhead. For a few minutes they just watched the sky, the arc of the galaxy slowly coming into view as the last embers of daylight faded. Then, falteringly, Riku explained: "One of the traitors from Castle Oblivion got through. He offered to take Kairi to Sora. To help fight the Organisation. And I let her go with him." He prodded at the strips lettuce in his bowl, realising he was afraid Hikari would think his choice to stay behind was cowardice. "I thought I'd just slow her down, but…"

Hikari rubbed his back gently. "I understand," she murmured. "When you care about someone, you want to do everything you can to protect them. Sometimes the hardest thing is knowing that waiting is all you can do." 

Riku leaned on her shoulder, breathing in the scent of her clothes, listening to the familiar sounds of crackling grills, quiet conversations and strumming guitars from the houses around them. He imagined his other self, stuck in Twilight Town with nothing to do for Sora except wait, without even the sounds and smells of home to comfort him. 

"But," said Hikari, kissing the parting of his hair, "It's easier when you're not alone."

* * *

The sun was descending towards the horizon when Riku felt a shift in the Darkness beneath his feet. He was at the grocery store picking out vegetables - the latest in a long list of errands Fin and Hikari had given him to distract him from worrying about Kairi, with little success - when there was a sudden ripple in the balance of Light and Darkness, like something punching through the barrier around Riku's tiny world. He extended his senses as far as he could, past the hubbub of the high street and into the wild threads of the island beyond, but the disturbance soon passed, the Darkness returning to its peaceful slumber.

"Excuse me, young man, I need to get to the onions."  
  
"Oh, right. Sorry." 

Riku glanced at his crumpled shopping list - he still had several more items left to pick up, and the ferry to South Island wouldn't leave for another half hour anyway. Still, he couldn't help rushing to grab the rest of his groceries and tapping his foot impatiently while he waited in line to check out. If Kairi was home that meant she had brought back Sora - and maybe the other Riku, too. It meant they might be seeing their home again for the first time in so long, perhaps squinting at the bright afternoon sunlight and the brutal heat surprising them the way it had surprised Riku. Would they feel the same swell of affection and gratitude at being home, even for a place they had wanted to escape? Would the three of them laugh as they raced across the beach, making a beeline for the spare boat and shoving it impatiently into the water, their lifetime of friendship returning to them easily? Or would the time they had spent apart be an awkward wedge between them, each of them too different after everything they had been through? Would Kairi on the short trip across to South Island explain his existence, and if so what would Sora and Riku say? 

Breaking back out into the street, Riku wondered if he should wait until the reunions were over before heading home, worrying that he'd just be in the way. But he imagined Kairi chiding him for his insecurities and headed down to the ferry anyway, stopping on the way to pick up a piece of fresh mahi mahi from the fish market with the last of his change. It was surreal remembering the last time he had seen Kairi's friends, at the other end of a blade in Castle Oblivion's empty marble halls. He had been unrecognisable, driven only by confused, directionless anger; what would they think of him now wearing layers of pastel found and fixed from thrift stores, running errands for his Mom and forgetting to clear away his homework from the living room floor, the very picture of the domesticity that they had abandoned? Riku flushed when he realised that he hoped Sora would be impressed, but thankfully nobody in the queue for the ferry was paying him any attention. Impressed by what, anyway - the fact that he'd worked out how to properly wash his hair? 

The ferry manoeuvred slowly to shore, its weather-worn chains clanking under the strain. Riku followed the crowd of passengers onto the ferry, nodding politely at the ferryman as he paid his fare. Then they were crossing the narrow strait, Riku leaning against the railing, letting the wind play with his hair. He looked around at the other passengers, most of them people he recognised, people who had watched another version of himself grow up here, none of them any the wiser that beyond the margins of this tiny world a cosmic battle between the forces of Light and Darkness had just been fought. Maybe that was a better way to live, considering that none of them had the power to actually do anything about it. 

As the sun broke out from behind a thin veil of cloud Riku felt that same shift again, the power of the Light around him swelling suddenly. Surely Kairi couldn't have left again so soon - not without seeing him first. Riku stared restlessly at the glittering water for the rest of the ferry ride, which seemed to take an age, resisting the urge to push through the homegoing crowd once the ferry finally creaked into the South Island terminal. Then he was hurrying past the shoreline fisheries, crowded by men bringing the day's catch ashore, the slick squelch of fish being disgorged from ships' holds and the groan of cranes, flocks of opportunistic seagulls circling close by overhead. Then on to the quieter residential district, breathlessly counting the turnings to his street. 

The first thing he saw was Pluto chasing another dog around, weaving in between the palm trees with their tails wagging madly. Then he heard Sora's unmistakeable, excitable laughter coming from his house, the front door flung wide open and wet footsteps trailing up to the porch. Six houses down on the other side of the road he could make out a line of comically large shoes resting on the fence posts. For a moment Riku was frozen, not knowing what to do. Where would he fit into these tearful, heartfelt reunions? Should he wait for Kairi to fetch him - wait where, exactly?

Eventually, practicality won out: he had a bag of frozen peas in his rucksack, and if he didn't get it into the freezer soon it would be a bag of defrosted peas. He hurried past Sora's house, past Pluto fighting with the resident dog for a stick, past the chainlink fence and up the path, hesitating at the open door, the low murmur of his own voice from the conversation emanating from inside like a strange dream. He wasted a few moments taking off his shoes, and just as he was bracing himself to step past the mosquito screen he heard that familiar and unfamiliar at once voice behind him, a confused, "...Riku?"

Riku turned back to see Sora at the garden gate, looking at him in surprise, his damp hair beginning to fluff up again as it dried, that beautiful open face and those arresting sky blue eyes and Riku realised that his cheeks were heating up and all he managed to burp out was a rather astonished, _"Oh."_

Sora cocked his head, his eyebrows drawing together into a frown of confusion which only deepened when another voice from behind Riku said incredulously, _"Riku?"_

The original Riku was in the hallway, his hair doing little to hide the expression of shock and horror on his face. Riku opened his mouth to speak and quickly closed it again. It was bizarre to see his own image reflected just a few feet away. Had he really grown so much in just a year? Did he really look that much older? But it was the difference between them that was so startling: the other Riku looked washed out in his crumpled, ill-fitting clothes; his skin was sallow, his lips chapped and dark circles ringing his eyes beneath his overgrown fringe. Riku felt a swell of pity for his other self, at how burnt out he looked, like someone who had sacrificed everything without ever expecting to actually get home.

"Oh yeah," Kairi's voice broke the stunned silence, "I also adopted your replica."

Sora raced up the steps, inspecting Riku in amazement. "You never told me you had a _replica_ , Riku. It's nice to meet you, other Riku!" 

"Um. Hi." Riku was horribly aware of how transparently he blushed as Sora shook his hand, his palm warm and his smile even warmer, almost too dazzling to take in all at once. Sora looked from one Riku to the other, grinning, oblivious of - or choosing to ignore - the awkward tension in the air. "Wow, you guys look really different. You've got a lot of sunshine to catch up on, Riku."

The other Riku stared at Riku, then at Kairi, who admittedly looked a little sheepish. "How long has _he_ been here?"

"Since the beginning," said Kairi, pushing past one Riku to reach the porch and give the other a hug. "Hey, Riku. Come on in, there's tons to catch you up on-"

"And you just weren't planning to tell me about him?" the other Riku interrupted as Kairi took Riku's bags from him, gesturing for the boys to follow her.

"You don't get to be upset I didn't tell you everything," she said, feigning casualness, but Riku didn't miss the bite in her voice, that snappishness reminding him of the early months of their friendship, before he had earned - and lost and earned again - her trust. The other Riku looked like he was about to say something, but before he could a third voice called his name, Hikari materialising in the doorway and enveloping him, protesting, in a tight hug. 

"Riku! Oh, it's so good to see you!" She relinquished her grip on the other Riku, only to hold his cheeks in her hands, giving him a long, hard look. Riku recognised that uncomfortable flush on his original's cheeks at the attention. "Oh, _Riku_. You look like you're in sore need of a hot bath and a warm meal. Fin's on her way home. I see you've met our other Riku."

"Yeah," said the original Riku, sourly. "Kairi didn't mention that you'd replaced me."

"Oh, Riku, don't be so dramatic," said Hikari, at the same time that Kairi said something much less charitable. Then Sora was piping up, "So you've been living here this whole time? I'm glad someone was taking care of Kairi," and Riku felt a twinge of envy at the way Sora said Kairi's name, and maybe the other Riku felt it too, because he frowned, breaking free of the group to recede into the kitchen, Sora running after him. 

Riku glanced at Kairi, who had a strange expression on her face.

"Maybe you should have warned him."

Kairi shrugged. "Maybe," she conceded, an edge to her voice. "The look on his face, though."

Deciding not to press that issue any further - and figuring that his original was probably still within earshot - Riku instead just said, "Glad you're home safe."

"Yeah. We kicked ass. I'll tell you all about it when Fin gets back." Kairi glanced behind her briefly; then, dropping her voice, she said, "Naminé returned to me. I didn't want her to, but we needed to fight, and… I promised her it wouldn't be forever."

"And what's your plan for getting her out again?"

Kairi just shrugged. "Same as I got these two idiots home. If I believe hard enough I'm pretty sure I can do anything." She looked down at her chest, her voice sounding thoughtful and faraway when she said, "Isn't that right, Naminé?" But she quickly brightened up, grabbing Riku's hand. "Come on. You still need to meet King Mickey. And Donald and Goofy again." 

"Should probably put the groceries away first." 

Kairi laughed. "You're so practical."

Riku let himself be led into the kitchen, where the other Riku was slumped in his chair, head in his hands, Sora leaning over and patting his arm comfortingly and saying, "It's okay, Riku, you'll get your tan back in no time."

"It's not about the tan," the other Riku replied gloomily from behind his arms. "He's been here the whole time, Sora, and-" Noticing Riku in the doorway, he stopped abruptly. 

"If it helps," offered Riku, "I looked like a mess when I came back, too."

The other Riku opened his mouth - maybe to say something like "It doesn't, actually" - and changed his mind. They watched each other cautiously, Sora glancing between them, Kairi rustling shopping bags as she unloaded the vegetables onto the counter. Finally the original Riku said, "I didn't think you survived Castle Oblivion." He added, his voice catching: "I thought I'd killed you."

The memory of facing down his other self was so distant, so far removed from Riku's new life on Destiny Islands, that it was strange to remember the real Riku so young and full of violence, neither of them thinking that their existence could leave any room for the other. The guilt in the other Riku's voice was disarming; in the end Riku balked from sincerity and simply said, shrugging, "Well, I tried to kill you too, so that makes us even." 

His original looked like he was about to say something else, but at that moment a mouselike figure who could only be King Mickey pushed his head through the bead curtain, asking in a high-pitched voice that reminded Riku of his wife, "Say, Kairi, do you have any more towels?" Then, spotting Riku in the doorway, he added: "Oh, you must be the Riku replica! Well, it sure is a pleasure to finally meet you!" Soon Riku was bending down to shake his hand, the King's grip surprisingly firm for his size. 

Sora was up on his feet, exclaiming, "Your Majesty, you knew about Riku having a replica?" 

A guilty expression crossed King Mickey's features. "Well, I knew he musta been different to our Riku when he visited Disney Town with Kairi lookin' for Sora - 'cus Riku was takin' care of him in Twilight Town - but I promised not ta tell anyone I knew where Riku was. But I knew if this Riku was helpin' Kairi look for Sora then he musta been a faithful replica, an' that meant Kairi was safe with him."

The other Riku was rising from his chair too, the look of betrayal plain on his face. "You could have told _me_." 

"Well, you had a lot on yer plate, an'..." the King equivocated, but he soon withered under Riku's accusing stare. "I guess I figured it woulda hurt even worse if you knew. But…" He looked at one Riku, then the other. "Maybe you're right. I shoulda been truthful." 

The other Riku's expression turned to one of defeat. He sank back into his chair. "It's fine," he muttered, in a tone of voice that suggested it was very much not. Thankfully Kairi returned at that moment from the bathroom, her arms full of towels. There was visible relief on the other Riku's face at the interruption.

"Here you go, your Majesty." 

"Why, thank you! And please, call me Mickey."

"We should go outside too," Sora suggested as King Mickey left with the towels, transparently trying to ease the tension in the room. "There's not enough space for us all in here, and it's a lovely evening. Come on, Riku." 

"I should probably shower before Mom gets home." 

"I just gave all the spare towels to Mickey."

"There's one you can use in my room," Riku was offering before he realised he'd opened his mouth. "Uh. Our room, I guess."

"Is there _anything_ you haven't taken?" the other Riku snapped. Kairi looked like she was about to snap back, but Sora quickly pulled her outside, the clatter of the curtain beads only partially masking him murmuring to her, "Maybe we should give them a couple minutes."

Riku looked at Riku. Riku thought, _I didn't take anything you hadn't abandoned._ But the other Riku's shaggy hair couldn't hide that exhausted shame in his eyes. So instead Riku swallowed down his irritation and just said, "I'll get some clean clothes for you too. Ones that actually fit." 

"I get it, I look like a wreck." The other Riku stood, scowling as he glanced through the kitchen window at a burst of laughter from the party outside. Riku left him to sulk. His room - their room - wasn't looking its tidiest, so he wasted a few minutes tossing dirty clothes into the laundry hamper and shuffling his schoolwork into vaguely respectable looking piles on the desk. He was aware of the other Riku arriving at the doorway. He remembered how strange it had been to take in the clutter of this room on his first night, so full of objects and memories from another lifetime, and wondered how much more surreal it must be for his original. 

"You really settled in, huh."

Riku glanced over his shoulder. The other Riku didn't look angry, just defeated, which was worse.

He said carefully, "It was kind of Fin to let me stay."

The other Riku inclined his head to look at the noticeboard by the door. Riku's homework schedule. Grocery receipts. A few pictures of him and Kairi, Kairi beaming and Riku grimmacing awkwardly the way he always did when a camera was pointed at him. "She was probably glad," he said at length, not meeting Riku's eyes, "To have a better version of me instead."

And how fiercely Riku had wanted to be _better_. How desperately important it had been to him that he could surpass the true Riku in some way, as if that was what would prove he deserved a life, a family. How that insecurity didn't just come from knowing his true origin was the lifeless corridors of Castle Oblivion; how it threaded through every part of his fabricated memories. 

"You never felt like you were good enough." 

The statement hung awkwardly in the air, neither of them knowing what to say. Riku distracted himself rummaging around in his dresser. When he turned back, the other Riku was hiding his face behind his fringe, the shake in his breath betraying how close he was to tears. As Riku pressed the towel and clothes into his hands, he whispered: "But you always have been." 

The other Riku stared at the bundle in his arms, saying nothing. Realising they were both floundering, Riku took the coward's way out and changed the subject: "Although you do really need to shower. Use the coconut and lime conditioner on your hair. It helps with the tangles."

"Oh," said the other Riku. He opened his mouth to speak, hesitated, and in the end just said stiffly: "Thanks."

Riku shrugged. "See you outside."

"Right." 

Riku watched him leave, hearing the bathroom door squeak open and closed, followed by the grumble of pipes and the sound of running water. He imagined making space for his other self in the small room: clearing drawers for his clothes, spending an afternoon putting together a bunk bed, finally sorting through the boxes of Riku's old belongings that he'd shoved under the bed for safekeeping. Maybe taking the opportunity to replace the peeling wallpaper and worn carpet, the two of them working in tandem, perhaps wordlessly understanding each other - or maybe bickering, neither of them good teamwork, least of all with someone as bullish and stubborn as themselves. Realising as he looked around that he wanted the other Riku to share a piece the life he had made, the peace and security of having a home to return to, of knowing without a doubt that he was loved. Wasn't that what they had both always deserved?


	36. Chapter 36

"-And then she made these pillars of light that totally exploded all the Nobodies-!"

"-Sora basically took Saïx down singlehanded, it was _awesome_ -"

"-And then there was like, this explosion? And hearts started raining down from the sky and-"

"-And Maleficent was there?"

"Wait, was that before or after Riku changed back from Ansem's form?"

"After. I think. Then we went to find Xemnas-"

"We had to stand there listening to his whole stupid speech about Darkness or whatever. Then we went through this door and he was a dragon and he started throwing buildings at us-"

"-Me and Mickey ended up on the wrong side of the door. But you and Riku defeated Xemnas together, right?"

"Gawrsh, did they ever. They made such a good team I coulda sworn they were readin' each other's minds."

"No, Xemnas survived. We had to fight him again after we were separated."

"But we defeated him for real that time, didn't we, Riku?"

Kairi and Sora were talking a mile a minute, barely letting anyone else get a word in edgeways. The way they talked the whole thing sounded like another one one of their island adventures, but Riku remembered how terrified he'd been of the looming black-coated figures, the weight of knowing that every fight could be his last, and didn't feel like joining in with their laughter. He stayed where he was most comfortable: at the grill, flipping tortillas and keeping half an eye on the charring fish and vegetables while Fin put the finishing touches on an enormous bowl of coleslaw. The other Riku seemed pensive too, his focus mostly on the thin streak of ocean visible from the garden, the burning embers of sunlight sinking into it as night slowly washed over the islands.

"So how did you get back to Destiny Islands?" Hikari asked as the tale of the final battle began to dwindle, Riku turning out to be reluctant to share many details, especially when it came to the part he had played in fighting the Organisation's leader. "Riku said he felt two shifts in the, um, the world's balance when you came home?"

A thoughtful look crossed over Kairi's face. "Naminé created a portal from The World That Never Was, but that was just to get us back to Hollow Bastion. Then I used the Light to bring us here. I thought that maybe… well, my connection to the Light is strongest on Destiny Islands, and so is my connection to Sora and Riku. So I thought that if there was anywhere I could reach them it would be here."

"And it worked!" Donald exclaimed, the tone of his voice suggesting that he had expected the opposite.

"Yeah. Even if my aim was a bit off." Kairi grinned sheepishly at her friends. "Sorry about the swim."

Sora just laughed, and what a beautiful sound it was, so free and unrestrained, reminding Riku of sweltering summers and secret sleepovers and meteor showers he had never seen. He kept his focus resolutely on his spatula, afraid his cheeks would betray him. "I thought you just figured Riku really needed a bath!"

Kairi giggled. "That too." Riku didn't glance over to see his counterpart's expression, but he imagined him scowling petulantly, trying to disguise the glimmer of affection hiding underneath.

"Man!" Sora announced definitively, as if such a small word could sum up everything that had happened. He leaned back on his chair, gazing up at the sky. "The food smells really good, other-Riku! You know, I went to so many worlds, and I _never_ had fish as good as it is at home. Even in Atlantica, although I guess that's because you can't really light a grill underwater." 

"You like sashimi just fine."

"But Riku, they didn't have _sauces_."

"Maybe that'll teach you restraint. You always put too much soy sauce on everything."

"Do not!"

The bickering, which somehow ended up with Sora shoving Riku off his chair and collapsing himself in a fit of laughter, was so familiar that Riku felt an unwelcome pang of nostalgia. It was easier to imagine Sora as some abstract part of his other life when he wasn't just a few feet away, cracking jokes and getting distracted halfway through anecdotes and laughing as if it was the most natural thing in the world. No wonder they were all in love with him.

"First batch is ready to go," Fin announced as Riku skidded several tortillas into an already overflowing basket, following her reluctantly back to the party. "This is the mild salsa, and this one's hot, so choose wisely." 

"I have _missed_ spicy food," Sora declared, the first to dig in, Riku quickly following suit. Then King Mickey and his guardians, even Donald setting aside his usually abrasive manner to give thanks for the meal. Kairi gave Riku an encouraging smile as he settled into the empty deckchair next to her. 

"These tacos are really good, Riku." 

Riku was about to brush off the compliment with a breezy "Of course they are," when Sora happened to glance over, grinning at him as he waved his half-eaten taco, sending a stray bit of cabbage flying. 

"Yeah, they're great!" 

"Well, you know, team effort." He was very aware of his voice when he spoke, the awkward cadence of it, the way his face was flushing pink under the warmth of Sora's smile. He coughed conspicuously and returned to drizzling salsa on his own taco, wishing he hadn't let Fin trim his fringe back just a few weeks ago, leaving him with nothing to hide behind. If the others noticed how flustered he was, they graciously ignored it. King Mickey was the one who broke the spell by asking, "Say, Riku, how did you find your way back home after Castle Oblivion?"

"It's not much of a story," Riku admitted, grateful for the distraction. "I just washed up on the Play Island and, um." He glanced at Kairi, wondering how much of their exploits to share. He settled for saying vaguely, "We spent a while searching for Sora. That's how we ended up in Disney Town." The other Riku, sitting close to Sora and paying little attention to the plate in his lap, had a moody expression which Riku recognised all too well. "We were travelling by the Corridors of Darkness, but..." 

But what? But perhaps he was dying? But he had been willing to sacrifice everything for a boy he had barely met? A boy who was now looking at him with an open, innocent curiosity that for a moment seemed truly stupid. For Sora this was exactly how he told it: an adventure, the good guys pitted against the bad guys, a thrilling story full of jokes and laughter to tell his friends when they returned home. What did Sora expect his side of the story to be? 

"That's interestin'," interrupted Goofy, "'Cus our Riku can't use the Corridors of Darkness any more either, not since he shook off Ansem's form. Otherwise he an' Sora woulda been able to get home without Kairi's help." 

Riku looked at his other self in surprise, their eyes meeting uncomfortably for an instant before they both quickly glanced away again. 

"It's not that I can't," he explained, "It's just that-"

This time Kairi came to his rescue: "It's because his body is fabricated, so it doesn't quite heal right. And until we know more about how he was made we're making him play it safe. Which he absolutely hates, of course," she added with a chuckle, obviously keen not to sour the party's mood.

"Did you know right from the start?" Sora asked, scrutinising Riku again, as if expecting to see some proof that he wasn't the original copy. "That he was a replica."

Kairi hesitated for a moment. Then she said, "No," and left it at that.

* * *

  
Sora was the first person to fall asleep, dozing off in his chair with his arms tucked behind his head as if nothing had changed in the year he'd been gone. As Kairi was shaking him awake Goofy made some comment about it being just about his bed time, and soon the logistical challenge of fitting several new guests into a house that had never been large even for a family of two was underway. Hikari brought over her hammock and Fin borrowed an airbed from a neighbour for Mickey, Donald and Goofy to sleep in the garden while Riku rummaged around in the attic for spare mosquito nets. Sora and Kairi ferried as much bedding as they could carry from Sora's house, reminiscing about childhood sleepovers and threatening to go the whole hog and build a pillow fort, the other Riku rolling his eyes and doubtless hoping they'd decide to do it anyway. Riku considered offering to let his original sleep in his own bed, but in the end he figured it was probably be better to save them both the embarrassment. Besides, he imagined Riku wanted to stay close to the friends he had spent so many months without.

Once everyone had taken a turn in the bathroom and the lights had been switched off, Riku lay awake in the darkness listening to the low murmur of conversation from the living room on one side and the back porch on the other. Then, descending slowly like nightfall, quiet. 

_It's over,_ he thought. _Everyone's home. Everyone's safe_. 

He was still awake when he heard the quiet pad of footsteps. Someone who knew the house well enough to avoid the creaky floorboards. He sat up, wondering if Riku was making a break for it until he heard a soft rap of knuckles on his door. The handle turned; then the outline of a head leaned in through the crack of moonlight from the hall.

"Riku? Are you awake?"

"Yeah."

Riku expected his other self to come in, but instead he just said, "Is my fishing rod in here?"

"Uh, yeah." Riku fumbled for the switch on his bedside lamp, the glow of the old bulb casting them both in warm light. "It's over by the desk. The line needs replacing though."

Spotting the rod, the other Riku slipped into the room and crossed it quickly, as if eager to be in and out as quickly as possible. "It's a good night for fishing," he said by way of an explanation. "And I can't sleep, so..." He paused, Riku recognising a restlessness in his hands that suggested he was mentally rephrasing whatever it was he wanted to say. Finally he asked casually, as if it didn't matter to him either way, "Do you want to come too?" 

"Sure," Riku answered equally casually, biting back laughter. "I'll get a spare rod." He wanted to say, _you know you can't hide anything from me, right? I'm you. I know all your secrets_. But he was a faithful replica right to the end: he left the truth unspoken, instead letting the other Riku stare pensively at the half-finished biology report on his desk while he pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt. 

"Did you- is all my stuff still here?"

"Yeah. I put the things I wasn't using under the bed."

"Okay. Good."

"Although I'm not sure your clothes will still fit you."

Riku didn't get a reply to that, so he left the other Riku to his room and crept out to the back porch. The Mouse King was in the hammock, swinging gently from side to side as he slept; Goofy was sprawled out on the air bed and snoring soundly; and after a moment of confusion Riku spotted Donald in the corner in a nest of blankets, his head tucked under one wing. It was hard to believe they came from the splendour of Disney Town's royal court, they seemed to inhabit the cramped space so comfortably. They slept on as Riku rummaged around in the storage box for fishing supplies before returning to the house, slipping gently past the beaded curtain the way his other self always used to whenever he found himself sneaking back from the Play Island way after curfew. The other Riku was waiting in the hall, staring at something in the palm of his hand. Seeing Riku, he quickly shoved it into his pocket, but Riku caught the telltale flash of shell and ribbon before it disappeared.

"Got everything?" 

"Yeah."

They walked in silence down the street, dipping in and out of the pools of streetlamp light. Riku noticed that his other self was walking stiffly, his hand brushing briefly over the small of his back like it was causing him pain.

"You were injured?"

"In the fight with Xemnas. It's fine." The other Riku glanced at him briefly. "You're limping." 

Riku shrugged. "General wear and tear." How invulnerable they had both once felt. No - how reckless. He corrected himself: "Made a couple of bad choices."

The other Riku rubbed his left wrist, seemingly without realising. "Yeah." 

They reached the beach. The moon above them was a sliver of light, casting faint shadows across the sand. Instead of heading straight to the jetty, his original walked to the waterline, staring out at the horizon. Riku thought he might say something about having missed the ocean, but he just murmured, "I made so many bad choices."

Riku thought of the pale-haired boy from Kairi's dreams. He remembered Sora's sleeping face, so arrestingly beautiful behind petals of impenetrable glass. The ghostly tiredness in Naminé's eyes. Other melancholy feelings like dandelion seeds swirling in his memories, flighty and hard to trap. 

"The best thing you can do is try to make better ones, right?"

"Is that enough?" Riku asked, seemingly to himself. He took a step forward into the water, letting the seafoam fold over his bare feet and recede again. 

"It's better than just giving up, isn't it?"

Riku started to walk, following the curve of the lapping waves, balancing on each foot in turn.

"Naminé told me what she did to you," he said as he walked. "How she wove herself into you where Sora was supposed to be. She was the first person to talk about my feelings for him. I don't know if she realised… how hard it was. Even to admit it to myself." He glanced up briefly; even in the darkness Riku could see the vulnerability in his face. Then away, back to the ocean, that mirror of limitless possibility. There was a glimmer of sardonic amusement in his voice when he said; "You spent the whole evening staring at him. I guess even Naminé couldn't erase him from my memories." 

Riku was glad his other self's focus was on the sea. Still, he couldn't disguise the embarrassment in his voice: "Is it really that obvious?"

"Is it really that obvious?" Riku echoed dryly. They reached the jetty. It was slick with water from the high tide. Soon Riku was kicking the boat away from its mooring, settling in to row with strong, assured strokes. The water was calm, as smooth as slipping into sleep. Once they reached the reef they wordlessly worked together to set up for fishing: one dropping anchor while the other lit the citronella candles, then respooling the rods and picking out lures. As he was sitting back to wait, Riku murmured, "I told him. When we were at the Dark Margin together." There was something so familiar about the tenderness in his voice. Its softness. The tremour. "I was ready sacrifice everything for him, because that would have been easier than telling him the truth." Then he looked at Riku and said: "You searched for him. Even knowing I was out there."

Riku's rod jerked, then was still. 

"It wasn't for his sake."

The Play Island was a dark smear on the horizon. He remembered leaving the treehouse in the dead of night, needing to be alone, needing respite from the terrifying depth of his emotions. But always returning sooner or later: to the mirage of Naminé, to Sora sleeping spread-eagled atop his unzipped sleeping bag, to Kairi. 

"It's too late now, isn't it?" Riku asked quietly, after a long pause. "I didn't stay away because I didn't care. I thought there wasn't anything left to salvage. I couldn't bear the thought of her seeing me for who I really was. Why are you smiling?" 

Riku shook his head. _We really are the same, aren't we?_

"I thought so too." He looked at Riku's ragged hair and tired eyes, and wondered how similar he must have looked the night he returned from Twilight Town. He opened his mouth and closed it again a moment later, not knowing how to elaborate. Instead he just said, "She still cares about you. She just wants you to trust her." 

Riku's lips twitched into a brief smile. Then he was pulling Kairi's charm out of his pocket. "I was so jealous of her," he admitted, his words coming out in a rush; "I felt like we were racing and every day she was closer to catching up to me, and one day she would overtake me and they'd leave me behind." He thumbed over one of the thalassa shells, studying it closely. "She must have spent such a long time making this. And I assumed she only gave me one because she pitied me. You're right. I didn't trust her."

A breeze carried a fine mist of sea spray to the boat. Riku angled his face into the wind, breathing in deeply, his hand curling protectively around Kairi's charm. 

"I'm sorry about Castle Oblivion."

"It's fine. I'm sorry too."

"Of all the people you could have been a replica of, and you got stuck with me."

"It's not so bad." 

They lapsed into silence. The solitude of being with his other self felt strangely comfortable. Riku cast his line again, this time further out. He closed his eyes and listened to the rustle of waves and the distant murmur of wind through palms, breathed in the smell of the ocean. The click and grunt of Riku reeling in his line, followed by a brief moment of chaos as he pulled a decently sized snapper into the boat, killed it quickly with his knife, then plunged it back into the water to bleed out. 

"Nice catch."

"I missed this."

As the other Riku nestled his fish in the ice bucket, Riku turned back to the streak of glittering light in the distance that was South Island. "I know you didn't want this life, but..." he faltered, unsure of what to say. How could he express in words how deeply he cherished this place, this tiny remote world that had always felt like a cage to his original? How could he show how important it was to both of them? "Even if you don't stay, you'll always have a place here," he settled for saying eventually. "A place to come back to."

Riku let out a huff of laughter. "That's what Mom said."

"It's what she said to me too."

They watched each other for a moment. Then Riku smiled and tipped his head back, staring at the arc of stars cutting through the night. Sky above, ocean below, the comforting darkness surrounding them.

"It's good to be home."


End file.
